LIAM

Salish Sea Society – Book 3

Leigh Jarrett

Copyright Notice

This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidences, and dialog are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All characters depicted in this work of fiction are 18 years of age or older.

LIAM; Copyright © 2024 by Leigh Jarrett. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. All trademarks are the property of the respective owners.

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Published independently by Steambath Press

A Salish Sea Society Romance

Cover art by Courtney Dixon-Nguyen

eBook Edition published:

ISBN:  

After a lifetime of feeling abandoned and deficient, am I ready for love?

Liam

I've always been obsessed with my phone, constantly chasing likes and validation through pictures of my body. But after attending Noah and Brody's wedding, I realize I want more than just superficial attention. I want a real connection, a loving partner, family—children.

Near the end of the wedding reception, I meet Jamal, a good friend of Noah's and Brody's best man, and I know there is something special about him. Jamal and I hit it off and plan to hang out as friends. But as the day of our outing progresses, it feels more like a predestined date.

I can't resist the way he makes me feel, and I find myself falling for him. He's kind, funny, and has a habit of spouting random facts that I find endearing.

But there is one thing that gives me pause—Jamal is a paraplegic in a wheelchair.

Am I shallow for letting that fact matter? Or will I be able to rejoice in his uniqueness and embrace the amazing person that Jamal appears to be—inside and out?

Liam is a found family, hurt/comfort romance about a member of the Salish Sea Society, a group of four best friends. This novel takes place on the rugged coast of Pacific Canada and is a story about a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. And how a disability doesn't inhibit one's capacity to make meaningful contributions to a loving relationship.

Author's Notes

Firstly, I want to share that this story and the entire Salish Sea Society series takes place in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, the capital city of the province located on Vancouver Island off the pacific coast of Canada, the land mass bordered by the Salish Sea; a large body of water that includes Strait of Georgia up the Canadian coastline, the Strait of Juan de Fuca containing the American Juan de Fuca archipelago of islands, and the Puget Sound by Seattle, WA.

Added note: It is so majestic and beautiful here. Add it to your list of places to visit. You'll find the city of Victoria to be friendly and the cuisine world-class, having the most restaurants per capita in Canada. Also, welcoming; a full one percent of our population is transgender.

Because this story takes place in Canada and I am a Canadian author, I have decided to write this book in Canadian English. If you're not familiar with what this means, it means there will be spelling differences, such as extra letters and letter orders and maybe a couple of regional words.

* Please don't report these to Amazon as spelling mistakes. Those suggestion options that Amazon offers to readers can cause a book to be removed from Amazon and the author's Amazon account closed for lack of 'customer satisfaction'. I'm taking a chance.

A note about each of the characters. Liam has an unhealthy fixation on his body image. He works out too often, restricts his diet, and has had cosmetic surgery in the past. His love interest, Jamal, is a paraplegic with an incomplete SCI and is in a wheelchair. I don't personally know anyone with this disability, but I have done my best by reading forums and websites on the topic and watching 'day in the life' videos of people who spend some of their day in a wheelchair.

There are scenes with a drag queen. For those uninitiated, drag queens in and often out of drag are referred to by their drag names along with the use of she/her pronouns.

Chapter One | Liam

Strings of twinkling overhead lights created a warm glow in the chic converted barn. The space had a romantic ambiance now that it was dark outside. Old, restored greying wooden boards surrounded us. Rugged rafters high above our heads. Tables with tall candelabras atop white tablecloths. Alongside the candles, large floral arrangements of fragrant white flowers and lush foliage in various shades of green. The result was perfection—so Noah. Brody knew him well.

They'd foregone music and any kind of dancing to avoid making Brody uncomfortable. This day was for them both. I was seated at the head table with Noah, Brody, and Jamal, Brody's best man. The food and drink were flowing, and the happy couple had never looked so … well—happy.

Noah and Brody's Wedding had brought out the feels in me. The ceremony had been beautiful and the vows meaningful. What Brody had pulled together to be spoken by the officiant was as stunning as we knew it would be. The opening words, asking us to bear witness to the union, some bits of Christian scripture, the indigenous blessings, the pagan significance of the rings, and the words of binding and commitment had dampened the corners of my eyes.

With the utterance of each word, my heart cracked open, the warm innards peering out, fascinated by what it was witnessing and feeling as I took in everything.

I looked down at my vodka and soda. Surprisingly, today had made me feel things I'd never felt before. Didn't know I was capable of feeling. Never something I imagined I'd hold an increasing need to embrace. I was growing more and more stirred as the evening progressed.

My plate of food stared up at me, the second section barely eaten. I'd started with the green salad, no dressing. Next was the chicken breast I had scrapped the cream sauce from. I'd torn apart and eaten some of it. Not sure why I served myself scalloped potatoes. Too many calories. Not an issue because they were in the third section of food. I rarely made it that far when eating.

My obsession with consuming one food on my plate at a time was something I'd done for as long as I could remember. When I was a teenager, I'd started sorting the foods by calorie count, creating a wheel of food I would eat through as far as I felt my body deserved, depending on how much exercise I accomplished that day. How much running and how long I spent at the gym.

I motioned to one of the attendants circulating to bring me another vodka and soda. I was doing my best to numb the sensation of longing brought on by the wedding. That emotion shouldn’t be there. I didn't do relationships. My shoulders caved. My best friend and the love of his life had created a family that included children. Noah had explained it as a state of bliss.

I was handed my new drink; the empty glass taken away.

The emotion grew stronger. It's possible I ultimately wanted what Noah and Brody had. For now, the Salish Sea Society were my found family. I didn't anticipate being able to add to that. I loved the guys in our group. Would do anything for them. My loyalty was one of the positive attributes I cherished about myself. Maybe it was possible to feel that way about a one-and-only. Someone who could tear me away from my self-obsession. A massive negative attribute.

One person.

One person needed to come into my life. The one who would rein me in and tell me I was good enough. The one who would gently ease me off the destructive path I was on.

I know. I shouldn't expect someone to do that for me. But having someone by my side encouraging me to peel back and discard the bullshit I told myself every day would be a blessing.

I finished the drink that had been set before me mere moments before. My buzz was humming along nicely. Noah leaned against my shoulder and whispered in my ear.

"How many is that now?"

I shoved my chair back, prepared to stand. "One in a string of many more."

Noah sighed but didn't comment further. He went back to talking with Brody. I made my way from behind the table and headed for the guest seating area. There were five tables of four people each. It was nice that the wedding was small. I headed for my friends—and my date.

With Ethan, Daniel, and Owen sat Charlie. Or Charlotte to be exact. Charlie was decked out in full drag as Charlotte Dubois. He'd insisted, saying every gay wedding needed a drag queen in attendance. I didn't disagree in principle, but I would have appreciated a say in the matter.

Charlie was bull-headed. One of the growing number of things that irked me about him. We'd somehow fallen into something when our hookups had begun to include sleepovers. And the sleepovers had become more regular. Now, he stayed overnight at my place more nights than not.

To be clear though, we weren't boyfriends. If anything, we were fuck buddies with sleepover benefits. Trying anything more would rouse the fear I had in me. Even if Charlie was the guy for me, the commitment and responsibility of a long-term relationship terrified me. There's no way I wouldn't screw it up. I'd turned myself into a sexual creature—not a devoted loving one.

"Are you doing all right?" I stood beside Charlie's chair and crossed my arms.

"Wasn't what I was expecting when you asked me to come with you."

"You knew I was in the wedding party."

"Hadn't planned on being ignored."

"I'm here now, aren't I?" I swear, my eye twitched. "Can I get you another drink?"

"One of us has to be able to drive home." He stared up at me. "And as usual, it won't be you."

"It's a wedding. I'm allowed to drink."

Ethan saved me from what was about to turn into an all-out brawl. "We're discussing marriage. Owen obviously wants to find a husband, but Daniel and I aren't into the whole heteronormative feel of the thing. We don't need the public vows and legal documents. Where do you stand, Liam?"

"You know where I stand. I like to fuck around."

"You would never consider marriage?" Owen urged.

The answer to that question had become more complicated in the past few hours. I wasn't sure anymore. Maybe there was a man out there who could put up with me long-term.

"I didn't say that." That was my answer. Truth was, I had very little data to formulate any kind of impression of marriage. I'd grown up bounced around in care in dysfunctional foster homes.

Ethan's eyebrows rose as he looked at me. "Huh … curious." Then his gaze fell on Charlie—Charlotte. Whoever the hell he or she was today. Some days, I couldn't keep track.

"No prospects at the moment," I said and immediately felt guilty.

Charlie shoved his seat away, lines creasing his forehead, and stood. "You're an asshole." He shoved me aside and took off in the direction of the open barn doors.

Fuck.

I took a few steps to follow him. "I'm sorry. Charlie …." He waved me off. He was right. Saying what I had about him was a dick move. It seemed to be our auto-setting with each other.

"What the hell was that?" Owen asked as I sat in Charlie's vacated seat.

"He swears he's not developing feelings for me." I hitched my thumb over my shoulder. "And then he says and does something like that. I don't know why we keep this thing of ours going."

"I'm going to guess the sex is good," Daniel said.

I exhaled and rolled my eyes. "It's the angriest sex I've ever had. I think we might actually hate each other. But it works for both of us. The sex is beyond good." I took a sip of Charlie's abandoned wine and then finished the glass. "I'm off to the washroom."

I wove through the tables and found my way to the ornate mirror above a row of sinks. I released the knot on my tie, letting the lengths of material dangle onto my pecs, and popped open a few buttons on my shirt to expose my bare chest. I'd had a spray-tan session yesterday. The effect of my golden skin against my white shirt was stunning. I tugged my shirt open wider.

My hair was in a bun which I released, helping along the cascade of blond strands around my face to my shoulders with my fingers. Overall, I looked like one of those gallant men on the covers of steamy hetero-romance novels. I bit my lips a few times to puff and redden them.

I lifted my phone, my constant companion, and snapped a few pictures. Scanned through them, reset my pose, and took more. Out of at least thirty, I found one that was acceptable.

I posted it to my social media account with the caption—Will I get lucky tonight?

#bestman #wedding #toosexytofail

I took a minute to read through the comments on my last post. I'd been in the gym, working out. My followers liked my sweaty gym pictures where I showed off my rock-hard abs.

Most of the comments were positive.

cameoslut156: So hot!

diggerdog24: You're making me sweat!

sausagemonster67: I want to lick those abs clean!

Then there were the ones that weren't. The ones that got under my skin.

porcelindick89: Cover up old man.

juggerwatcher11: You should be ashamed. Seen so much better.

darkhorse189: Why aren't you dead yet?

I wrinkled my nose. It was comments like that last one that got to me the most. I'd never considered suicide, but it sent me into a dark spiral knowing others wished me dead.

I decided to return to the gathering as is. It was getting late. I liked it when I was messy and sultry, and the drinks I'd consumed were doing their job of making me feel good about myself.

After swinging by the bar, I made a beeline to the head table. Noah and Brody were circulating through their guests, leaving Jamal sitting on his own at the far end of the table from my seat.

That wouldn't do.

I plopped myself down in the seat next to him.

"They abandon you?" I teased and swept my hair away from my face.

Jamal smiled at me. "Duties of the grooms, I suppose." He blinked at me, and I was immediately enthralled. Might have been the alcohol. Not sure. But his dark eyebrows and thick lashes capped eyes the deepest shade of brown I'd ever seen without the irises being fully black.

His breath quickened.

I was staring.

I cleared my throat. "Did you enjoy the ceremony?"

"It was beautiful, don't you think?"

"I did." Not quite as beautiful as Jamal, though. Beneath those alluring eyes, a strong nose—classical in its presentation. And pink lips on the plumper side of thin.

"Gave my heart a few flutters," he said.

I smiled. "Yeah … even got to me." Jamal was aware of the way I conducted my life. He followed me on social media and often liked my photos. Never commented on them. He knew I wasn't a relationship guy. That most days of my life consisted of getting by and getting laid.

"My parents' marriage was arranged," he said.

Really?

I leaned on the table. "How did that work out?"

"They fell in love. They're still going strong."

"Someone knew them well enough to set them up together." I took a long sip of my drink, enjoying the instant comforting effect. Jamal let his gaze roam over the sliver of my bare chest.

"I think most people can find common ground," he said.

I snorted. "I'll take your word for it." Jamal obviously hadn't been in the same room as me and Charlie when frustrations were running high. Our only common ground was sex.

"You have an argument against that?"

"Not one I want to get into."

Jamal held still as my gaze wandered over his face, taking in all the little details. His skin, colour, and texture reminded me of a strong and smooth mocha cappuccino.

It was the perfect shade of darkness, and it was flawless.

Beautiful.

The only time I'd been in the same room as Jamal was at the fundraiser Noah had hosted at his pub to replace the stolen computers at the LGBTQ+ Rainbow Youth Centre. We hadn't spoken at that because I'd been busy running the bar. I held his gaze. I liked the sound of his voice.

"How are the computers working out at the centre?" I asked.

"They're great. Such a necessity, plus we have a couple of teachers who donate their time and help the youth with their homework. The computers are great for completing assignments."

"That'll make a big difference. Are they seeing improvements in their grades?"

"Across the board. Our kids will have a real fighting chance out in the world."

"I admire what you do. You actually care."

Jamal's eyelashes closed over his eyes as he dipped his head forward, a slight uptick in his cheek. "Thank you. It's a labour of love." He set his gaze back on me. Intense. I could see myself happily drowning in the depths of those eyes. "You should come by the centre sometime."

Something came over me. "Should we exchange numbers?"

Jamal blinked and his eyebrows raised. "Our cell numbers?"

I laughed. "I don't have any other kind of numbers."

"Right." Jamal nodded. "Right." He swallowed, unlocked his phone, and handed it to me. "Did you know the first cell phone was made on April 3, 1973?"

I grinned as I passed my phone to him. "No, I did not know that."

"The first SMS text message ever said Merry Christmas."

I entered my number into his cell. "I hope it was Christmas time."

Jamal frowned as we passed our phones back. "I don't know the answer to that."

"Something to look up."

Jamal held up his phone. "So … do you want me to text you about stopping by the centre?"

Yeah, that had to be confusing, why I'd asked for his number. Not sure I know why I did other than I felt a desperate need to figure out a way to see and spend time with Jamal. "I thought we could hang out sometime. We have Noah in common. Might be fun."

A smile lit up Jamal's face, sending waves of addictive ripples through my skin.

His was an expression of pure joy.

"He wouldn't be there to defend himself," he said, straightening his back.

"We could be ruthless."

"That does sound like fun."

"He's easy to pick on," I said.

Jamal's shoulders relaxed. "You've known him for a long time."

"Since the start of junior high school."

"You love him."

I chuffed out a laugh. "Guilty. Noah is the best friend a guy could ever have."

"I like that the four of you are so close. It speaks well of you all."

"Are you talking about us?" Noah sat beside me. I was in Brody's chair. He stood behind me and waited silently. I wrapped my arm around Noah's shoulders and kissed the side of his head.

"All good stuff," Jamal replied and wheeled himself backward and away from the table. For the past few minutes, I'd forgotten he was in a wheelchair. "Nice talking to you, Liam."

"You too, Jamal."

Noah smiled at me. "He's been wanting to do that for a while."

"What?"

"Talk to you. He's been hearing about you for years from me."

"Not much to talk about when it comes to me."

Noel laughed. "He's developed an appreciation."

What was I supposed to say to that? Me too? I went with, "Seems like a nice guy."

I watched Jamal's broad shoulders as he rolled past the tables and out through the doors. Maybe he'd find Charlie out there … if he hadn't left without me. Wouldn't be the first time Charlie had abandoned me to find my own way home of late.

He was just right to do it. With my increase in alcohol consumption, I didn't recognize who I'd become. Certainly not someone who would make a good partner.

Turns out, he waited for me until the reception wound down and I finished my last drink. He even helped me undress before I fell into bed. I don't remember him coming to bed after stripping away his drag persona. Small graces. I wasn't in the mood to have sex.

Spending time with Jamal had amplified the feelings Noah and Brody's wedding had churned up in me. For once, my attraction toward someone wasn't all about sex.

Maybe I did want more in my life.

But was I capable of it? Maybe I simply wasn't built that way.

Men loved me for my body—only.

Perhaps I needed to continue to make peace with that.

Chapter Two | Jamal

I pulled into our driveway later than I'd expected. The four men of the Salish Sea Society had lingered after the wedding reception, a testament to the closeness of the group of friends, of which they had made Brody, Daniel, and me feel a part. We had shut down the festivities.

I parked the car, opened my door, and reclined my seat back as far as it would go. I started with the two large wheels, removing them from the back seat and placing them on the passenger seat, and then hoisted the rest of my wheelchair from the back, across my body, passed it through the open doorway, and set it on the pavement. I brought my seat upright and fastened the wheels back onto the chair. Brakes on, I wrangled my legs out and then transferred onto the seat.

The house was dark other than a sliver of light coming from beneath the door of the two-bedroom suite on the ground floor of the house where my sister, Meera, her husband, and their young son lived. I loved having my sister living near me. We'd always been good friends.

The door popped open.

"How was the wedding?" Meera followed me to my area at the back of the house. I had my own bedroom and bathroom along the hallway to the garage. Upstairs, my parents, my father's parents, and my cousin presided over us with their three bedrooms.

"Made my heart ache a little."

"Sounds like it was perfect."

"It was." I wheeled into my room and headed for the bathroom. My sister didn't sleep well most nights. It wasn't unusual for her to be in the mood to talk until late. We'd spent many hours on my bed, watching television and chatting about life. Tonight, though, I was tired.

Meera busied herself on her phone as I transferred onto the bed and removed all my clothes except my colourful briefs. I folded everything neatly, got back into my wheelchair, and put everything away before heading to the bathroom to prepare myself for bed.

"Did you get talking to Liam?"

I turned on the tap and spread a strip of toothpaste on my toothbrush. "For a little bit."

"Just as sexy in person?"

I laughed as I brushed my teeth. Meera knew I found Liam appealing on many levels. He was gorgeous first off, but Noah had, over the years, filled me in on his personality. Liam was a kind and loving man with demons who kept him hyper-focused on his physical appeal.

"We had a nice conversation." I headed to the toilet to deal with my bladder.

"Nice? Is that code for something?"

"We exchanged numbers."

"Oh. That's promising."

I prepared a catheter and inserted it and drained my urine into a urinal, then dumped it. Once I tidied up, I wheeled out of the bathroom. Meera was sitting comfortably on my bed.

"He's out of my league, Meera."

"Then why did you exchange numbers?"

"We talked about hanging out sometime." I parked my wheelchair and moved myself onto the bed. A bit of rolling around and I was beneath the covers.

"Sounds kind of date-ish."

"Hardly. Liam is not going to be interested in someone like me."

"I thought you said he was a nice guy."

I sighed. "Meera."

My sister rolled her eyes. "Jamal."

"You don't get it."

Meera hauled my comforter over my chest. "No, I don't. Any man would be lucky to have you, brother. I wish you could see that about yourself."

"I'm tired."

"Okay. You go to sleep and dream about the man rather than do anything about it."

"Goodnight, Meera."

My sister lingered at the door. "I'm serious. Don't write yourself off so easily." She turned off the light, shut the door, and left me to my thoughts. Liam had been friendly and seemed genuine.

And he'd looked at me with such curiosity.

Was there something there?

I cleared my mind of him, lifted my phone, called up my calendar app, and checked my schedule for the following week. Not only business but personal. As well as running the LGBTQ+ Rainbow Youth Centre, I had to schedule time at the physical therapist and mobility gym. It had been three years since my accident. There was much room for improvement. I'd never walk again but I'd increased the strength and improved the mobility of my legs.

Small victories.

I called Liam's smile to my mind. He'd flashed it at me a few times. Perfectly straight white teeth and plump pink lips. And his eyes—a startling blue; his gaze wandering over my face. I'd had trouble breathing as he'd gifted me with his unexpected attention.

He must be used to that—leaving men breathless.

When he'd emerged from the washroom, his blond hair down, cascading onto his shoulders, and his shirt open, his bare chest exposed—my heart had nearly stopped beating.

I'd been close to cardiac arrest when he sat beside me.

And damn if he didn't smell amazing as well.

And his voice …. God, his voice.

I covered my face.

Stop it.

Men like him didn't want men in wheelchairs. Too much proverbial baggage. My disability level came with several mental challenges as well. Feelings of anger and uselessness are at the top of the list. Never mind my inability to partake in some activities I knew Liam was interested in. I could keep up with running and skiing but there were no accommodations for people like me to surf. It would be a sure-fire way for me to drown. I'd love to watch him, though.

Liam taking the time to talk to me made me feel good about myself. Not once had he looked at my wheelchair. Although, that might have been due to how much he'd had to drink. I'd considered offering him a ride home, but I was concerned he'd need help into his apartment, and I would have been unable to assist him. The drag queen he'd come with, his date, had hung around at a different table from where the guys had been gathered with the other three of us.

Liam had invited him to join us, but he'd refused. He had looked frustrated with Liam and their conversation appeared terse. The vibe between them was overwhelmingly negative.

Had Charlie taken Liam home? Had they engaged in sex? I didn't like to imagine Liam with the guy. Liam deserved someone who loved him and looked at him with affection.

I closed my eyes. I'd treat him with so much affection if he gave me the chance. I gave my head a shake. That wasn't going to happen, but I'd have that opportunity for affection as his friend instead. I'd give him a call tomorrow and set up something for us to do to hang out.

I liked coming to work each Sunday. It was quiet. We didn't have any programs running but kept the Rainbow Youth Centre open for those who needed someplace to go. A few of our youth were unhoused and it was getting cooler out. My sister, Meera, had made sandwiches for them all.

I started my daily rounds. Each space had to be tidy and in good repair. The volunteers were great at keeping things orderly, but it was my responsibility to ensure it.

I rolled into the gymnasium. Two kids were shooting a basketball. All the rest of the balls and hockey sticks were stored properly in the bins. Next was the library. It was empty. During the week, after school, Kyle was a common fixture there. He loved to read—everything.

Noah sometimes sat with Kyle as he read, but it was Brody he had connected with. Kyle's mom had, after some urging by Brody, had her son tested for autism. Sure enough, he was on the spectrum. Being diagnosed, she had been able to access some resources for supporting Kyle.

There were a few books in the cart to put away. I returned all those I could reach the shelves for and sorted the rest to ease the task for one of the volunteers.

The room we held cooking classes in was empty, but I found four kids in the lounge. They appeared to be at a loose end, sprawled all over the couches, cell screens illuminating their faces.

"Who wants to make bracelets?" I asked the room.

They all looked up. Amy, the oldest of the group at sixteen, shrugged her shoulders. "Sure."

All four grumbled as they rose to their feet as if walking was a chore. What I wouldn't give to be in their place, using my legs to get around again. That wasn't even a possibility for me.

They followed me into the craft room. I dug around in the cupboards, collected the beads and other supplies required to make jewellery, placed them on my lap, and set everything on the table.

"Amy, can you be in charge? Help the younger kids if they need it?"

Another shrug. "Sure."

I wheeled away and back down the hallway to my office. I'd give them an hour or so doing that before bringing them their lunch. I left my door open and rolled in behind my desk.

It was 11:20. Noah had told me Liam often liked to sleep in. I hoped I wasn't phoning too early, not sure what time of day constituted sleeping in. It wasn't something I ever did.

I selected his contact and pressed call.

"Hello?" His voice was husky and so incredibly sexy that my cock stirred.

"Hey, it's Jamal. Did I wake you?"

"I was awake. Lying here suffering through a crazy hangover." Liam grunted. I heard sheets rustle. "Are you up and about and being productive?"

"I'm at the centre. We have kids who need somewhere to go during the day."

"You amaze me."

My cheeks heated at the compliment. "Some of these kids don't have families to go to. Last month we had two who were thrown out of their homes when they came out."

"I can't imagine."

I wondered what kind of home life Liam had as a child. Noah had never mentioned anything about it. Just that Liam had been bullied at school.

A low voice rumbled in the background. "Who's that?"

Must be Liam's date from last night. I hoped I hadn't interrupted anything. Visions of Liam entwined with another man in bed sent a sinking feeling into my gut.

"It's Jamal. Brody's best man."

"What's he doing calling you?"

"Jeezus, Charlie. I do have a life outside this."

I thought I heard a grunt and then the rustle of bedding.

"Am I getting you in trouble?" I asked.

"No. He's not my boyfriend."

I released a short sigh of relief and pressed on.

"Are you into Stonehenge?" I asked.

"Like in Britain?"

"That would be ideal … but no. There's an exhibit about it at the Royal BC Museum. I've been meaning to go but I think it would be more fun to experience it with someone."

"I'd be interested in that. When do you want to go?"

"Tuesday?"

"It would have to be midday. Noah and Brody will be away on their honeymoon. I'm watching the kids. I can only go when they're at school. I have to pick them up at 2:30."

"Ten-thirty? That would give us enough time."

"We could go for lunch after."

"Perfect." My mind searched for what to say next. "Did you know scientists say it took 1500 years to construct Stonehenge? Started 3000 years ago. Last modified 1500 years ago."

I rolled my eyes. Why was I such a geek? Liam didn't need random facts spewed at him when he had a hangover. He needed sleep and here I was bugging him.

"You've already made a study of it," he said. "You can fill in the blanks on Tuesday."

I should have known Liam would be kind to me.

"I'll meet you outside?"

"Unless it's raining. Can't have you getting soaked waiting for me."

I cleared my throat. That last statement had sounded seductive. I think. No, it was delusional and wishful thinking to believe he was interested. Maybe Liam's auto-setting was to flirt.

"If so, I'll be inside the lobby buying my ticket." Then I blurted, "I can get yours too."

"I have an annual membership." Liam laughed. "I like it there. When it's not full of school children on a field trip, it's very peaceful. I've frequented every seating area in the place."

I nearly hummed with pleasure. I loved the museum too. I was embarrassed to admit Liam's enthusiastic and comparable interest in the place surprised me. The man had layers.

I was excited to uncover them.

As friends.

Chapter Three | Liam

I checked for the house key a second time. The lanyard with it was in my jeans pocket. I wasn't used to having so much to do before I went out for the night.

I went into the kitchen and set out some snacks that would be suitable for Noah and Brody's foster children while I was away at the pub for our Salish Sea Society meeting.

This afternoon, Noah and his husband had headed out for their week-long camping honeymoon. They'd set up a babysitter for tonight so I could go to the meeting. She was the daughter of one of the crown prosecutors Brody worked with. In September, she'd started her first year at university intending to become a science teacher. After talking with her for a few minutes, I felt comfortable leaving the kids with her. I required my own piece of mind.

I'd never been in charge of the kids for an extended period before. I'd only watched them at night when Noah and Brody went for their weekly date night. Brody had been fastidious about writing out what needed to be done each day for the house, kids—and the menagerie of animals.

I appreciated the detail. I didn't want to let them down. Noah and Brody trusted me, and I wanted to honour that trust by being the best kid and animal guncle ever.

"Angela." I walked into the living room. "I've taken Bentley for a walk, but you'll have to let him out before he beds down for the night. And please don't let Rowan pick out a horror movie to watch before bed. Quinn won't be able to sleep. Ze will be up all night."

"Sure thing, Liam." She plopped onto the couch between the kids. "Bed at 9:30?"

"At the latest. They have school tomorrow." I motioned toward the kitchen. "I've left out snacks if they get hungry. I'll be back by 11:00." I wouldn't be drinking tonight or any night I was in charge of my noodles, a word we'd come up with instead of niece or nephew.

"Okay, noodles … be good." I wasn't worried about Quinn. At fourteen, ze was simply happy to be sheltered in a home after living on the streets for four months. Ze didn't cause a fuss. Rowan at seventeen was a bit pricklier. He'd been enjoying being homeless, living without rules.

It had taken weeks for Noah and Brody to build trust and encourage Rowan to view their house as his home. Angela, at twenty, wasn't much older than Rowan, but Noah and Brody felt better with an adult in the house. They weren't comfortable leaving Rowan in charge yet.

Rowan had his wild moments. Drinking, drugging, and staying out until all hours. He'd promised me he wouldn't put me through that while I was staying with them. Time would tell.

Absorbed in picking what they were going to watch, I slipped out of the house without notice. One thing I had observed when minding kids … you were essentially invisible unless you made an effort to connect. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry all happened magically in a kid's eyes.

The times I'd picked them up at school, their attention had immediately been glued to their cell screens. I'd taken to playing obnoxious pop music and singing loudly to get their attention.

At home, I had rules. The same as Noah and Brody had. No electronic gadgets at the table, the only place we ate dinner. And everyone had to share something about their day to be commented on by everyone present. Every one of us took a turn and contributed.

Over time, the kids had warmed to the tradition. There had been a massive transformation in the interactions of their family. The kids were happy and seemed to feel heard and loved.

A small ache formed in my chest as I walked into the Lion and Pheasant. I discounted it as heartburn even though I knew it wasn't. I would've been happy to curl up on the couch and watch a movie with my noodles tonight. But I had plenty of nights ahead to do that. Noah had given me a paid week off so I could dedicate my time to caring for their family.

Ethan looked giddy as I approached. He leapt up and wrapped his arms around me.

"I have news," he said.

"You always have news," Owen replied and looked at me. "He's bursting."

Ethan bounced away from me and took a seat facing the opening in the snug. They each had a pint of some kind of amber ale in front of them. I went to the bar, poured myself a glass of ice water, and headed back to occupy my usual spot.

"Okay," I said. "Spill, Ethan."

His eyes widened. "Paddles."

"Like for rowing?" Owen responded.

Ethan rolled his eyes. "God, you're boring, Owen."

"You like me boring."

"Please." Ethan tsked. "I'm not talking about kayaking."

"His hands weren't good enough?" I said, guessing exactly what Ethan was talking about.

"I love his hands just fine. But the burn of paddles … oh, my god … yummy."

Owen shook his head and took a long sip of his beer.

"Whatever makes our Ethan happy." I grinned. "Right, Owen?"

"Sure." He didn't sound convinced.

"What about your week?" I asked Owen. "Found Mr. Right yet?"

"No. A whole lot of Mr. Wrong last night."

"What happened?"

Owen sighed. "Guy shows up. Looks way older than his profile picture, so I call him on it. I bring up his photo and ask him when the picture was taken. Like twenty years ago, or what?"

"This is a good one," Ethan said and smirked.

Owen spun his glass on the table. "The guy admitted he'd used a photo of his son."

Oh, my God.

I groaned. That was terrible. Who did something like that?

"I'm assuming you ended the date."

"I asked the guy if his son was gay and single." Owen tipped his head. "He's neither of those."

"Bad luck."

"In a constant string of it. I'm going to rewrite my profile the way I want it."

"I won't be offended," I replied. "Whatever helps you bring in the right guy."

"Maybe Noah should plan a gay speed-dating night here at the pub," Ethan suggested.

I nodded. "Run it past him when he gets back."

"How's that going by the way?" Owen asked me. "You with the kids."

"Too soon to tell. I have another six days and nights with them." I tipped my water to my lips and sucked on an ice cube then dropped it back in my glass. "We'll be fine. It's good they're at school all day. I'm glad Noah and Brody didn't get married over the summer holidays."

"What will you do all day?" Ethan asked. "Keep yourself busy with a dating app?"

"Nah … there will be a lot to do around the house. Plus, I'm not into that right now." The reason was still a foggy concept. My body wasn't craving sex. I suspected I knew why.

Something to do with Jamal's eyes and the way he had looked at me.

Owen and Ethan's eyebrows rose in unison.

"Because of Charlie?" Ethan asked. "I thought you two were open."

"We're not in a relationship, Ethan. Not a romantic one anyway." I dug my fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck. "I'm not sure what we're doing. We both refuse to talk about it."

"Well, that's healthy," Owen replied.

Time to change the subject.

Sort of.

"Jamal and I are going to the Royal BC Museum next week."

Ethan set his glass down and stared at me. "On a date?"

I shook my head. "No, we're just hanging out. It'll be nice to spend time with someone I'm not planning to have sex with afterward. Plus, he's super nerdy about the museum."

"Sounds like he has found his way right up your alley." Ethan smiled at me. "I think it's great you've planned to do something with a platonic friend. If he's into the museum as much as you are, then Jamal is a fantastic guy to hang with. Noah has a lot of respect for him."

"He seems really cool."

"Cool, huh?" Owen pursed his lips at me. He was suspicious. Sure, I found Jamal attractive but that wasn't the path we were embarking on. Every relationship I had with a man did not need to involve sex. Instead of defaulting to seduction with him, I wanted to try for something more.

"My birth mom is coming into town," I said, veering away. "We're going to meet for lunch in a few days. She's in Victoria for a conference."

"Do you need backup?" Owen asked.

I played with my empty glass. "No, I'll be fine."

Normally, Noah would have come with me. Not that I couldn't face my birth mom on my own. I could. The truth was having Noah there tempered her. Eased up her adoration of me a little.

To her, I was a pretty face she could exploit. Her gorgeous gay son. I knew she showed my social media photos to her friends, boasting about me. She'd told me as much.

She wasn't proud of me for all the hard work I'd put in to look this way. If I was the same overweight and awkward guy I'd been as a kid, she probably wouldn't have time for me.

I knew this. Deep down, I knew this, but I kept allowing myself to be sucked into her orbit, hoping one day she'd see me for who I am inside. The core of me that only my friends knew.

Maybe in time, Jamal would find his way in there too.

I liked to get out early for a run, around 5 am, then go back to bed, but I was having to rearrange my schedule. The kids were still asleep when I normally would have been out doing my six kilometres. I'd have to wait until after I dropped them off at school.

I let Bentley into the backyard before I woke Rowan and Quinn, and then while they ate their bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast, I made their lunches. A sandwich, apple, carrot sticks, and a home-baked chocolate chip cookie from Ethan's coffee shop. They had water bottles that I filled with ice water. Bentley and the cats fed, and the parrots let out of their cages and given their morning fruit, vegetables, and seed, I rounded up the kids and their backpacks.

They were in a good mood and joined me as I sang the latest Charlie XCX song in the car on the way to school. Once they were out of the car with a goodbye from Quinn and a grunt from Rowan, I headed for Elk Lake to do my run. The loop there was 6.5 kilometres.

I finished it in forty-five minutes with ease.

Feeling invigorated, I drove to my gym to work out. I started with the leg press doing three sets of fifteen repetitions. Next was the hamstring curl, chest press, lateral pulldown, bicep curls, and shoulder press. After the lateral pulldown, I stopped to take a picture in the mirror. I was sweaty and glistening. I lifted my shirt so my followers could see the ripples of my abs. I'd end my work out with three sets of twenty-five sit-ups to accentuate them for another picture.

Afterward, in the change room, I undressed to have a shower. I was standing in the busy space, men buzzing around, only wearing my slinky black thong when a young guy approached me. He was more muscular than your typical twink, but he still had the willowy build.

He was cute and sexy.

He gave me a cocky smile.

"You interested?" he asked and motioned to one of the private shower stalls.

On auto pilot, I nodded and followed him into the secluded space. With the door closed, he dropped to his knees and peeled my thong away.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he drew my soft cock into his mouth and started working it. My gut twisted and churned, and a rise of pressure filled my chest making my heart skip and stutter.

The guy lifted my hardening cock and licked my sweaty balls.

Yup … nope.

I can't do this.

I jammed my hand into his hair and pushed him away, stopping him. He looked up at me, confusion in his eyes. The only excuse I could offer him for jamming out mid-blowjob was, "You're good but I'm not feeling it. Maybe another time. I'm here most days."

The guy rose to his feet, cupped my face, and kissed me, then was off without a word.

I sank onto the bench seating in the shower stall, leaned forward, and supported my head in my hands. What the hell was happening to me? I'd been having my cock sucked by a cute guy and the thing occupying my mind, where there should have been nothing but sexual bliss, was Jamal's smile. I couldn't shake the feeling I had almost cheated on him somehow.

I thought about it all the way to Noah and Brody's house. The big house felt empty without everyone but the animals. I was used to having company at home. I had a roommate, Alesia, one of the bartenders at Noah's pub. We'd been living together for over four years. We'd become good friends. Alesia got me and knew when to call me on my shit. I didn't hide much from her, but I hadn't told her about the emotional turmoil Jamal had stirred up in me.

After storing my gym bag in the guest room, I took Bentley for a walk, enjoying the sunny autumn day. Then I went into Rowan's room to start my clean up. Noah and Brody had completed most of the chores before they went away, but they'd left me the laundry. While I made the beds and picked clothes off the floor of the kid's rooms, the mewling affectionate cats were all over what I was doing. Pretty sure they thought they were helping.

I sat on Rowan's bed when my phone dinged.

Noah: Everything going well?

Me: No issues. Just tidying up.

Noah: No trouble getting them to school?

Me: None. How's the camping?

Noah: Very romantic. It's been a while since we could lounge in bed.

Me: Enjoy yourselves. Everything is good here. I've got this.

Noah: I know you do. Love you.

Me: Love you too.

I pocketed my phone and hauled the two laundry baskets to the laundry room. To make sure I didn't mix up their clothes, I did four loads. Lights and darks for each one separately. While the laundry was going, I went to the backyard to engage in poop patrol. I cleaned up after Bentley and then mowed and edged the lawn. It felt good to be outside, tidying up their property.

Fresh from the dryer, I folded and hung their clothes and took one last look around to make sure everything was in place, then went downstairs to make myself a protein shake. Two-fifteen rolled around quickly after I'd cleaned the kitchen of the breakfast dishes.

In the car, with two occupied teenagers in the backseat, I turned up a Billie Eilish song and annoyed the hell out of Rowan by singing the wrong words on purpose. Quinn laughed at my antics. Positive guncle points on both fronts.

After a snack, I implemented homework time. Rowan balked but eventually listened when I threatened to start singing again. Thankfully, my math skills were still present, so I was able to help them both with their algebra questions. I was no use when it came to Chemistry. Calculus was never a strength. We had to pull up some videos on the internet to figure out those questions.

I toyed with the idea of talking to Jamal to commiserate about the schoolwork. Noah had told me sometimes the volunteer teachers weren't at the centre and Jamal had to help with homework.

I shot him a quick text.

Me: Hating chemistry.

Jamal: <smile emoji> The subject or the phenomena?

Me: Haha. The equations are killing me.

Jamal: Joys of parenting. How's the rest of it?

Me: I'm enjoying it. Feels good to be needed.

Jamal: You're brave to take this on.

Me: Like I told Noah. I've got this.

Jamal: Loving your confidence.

Rowan glared at me and tapped the page he was working on with his pencil.

Me: Gotta go. Being summoned.

Jamal: Looking forward to Tuesday.

Me: Me too.

I hated to end the thread, but we had a few more equations to do. With their homework eventually finished, I shooed my noodles into the family room to watch television so I could make dinner. I wouldn't have any, but I made a lasagna from scratch. I hadn't had anyone in my life who taught me to cook. I'd had to muddle through by watching Food TV and practicing. Now I enjoy cooking. My roommate, Alesia, was appreciative of my efforts.

My dinner would consist of the salad that I was making to accompany the main dish. I'd add a hard-boiled egg to a side plate for protein.

While the lasagna baked, the animals were given their second meal, including filling the hedgehog's dish with pellets and making sure the gecko was happy. It wasn't a feeding day for him. Brody's instructions were very clear on when, what, and how much food everyone was fed.

After dinner, there was more television. Later, once Rowan and Quinn were tucked in their beds, I dropped onto the couch, exhausted. It had been a good first day. I stretched and yawned.

I was tired enough to go to bed early.

After letting Bentley out and returning the parrots to their cages for the night, I succumbed to the urge to sleep and climbed into the comfy queen-sized bed I had all to myself.

I spread out, exhilarated by the fact Charlie wasn't there crowding me.

Not sure why we spent overnight together. Convenience for sex maybe. Charlie didn't like when I tried to hold him. We usually slept back-to-back, the position cold and impersonal.

I tried to analyze why on earth we continued what we were doing. Almost everything was negative. The only positive being the sex. That was not a good foundation for anything serious.

My mind wandered back to Jamal. He'd probably like for me to hold him if we ever spent the night together. But what would that be like, cuddling with someone who couldn't move their legs?

It scared me a little to imagine it.

And that made me feel like crap about myself.

I focused on his eyes and his smile.

And drifted off to sleep.

It wasn't raining, so I met Jamal outside the museum. He flashed me a brilliant smile and gave me an enthusiastic wave when he spotted me walking toward him.

My heart fluttered a little and took a tumble into my gut.

Friend.

Jamal was a friend.

"Beautiful sunny day," he said as I joined him.

"Won't be too many more of those before the weather changes in November."

"Did you know Victoria has 317 days of sunshine a year on average?"

I smiled at him. "I did know that actually." Jamal started rolling and I kept pace with him as we headed for the main doors. Jamal pressed the wheelchair button, and the doors opened.

After he bought his ticket and they confirmed my membership card, we took the elevator to the second floor. The Stonehenge exhibit was in the first section. Jamal was thrilled with all the facts he was learning. It was an endearing habit of his, gathering and sharing random facts. He kept me entertained filling in blanks about the prehistoric exhibit that weren't mentioned.

We continued to the Living Land, Living Sea Gallery. And wow, Jamal knew a lot about what we were seeing. I'd been in here tens of times, but Jamal was creating a whole new experience.

Of course, as we moved on, we had to take a picture in front of the full-sized mammoth. Jamal held my phone so we could get a good angle that included us both and the beast.

I texted him a copy. His smile lit up as he viewed it.

It took us almost an hour to finish the floor, then we proceeded to the third floor First Peoples Living Languages Gallery. We started in the replica long house to look at the totems and listen to the indigenous chanting. Next, we went into a room with buttons to push that would speak a sentence in an indigenous dialect found in British Columbia. There were at least twenty-five. Jamal pushed them all. It had been a while since I had taken my time and soaked it in. Jamal liked to experience everything like it was his first time there. His enthusiasm elicited feelings of unprecedented affection in me. I wanted so badly to touch him.

The cobblestones in Old Town were tricky for Jamal to navigate. He asked me to push him down the frontier street. We took a lift upstairs to see the hotel, checked out Chinatown, and stopped at every shop window and Jamal told me all sorts of facts about the Hudson Bay's presence in early Victoria, BC. We emerged from the building after being inside for more than two hours.

"You hungry?" Jamal asked.

"I could eat. Should we go across the street?"

"I'm always game for pasta."

"Their salads aren't bad."

"I need more calories than that to get around." Jamal rolled down the sidewalk. I kept up with him and crossed the street. The host in the restaurant found us a table with enough room to accommodate Jamal's wheelchair. It was a stark reminder. His navigation with his equipment was ever-present. It felt as if his entire world revolved around his disability.

I took a seat and watched Jamal scan the menu. He chewed on his bottom lip as he did. My heart fluttered again. He was adorable. I had more than enjoyed sharing our love of the museum with him. Did I dare ask him on a real date?

What would dating a guy in a wheelchair be like? I wasn't sure I could do it and that realization made me feel disgusted with myself. Jamal was an amazing guy and I was attracted to him.

What was stopping me?

Chapter Four | Jamal

I'd never enjoyed the museum as much as I had today. Having Liam with me made every single exhibit better. He hadn't rushed me when I wanted to take my time; and hadn't been frustrated when I read every exhibit information card. And, most surprisingly, he had put up with my inability to stop myself from spouting random facts. He seemed truly interested in what I had to say.

Now, I was seated across from him in a restaurant about to share a meal. We'd ordered and were talking about what we'd seen when he fell silent, studying my face, his gaze wandering everywhere while he fiddled with his napkin. For a few seconds, he became fixated on my lips.

I fought back the desire to lick them.

The day had begun to feel like a date.

"I live with my family," I said to steer the conversation.

That broke his intense gaze. His brow furrowed. "Your parents?"

"More like immediate family. We have a large six-bedroom house. My sister, her husband, and their son live in a two-bedroom suite on the main floor. My one-room suite is down there as well. Our parents and two of our grandparents live upstairs. My dad's parents. My cousin has a room up there too. He moved in after I had my accident. He'll be the one to head our household one day. That would've fallen on me … but the accident. I can't be what my family needs."

I was rambling.

"So, they brought in your cousin to fill your place?"

"He comes from a family of multiple sons. He was the youngest."

Liam furrowed his brow. "Huh."

"It's a cultural thing. My parents will have someone to take care of them when they get old."

He looked confused, but that was to be expected.

"That's a lot of people," he said.

"It doesn't feel like it. Multi-generational family living is what I've always known."

"Do you find it difficult to get any privacy?"

"I spend most of my time in my room, but we all eat dinner together."

"Who cooks? That's a lot of food."

"My mom and my dadi … my grandma."

"The most number of people I've cooked for are the Salish Sea Society guys. We typically go to Owen's for dinner but sometimes I have them over to my place. I like to cook."

I loved food. I was a card-carrying foodie. "What are your favourite foods?"

Liam hummed, making my heart patter. "I'm partial to Thai food. A good Tom Yum Goong can cure all that ails you. Or a Khao Soi. And I wouldn't say no to sampling someone's Pad Thai."

"You like your soups."

"Soups and salads make up a large part of my diet."

"That's how you stay so lean?" I hadn't planned on commenting on his body. But the conversation had naturally landed on it. I was curious how he achieved such beauty.

"Yeah. Carbs are my nemesis, and I eat so much blanched chicken breast that I should have sprouted wings by now. I allow myself to eat as many vegetables as I want."

"That's very restrictive."

"I'm used to it."

I sat back as my linguine with cream sauce and grilled chicken was set in front of me. Liam was given a massive salad. I suppose it was possible to fill up on something like that.

I began dividing up my meal, pasta on one side, and chicken on the other. I looked up. Liam was staring at my plate. He raised his gaze and looked at me.

"You eat one thing at a time?" he asked.

"I know. It's a peculiar habit. I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I didn't even like when different foods touched. I drove my parents a little crazy at mealtimes."

"I do that too," Liam said. "Eat one thing at a time."

I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Since I was a kid."

"I've never met anyone else who does it."

"Me neither."

I looked at his salad. He'd already moved the chicken to one side. He currently had his fork stuck in a cucumber slice. They'd be the next to be moved. He was telling the truth. No wonder he'd been so particular about what they put on his salad. He'd turned down the crumbly toppings.

"Such a strange thing to have in common," I said.

"I'm sure we could find more things." Liam winked at me, then appeared to regret it. His eyes grew wide before he looked down at his plate. He stayed focused on arranging his food.

I set in on my linguine. "Noah says you've all known each other since high school."

"Yup." He nodded his head as he poured a vinaigrette over the lettuce portion of his salad. "At first it was just Noah and me. Ethan barged in and started hanging out with us. Then he dragged Owen into the mix. We became inseparable over the summer holidays."

"Did you know you were all gay?"

"Individually to ourselves, I'm pretty sure, yeah. We weren't out to each other."

"You were lucky to find one another."

"Those guys are my found family."

"What about your birth family?"

Liam wrinkled his nose. "They don't deserve a mention."

Okay, we're dropping that subject.

"Noah says you're into surfing and a bunch of other sports."

"I love surfing and snowboarding. Plus, I run every morning."

"I've tried skiing. And I've been wanting to try kayaking." I twirled some pasta on my fork. "Before my accident, I was an avid cyclist. Even took part in the Tour de France."

Liam's eyebrows peaked. "That's pretty intense. Cycling in something like that."

"It was an experience. I'm glad I did it."

"Do you miss it? Cycling?"

Wow, an honest question. I hated when people tip-toed around me and how my accident had left me paralyzed. Liam was unique. He was making an effort to know me.

"I do. I have a bike I can pedal with my arms, but it's not the same."

"I have a bike. We should go cycling together sometime."

Spoken like it was the most natural suggestion in the world. He’d skipped right over my disability. He was treating me like any other able-bodied guy.

I smiled at him. "I'd love that."

God, he's perfect.

Not taking a chance on straying from the friend zone was going to be difficult. Which left me wondering what the drag queen, Charlotte Dubois, meant to him.

"How long have you known Charlie?" I asked.

Liam tipped his head. "You know him?"

"Just by reputation. I follow Charlotte on social media."

"We've known each other for a while." Liam furrowed his brow at me. "It's a tumultuous association." He stabbed one of the cherry tomatoes on the edge of his plate. "Do you want to come to the house and see the kids? I know they haven't been coming to the centre as much."

Guess we're not talking about Charlie.

There was one problem with going to Noah's. I'd been there before. There were four stairs leading to their front door. And the backdoor wasn't wheelchair accessible at all. I could get up and down a few steps with my wheelchair if there was a sturdy railing, but they didn't have one.

When I visited, Brody had hauled me up the stairs. I didn't want to have Liam do that for me. I felt too self-conscious around him. He hadn't given me any indication that he saw my wheelchair but fighting my wheelchair into Noah's house would break what might be an illusion.

"Maybe some other time. I have to get back to the centre. I have paperwork to do."

Liam sighed and nodded, making me wonder where his head was at. This was simply two friends spending a few hours together. Why had Liam wanted to extend our day?

My mind formulated all sorts of scenarios.

Most involved kissing Liam's full pouty lips.

I wasn't hungry after the large meal I'd eaten at lunch with Liam. Because my grandparents were out for their weekly dinner at my aunt's, tonight was Taco Tuesday. Not my favourite dish. Pretty much impossible to separate food items and eat them one at a time. It would be kind of missing the point to avoid piling the soft taco shells full of fillings.

I picked and chose which foods I didn't mind touching and put together one taco.

"Are you not hungry?" my mom asked.

"I had a large lunch, Mamma. I had pasta after going to the museum with a friend."

"Which friend?" Zahir, my cousin, asked.

"A new friend."

Meera straightened in her chair. "Liam?"

My cheeks heated. I still couldn't believe what a good time we'd had today. Like a cliché, we had absolutely clicked. "Yes, I went with Liam. We had a fun day."

"How much fun?" Meera teased.

I glared at her. "He's obsessed with the museum as much as I am."

"I find that hard to believe," my dad said, smiling.

"Thanks a lot, Pappa. We're not the only two out there who are."

"Did you bore him with your fact obsession?" This question was posed by Meera's husband, David. He and Meera had been high school sweethearts. I'd known him for as long as she had.

"He didn't mind," I answered. "He found what I had to say interesting."

Meera laughed. "Then he's a saint."

"Why don't you invite him over for dinner sometime?" Mamma suggested.

Maybe.

"I'll think about it."

"What does this Liam do for a living?" Pappa asked, which didn't surprise me. He was obsessed with what people did for work.

"He's a bartender at Noah's pub." My family knew Noah well. He'd been over to dinner many times during the years I'd known him. Now Brody had been welcomed into our home. I loved my family. They were naturally warm and inviting and accepted everyone.

"Does he work days or nights?" Pappa continued.

"He works at night, but he's also the bar manager."

It was kind of strange how much I knew about Liam, but Noah had a habit of talking about him to me. They were best friends. That's how I knew Liam was a decent guy.

I picked at my taco, deciding the ground beef would be better on its own. My family was going to love Liam. Meera had seen pictures of him, but I knew for a fact, she was going to swoon when she saw him in person. And he smelled so good. I'd been close enough to him to identify the scent of coconuts that clung to him like a fragrant piña colada.

He was so much more than his gorgeous looks, though. Judging by the language of his posts, he appeared oblivious to that. He was a man who didn't know his self-worth.

I'd told Noah as much several times.

Inviting Liam into my life, I potentially stood to gain a man who might look past my disability. From the start, he had treated me as if he didn't see the wheelchair. The laughs and teasing we had shared at the museum made me feel as though he only saw what lay beneath my skin.

I prayed that was the case.

David carried my wheelchair down the stairs after dinner as I rode the chair lift to the ground floor. When I got back to my room, I phoned my good friend Warren. He'd introduced me to a group for queer people with disabilities. Queerabilities. Warren had cerebral palsy and used crutches to get around. I'd spent many an hour at Warren's watching sports on television.

"Hey, buddy," he answered.

"How's your night treating you?"

"Been a painful day. How about you?"

"We had tacos."

"Unfortunate for you. I would love tacos right about now."

"I survived. The rest of the day was good. I went to the museum with a friend."

"Brave friend," he replied.

"He's as much a museum geek as I am." I put my phone on speaker and tossed it onto the bed. "Just a sec." I transferred onto my bed and got comfortable at the head with a pillow behind my back. "His name is Liam and I'm seriously crushing on him. Not sure what to do about it."

"Is he gay?"

"In the extreme. He's got a bit of a reputation in the community."

"Explain to me why you're attracted to him."

"Liam is a bit of an enigma. The way he acts in his everyday life … let's just say, he gets around. But spending time with him, I feel like he might be looking for a place to settle."

"And you think that might be with you."

"I wouldn't object. He's kind and loyal, intelligent … and beautiful in every way."

"But he likes to sleep around. Does he even do relationships?"

I sighed. According to Noah, the answer to that question was no. Liam had only had one relationship and that had been in university. A lifetime ago.

"No, he doesn't." I sighed. "To be honest, I'm not seriously considering going after him."

"Might be better to keep it that way. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Warren was right. Liam was out of my reach. He had his pick of any man he wanted. I couldn't imagine anyone turning him down. That in mind, he wasn't what I was looking for. I needed a committed man who would accept my limitations and meet me where I was on an emotional level.

I wanted a dedicated monogamous life partner.

"I'm off to have a shower," I said.

"See you at the meeting?"

"Always."

I ended the call and set about removing my clothes. After some manoeuvring, I was undressed. I threw a cover onto the cushion of my wheelchair and transferred onto it.

After I dealt with my bladder, I wheeled partway into my shower. I placed a soft washcloth on my shower bench, lifted my legs into place with my hands, and moved onto the bench, then pushed the wheelchair a short distance away. Enough that it wouldn't get wet but where I could still reach it. I lifted the handheld showerhead from an attachment on the wall, turned it away from me, and started the water, testing it until the temperature was right.

The hot water felt good on my skin.

After shampooing and washing, I sprayed the forceful water into my lap as I thought of Liam. My cock showed some interest. In all the years I'd been seeing his pictures, I had never jerked off to visions of him. It had taken spending time with him to start a stampede of yearning for him.

My cock thickened so I wrapped my hand around it and stroked it to see if it was going to cooperate. I closed my eyes and imagined kissing Liam. Feeling his hands on me. Caressing me. In my imagination, both of us were on my bed … and I was able to move my legs.

He turned and knelt before me, his hole pink and perfect, begging for me to fill it. My cock twitched and swelled further. In my mind, I bent forward and kissed the back of Liam's shoulders. He sighed and reached behind him for me. I exhaled his name into his ear as I penetrated him.

I rode the ebb and flow of the wave building within me, pumping my dick for what felt like forever. It was never quick. No matter how wound up I was … it was never quick.

I pounded Liam's ass, both of us sweating and swearing until the coil let loose in my groin. I shuddered as my orgasm rippled through me. Even my legs managed some movement.

My cock softened as I sprayed down my thighs. There was nothing to wash away. On rare occasions, I might produce one small bead of cum. Most times not. My body could no longer switch over to release it. The entirety ended up in my bladder where no one could taste or play with it. Surely, even someone as kind as Liam would be put off by something like that.

Not that he'd ever find out.

It would be a miracle if we ever got to that place.

Chapter Five | Liam

It was a long stretch to change out the kegs of our most popular IPA. Noah had offered to do it, but I needed a moment to myself. Jamal had been on my mind constantly since our day at the museum. Twice while Noah and Brody were still away and the kids were at school, I had almost driven down to the youth centre to see him. The only thing stopping me was fear of the unknown. And the potential of losing him if I made a move. The unknown was his paralysis. The possibility he'd back away from me if I made my attraction to him known—real.

We'd made a silent agreement to be friends.

I was scared to go against it.

"You okay down here?" It was Noah.

"Contemplating my existence."

"And what have you decided?"

"That I need my head examined." I climbed off the keg I'd been stretched across and met Noah at the open door. "Or my heart … or both. I'm feeling a little tied up in knots, to be honest."

"What brought this on?"

I angled my way past Noah and headed for the stairs. "A man."

"Charlie?"

I turned to face him. "No, a man who actually likes me." I sighed. "Or seems to."

"You're not sure?"

"We're friends … at the moment anyway. I'm not sure it could ever be more."

"Do you want it to be more?"

"The question is does he want it to be more? I know where I stand."

Stand.

God, that would have constituted a slip of the tongue. If I was going to spend any time around Jamal, I was going to have to think before speaking which was not my default setting.

"So … you're actually interested in having a relationship with someone?"

"He's special. When we're together, it feels easy."

Noah's eyebrows rose. "I've never heard you speak about someone this way. Are you sure what you're feeling for this guy is real? You haven't got your wires crossed with your cock?"

"You say that like I'm emotionally defective."

Noah smirked at me. "You kind of are."

"Fuck off. I feel different with him." We crossed the pub and stepped back behind the bar. The order chits were building up. "I want to be a better version of myself with him."

"You're already the best version in my eyes."

I shook my head. "You know what I mean. We haven't spent a lot of time together, but he makes me want to strip away my selfishness. Discard my absolute self-absorption."

Those were both realizations I'd had while thinking about Jamal the past few days.

"Jeez, I'd love to meet this miracle worker."

I concentrated on the beer tap as I filled a pint glass. "You already know him."

"What?" Noah gripped my shoulder hard. "Who?"

I set the glass on the bar mat and looked at him. Did I dare? It depended on how much I trusted Noah. And I trusted him with my life. "Promise me you won't say anything to him."

Noah held up his hand with his pinky-finger crooked. "I promise."

I ignored the childish request to hook fingers. I crossed my arms instead to contain the reality I was about to expose myself. "On Tuesday, I went to the museum with Jamal."

"That's nice, but—" He gripped my bicep. "Jamal is the guy? My Jamal?"

I nodded.

"Holy. Shit." Noah took a few paces away from me and then came back. "You've got the hots for Jamal. I never in a million years …" Noah frowned at me. "Don't you dare hurt him."

I gave Noah a gentle shove. "Fuck right off. Why do you think I'm hesitating? I don't want to hurt him. I know my history. I know what kind of relationship I typically fall into."

"Was the museum a date?"

"No, we were just hanging out. We exchanged numbers at the wedding."

Noah worked on a few drinks. I left him to think.

"I won't say anything to him," he said.

"Thank you."

"Just promise me, you'll think this through before you do anything. The man is halfway to being in love with you already. Entirely my fault, but he really admires you."

"That's mutual." I glanced away and dried my hands, avoiding Noah's gaze.

"But you have concerns beyond whether he likes you that way."

"I feel like an asshole … but the paralysis is a big deal."

"That doesn't make you an asshole. You have valid concerns."

I clung to the bar towel. "Can he not feel anything?"

"Maybe you should ask him that."

"Seems so intrusive."

"If you move forward with him … you're going to need to talk about it."

And maybe that was the reality of it. I wasn't brave enough to move forward with Jamal. Moving forward meant aiming for a long-term relationship and I didn't know if I was capable.

"I have more thinking to do," I said.

"I'm glad you're taking this seriously."

"Jamal deserves every moment of thought I put into it."

Noah put his arm around my shoulders and tugged me to him. "I love you."

"Love you too." I elbowed Noah away and twirled the bar towel. He didn't manage to get away before I whipped his ass with it. "Hope that left a mark for your husband to inspect."

Noah grinned at me. "I'll ask him to be thorough in searching for it."

That right there. I wanted that. I wanted a guy I knew I was going home to at the end of the day. Someone who would welcome me and curl up in bed with me.

"Liam." Owen waved a hand in front of my face. "Where did you go?"

I hadn't even seen him step up to the bar.

I sighed "Just lots to think about. What can I get you?" Owen had gathered with a few of his real estate friends. They were becoming more raucous by the second. They were having fun.

Owen was beaming.

"A Moscow Mule would be perfect."

I set to work on it. "You guys celebrating something?"

"Yeah, we sold three massive properties this week."

"One of them yours?"

"Yup. Fifty-thousand big ones for me."

"Christ, that's almost more than I make in a year."

"It's the fifth sale like that I've made this year."

"No wonder you're rolling in it."

I saw Chad cross the floor toward us. I hadn't seen him with the group. He arrived and slung his arm around Owen's shoulders. Owen cringed and pulled away.

"I thought you were spending the night with your husband," he said to Chad.

"Nah," Chad replied. "Decided it would be more fun to come down here and irritate you."

"Fucking great." Owen looked at me. "Are you finished making my drink?"

I set the copper cup on the bar mat in front of him. He grabbed it and took off back to his friends. Chad lingered, looking up at our assortment of whiskeys.

"Midleton Dair Ghaelach neat, please."

"Nice choice," I commented with words I used for everything a customer ordered. With a smile. The fact Chad annoyed Owen so much made both challenging.

I measured the amber liquid into a glass and plopped it down in front of him.

"That'll be $51.75."

I keyed in the sale and passed him the handheld. Of course, he had a Centurion Card. Not only was he a successful real estate agent, but he probably came from family money.

Chad lifted his glass. "How long have you known Owen?"

"What business is that of yours?"

"I'm just curious. You seem close. Have you ever dated?"

I crossed my arms. "Owen is like a brother to me. So, stop getting under his skin."

Chad smirked. "I get under his skin, do I?"

"Forget I said that."

"Too late." He turned from the bar and went to join the group of real estate agents.

"What did you do?" Noah asked from right behind me.

"I think I gave Chad fodder."

"Great work." He patted my shoulder, returned to the beer taps, and pulled one. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Owen was going to kill me. I'd never seen him get so worked up about someone competing with him. He usually welcomed a challenge.

I joined Noah at the taps. "When are we going to be receiving those Okanagan wines?"

That's where Noah and Brody had gone camping for their honeymoon. They'd spent a few nights near Kelowna on the west side of Okanagan Lake, and then a few nights in the desert of Oliver. Their trip had been focused on partaking in wine tours up and down the valley. Not that they could see them all. There were 186 licensed grape wineries in the Okanagan region.

"Next week."

"Can't wait to try some of them."

"I still think it's weird that you like wine." Noah made up a row of shafts and set them on the mat. "You know Jamal doesn't drink alcohol. It was a drunk driver who hit him."

My brow dipped. "I didn't know that." I didn't know anything about his accident and how he ended up in that wheelchair. Maybe someday, he would share his story with me.

I wanted that with him. To be that close.

Even if it was just as friends.

"For fuck's sake." I nearly bolted to my feet, but I didn't want to cause a scene. For some reason, Charlie had thought it would be a good idea to go out to dinner together.

Now I knew why.

He'd deliberately chosen a public place to ambush me.

I was three double scotches in. The conversation had started with how I was a terrible communicator. How I never told Charlie how I was feeling. He'd been dropping little crumbs of his emotional state to me recently. He wanted me to reciprocate. It felt strange. We weren't boyfriends. We'd established that much. I couldn't understand why he was acting like we were.

"It's the truth. We don't have sex anymore," he said, reiterating what he'd been berating me for over the last few agonizing minutes. "It's been almost two weeks now."

"And yet you continue to sleep at my place."

Charlie's jaw clenched, making the muscle jump. "Why are you shutting me out?"

I needed to tell him the truth. Or, at least, part of it. The full truth was I couldn't get Jamal off my mind. "Maybe I don't enjoy sex with you as much as I used to."

Charlie leaned back and crossed his arms. "Well, that's a start at least."

I motioned to the server to bring me another drink.

"I don't see that changing," I said.

"Have you found someone more fun to play with?"

"No, I've been laying low when it comes to hookups."

"Why? We never talked about not seeing other men."

And see, that was the arrangement. It was supposed to be casual between Charlie and me. But not only had I not fucked Charlie since Jamal and I first spoke, I hadn't fucked anyone else either.

I looked at Charlie. He was stunning in a very feminine way. We'd had fun, but now, I wanted it to be over. I didn't like to think I might be using him to avoid overwhelming loneliness.

Charlie deserved better than that.

"I've had other things on my mind." It was a cop-out answer, but I was tired, and I was drunk. My brain didn't want to process how I was going to end things with Charlie.

"Can we avoid making any decisions right now?" Charlie asked.

I nodded my head in agreement. "Can I spend tonight on my own?"

"If that's what you need."

It was. I needed to think. I took a cab home on my own. Alesia, my roommate, was in the living room. "Oh, good," she said. "You're home. I want to start this new series I found."

Alesia and I both loved British crime dramas. We had a special streaming service primarily for them. I kicked off my shoes and wandered in to take a seat beside her.

"How was dinner?" she asked.

I groaned and leaned my head back against the couch cushion. "He wanted to talk."

"Oh dear."

"He was very clear at the beginning of the conversation. He is not my boyfriend, but he wants more from me as though I am. I'm so confused."

"You two have been arguing a lot more recently. I can hear the bickering in my room."

"Sorry about that."

"No worries. So, do you want to end things with him?"

I sighed. "I do, but I've become used to him being here."

"That's not a good base for a relationship."

"He doesn't want a relationship. That's one thing we agree on."

"Then what the hell are you doing? You're practically playing house with him."

I looked at Alesia. "We haven't had sex in a while."

"I noticed that too. You two are noisy when you're fucking." She touched my arm. "What's going on? No sex with Charlie and you haven't brought any hookups home."

I might as well tell her.

"I'm interested in a guy. Like really interested. He doesn't even know how I feel about him, but having sex with other men feels like I'm cheating on him."

Alesia's eyebrows arched. "Wow."

"I know. It's not like me, but he's special. I want to try everything with him. The whole emotional roller coaster of feelings. When I'm with him, he brings on intense feelings of affection I've never had with anyone before. Deep in my gut, I feel almost hopeful when I'm with him."

"You need to end things with Charlie."

I hung my head. "I know."

"You're afraid this guy won't feel the same as you?" Alesia rubbed my shoulders. "Liam … are you scared to be alone? Is that why you're hesitant to let Charlie go?"

I nodded. "I felt so alone as a kid. The foster homes I was placed in were never friendly places. Especially, not for a kid who looked like me. I honestly can't count the number of times I was called piggy by the other kids which morphed into pimply piggy as I got older."

"Kids are cruel."

Dampness collected in my eyes. These were painful memories. It churned up my gut to speak them aloud. "I would curl up in my bed at night, wishing I wasn't alone there."

Alesia exhaled. "Explains so much." She tugged me closer, hugged me, and put her head on my shoulder. "What's his name, this guy who has you so tied up in knots?"

"Jamal." I tipped my head onto hers. "He's kind and funny. And beautiful. And he's so smart. He has this adorable habit of sharing facts about random things."

"You have some thinking to do."

I took a deep breath and straightened up. "Not tonight. Tonight, I need to be distracted. What's the series you want to start?"

"A murder mystery set on Shetland Islands."

"Perfect."

Alesia took my phone away from me to keep me from obsessing and not paying attention. We cozied up and watched the first two shows until I started nodding off. Aleisa turned off the television and nudged me into going to bed. As I lay bundled in my covers, I touched the pillow beside me, imaging Jamal being there, looking at me with those incredible eyes.

We'd cuddle close as we fell asleep.

Sunday night and I was almost late for the meeting of the Salish Sea Society. I hadn't been bartending at the pub tonight. I had the night off and I'd become overly engrossed at the gym, trying to exercise the spinning thoughts out of my mind. I knew I needed to make a decision.

I took a turn past the bar and poured myself a glass of orange juice.

Jamal didn't drink alcohol. I was going to try to do the same. My body would thank me if I remained sober. All the drinking I'd been doing had made my mind and body sluggish.

"Wet hair," Ethan commented. "Late night at the gym?"

I took my seat. "I needed to concentrate on something other than the men in my life."

"Well, that sounds interesting," Owen said. "What's up?"

"Charlie is sending me mixed signals. Pushing for things I'm not prepared to give him."

"He wants a proper relationship?" Ethan asked.

I shook my head. "No, he's been very clear he doesn't want me as a boyfriend."

"Then what does he want?"

"I think he wants me to act like his boyfriend. He says I'm not good at communicating. That I need to work on that. And then there's the fact we're not having sex anymore."

Owen choked on his drink. "I'm sorry … what?"

I needed to share what I was feeling with the group.

"I met someone. Knowing he's out there … I don't want to touch Charlie or anyone else."

"So, you're celibate right now?" Ethan asked. "Waiting for this guy?"

"He's worth waiting for," Noah said.

"You know who it is?" Owen asked Noah.

"It's Jamal," I blurted. "We hung out two weeks ago and he captivated me."

"I saw you talking to him at the wedding," Ethan said. "Didn't think anything of it."

"Well, there was something there," I replied.

"What do you think about this, Noah?" Owen asked.

"You all know how I feel about Jamal," Noah said. "Liam and I have spoken about it."

"You need to break things off with Charlie," Ethan said.

"I know." I sighed. "Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow."

"And then you'll go after Jamal?" Owen replied.

"Not yet. Right now, I'm enjoying becoming his friend. I don't want to risk the relationship we're building by muddying the whole thing with feelings I'm not sure he shares."

"I've got to say … I'm surprised by all this, Liam," Owen said.

"Me too, believe me." I took a long sip of my orange juice. Noah watched me drinking it. He probably thought I had vodka in it. He was going to be surprised I was trying for sobriety.

"Daniel and I had sex in the woods," Ethan said, his eyes projecting excitement.

Okay, we were taking a hard left.

"We were out hiking one of the trails down to Witty's Lagoon. Watching his firm ass amble down the path heated me up. My cock was so hard."

"You couldn't contain it until you got home?" Owen responded.

"No. We hiked off the trail up into the trees until we were out of sight. But the risk was still there that someone might come across or hear us."

Owen set his glass down on the table too hard. "Jeezus, Ethan."

"He stripped my lower half and pushed my chest against a tree. He was so fast and furious that I had trouble staying quiet. I wouldn't be surprised if someone heard us grunting."

"Lube?" I asked.

"He jerked me off first. We used my cum."

"Ew," Owen said.

"You two are so weird," Noah said.

Ethan smiled. "We're fun."

"Whatever you want to call it," I said. "I think it's hot."

"Can I talk about the wine tours we went on?" Noah interrupted. "Or is that too tame?"

"No," Owen said, "I want to hear more about them." Noah had filled me in already. The whole trip had sounded very romantic. It was the kind of experience I wanted to share with Jamal.

Noah spoke about each winery they'd gone to and the antics of the drag queen leading one of the tours in Kelowna. The guys had a lot of questions about the scenery. Neither of them had ever been to the Okanagan. I'd gone to university there and earned my Bachelor of Arts degree.

The only thing I'd utilized from it so far was my ability to occasionally read people and figure out what was making them tick. A benefit of taking so many psychology courses.

As for Jamal. I wasn't sure I was reading him correctly. Noah had confirmed he had an appreciation for me already. But what did that mean? Was he interested in more?

We broke for the night, and I went home to find Charlie there.

"I hope you don't mind," he said. "I wanted to be here when you got home." He sidled up to me and stepped in close against my chest. He ran his hand into my hair and set his lips on mine.

I moved back from him, breaking the contact before his intention turned into a kiss. "I don't want to do this." I lowered his hand away from my neck.

"Fuck, Liam!" Charlie threw his arms wide. "What the hell is going on with you?"

"I can't fuck you anymore."

"But that's our thing. The hot angry sex. Remember?"

"Then maybe we're done."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"We were never together, Charlie. Even you said that. It was only supposed to be sex."

Charlie placed his hands on his hips. "Maybe it became more than sex for me."

I tipped my head as I stared at him. "You said it hadn't."

"I lied."

"Fuck, Charlie." I turned away from him and paced the room. "I don't feel the same way. You know that. I was very clear about that. So were you."

"I hoped you’d change your mind over time."

"I haven't."

"So … that's it?"

"It's time we brought it to an end, Charlie. I'm sorry."

Charlie sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "It's late. Can I stay here?"

I was too emotionally exhausted to argue with him. When I joined him under the covers in bed, he snuggled close to me, and put his head on my chest, his hand on my stomach.

For the first time ever, he wanted to cuddle.

I stroked his hair. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I really am."

"I get it. You're not feeling it, but I need you to hold me tonight. One last night."

"I can do that." I wrapped my arm around him and hugged him tightly against me. His breathing evened out and softened as he fell asleep.

The feel of Charlie in my arms felt like closure.

We were done.

Chapter Six | Jamal

Afternoons at the Rainbow Youth Centre were always busy. Kids came here straight after school. Some walked and biked. Some needed to take the bus. They came from all over the city.

I rolled into the gymnasium. Noah had a group taking shots on an empty net with hockey sticks and plastic pucks. He was, of course, proficient at it. He'd played some hockey as a kid.

He saw me and came my way. I hadn't talked to him since before he went away on his honeymoon. The kids had missed him. There had been loud squealing and clapping of excitement when he showed up today. Noah was one of their favourite volunteers.

Noah stood beside me, holding his hockey stick.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Been a bit distracted, to be honest. How was your honeymoon?"

"Let's go back to you first. What has you distracted?"

"It's a who."

"Let me guess. Liam?"

I looked up at him. He had a cheeky smile on his face. "You heard about our outing."

"Are you sure it wasn't a date?"

God, it had felt like one by the end. "No. Just two friends hanging out."

"Ah huh. You don't sound convinced."

"Spending the day with him felt different than I thought it would."

"You like him."

"I hadn't expected him to be such a complex and sweet guy."

"You missed that when I talked about him?"

"I thought you were biased. His entire gooey essence tackled me from out of nowhere."

"What are you going to do about it?"

I shook my head. "I'm setting aside that I like him. I'm enjoying getting to know him. Liam and I could be good friends. I feel like that's the best I can hope for." My brow dipped as I looked at Noah. He was giving the vibe that he wanted to say something. "Unless you have information."

Noah shook his head. "I've been sworn to secrecy."

My heart pattered hard. Liam had spoken to Noah about me. What kind of secret had Liam asked Noah to keep? My palms began sweating. Was Liam feeling the same attraction?

Was it possible he didn't see my wheelchair and only saw me?

I couldn't risk the rejection. "I'd like to leave things as they are. Get to know him better as a friend. My heart wouldn't survive being crushed by him."

"You're right to be cautious. I love Liam to bits, but he hasn't been in a relationship since university. It might be difficult for him to get his head in the game for one."

I appreciated Noah being honest, but it broke my spirit a little. I'd had far too many dreams where Liam had come around and swept me up, and we'd fallen in love.

"Get back to the court, Noah. The kids are losing focus." I turned and rolled back to my office. While arriving at my desk, my phone rang. His ears must have been burning. It was Liam.

My heart skipped a little as I answered the call.

"Hey, Liam."

"Charlie and I ended things." Interesting way to start a conversation. Jump right to what was on his mind. But why was he telling me this? My chest tightened as I considered possibilities.

I steadied my breathing and tried to sound as unphased as possible.

"Oh? Why?"

"It may have turned into a relationship. It was never supposed to do that."

I frowned. "Why not?"

"It was supposed to be about sex. That's it. Just two guys fucking."

I cleared my throat. Why had Liam come to me with this? Surely Noah or one of the other guys would have been a better choice. Maybe he'd spoken to them already.

"I was convinced we hated each other," he continued. "The sex was so angry."

I wasn't sure what angry meant when it came to sex. Was Liam into that? I didn't feel comfortable asking him. Not yet. "But that's not how Charlie felt?"

"Apparently not. He lied to me when he said he didn't want to be my boyfriend."

"And you hadn't developed those same feelings?"

"No. Charlie was fun but I didn't want more from him."

Noah had been right. Liam didn't sound like he was even interested in trying to be in a romantic relationship. No matter what I felt, I was going to have to keep Liam in the friend zone.

"So, what happens now? Back to hookups?"

Liam sighed. "No. I've got stuff going on. I don't want to do the hookup thing."

Hearing him say that he wasn't going to be with other men warmed my core. He wouldn't be mine, but it made me happy that he wasn't racing out to fuck a load of men.

"Do you want to do something tonight?" I asked.

I needed to see him.

"Sure."

"Are you brave enough to come to my house and have dinner with my family?" It was a safe place to be with him. Plus, I wanted my family to meet him.

"Is that going to be alright at such short notice?"

"My mamma and dadi make so much food, it'll be fine. I'd let them know you're coming."

"Then I'm looking forward to it. What time?"

I told Liam to come at 6 pm and gave him our address. Mamma was excited I was bringing a friend home for dinner. She and my dadi pivoted and decided to make butter chicken with rice.

I was waiting in my home's front entry for Liam when he rang the doorbell. Damned if he didn't come into my house with a sexy smile directed right at me.

Liam looked around the large foyer with a curved staircase. "Thanks so much for inviting me." His gaze fell on my chairlift. "I'm looking forward to a family dinner."

"You don't have many of those?" I still didn't know about his family.

"I don't have any of those other than with the guys. I've been working out. I'm starving."

Again … family. A topic for another time.

"Well, let's head upstairs. Do you mind carrying my wheelchair up?"

"Sure. Whatever you need."

I rolled to the chairlift and transferred onto it. Liam's technique was awkward, but he got the wheelchair up the stairs. Back in my chair, we headed to the dining room. There was a flurry of activity as food was brought to the table one dish at a time, and everyone poured themselves a glass of water and found their seat. They all looked up as we approached.

"Family, this is Liam."

My mamma smiled and clapped her hands together. "My, aren't you handsome."

"Mamma." I looked at Liam. "Sorry."

"No worries." He focused his attention on her. "It's nice to meet you."

"Please call me Laila."

I motioned to the head of the table. "My dad, Harsha."

My pappa opened his arms. "Welcome, Liam."

Liam nodded to him. "Thank you for having me."

"And this is my sister, Meera, her husband, David, and their son, Marcus."

"Nice to finally meet you," Meera said, causing me to glower at her. Yes, she'd been hearing about Liam for what might embarrassingly have been years. I wish she'd kept her mouth shut.

"Thanks. I think." Liam tipped his head and looked at me.

"Ignore her." I grabbed my cousin's arm. "This is my cousin, Zahir."

Zahir shook Liam's hand. "Welcome."

My grandparents wandered into the room and took their seats. "Liam this is Dadi, my grandma, and Dada, my grandpa. You can call them by those names if you'd like."

"Yes," Dadi said. "More chance of us answering if you do."

Liam smiled, laughing softly. "I will. It's a pleasure to meet you both."

"Well, that's everyone." I rolled into my place. "Have a seat." Liam sat beside me, only bumping into my wheelchair once before settling.

"Guests first," Mamma said and lifted the bowl of rice toward Liam.

I knew it wasn't something Liam would normally eat but he loaded one-third of his plate with the carb. Mamma directed him to scoop from the bowls sitting in the middle of the table next. He placed some butter chicken on his plate, a small helping of saag paneer, and a roti.

Once he had served himself, the rest of us set in. I peered over at Liam's plate a few times. He was separating the chicken away from the sauce into its own little pile.

I did the same.

Liam bumped his shoulder against mine, pushing me a little as he looked at my plate, acknowledging the comradery we'd found with each other. The brief physical contact made my blood race around my circulatory system at record speed. His aroma of coconut surrounded me.

I wanted him to lean against me again.

"Did you know a coconut is not actually a nut? It's a stone fruit. It can put down roots."

Liam coughed then chuckled.

"Where the heck did that come from?" Meera asked.

My mouth was suddenly dry. "Just a random thought."

And there he was. Liam leaned against me again; his shoulder pressed to mine. My entire body hummed with pleasure. The rest of the table paid us no mind, occupied as they launched into chatting about the food and what everyone had been up to today.

"It's the oil I use in my hair," Liam whispered to me.

"Ah. Mystery solved." Then as if I had no control over my tongue. "I like it."

"Then I'll keep using it."

God, we were flirting. That's what this was. We weren't supposed to be doing this.

"Jamal tells us you're a bartender," Pappa said to Liam. "How do you like it?"

"Well, it's not my first choice of career," Liam replied. "I took my Bachelor of Arts degree right after high school. Majored in psychology and gender studies, but I can't do much with it unless I go back to school. I might still do that … but for now, I'm happy at the pub."

"And that's the most important thing," Mamma said. "Happiness. Jamal loves his job."

"He does great work with those kids," Liam replied. "They're lucky to have him. I think about all the time and effort he puts in with them and … I admire him for it."

Not going to lie. I blushed a little bit.

Okay—a lot.

"What do you do, Meera?" Liam asked.

"I'm a pediatrician," she answered. "So is my husband. Continued the family tradition to a degree. Pappa is a renowned child psychologist. Mamma works with autistic children. David and I met in high school and kept following each other in our choice of studies."

"Yeah," I said. "Those two are sickening, they're so cute together."

"I like it." Liam smiled. "A family who supports youth."

"We're very proud of them all," Dadi said.

"And you, Zahir?" Liam asked.

"So boring. I'm an accountant. No youth in sight."

"Still an important job."

The conversation turned to a recounting of each of our days, including Liam. It felt good to see Liam smiling and laughing, so at ease with my family. He'd fit in well here.

My family would be asking me to invite Liam over often.

I was more than fine with that.

Liam leapt up to help clear the table once we were done eating and had our chai tea. Carrying a stack of plates to the kitchen, he gained bonus points with Mamma.

He was in the kitchen for a while. I could hear Meera laughing at something he said. When he emerged, he stood beside my chair and put his hand on my shoulder.

The weight felt amazing.

I looked up at him. "Do you want to hang in my room for a while?"

Please.

"Sure. Back downstairs?"

"Yeah, I'm on the ground floor. Easier for me to go in and out."

We said our goodbyes to my family and headed for the stairs. I didn't need to ask him. Liam carried my wheelchair down them as I used the lift.

He waited for me to transfer into it, and then followed me into my bedroom. It was a large room with an attached bathroom. I kept both rooms neat so I could get around in them with ease.

I rolled over to my bed; the only seating in the room and transferred onto it. As I shuffled myself to lean against the headboard, hauling my legs along, self-conscious of what it looked like the whole time, Liam went to the other side of the bed and lifted himself onto the mattress.

We were soon seated beside each other. I flicked on the television.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked.

"Do you mind if we talk instead?"

"Don't mind at all." I turned off the television. "What's on your mind?"

"I want to apologize for my phone call earlier today." Liam crossed his arms. "I shouldn't have dumped all that on you. We barely know each other." He looked along his shoulder at me.

"I didn't mind. You can come to me with stuff like that if you want."

Liam smiled at me. "You're a very kind man."

"Relationships are tough."

"I've only had one." Liam looked down at his lap. "Not sure I'm built for a relationship."

I shifted. "Why do you think that?"

"If I had a partner, he would deserve my full attention, but I'm too wrapped up in this." He motioned up and down his body with one hand. "I had my first cosmetic surgery when I was nineteen. My boyfriend couldn't understand why I wanted to do it. It's why we broke up."

"What was his issue with it?"

"That I was hyper-fixated on my looks."

Okay, fair enough. Liam seemed to be on a constant quest for approval when it came to his appearance. Truth was we all liked to look at him. All 131,630 followers. Me included.

"What did you have done? If you don't mind me asking."

Liam shook his head. "My nose. Got rid of my Roman bridge. Improved my eyes, then cheek fillers." He stroked his face. "Later I had my chin augmented. My ears tucked back."

I wasn't sure what to say. He was beautiful, but it was sad he thought it was necessary to change himself so much. "Have you achieved what you envisioned?"

Liam sighed. "When I was a kid, I was bullied a lot. I was overweight and my face was unextraordinary. I dreamed about making myself perfect. Then everyone would love me."

"Has that happened?"

"Not the way I imagined."

"The hookups?"

"Yes." He looked up at the ceiling. "God, Jamal … there have been so many meaningless men. For so many years the admiration and attention kept me filled up. Now … I'm not so sure."

"It's not making you happy anymore?"

Liam lowered his chin, turned his head, and stared at me. His chest rose and fell as he studied my face. I was waiting for him to say something profound. Something that would signify he was looking for more from life than his historic string of sexual encounters.

Instead, he uttered a simple, "No."

We were silent, then as I sat with my mouth hanging open, Liam struggled with the coated elastic holding his hair in a topknot and released his blond mane to cascade down to his shoulders.

Jeezus, this man.

He put the elastic on his wrist.

"My partner and I broke up not long after my accident." I needed to distract myself. We'd been talking about relationships. Not sure how we'd arrived at sexual encounters and gorgeous hair.

Liam frowned. "What happened?"

"I think we were both in mourning. Our relationship as it had been … was gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you. It still hurts." God, the concern in his gaze was stunning. "I'd gone out for snacks to eat while we watched a movie on television. I took my bicycle. I rarely used my car. Especially for a quick trip like that. The grocery store was only a few blocks away."

Liam blinked; his dark blond lashes hiding his intense blue eyes for a moment.

"I don't remember what happened. One second I was cycling down the road, the next I opened my eyes to lights rushing past overhead and someone speaking to me, saying my name." It had been my sister, walking alongside the gurney on my way to the operating room.

"Drunk driver ran a red light and plowed right into me. I was tossed up and landed nearly five metres behind them. They didn't even brake." I rested my head on my pillow as I kept my gaze on Liam. "My partner, Richard, was so supportive. He took me to my appointments and physical therapy sessions. He was my advocate when I became too frustrated to think straight. He encouraged me when I was learning to manage life without the use of my legs."

The way I had repaid that kindness and love had been horrendous.

"It wasn't enough?"

"It was, but we became so sad, both of us. Our life together had changed too drastically."

"You drifted?"

"Until the day he moved out of my parents' house." God, there was so much that had led up to that. Our parting had been filled with anguish. I hadn't reacted well to my paralysis.

"You loved him."

I blinked and a tear streaked down my cheek. "So much."

Liam surprised me when he flung an arm around my shoulders, tugged me to him, and embraced me in a warm hug. I leaned against him and clung tightly to his bicep.

His strong arms felt so good against the sadness that had descended. He hummed against my hair and kissed my head. I just about melted away, overwhelmed by his affection.

This sweet and gentle man had been hiding behind an endless stream of sultry shirtless photos. It was possible I was seeing a side of him few had. We were opening a pathway of trust.

And friendship.

Or was there more than that happening?

Chapter Seven | Liam

Ethan took my order for a low-fat cappuccino and passed on the order to Susie. The coffee shop was busy but there were a few places to sit. I spotted a table where I could remove one chair so Jamal would have a space for his wheelchair. Meeting with him had been a last-minute arrangement. I'd decided to forego a trip to the gym in preference of seeing him.

"Go ahead," Ethan said. "Secure that table. I'll bring your coffee over."

"Jamal shouldn't be long. He was finishing some paperwork."

Ethan smiled at me. "You seem nervous. Are you anxious about seeing him?"

I exhaled and groaned. "Please don't get in my face about this."

"Not going to hassle you." His smile turned to a smirk. "It's cute. It suits you."

"I'm going to sit down now." I turned and left him. After I arrived at the table, I pulled one chair away and set it against a back wall. I analyzed the open space. It should be sufficient.

I took a seat on the bench on the other side of the table. My ears heated as Jamal rolled into the coffee shop and up to the counter. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Ethan and Jamal were chatting and laughing. Ethan pointed in my direction after Jamal placed his order.

Ethan hadn't charged either one of us. That was one of the nice things about having friends who owned food and drink establishments. It saved the wallet from overuse.

Jamal's expressive smile and sultry eyes nearly caused my heart to stutter and seize as he moved toward me. Few people had set their gaze on me the way Jamal had just now.

"Hey, Liam." He wheeled into the space I set up for him. "Thanks for moving the chair."

"No problem." I nearly groaned with disappointment in myself. I hated it when people used that phrase. It had an inherently negative feeling about it. Ethan was right. I was nervous.

"Did you know a coffee bean is found at the centre of a berry called a coffee cherry?"

I smiled. "That's a new one for me. I know they're green before they're roasted."

"Coffee is the most consumed beverage in Canada. Moreso than water."

"Then I'm in the right business." Ethan set our drinks in front of us. "Do you mind if I sit for a couple of minutes? I need to take a break to reset my brain."

I frowned at Ethan, but he crowded in beside me on the bench.

"So, Jamal … how are things at the centre?" Ethan asked. I'm not sure why he was hijacking my time with Jamal. Maybe some misguided attempt to ease my anxiety.

"Busy," Jamal replied. "More kids are coming in during the day looking for food and shelter for a few hours. I'm going to need to secure some more funding for a meal program along with a youth shelter situation I’ve applied for." He cupped his mug in both hands. "As much as forty percent of homeless youth are LGBTQ+."

"Jeez," Ethan responded.

"And twenty percent of the homeless population in Canada are youth."

My chest felt tight. "Is there anything I can do?"

Jamal's eyes widened and he smiled at me. "Actually, yes. It's a small thing, but we've set up a weight room at the centre. I'd love if you could spend some time showing the kids how to use the equipment. We don't want anyone hurting themselves."

"Done." I could do that. "Just tell me when."

"I'll text you."

"Do you do arts and crafts?" Ethan asked Jamal.

"We do. We like to keep the youth busy. They like being creative."

Ethan tapped the table. "I have a pottery wheel and a small kiln I'm not using. Would you have room for them? I could give classes on how to use the wheel and then work the kiln for you."

Jamal's face took on a gorgeous expression I hadn't seen on him before.

Gratitude.

"Thank you both." He looked back and forth between us. "You have no idea how huge this is. The more we offer the youth, the more their minds are exposed to opportunities for joy."

I loved the wording of that.

"I already drop leftover baked goods at the homeless shelter," Ethan said, "but I could have my bakery assistant make extra muffins and cookies for the centre. I could set up a donation jar by the till to cover the extra cost. My customers would love to support an initiative like that."

I felt the need to reach for Jamal as tears formed in his eyes. I couldn't stop myself. I touched his arm and held it. "The Salish Sea Society is here for you. You only need to ask."

Jamal nodded, silently looking into his cup. We'd overwhelmed him.

I patted his arm and withdrew my hand.

"I'm back off to work," Ethan said as he stood. "Enjoy your visit."

I gave Jamal a minute to compose himself after Ethan left us. "You all right?"

"It was a lot all at once." He looked up at me and wiped a tear off his cheek. "I've dedicated my life to the youth at that centre. The pay sucks. It's not why I'm there."

"I'm a firm believer in supporting our LGBTQ+ community. I was on the board of the pride society for a few years. I was in charge of organizing the volunteers."

Jamal's eyebrows rose. "Noah never mentioned that about you."

"There are a lot of things you probably don't know about me."

"I'm realizing that." Jamal bit his bottom lip as he stared at me, demonstrating a stellar impression of a shy schoolboy. "I'm looking forward to finding out more."

"Me too," I whispered as our attention on one another held.

The commotion of the coffee shop disappeared as neither of us could look away. I needed to break the intensity. It was sending my pulse into a frenzy. I lifted my coffee cup and took a sip, breaking eye contact with Jamal. He did the same, concentrating on his drink.

"Do you want to come for dinner again?" he asked. "Thanksgiving turkey with fixings."

That was an entire week away. Could I stand to be away from Jamal for that long?

"Wouldn't miss it," I answered. "Let me know if I can bring anything." We typically had Thanksgiving dinner at Owen's each year. I was going to be ditching the guys.

"No need. There will be enough food to feed an army already. Just bring yourself."

I smirked and winked at him like an idiot. "That I can do."

Again, we couldn't take our attention off one another; lost in each other's eyes, barely blinking. It felt as if we were both utterly enthralled by our growing connection. Friendships weren't supposed to progress like this. And yet, despite our intention, I wouldn't dream of pulling away.

Jamal cleared his throat and looked down.

"Yeah," I muttered. I'm not sure why.

"I should get back to work," Jamal said. "The afterschool group will be arriving soon."

"Right. Okay." I rose from my seat. "I have errands to run before work."

Run?

Dammit.

Jamal wheeled back from the table. "Are you closing tonight?"

"Yeah, it'll be a late one."

Parting ways after that was awkward as we both contemplated whether a physical goodbye was warranted. Walking away after a brief hug, I was transported back to the night sitting on Jamal's bed when I'd held him. His muscular frame fit against mine perfectly.

Kissing his head had been impulsive but after placing my lips on him, I'd remained, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. He had leaned against me and clung to my arm.

I wanted more of that.

But did we dare cross that line again?

The squealing laughter and high-pitched chatter of my female friends had me laughing too. They were a kooky bunch, and I loved every single one of them. I'd known most for many years.

Karen, unfortunately named, was the ringleader, and the woman I had known the longest. I'd met her at university. We'd created sexual mayhem in our time there. Karen had been as much a playboy as I was. Playgirl in her case. We'd made a game of competing for the same men. Now, she was happily married with three children, but she was still an absolute spitfire.

Cindy, a cute little thing; five foot nothing was the purse for most of our antics. She and her husband existed in wealth. She'd be a perfect candidate for Housewives of Vancouver Island if such a show existed. She lived a childless life of wine, relaxation, and luxury.

Mia was the voice of reason for the group, keeping the reins in place for what was sometimes a runaway party. She was the one who made sure the rest of us arrived home safely. She was a registered nurse, worked hard at her job, and was a single mom of two adorable boys.

Emily was new to the group. She had moved to Victoria from Quebec City a year ago. She had the cutest accent when she spoke English and reverted to French when she was drunk. She was single. Her dating record was much like Owen's. Disaster after agonizing disaster.

The champagne was flowing in the limousine. I was drinking sparkling water. No one had given me a moment of grief when I told them I was sober. In fact, they'd congratulated me.

We pulled up outside the gay bar we were invading tonight. Unlike the general population, we'd been allowed to make a reservation. Our table would be a moneymaker.

Once seated, Karen commanded the ordering when the server came over.

"Two bottles of your best bubbly, four glasses, one sparkling water … and we're starving. Two of every appetizer on the menu should do us to start."

"My treat," Cindy said, waving her hands around, once the server left. I'd have to pick through what Karen had ordered, but I should be able to find enough to ease my evening hunger.

"Well … hello, dolls." Charlie—Charlotte squeezed in beside me. "Girl's night?"

"Liam said you were hosting and performing tonight," Mia said. "Couldn't miss it."

Charlotte swept some hair away from my face. We had stayed in contact after we ended whatever it was we'd been doing, going back to our previous relationship as friends.

No surprise. We made better friends than lovers.

Charlotte pinched my arm with her false nails. "How's my favourite doll?"

"Saying an absolute no to what you suggested."

Charlotte sighed and put her arm around my shoulders. "That makes me sad."

"Que?" Emily asked. "You suggested what?"

"I attempted to convince Liam to try drag," Charlotte replied. A collective squeal went up from the women, followed by waves of undecipherable words until Mia shushed them.

"I want to hear more," she said.

"Oh, Liam … do it." Karen clung to my arm. "You'd be gorgeous."

"Solid no. There's no chance I'm getting up there in drag to dance and lip sync."

Mia reached across the table and put her hand on mine. "You're an incredible dancer. Plus, you've seen enough drag shows, you know the moves already."

Charlotte winked at me. "Might have trouble tucking that monster of yours away."

I snorted out a laugh. "It would be fun to try but the answer is still no."

She frowned. "I was looking forward to beating your face."

I nudged Charlotte gently. "I'm not saying no to that for a bit of a laugh."

"Small victories." She looked toward the bar. "I've got to go. Starting soon."

The drag show was fabulous. Charlotte worked the room like the professional she was with a perfect blend of lude jokes, games, commentary, and sultry and energetic dance moves.

Imagining being on stage dressed in drag did nothing for me. The makeup interested me but not the rest of it. Having someone like Charlie to help me would be fun.

I was thankful we had retained our friendship.

I ended my night earlier than the girls. They would continue for hours more fueled by alcohol. I'd get the recap from Karen tomorrow. I took a cab back to Cindy's house where I had left my car and drove home with Jamal on my mind. The depths of his rich brown eyes at the coffee shop had heated an ember in me. I would be helpless to deny him if he decided to set me fully ablaze.

Thanksgiving dinner was made for the kind of plate arrangement Jamal and I shared. He didn't organize his food by calorie count, but he had made an impressive pinwheel of items.

I started eating at the braised carrot quadrant.

"Jamal says you're going to help the kids with using the gym equipment," Meera said.

I nodded. "Proper technique is important."

"You spend a lot of time at the gym?" David asked.

Jamal tipped his head as he gave David an incredulous look. "What do you think?"

"I'm there every day," I confirmed. Sometimes twice a day but I wasn't about to share that. "Plus, I go for a run early in the morning if I can." The only thing that would stop me—if I had been entertaining the night before. The kind of sex I had burned a lot of calories.

I'd been running every day.

"Jamal and I go for a run through different parks sometimes," David said.

I looked along my shoulder at Jamal. "Yeah?"

"I have a special chair. Kind of like a dirt bike."

"Cool." A wave of possibilities stirred my mind. "We should go some time."

"I'd love that."

I nearly hummed as I tucked back into my food. Finding more things Jamal and I could do together enthused me. I sensed there was very little that would hold Jamal back.

Out of consideration for my hosts, I finished everything on my plate. I even had a piece of pumpkin pie. Minus the whipped cream. There was no need to go crazy.

I was charged with collecting the used glassware and bringing it to the kitchen. Then I was commandeered. Meera nudged me as I started washing pots. "So … you and my brother."

My heart skipped, feeling like it missed a beat. "Me and your brother what?"

"You're getting close." The implication was obvious. I wondered if Jamal had said something to Meera about me. The level of intense eye contact at Ethan's coffee shop had been new.

"He's a great guy," I replied.

So much more than great.

"Any man would be lucky to have him."

I worked to clear my throat as my mind scrambled for a reply. "He deserves the best." And that wasn't me. Jamal deserved a guy who would shower him with unparalleled love.

I rolled my shoulders, reminding myself I wasn't designed for that kind of devotion.

Meera didn't drop any more hints.

I joined Jamal in his room after I finished helping with the dishes. He was sitting in his wheelchair at the edge of his bed. He'd queued up a movie we'd agreed to watch together.

"Liam, do you mind?" He touched his bed. "My shoulders are aching."

I approached him. "How do I move you?"

"Hook your arms around my waist. Lift me and hug me to your body. Give the wheelchair a shove, then set me on the bed near the headboard. I can take it from there."

For a brief second, I was concerned about hurting him. Then I remembered how muscular and robust his body had felt in my arms. I crouched and wrapped my arms around his waist. His arms were immediately around my neck, clinging to me. His breath fluttered past my cheek.

The urge to turn my head and kiss his skin was strong.

"Lift me," Jamal whispered against my ear.

Right.

I hoisted him against my body, chest to chest. He felt incredible in my arms. Strong and capable. There was nothing deficient about this man. I turned him toward the bed, pushed the wheelchair back, took a couple of steps along the mattress, and set him gently on the bedding.

Neither of us moved to separate.

Jamal gripped the back of my neck, his fingers playing with the hair at my nape. A tingle of exhilaration ran up my spine which lit the fire. It would soon be consuming me.

We lingered, our cheeks touching, his other hand on my shoulder. My hands sank onto his hips as our breathing quickened. I stroked my thumbs on his hipbones and wondered if he could feel it. I wanted to run my hands all over his body. Discover every inch of his sensitive skin.

I felt a crackle of sparks.

Intense heat built between us as we stayed connected, unwilling to part. My cock throbbed when Jamal shifted his head up and down, causing his stubble to run rough over mine.

It was too soon.

"Jamal," I managed, barely above a whisper.

"I know." His hands slipped free of me. He shuffled his torso closer to the headboard once I released his hips. He looked down at his legs, still hanging off the edge of the bed. He didn't need to say a word. I wasn't sure if he was testing me. I didn't care. Give me any reason to touch him again, and I would be all over it. One at a time, I lifted his legs onto the bed.

"Thank you, Liam."

This time instead of saying something stupid, I used the back of my fingers to stroke his cheek. He angled his head, chasing my touch. Within a matter of seconds, we'd moved firmly out of the friend zone. Every hesitation and excuse left me. As Jamal's eyes studied me, his emotion was plain. In those beautiful eyes of his, he saw someone who was good enough. Better than enough.

I was someone he could fall in love with.

"Come sit beside me," he said.

I was reluctant to end the contact with his skin, but I did as he asked.

Once I was seated at his side, he slipped his hand into mine. Our joined hands felt like the first block of an incredibly solid foundation. More significant than anything I'd ever experienced.

Chapter Eight | Jamal

I finished my clubhouse sandwich and tidied the crumbs off my desk. Noah had brought the food from his pub when he'd arrived earlier than usual. After dropping the sandwich off in my office, he'd gone to the gymnasium to wash the floor before kids started showing up after school.

His face was covered in a sheen of sweat when he came back into my office and took a seat in front of my desk. "Been meaning to do that for days."

"I appreciate you keeping it clean in there."

Noah leaned one elbow on the arm of the chair, his closed fist supporting his chin as he studied me. He had a glean of amusement in his eyes. "Amazing how much dirt they track in."

He was making me feel nervous. "Yup."

Crossing his arms, he smiled at me. "I want to hear your side of the story."

I swallowed. "What story?"

Noah chuckled. "Liam told me what happened … or almost happened."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "We had a moment. I thought he was going to kiss me."

"The report I got mentioned lots of tentative panting."

"Plenty of that." I touched my cheek where Liam had stroked my skin. "He was so gentle and unsure. It was breathtaking." I looked at Noah. "It was also terrifying."

"You're worried he's not serious?"

"You know him better than me. Would he do that to me? Treat me like an experiment."

"What do you think?"

My face flushed. I was embarrassed for even considering it. Liam was one of the most honest and genuine men I'd ever known. "I don't think that sweet man would hurt me like that."

"The fact you understand that about him means he's letting you in. That's something special. He doesn't do that with many people. He must trust you." Noah leaned on my desk. "And to set your mind further at ease, let me tell you something about Liam. If you were an experiment or a number, he would've tried to fuck you the first time you hung out. Liam doesn't play games."

My chest tightened. Crossing the line away from being simply friends meant we had embarked on a pathway toward intimacy. Liam had hesitated last night, giving us a moment to adjust.

We'd know when the time was right.

"Let's go and check on Ethan," I said and rolled away from my desk. We'd set him up in one of the empty rooms. A long list of youth had signed up for pottery classes with him.

I clutched Noah's arm as we stopped in the doorway of the room. Kyle was seated on a stool at the wheel, his hands on the clay as the wheel spun. Right behind him sat Ethan. His chest was against Kyle's back, his hands covering Kyle's to guide him in forming a bowl.

Kyle rarely let anyone touch him. Ethan had managed to win his trust in the short time since I'd led Kyle from the library to the pottery room for his lesson. There was a guarded look of concentration on Kyle's face as Ethan spoke softly in his ear, encouraging him.

"Your friends are amazing," I said to Noah.

"Yeah, I think I'll keep them in my life." He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I tried to put you off when it came to Liam. Not to give too much away … but he's different with you."

I needed to hear that. Spending time with Liam felt different for me too.

Ethan looked up at us and smiled. His expression was one of love for Noah. Liam came with a family not unlike mine. Noah had told me there had been concerns with Ethan and Daniel at first but in the end, they had supported Ethan fully. Now, Daniel had been folded into their unique family along with Brody. It might be a fantasy, but maybe someday I'd be welcomed too.

I rolled back to my office. Behind my desk, I gripped tightly to the rubber and cold metal of my wheels, then massaged my thighs. It soothed me that I could feel something.

Something. But I'd never be a completely responsive lover for Liam.

I closed my eyes.

Liam had caressed my hipbones with his thumbs with enough pressure that there had been a slight sensation. In time, he'd find the areas of my body where I had feeling.

A soft moan escaped my lips as my cock stirred.

I knew deep down he'd take his time with me.

Tonight was the Queerabilities meeting I'd been looking forward to all week. I had a topic I wanted to broach. A concern that had been on my mind ever since Liam and I shifted our relationship into something beyond friendship. When I closed my eyes, I could feel his hands on me. So tentative and affectionate. I'd never had anyone touch me like that—with such reverence.

I rolled my chair to be next to Warren.

"Haven't heard from you in a bit," he said.

Warren was never one to call me because of my unpredictable schedule at the centre. He had voice-to-texted me a couple of times. Our conversations had been brief. I had a lot on my mind.

I hadn't shared any of it with him.

He was going to find out tonight during the meeting. Might as well tell him now.

"I've had Liam on my mind," I replied. "Our relationship has changed."

"You caved?"

"It became impossible to deny what I was feeling. I took a chance that he was there too. I had him lift me onto my bed. The pull between us as he held me was stunning. The emotional tension was incredible … final breath and heart-stealing vibes. I've never felt anything like it."

"Not even your ex … Richard?"

I'd been agonizing over that. I had loved Richard, but during our years together, I'd been unaware a craving for someone could be so much more intense.

"It's different." I couldn't quantify the unprecedented emotion more than that.

"Okay, everyone." The coordinator, Grant, caught our attention. "Let's begin."

A woman in a motorized wheelchair who often came with her caregiver raised her hand.

"Yes, Lorraine," Grant said.

"Has anyone tried to go to the Lace and Lady Fingers tea shop?"

"The new place on Menzies?" someone replied.

"Yes. They're completely inaccessible for me," Lorraine said. "I spoke to the owner."

"How did that go?" Grant asked.

"He's going to have someone smooth out the lip at the doorway."

"That's a good result," I said even though I didn't have a problem navigating lips and ledges like Lorraine did with her much heavier chair. My arms were strong enough, and my wheelchair light enough that I could manage some inconveniences. I worked out every day to keep as independently mobile as possible, but I knew there'd come a day when I'd struggle because of age.

It was a concern that I'd been thinking of addressing.

"Anyone else?" Grant asked.

I raised my hand. "I have some intimacy concerns. I've met someone and I think we're headed that way. The last time I was intimate was with my partner of many years soon after my accident. It didn't go well but that was because we had memories of what it used to be like."

"Is this person disabled?" Grant asked.

"No. Far from it."

"You're afraid you'll turn him off?" Warren asked.

"That is definitely a concern."

"Has he shown that the paralysis is an issue?" Lorraine asked.

"I don't feel like he's treated me differently than he would anyone able-bodied."

"Do you trust him?" Warren asked.

"I'm headed that way. I just don't know what to expect."

I looked around the gathered crowd. Maybe this was too personal. But I'd known most of these people for years. Intimacy was not a new concern among us.

"I'm a top," I said. "I think he might be too."

"That's a whole other issue," Lorraine replied. "You're going to need to work that out in bed. Or maybe have a conversation beforehand … about all of it. What you can do and what you can't."

Lorraine was right but when was I going to drop that bundle of information? Get ahead of it or wait until we were about to have sex. Either way, the topic was going to be difficult to tackle.

"Thanks, everyone," I said as I looked down at my hands folded in my lap.

The meeting passed with the usual and a particularly lively conversation about rude people on the bus who wouldn't give up their seats or move sufficiently to accommodate wheelchairs and scooters. I was lucky I could drive a car. Public transport sounded like a nightmare.

We were breaking up when Grant approached me.

"I have some pamphlets about intimacy," he said and grabbed a folded piece of pink paper from the table covered in pamphlets. He handed it to me. "Maybe this will help."

I exhaled, frustrated. I knew the pamphlet wouldn't include anything to do with gay sex. I couldn't even find anything on the internet. Richard and I had figured out the mechanics of what worked to give me the ability to penetrate him. It had been an awkward experience.

I thanked Grant, rolled out of the building, and got myself into my car. Liam was going to need to be extremely patient with me. We needed to have a conversation before anything happened between us. He could decide at that point if he wanted to move forward with me.

Sex was a big deal in his world.

Would I be enough for him?

I picked up and set down my phone on my bed multiple times before I worked up the nerve to phone Liam. I wasn't prepared to have the sex talk but there were other things on my mind.

He answered after three rings.

"Jamal … hey. I was just thinking about you." Shivers ran up my spine. His voice sounded smooth and sultry. Whatever thoughts he'd been having … he'd been enjoying them.

"Me too … that's why I called." Obviously. God, I sounded like an idiot. "I thought we should talk about what happened in my bedroom Monday night."

Liam emitted what sounded like a purr. "Yeah, it's been on my mind."

How did I dive into this? I adjusted the pillow behind my back and leaned against it. "Was it all right what I did? Asking you to lift me. Did I push when I shouldn't have?"

"No, it was perfect. Unexpected … but perfect. Full disclosure, though. I'd made a promise to myself to stay in the friend zone with you. I wasn't planning on breaking that."

"Same."

"What happened?" he asked.

"We happened."

Liam chuckled. "That's one way of putting it."

He sounded pleased with the way things had unfolded. How far did we want to take this connection we'd made? There were things we needed to sort out. "I have concerns."

"I'm not surprised."

I frowned. Was that Liam being self-deprecating? I hoped not.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean I have no idea what a romantic relationship is supposed to look like. My upbringing didn't give me many examples. The only point of reference I have is with Noah and Ethan. And to be honest, Ethan and Daniel's situation … I don't quite understand their relationship."

"But that's what you're looking for … a romantic relationship?"

Liam was silent for a few seconds, then his voice was quiet. "Isn't that what you want?"

God, the uncertainty in his voice just about broke my heart.

This was going to be hard, but it was the truth. "Yes, but I'm worried I won't be enough. That a potential partner will become frustrated with my inability to do everyday things."

"The guy would have to be an asshole to back away from you because of that."

An easy answer until you found yourself in that place.

"My life is challenging."

"Everyone's life is challenging in some way. Yours is just more visible."

"Okay. About that. Won't people wonder why you're with me?" Might as well recognize we were talking about us in particular. "People might think you've taken me on as a charity case."

"Jeezus, Jamal, I'd punch anyone who said that about you." Liam sighed. "Other people don't matter. When we spend time together, I come away feeling better about my life. Hopeful even. You've opened something inside me. I want to be my best with you."

Such beautiful words. My heart pattered in my chest.

"I've felt that too."

"You're not worried about my past?"

"What do you mean? The hookups?"

"All of it. Men pick me up because of my body. They don't give my mind a second look. I'm convinced people think I'm not capable of deeper emotions."

"I don't believe that. Neither do your friends. We all know you're more than your body."

"There have been times when I wanted more from a guy."

"And you never chased up that feeling?"

"I was too scared of being rejected. It was easier to continue playing the part of a toy."

Beautiful, sweet man.

"I'll never treat you like a toy, Liam."

He took a few moments. "I know you wouldn't."

We had just put a lot of baggage on the table. It seemed we were both worried we wouldn't be good enough for one another. A fucked-up thing to have in common.

It was a lot to take in.

It was time to change the subject.

"Ethan is doing fabulous at the centre. He succeeded in getting Kyle, our boy on the spectrum, to partake in making pottery. It was beautiful to watch them together."

"Brody will be excited to hear that. He has a special place in his heart for that young man."

"I'm sure Noah told him, but I'll give Brody a call."

"He'll enjoy hearing it straight from you."

On to other matters. "Your police record check came back. An interesting charge but no convictions. Ethan explained to me what happened the night you were arrested."

"Will I be allowed to volunteer at the centre?"

"Yeah. We've all had too much to drink."

"When should I come in?"

"I wouldn't say no to seeing you tomorrow."

"For the kids." I could sense him smiling through the phone.

I laughed softly. "Yeah, let's go with that."

"I'll be there."

I smiled. "I'll be waiting for you." The flirting felt good.

Taking a chance with this man felt even better.

Chapter Nine | Liam

It was my second run of the day. I started at my apartment in James Bay, headed for Cook Street Village where the youth centre was located. It was a short run, but I worked up a sweat.

I jogged through the front doors and toward Jamal's office.

He bit his bottom lip and smiled, fire in his eyes as I walked through the door.

"Did you run here?"

"I needed to stretch my legs."

He made an appreciative survey of my bare legs. I'd nearly worn the sexiest shorts in my drawer. The ones with cuts right up to my waist, showing off the entirety of my muscular thighs.

Reason.

I liked how the colour of Jamal's cheeks darkened when he blushed. But I was working with the youth today, so I hadn't worn them. I had to look respectable.

"You're all sweaty," he said, his chest rising and falling as he dragged in ragged breaths. My presence was affecting him. I decided to have fun with him. I circled his desk, standing next to him, and rested my ass against the lip. "Is that a problem?"

Jamal swallowed. "God, no."

Driven by his obvious desire, I lifted my arms above my head, exposing the hair under my arms. I smirked as I stretched my muscles out.

Jamal gripped the edge of his desk. "Jeezus, Liam."

I lowered my arms and smiled at him. "I'm all warmed up to work in the weight room."

"Give me a second to recover then I'll take you down there." He clutched his chest dramatically and closed his eyes to tease me. He wasn't the least bit shy around my antics.

It felt good.

He opened his eyes. "Okay. Follow me."

We made our way down the hallway past several classrooms with a few youths in each. What smelled like pasta and cheese sauce wafted out of one of them.

The weight room was at the end of the hall.

"Get set up and I'll go grab some of the kids who are interested," Jamal said and left me to look around. The equipment was rudimentary, but it would work fine for beginners. The main thing is there was a good assortment of free weights. We could do a lot with those.

Mumbling voices coming down the hall became clearer as some youths approached the door. They hesitated and then one of the kids took the initiative and wandered into the room.

Three in all. It was a good start.

"Hey, I'm Liam. I'm a friend of Noah's." I knew that would get me brownie points. Noah often shared stories of being at the centre. I knew the kids here loved him.

"Are you Noah's boyfriend?" A short teenager with a t-shirt displaying the word butch asked.

"No, we're just friends. Known him since high school." I sat on the workout bench. "My pronouns are he/him. Do you mind introducing yourselves?"

"Angel," the self-proclaimed butch replied. "I answer to she/her."

"Nice to meet you, Angel. What are your goals?"

She smirked. "Need some muscle definition to draw in the girls."

"I like it. That's an achievable goal." I looked at the next teen.

"Avery. They/them." They looked down at their feet. "I think." They ground their toe into the flooring. "I want to be able to defend myself against bullies."

"As well as the weightlifting, I have other techniques I can share with you." I had far too much experience in the world of getting beat up in the playground or when walking home.

The third teen, the one first in the room, stepped forward. "Name is Lucas. I want to be able to pass as a guy. I want to look like you. Attract the women. He/him."

"As long as you're realistic. It took me years to look like this." I'd take Lucas aside and ask him if he was on hormones. It looked like he was. He was probably at least nineteen and was already filled out through his chest. He'd be pleased with the results he'd start to see within weeks.

"I'll start you one at a time. Avery, we'll work with free weights first. You have a small frame, so we'll start you out light. I'm assuming you're mainly looking for strength."

Avery nodded. I guided them through a series of exercises and set them to it. "Lucas, I need you on the treadmill first. I'm going to be working you a little harder. You need to be warmed up."

I started him at a casual pace with a slight incline. I'd come back and speed him up.

"Are you on hormones?" I asked quietly.

"I am now. Started puberty blockers when I was thirteen."

"Your body is going to respond well."

Lucas grinned at me. "Good."

I went back for Angel. "Let's start you with some leg curls. Give you some good muscle for chasing after those girls." She didn't look convinced but took my instruction and started in.

With all three of them working, I made my rounds, checking on each one. I added to their workout, showing them more exercises and how to use the equipment. Avery and Angel finished much sooner than Lucas. His body needed a bit more exertion to push him.

By the time we finished, I felt pretty good about the knowledge I'd passed on. Jamal wanted me to come in twice a week to initiate new students and check in on those I'd already seen.

I found Jamal in the gymnasium shooting hoops with a few kids.

He saw me, passed the ball to someone, and rolled my way.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"The kids listened well. I'll have them set up with a routine in no time." I set my hand on Jamal's shoulder and discreetly massaged it. "I enjoyed spending time with them."

"I knew you would." Jamal lifted his hand and placed it on mine, securing me from withdrawing. He brushed his thumb up and down my fingers. It was such a simple connection, but it held so much meaning. We were both setting our fear aside to embrace the unknown.

"I need to go home and shower before work," I said.

"That's a crying shame."

I laughed and squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sweaty a lot. You'll have your chance."

Jamal groaned and patted my hand. "Go … but can you come for dinner tomorrow?"

"Your family not sick of me?"

"My family loves you. Mamma and Meera are particularly smitten."

"Then I'll be there." It was exciting to be asked to join Jamal's family for dinner again. I'd enjoyed the warmth flowing around their dinner table. And they'd included me in that.

"Dinner is at six," Jamal said.

"Is it all right if I come a little earlier to help in the kitchen? Would I be in the way?"

"Mamma is not going to be able to stop talking about you if you do." He wheeled in an arc, so he was facing me. "Passing down her recipes is one of her favourite things."

"Then I'll be there at five?"

It felt amazing to know I'd be welcomed. Made me feel like I was a part of their family. I wanted that. They were an extension of Jamal, and that made them special. Explained so much about Jamal, the warmth. I wanted to burrow into his embrace and never emerge. He felt like the warm sweater I'd been searching for my entire life. All cozy and colourful—and familiar.

"I'll have Mamma save you an apron."

I wanted to lean down and kiss him, but we hadn't gone there yet. I didn't want our first kiss to be in a public place. I wanted to take my time with him.

"See you tomorrow." I winked at him. "Unfortunately, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to be all sweaty. We'll have to save that for another time."

Jamal grinned at me. "Gonna hold you to that."

I was still chuckling as I set out to run home. It didn't take me long. A quick shower and I was off to work. It was a busy night, but not busy enough to keep Jamal off my mind.

"What are you smirking about?" Noah nudged me.

"Going to Jamal's for dinner tomorrow night."

"And that has you smirking?"

"I'm going to ask if I can kiss him."

"Wow … you are going slow."

"I don't want to mess this up."

Noah clapped his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you for taking a risk."

"I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try for more with Jamal." That was the absolute truth. Denying my longing to be with Jamal would be like avoiding a turn down an intriguing laneway and missing out on discovering what beauty lay along it. I wanted to drive slowly. See everything.

His brow dipped. "You're really taken with him, aren't you?"

"I'm desperate to find out how much."

"Have you given the paralysis any more thought?"

"It's something we'll have to talk about eventually, but right now, I'm more interested in what's going on inside him. That's where our connection is going to be made."

Noah smiled. "It's like you've grown up in front of my eyes."

"Fuck off. I was always in here. Just hadn't found someone who could draw me out."

"I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

We didn't speak about Jamal again until Noah and I were locking up.

"How are you getting along with his family?" he asked as he turned the key.

"I'm helping cook tomorrow night."

Noah's eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"You know I love cooking. I asked if I could help. I'd love to learn to cook some new things. Plus, it'll allow me to get to know his mamma and dadi better."

"You're fitting in."

I smiled. "Jamal says they love me."

Noah pounded my shoulder. "You're very loveable, Liam. I'm glad they see that. Have fun with them. And let me know how the kiss goes. I'll be looking for details."

"Not sure I'm going to want to share. What we're doing seems almost sacred."

Noah shook his head. "Who knew you were such a romantic."

I exhaled. "He brings it out in me." Jamal brought out so many emotions in me. I wanted to experience them to the fullest. Even the scary ones. The ones that made me think outside myself.

The following night, I was at Jamal's at exactly five o'clock.

Zahir opened the door. "Hey, Liam, come on in." He stepped back and let me in. "Chachi says you're helping her cook." I must have looked puzzled. "My father's brother's wife."

Another new word to store. I followed Zahir up the stairs and into the kitchen. Jamal's mom, Laila, was immediately on me, holding my face in both hands.

"Such a beautiful man come to help us."

"I'm excited to learn something new." I accepted an apron from Jamal's dadi.

"I'm going to teach you how to make naan," Dadi said. "We would have started it earlier, but dinner can be a little late. It'll give the Tikka Masala longer to cook."

"Where do I begin?"

Laila handed me a worn and stained recipe card and pointed me toward a glass bowl alongside an assortment of ingredients. "Start with the dry stuff."

That I knew. I mixed the flour, yeast, sugar, anise seeds, and salt.

"Liquids next, Laila?"

"Oh, sweet boy … call me Mamma." She patted my face affectionately. My heart fluttered. I'd never called anyone Mamma … or Momma, Mommy, or even Mom.

"Yes, liquids," she said. "You can use warm water from the tap." I had to take a second to keep my eyes from misting over. I took a deep breath and read the recipe card.

Yogurt, olive oil, and warm water whisked together, then added to the dry. I retrieved a fork from a drawer. I remembered where they were kept from when I'd helped with dishes. Once I had the dough sticking together, I floured my hands and kneaded it into a sticky ball.

Dadi handed me a sheet of plastic wrap to cover it.

"Put it on the top of the fridge," Mamma said. "You can check it in an hour."

I placed the bowl on the warm surface, washed my hands, and set an alarm on my phone to go off in one hour. "Is Jamal here?" I asked both women.

"He's in his room," Mamma said. "He'll be happy to see you survived us."

I looked over my shoulder as I left the kitchen. "I'll be back in an hour." I was curious what cooking the naan would look like. The dough reminded me a bit of bannock.

I tapped on Jamal's door and waited for what sounded like come in. I walked in on Jamal lying on his bed changing his clothes. He had folded one set and was prepared to put on the other.

I smiled. He was wearing the cutest colourful briefs.

And nothing else but his socks.

His legs looked different than I thought they would. They were atrophied, but he still had some muscle tone in his thighs. His knees looked bulkier than they should, and his shins covered in thick black hair were prominently thin. His feet looked oversized in comparison.

"Liam!" He was staring at me.

Shit.

"Was I not supposed to come in? I thought I heard you say come in."

Idiot.

"I said just a sec." Lying on his back, Jamal maneuvered his feet into the pantlegs of his jeans and hauled them up to his hips. He turned back and forth as he pulled them the rest of the way up.

The colour of his face was darkened, flushed for all the wrong reasons.

"I'm sorry," I said and placed my hand on his arm to stop him from frantically trying to zip and button his pants. "I shouldn't have stayed once I saw you were changing."

Jamal covered his eyes with his hand. "I didn't want you to see me like that."

Oh, beautiful man.

He had no idea how I felt about him. I released his arm and cradled his face in my palm. He moved his hand from covering his eyes and looked up at me.

"Do you want to know what I see?" I brushed my thumb across his skin. "I see a man who is so brave and dedicated that I'm often left breathless, I am so in awe of you."

"Liam," Jamal croaked then blinked a few times, displacing a gathering of tears. "You have no idea how difficult this is going to be for me … for us."

"And you have no idea how much you are underestimating me."

"You're not frightened by what you saw?"

"I told you what I saw."

"Liam … how … why?"

I sat on the edge of the bed and tucked in tightly against his hip, one hand still on his face, the other beside his bare shoulder. The mattress compressed as I leaned forward, staring down at him.

"I'm going to kiss you, and you are not going to argue with me about it."

His mouth popped open, delicate and wordless, his eyelashes flitting, pupils blown, inviting me to explore their sultry depths. His tongue darted out to wet his pink lips.

It was the acknowledgment I needed.

I caressed my lips onto his, so soft and warm, our hot breath heating the lessening space between us. It was the most delicate, tentative kiss I'd ever given anyone.

Jamal moaned and ran his hands into my hair. I moved my hand from his face to the back of his neck and let the heat in my core completely consume me. A similar spark lit up Jamal. Our kiss morphed from soft and careful to frantic and hungry, an ebb and flow of attack and retreat.

Jamal moved his hand onto my side and shoved me toward his centre. I interpreted the demand and shifted my body until I was on top of him. He broke from our runaway kiss.

"Just be careful of my legs," he whispered against my lips.

I moved my legs to be on either side of his. "Is that good?"

"Perfect." He stroked my cheek then encouraged me back to lose ourselves in a desperation I'd hoped and dreamed would be there. An urgency that meant this was real.

I undulated my hips, my hard cock thrusting against him.

I felt firmness growing beneath me.

I stopped kissing Jamal, my mind screeching to a halt, and looked down at him.

"Are you getting hard?" It was a stupid question. Of course, he was getting hard. I could feel his thickening cock … I just didn't understand it. Hadn't anticipated it.

He held my face in both hands.

His brow furrowed. "You didn't think I could?"

The truth was, "No. I thought you wouldn't be able to."

I could see tears begin to pool in his eyes. "And yet you kissed me anyway?" He sucked in a shuddering breath and held my face tightly, brushing his thumbs up and down over my cheekbones, his eyes wide. "You decided to date me, believing I wouldn't be able to participate fully in sex?"

"Jamal … you're so much more than your cock. Of course, I want to date you."

His eyes could no longer contain the tears. They streamed down his cheeks and into his ears. I'd stunned him. And he'd left me feeling as if he didn't quite understand me.

He must have read my face.

"I'm sorry," Jamal said. "I'm an asshole for thinking it would matter to you." He ducked his gaze away. "There are differences, though. The main one being it takes my cock a long time."

Not a problem.

"I'm going to appreciate being able to take my time with you." I brushed some hair off his forehead. "I want to meet you where you are … always. You've become so precious to me."

"Fuck, Liam." Jamal jammed his fingers into the hair at my nape and hauled me back onto his lips. Eventually, we had to slow things down. I still had naan to cook.

After dinner, my naan a hit, we went back to Jamal's room where we lay on the bed and intertwined our bodies, holding one another.

He fit perfectly in my arms.

Chapter Ten | Jamal

It had been so long since I'd been embraced like Liam was holding me. Richard had been the last and that had been almost two years ago. I tucked my face against Liam's cheek, thrilled by the feel of his bristles on my skin. His muscular shoulder made for a hard pillow—but I didn't care.

I traced my fingers up and down his shirt.

"My birth mother was fifteen when she had me," Liam said. I stopped trailing my fingers and then started again. "My birth father wanted nothing to do with us. Erik was about to graduate high school and had plans to leave town and attend university. A girlfriend and kid didn't play into it."

I decided to stay silent and let him talk.

"Freya tried the single mother thing for a while, but I was cramping her style. She kept me until she was nineteen, then gave me up. Put me in foster care."

I hugged Liam's chest tighter to me. If I could move my legs, I would've tossed one over his thighs to pull him to me. He was sharing some painful things with me.

I felt honoured.

"I wasn't old enough to forget her. No matter how much I wanted to. Her face haunted me." Liam sighed. "I never stayed long in any one home. They weren't happy households. Divorce, verbal abuse, and general lack of attention. I was unlucky in where I was placed."

I tipped my head up and kissed Liam's cheek.

He hummed and wrapped me snugger in his arms.

"I didn't look for my birth parents until I was in my late 20s. Just wasn't ready. It floored me a little when I discovered they both had families with children not much younger than me."

"And you connected with them?"

"I showed up at Freya's house in Calgary one afternoon. Hadn't meant to without calling her first. Just hopped on a damned plane on impulse. She assumed I was her daughter's new boyfriend. When I told her who I was, she became overly excited."

"Overly excited?"

"She couldn't get over how gorgeous her son was. She made me feel like an object. It wasn't the warm and fuzzy reunion I had imagined. Never changed. Months later, when I told her I was gay, I thought for sure she was going to work herself up into a rapture, she was so thrilled."

My gut clenched. His mother hadn't taken the time to get to know him. She was clueless about what she was passing up. Liam was so much more than his outward beauty.

"Do you see her often?"

"Every couple of months she's in town for a conference. She's an administrative manager in a major grocery store chain. She makes sure we meet somewhere she can show me off."

Fuck, that's repulsive.

"And your birth father?"

"I rarely see him. Maybe twice a year. I'm a bit of a failure in his eyes. Being gay doesn't help. He doesn't agree with my lifestyle."

"He's an idiot. I'm endlessly thrilled you're gay."

I pushed up on my elbow, gazed down into Liam's eyes, and kissed him. We became lost, uncovering threads of increasing trust as our lips met. I'd never felt this connected with anyone.

I closed my eyes as I lay my head on his chest.

"You are so special," Liam whispered against my hair. "I'm a lucky guy."

Sleep was about to haul me under … I felt so safe in his arms.

"You too," I managed. "I'm lucky too." I yawned and clutched his arm.

Liam stroked my hair. "Sleep, beautiful man."

I smiled.

And that's the last thing I remember.

When I opened my eyes, it was bright in my room. I panicked for a second when Liam mumbled something beside me. I don't think either of us intended for him to stay overnight.

I wanted to cuddle against him, infuse myself in his scent and warmth, but I felt stiff. I needed to start my day. I'd fallen asleep in my clothes. That was going to make things difficult.

I started with the water bottle I kept filled and on my bedside table. I needed to drink the whole thing. Dehydration was my enemy. It was tough to get down, but I finished all the water along with taking my supplements, blood thinner, and pain medication.

I looked over at Liam. He was sound asleep. I squirmed out of my jeans and started my morning exercises. I needed to keep my legs from tightening. I needed to stay limber.

I lay flat after I finished.

The next step in my daily routine wasn't going to happen with Liam in my bed. I'd have to forego the suppository until some time later in the day. I sat up, transferred into my chair, and headed for the bathroom, collected my catheter supplies, and dealt with my bladder.

Liam had used the bathroom last night before we retreated to the bed. He would've seen all my equipment. Been forced to urinate past my attached, padded toilet seat. He'd still taken me to bed and held me. And shared his childhood with me. That wasn't a man who was running away.

When I rolled into the bedroom, Liam lifted his head off his pillow and looked at me. His hair was a wild mess. Blond strands creating a riotous halo around his head.

A piece of my heart succeeded in breaking free and going to him.

"I didn't mean to have a sleepover," Liam said.

"I'm not averse to having a sweet and gorgeous man wake up in my bed."

"Sweet huh."

"You're like saltwater taffy."

"Fun and addictive to suck on?"

I snorted out a laugh. "Something like that."

Liam peered over the bed at my legs. "You lost your pants."

"Couldn't do my exercises with them on."

"Does that mean you're coming back to bed? I'm not ready to get up yet."

"I'd love to, but I'd end up squirming around. What do you want for breakfast?"

Liam sat up. "Shit … I didn't think about that. Your family is going to know I stayed."

I laughed. "They're not stupid. I'm sure they've already figured out something is going on between us. We haven't exactly been subtle. The looks alone are huge clues."

"We have looks?"

"Yeah, you just about stop my heart every time our eyes meet."

"Yum … to quote Ethan." He lay back down. "I feel that too."

"So, we're not hiding?"

Liam crawled to the edge of the bed and motioned for me to lean forward. He stretched up and kissed me. "No. We are not hiding. In fact, I'd like to do couple-stuff today."

I held his hand. "What do you have in mind?"

Liam pursed his lips and furrowed his brow in thought.

"Petting zoo," he announced.

I grinned. "I haven't been there in years." It wasn't far from my home. Richard and I used to go to Beacon Hill Park to see the animals and walk through the gardens.

Liam sat on the side of the mattress. "We can play with the cute goats."

"Did you know goats were being herded by humans 9000 years ago?"

"Poor goats." Liam held my chin and pulled my bottom lip down with his thumb. "Anything else you want to tell me about goats, or can I kiss you again?"

I brushed my hand up along his thigh. "Suddenly, my random fact generator is broken."

"Good."

His mouth closed over mine, his tongue tickling my lips. I wouldn't dream of not letting him in. It was a seductive dance that unfolded. I wished for the ability to stand and push him back on the bed. To climb onto him and straddle his hips. Ravish and dismantle him.

We laughed against each other's lips when someone knocked on my door.

"Jamal?" It was Meera.

"Busy!" I shouted.

"Liam's car is still outside."

Liam snickered, making us both giggle. "That's why I'm busy."

"Jamal, do you have a boy in your room?" Meera's voice sounded closer as though she'd stuck her mouth right at the jamb. "Make sure you use protection. Wouldn't want Liam to get pregnant."

I felt my whole face flush.

"Oh, my god, Meera! Go away!"

Her light laughter drifted away from the door.

"Sometimes, living with family has its downsides," I said.

"So … with that in mind … stop by Ethan's coffee shop and grab something for breakfast?"

"You read my mind. My family can interrogate us some other time."

I transferred back onto the bed and pulled on my jeans while Liam went into the bathroom. He had the water running. "There are spare toothbrushes in the cabinet beside the toilet."

"Thanks." The sound of cellophane then the small door banged shut. "Found them."

I pulled on my slip-on shoes, transferred back into my chair, and collected my bag I carried with me with a few supplies for when I was out. I was ready when Liam emerged.

Be still my heart.

The smile he bestowed on me would win a competition to outshine the sun itself.

"Are we going to walk and roll there?" Liam asked, his smile ticking up into a cheeky grin.

Oh. My. God.

I erupted in laughter. "You are so fucking cheesy." I rolled toward the door, turned the handle, and used a fabric pull to open it. "Yes, we'll walk. There's no point driving that distance."

Once we were out on the sidewalk, Liam kept pace with me. To his credit, he didn't ask to push me. I decided it might be fun. "How fast do you think this chair can go?"

He caught on quickly. "Depends on who's powering it." He winked at me, leapt behind my wheelchair, and held the handles.

He leaned forward. "You ready?" he whispered next to my ear.

"Just don't dump me on my head."

"No promises. Hang on!"

And we were off, flying down the sidewalk at top speed, as fast as Liam's legs could propel us. Thank God it was a smooth sidewalk. The tiniest bump would land us in a heap.

Throwing caution to the wind, I pressed my back against the chair and flung my arms out to both sides, the wind whistling past my fingertips. Liam started howling first but I soon joined him. Like a couple of crazed lunatics—we flew down the street, howling, and screeching with laughter.

Liam only slowed when we reached a street to cross.

It had been forever since I'd felt this uninhibited.

As we waited for the walk signal, Liam swooped around beside me and set a fun, smacking kiss on my lips. He was panting against my cheek when he kissed it too.

I reached back and gripped his hand on the handle of my wheelchair. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head as we crossed the street and headed into the park without speeding.

I loved that he seemed to love kissing me.

When we went through the gates of the Beacon Hill Children's Farm, the first thing we saw were a couple of majestic male peacocks, their colourful plumes sweeping the ground as they sat atop a high fence. The sheep, donkeys, pigs, and alpacas were next. Then the birds in the aviary.

But the highlight were the miniature goats. They were adorable. Liam wheeled me into the enclosure. They crowded around us, curious about my chair and nibbling on our fingers. In the spring, baby goats would be leaping all around the space. We'd have to come again for that.

I reached back for Liam to come closer. He squatted behind me and put his chin on my shoulder. I was thinking months ahead. I never did that anymore, other than for the centre.

Never with my personal life.

Liam took a picture of us—him kissing my cheek. He kept his phone in my sight as he posted it on his most popular social media account. My stomach filled with a crazy fluttering eruption. He'd just announced to his entire following that he was seeing someone. And that someone was me. He hadn't even cared that the handles of my wheelchair had been visible in the picture.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

More than all right.

"Yeah. This is nice. Being here in this park with you."

He squeezed my shoulder. "And here it comes—"

I snorted. "Did you know Beacon Hill Park is 200 acres?"

"I'm not pushing you all over a park that size. I mean I have incredible stamina, but I usually reserve it for more salacious activities." He kissed my shoulder.

"You're a tease."

"Guilty." Liam rose to his feet. "Breakfast? My stomach is complaining."

"Sure, let's go."

Once we were out of the petting zoo, Liam backed off and let me propel my wheelchair. We took our time, making our way to Ethan's coffee shop. Liam stayed at my side.

"I'll never walk again." It had to have been on Liam's mind at some point. "I have a lumbar spinal cord injury to the L1 and L2 spinal cord segments. I have some feeling in my legs, and they have some movement, but not enough to ever be able to use them to get around."

Liam set his hand on my back.

"I can't imagine not being able to go for a run."

"I miss running. It's been an overwhelming adjustment. I was so active before the accident."

"There's still a lot we can do together."

I stopped rolling and looked up at him. "I don't want to hold you back."

"Why would you think that would happen?"

"Because there are going to be things I can't do. Places you want to go that aren't accessible to me. It's why I've been reluctant to get into a relationship. Resentments might end up growing."

"I can't imagine feeling that way with you. We'll find our groove. Just give it time."

"Are you always this confident?"

"Only when it comes to you. We're building something I feel sure about." He stroked my arm. "Otherwise, I'm overcome by persistent anxiety and certainties of inadequacy."

He had kept the last part of that statement light and tried to be cheeky about it, but I knew he struggled hour by hour every single day with those things.

"Liam." I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. "It doesn't work both ways. Believe the first one, the confidence, because that's what I see when I look at you. A man confident in his kindness, sticky sweetness, humour, and love for his friends. That's the man I see."

Liam grinned at me. "And breathtaking?"

I laughed. "Yes, you're pretty to look at too."

We started moving again. We had another three blocks to go until we could treat ourselves to a couple of coffees and some of Ethan's baked goods.

"Your sister always been like that?" Liam asked.

"A pain in my ass? Yes."

"Younger?"

"By three years. She just turned thirty."

"You're younger than me. I'll be turning the big three-seven next."

"Mm … I've found myself a sugar daddy."

Liam laughed. "Hardly. I barely scrape by with my bartender wages."

"You told my dad you might consider going back to school."

"I don't know. I wouldn't be able to attend for more than two years. Working and going to school would be brutal for longer than that. Even with a suitable degree, it might be better hours … but it would be the same pay as I make now. Doesn't seem worth it."

"You might enjoy it more. You could work with kids."

"That's the only thing that could sway me. I love hanging with my noodles."

"Noodles?"

"Rowan and Quinn."

That's adorable.

"You like being their guncle." That was a statement, not a question.

"Makes me wonder about life."

"Kids?"

Liam looked over at me. "Do you ever think about it?"

There were a couple of truths that pertained to that question. "Richard and I were going to have children. Two. Genetically from each of us. But then the accident happened."

"You had to shelve the dream."

I nodded. "Our focus was on my rehabilitation."

"And now?"

The second truth. "I'm scared to raise kids from the confines of a wheelchair."

"You don't think you're capable? I think you'd make an amazing dad … pappa."

"I'd need the right partner." I punched the wheelchair button to open the door of the coffee shop and rolled inside. As we waited in line, Liam stood behind me and kept his gentle hands on my shoulders as if I might disappear if he broke contact with me. He caressed them as we ordered.

He was a constant presence.

I could imagine him being there for the next fifty years.

If my past didn't ruin everything.

I'd need to tell him eventually.

Chapter Eleven | Liam

It was Sunday night, and I hadn't seen Jamal for days. He was ever present in my mind. We'd had an amazing day going to the park, the warm fuzzies starting with waking up in his bed.

I filled my glass with ice water and took my seat in the snug with the other guys. It was the Salish Sea Society meeting night, and for once, I was going to share first.

"I have news," I said.

"That's Ethan's line," replied Owen.

"I'm curious about this news," Noah added. "Someone hasn't shared with me yet."

"Processing," I responded. "I'm ready now."

"Spill," Ethan said.

"The path of friendship Jamal and I were on veered off in a different direction."

Owen set his glass down. "You're not serious. Are you in a relationship?"

"I posted a picture of us on social media."

"How did I miss that?" Ethan lifted his phone and started typing. He looked up at me when he found what he was looking for. "Aw. You two are so cute together."

"I stayed over at his house a few nights ago."

Noah's eyebrows rose. "Don't go into detail, but how did that go?"

"We didn't have sex. Just lots of kissing and cuddling."

"And how did that feel?" Ethan asked. "Taking it slow."

"Refreshing." I looked down at the table. "I think I may have found my person."

"Too soon to tell," Owen said, attempting to reign me in. But spending time with Jamal felt as natural as breathing. He'd uncovered what was once a path choked by self-obsession undergrowth and through his acceptance of the inner me, encouraged me to start clearing it.

"We're enjoying one another. We'll see where it goes."

"I'm happy for you both," Noah said.

"Me too," Ethan added.

"Even Liam is somehow finding love—" Owen sighed. "I'm destined to be alone."

I sat up straighter. "Chad was asking about you."

"So?" Owen frowned at me. "Probably looking for more ammunition." He tipped his head. "Thanks for that by the way, Liam. Saying he gets under my skin. He hasn't let me forget it."

"Sorry about that."

"I'm not sure how his husband puts up with him," Owen said. "The guy is such a prick."

"Me thinks doth protest too much," Ethan responded, grinning.

Owen waved his hand at him. "Fuck off."

"Have you met his husband?" Noah asked.

"Briefly. He's a petite nerdy-looking twink. Thick glasses. Very serious. Femme pretty. Big doe eyes and pouty crimson lips. He was wearing a pleated skirt. Can't be more than twenty-four."

"So, you barely noticed him," I teased.

"I admit … I thought he was hot."

"Does that mean you're jealous of Chad as well as hating him?" Ethan asked.

Owen sighed. "Maybe a little."

"Do you think they might be open?" Noah asked.

Owen coughed, spitting out some of his ale onto the table. He glared at Noah. "My entire brain cannot believe you just suggested I fuck Chad's husband."

"He's probably a bottom anyway," Ethan said not helping in the least.

I smirked. "Or maybe he's a blouse … a complete femme power top."

"I'm shutting this down," Owen said and looked at Ethan. "What have you been getting up to? And I'm not talking about the latest place you and Daniel have had sex."

Ethan practically bounced in his seat. "Carlos is doing an entire book featuring me."

That perked me up. "That's amazing. What's the theme?"

"Lace and silk manties and matching corsets." He clapped his hands together. "I can't wait."

"Have you ever worn a corset?" Noah asked. "Sounds uncomfortable."

"Daniel and I have been playing with them recently. That's what gave Carlos the idea."

"You share stuff like that with him?" Owen asked. "I thought you only told us."

Ethan shrugged. "He's become a good friend. He's seen me naked more than most people. Plus, I'm interested in the whole process of photography from an art perspective. We've started spending quite a bit of time together. He's teaching me about cameras."

"Daniel doesn't mind?" Noah asked.

"Why would he?" Ethan replied. "Carlos and I are strictly hands-off."

"You must be in love," I said. "That guy is seriously hot." I had heard Carlos was versatile. I was surprised we hadn't fucked. Ethan and I had substantial overlap in our hookup partners.

Now, not a single fibre of my being wanted to pursue random sex. Jamal and I were thoughtfully cultivating something unique to us. Where we were headed—held meaning.

The talk turned to Noah, Brody, and the kids. I was only half-listening. I loved my noodles. Loved hearing about them, but I knew they were happy. My focus was on Jamal, his life, and his happiness. Together, we were finding joy that I felt neither of us had expected.

He'd promised to come into the pub to see me tomorrow night.

My hands were aching to touch him.

When Jamal rolled into the pub and spotted me, his entire face changed. From one of concentration to one of elation, his stunning eyes opened wide and a smile so devasting it caused my heart to stutter. I leapt out from behind the bar to meet him.

"Busy night in here," he said, looking up at me.

"I'll find you somewhere." I scanned the area near the bar looking for a table for Jamal. He was right, the place was filling up fast. It was going to screw up the hosts until I could go speak to them, but I claimed a table where we would be able to see each other and removed a chair.

Jamal wheeled himself to the table and tucked in beneath it. He reached for my hand and played with my fingers. "It's unfortunate I can't sit at the bar and watch you work."

I stood beside him and took his hand. It did little to quench my desire to touch him. Only stoked my furnace of absolute need to be near him. "Not much to see. Just me running my ass off."

Jamal smirked. "I'd pay money to see that ass running."

I moved so I could see his face better. "Something to add to our itinerary."

His eyes became hooded, staring up at me, smouldering. "I'll start saving my toonies."

My breathing faltered. "I wouldn't charge you much. A couple of kisses would do it."

Jamal licked his lips. "I'm willing to offer you more than kisses."

I nearly groaned. My cock throbbed and suddenly the fact I was supposed to be working escaped me. "Take off your coat, toss it on the seat across from you, and give me a second."

Jamal released my hand, rolled his chair back, and started removing his coat. I hurried to the host station and let them know the table Jamal was at was occupied.

I returned to the bar and attracted Noah's attention.

He leaned on the bar top. "What's up? Why aren't you back here?"

"I need a few minutes," I said. "Jamal just arrived."

"Okay, but you are not sexing him up in my office."

"Not in my plans. I just need some time with him where people aren't looking."

Noah straightened up and pointed at me. "Five minutes. That's it."

"That's all I need." Lies. I wanted hours upon hours with him. I wanted to explore every inch of his skin starting with the sensitive spots behind his ears.

I strode back to Jamal and indicated he should follow me. He had one eyebrow raised as I urged him to leave the table, but he rolled along behind me to the back hallway.

Out of sight.

He stared up at me, his lips parted, as I pushed his chair backward until it hit the wall, securing it from moving. His hands moved to my waist as I did my best to straddle his lap.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

"Quenching an incredible thirst." Hanging onto the back of his wheelchair, I started by kissing his forehead. Three kisses. From left to right. Slowly. Then the bridge of his nose. He tipped his head up and moaned softly as I kissed each eyelid. I brushed one hand down his chest and found his nipple. It pebbled into a hard nub beneath my fingertips. He squirmed his hips in his seat.

Each side of his face received my attention then I brushed my lips to his ear, breathing gently into it then kissing and sucking, and nibbling on his earlobe. His hands clung firmly to my waist.

I pinched hard on his nipple, making him suck in a breath.

Along his jawline, I dragged my teeth across his stubble until I reached his bottom lip. I sucked it into my mouth and the sound elicited from Jamal stoked a fury of combustion.

I was done teasing. I descended fully on his mouth. He moved his hands from my waist to clutch my face instead and deepened the kiss. Surge—retreat. Again, and again. My cock was straining to be released when my internal clock told me it was time to get back to work.

Jamal was reluctant to let go of me when I removed myself from his lap. I adjusted my jeans, which made Jamal smile. "I'm going to need a few seconds before I go out there," I said.

"Me too. We can talk about your birthday." An even wider smile.

"How did you know it was my birthday coming up?"

"Noah told me." He rolled closer to me, putting him at eye level with my aching nearly erect cock. Having him there did not help the process of calming down. I cupped his face in one hand.

"What do you have in mind?"

"My family has organized a dinner for you."

My next exhalation stuck. My body didn't want to inhale I was so overwhelmed. It took some time before I could speak. "For me?" I needed to confirm the words Jamal had spoken.

Jamal's brow dipped. "Are you against birthday parties?" He gripped the front pocket of my jeans. "I'm sorry. I should have asked, but my family is so excited to have you over to celebrate."

My history of birthday parties as a young child was abysmal. A few of my foster parents had put together a celebration for me. Most had not. I'm not even sure they all knew when it was my birthday. It wasn't until Noah, Ethan, and Owen came into my life that I had reliable yearly acknowledgments of my journey into existence. I usually spent my birthday with the guys.

"What night?"

"Your birthday. Thursday. Noah and Brody are coming. Noah says you have the night off."

I put my hands on his wheelchair armrests, pushed him back against the wall, and leaned down and kissed him. As I pulled away, our lips almost touching, I spoke words that had been collecting in me, waiting to be shared. "You're doing all sorts of crazy things to my heart."

Jamal stroked my cheek. "Do any of those crazy things involve coming to a party?" It was an evasion, but I didn't mind. I knew we were travelling the same path forward.

"I wouldn't miss anything where you're going to be."

We touched foreheads, our warm breath heating our lips. Jamal clung to my neck with both hands, pulling me closer. "I need you so fucking bad."

"Liam, time's up." Noah's voice filled the small hallway.

I closed my eyes and groaned then stepped away from Jamal. I couldn't stop myself from touching his fingers when he placed his hands back on the armrests of his chair.

"We'll talk more after the party," I said and winked at him.

"Looking forward to it."

"Come on, lovebirds, break it up." Noah nudged me until I followed him back to the bar. Jamal didn't appear for a minute or two, then rolled into his place at the table.

I took every spare moment I could to duck away from the bar and speak to him without impacting the steady flow of drinks. A couple of hours later, Jamal finished his meal and the mocktails I had created for him. We shared a hug before he rolled away for the night.

I didn't get home until two in the morning. I had slung my clothes onto a chair in my bedroom when my phone dinged. I figured it was Noah looking for clarification on my bar closing.

A warm buzz built in my gut when I saw who it was.

Jamal: Are you finished work?

Me: Just got home.

Jamal: You in bed yet?"

Me: All tucked in.

Jamal: Wish I was there.

Me: Me too. What are you doing up so late?

Jamal: I wanted to talk to you. There was a long pause. My heartrate ticked up.

Jamal: You're doing crazy things to my heart too.

My spirit took off to chase and cherish those words. We were following the same trail through the crazy wilderness that was our uncertainty and fears.

Me: I need to hold you again.

Jamal: After your birthday party. My gift to you is you can do anything you want with me.

Instant hard-on. There were so many things I wanted to do with Jamal, starting with his nipples. The one I'd played with had responded so well to my touch. I couldn't wait to get my mouth on it. To kiss and taste all the skin on his torso. To inhale and lick the scent under his arms.

And his cock. I desperately wanted to taste his cock.

Me: Scrolling through a long list of ideas in my mind.

Jamal: You'll stay overnight with me again?

Me: Only if you don't mind being bear-hugged all night.

Jamal: Sounds perfect.

I needed to let him go. He'd be getting up in five hours.

Me: See you Thursday. Usual time?

Jamal: Not five again. You're not cooking your own birthday dinner.

Me: Fine. I'll come at six and bring my pajamas.

Jamal: Haha. <kiss emoji>

Me: <kiss emoji> <kiss emoji>

I rolled onto my back and grinned giddily up at the ceiling. I didn't know what it was going to look like, being intimate with Jamal, but I couldn't wait to find out.

The thought of being with him in that way, to have our bodies touch, brought me such honest and remarkable bliss. Whatever we did together was going to be perfect for us.

I could sense it.

Dinner was fabulous. Mamma and Dadi had cooked a meal of grilled chicken breast, mountains of baked broccoli, and a green salad. All the things I typically ate. So much care and attention had been put into planning the birthday meal. Instead of a cake, they had made the best fruit salad.

I did my best to eat everything.

The adults were in the kitchen, doing the dishes, leaving the younger generation to talk.

"Another three years and you'll be forty," Noah said, grinning at me.

"I'm not worried. I'm aging like fine wine."

Jamal put his hand on my thigh discreetly beneath the table. "I have an appreciation for wine."

"Which brings up something," Noah said. "Have you stopped drinking?"

"For weeks now," I replied. "I'm strictly a water guy."

Noah's eyebrows rose and he rested back in his chair. "Congratulations."

Jamal squeezed my thigh and stroked it. Getting through dinner was agonizing. I appreciated all the effort but so badly wanted to be alone with Jamal.

"Let's take this to the living room," Meera suggested.

As we settled, the rest of Jamal's family joined us. It was a full room. I claimed a chair with space beside me so Jamal could position himself next to me.

On the coffee table, there was an assortment of wrapped presents. I hadn't noticed them from the dining room. Seeing them there, knowing they were for me, I was overrun by emotion. It felt as if Jamal's family had taken me in. Would they be as welcoming if they knew my history?

I'd lived my adult life chasing outward beauty and every man I could get my hands on. I hadn't spent much time on the inside. In fact, my insides had been damaged by life. Nothing like what Jamal had been through, though. I wanted to reach for Jamal's hand. I felt guilty for even considering my issues to be worthy of attention when I thought about Jamal. How shallow was I for thinking my problems and obsessions deserved any kind of recognition?

"Hey." Jamal nudged me with his elbow. "Mamma is talking to you."

"Sorry." I frowned and shook my head to dislodge the disruptive thoughts, then smiled at Mamma. "Got lost in my head." She held out a present to me.

"Winter is coming," Mamma said. "Hope you like it."

I tore the wrapping away. It was a toque and scarf in a dark rust colour. I ran my fingers over the knitted wool and looked up at Mamma. "Did you make these?"

"I hope they're all right," Mamma replied. "I had to make them in a hurry. Jamal didn't give us much warning that it was your birthday coming up."

"They're perfect. Thank you." I pulled the toque onto my head to distract myself as I fought to contain the threat of tears. Mamma had made these with me in mind.

Dammit.

A tear travelled down my cheek.

"Oh, sweet boy." Mamma rose from her seat, came over to me, and hugged me. "You are such a tender soul. It's no wonder you and our Jamal have become such good friends."

She obviously had no idea what I wanted to do with her son.

"Us next," Meera said and set a present in my lap once Mamma went back to her seat. "It's from me, David, and Zahir." The shape of the present—it was definitely a book.

I removed the wrapping. It was a mixology book featuring British Columbia spirits. I cracked it open and scanned through a few pages. I could influence our drink menu with this.

I closed it. "I can make good use of this at work." I smiled at Meera. "Thank you."

Meera laughed. "Phew. I wasn't sure."

"I love it," I reassured her.

I looked at Noah. "I'm going to assume you and the guys will give me something later."

Noah smirked. "You've got that right."

Our history of giving each other gag gifts on our birthdays was going strong. Last year, they'd bought me a small vibrating butt plug, knowing damn well I'd never had anything up my ass.

"I'm going to give my gift to Liam when we're alone," Jamal said.

Meera's right eyebrow shot up.

Thankfully, the innuendo didn't appear to land with any of the adults. Mamma drew everyone into a conversation about a trip she and Jamal's pappa were planning to India. They hadn't been back to visit family in over ten years. They'd be gone for a month. Zahir would be in charge.

Brody stood. "We're going to go now."

Noah joined him. "Yes, our sitter has to study for a test." He gathered up Mamma's hands in his. "As always, Mamma, your generosity has been awesome. Thank you for inviting us." He turned to Jamal's dad and shook his hand. I could see the mutual respect in their posture and features. I hadn't got there with Harsha yet.

"We'll walk you out," Jamal said and tapped my leg, alerting me to the fact we were finally getting out of there. I sprang to my feet. I held Mamma's hands the way Noah had.

"Thank you for dinner and the gift. They meant a lot to me."

"You're so welcome, dear boy."

I nodded at everyone else, shook Harsha's hand, and caught up with Jamal at the top of the stairs. He'd already transferred into the chairlift seat. I carried his wheelchair downstairs.

We met Brody and Noah at the front door.

Noah shoved my shoulder and smirked at me. "Enjoy unwrapping your present from Jamal."

"Haha … fuck off." My attempt at a brush-off, but I couldn't subdue the grin on my face.

"Stop lingering," Jamal said to Noah and Brody, smiling, and hauled open the door.

Noah laughed. "Such hospitality."

"Get out," I said, giving Noah and Brody a friendly push out the door.

When we were finally alone, our jovial smiles receded, overtaken by lust-filled stares and slow inhalations and exhalations past parted lips. We'd been building to this for weeks.

"My room?" Jamal didn't need to ask.

"Right behind you." I followed him into his bedroom and closed the door behind us. And locked it. I threw my new toque onto the top of the dresser.

Jamal sat staring up at me. "You unwrap me however you'd like."

I hummed low in my throat. I knew where I wanted to start. Jamal leaned forward as I lifted his shirt off over his head. Then mine. I was going to match every piece of his shed clothing.

I boxed in Jamal's knees. He placed his hands on my bare skin, warm and tentative, and caressed my abs, running over each ripple, then up to my pecs, filling his cupped hands.

"Jeezus, you're gorgeous," he whispered.

I leaned forward, took his chin between my fingers, and lifted his face. "So are you." I kissed him, famished beyond comprehension, before he had a chance to speak further.

I left his lips and kissed along his jawline to his neck. He sighed and arched his back, extending his chest, as he dug his fingers into my biceps. I nuzzled against him, licking and kissing the skin behind his ear, lost in the essence of him. He swallowed as I moved to his throat.

"Fuck." He tipped his head back, his hands on the move until he was clutching my shoulders as I crouched and licked his collar bones from clavicle to shoulders. He moaned, panting when I encouraged him to put his arms over his head. The hair beneath was thick and black.

I ran my nose through it first, my gut quivering as his scent imprinted itself on me. I took my first taste, dragging my tongue through his hair. My stiff cock's aching throb surged.

Jamal's chest pumped up and down faster.

I smiled against his bicep. "Are you okay?"

"Don't stop," he gasped.

"Wouldn't dream of it." I buried my lips and tongue in the offering of texture, taste, and scent under his arm. His hair licked wet, I moved to the other arm. I finished by licking his skin to his elbow and sucking on it. I switched from one to the other. It was an underappreciated erogenous zone, the elbow. He lowered his arms slightly at my urging.

I held each one as I gave my attention to the sensitive strip of soft flesh on the underside of his forearms until I was licking and kissing his wrists where I could feel the pulse beneath my lips.

Face to face with him, I opened my mouth and flattened my tongue. With one hand cupping my jaw, Jamal fed my mouth two of his fingers. I closed my lips over them—and sucked hard as he thrust his fingers in and out of my mouth. I closed my eyes and moaned, my imagination getting ahead of myself. There was so much more to taste before I got to his cock.

He withdrew his fingers, held my face as I opened my eyes, and kissed me once. I leaned further forward and kissed the centre of his chest. His nipples were already hard. I took one into my mouth and flicked it with my tongue. Jamal whimpered and dug his hands into my hair. After sweeping through the loosened ends, he pulled the elastic to release my bun.

My fallen hair created a perfect world, shielded, the only thing in it—Jamal. I moved from one nipple to the other, my hands travelling to his hips. With Jamal squirming beneath my touch, I peppered a line with my lips straight to the top of his jeans.

He thrust his hips up. "God, please." He dug his fingers into my hair when I unlatched the button and unzipped his pants. I eased his pants off his hips, ensuring I didn't yank hard on them and have him land on the floor. It wasn't easy. It was slow, driving us both a little crazy.

I drew his jeans down his legs, pooling above his feet. Like the last time I'd seen him undressed, he was wearing colourful underwear. I straightened, kicked off my shoes, and undid my pants. I pushed them down to my ankles and stepped out of them. I was wearing a thong.

"Oh my god." Jamal leaned forward enough to touch my thigh. "Turn around for me."

I changed the direction of my body until my ass was facing him. I took a few steps back until Jamal's legs were protruding between my shins. My cock jumped when he took each of my cheeks in his hands and massaged them. I knew I had a nice round, muscular ass. I closed my eyes and moaned when I felt his lips on one cheek. His hands wrapped around my hips, gripping.

I shuddered as Jamal's tongue travelled up the crease of my ass and he slipped one hand through my legs and cupped my balls. He caressed them gently while his hot breath gusted past the corded material of the G-string separating my cheeks. He withdrew and patted my ass.

I turned back to face him and removed my underwear, peeling them away. Jamal's eyes grew wide. I was well endowed. Charlie had joked about my monster. He hadn't lied.

Not taking his gaze off my hard dick, Jamal lifted one side of his ass and then the other as I removed his underwear. His cock was a thick chub, not fully erect. Jamal had told me his cock was slow to react. I would take as much time as he needed.

I dispensed with his shoes and pants along with his underwear and arranged my body so I could grasp his shaft, shift the foreskin back, and swipe my tongue across his slit. Unexpectedly, there was no precum despite his arousal. I accepted it as a difference in how his body worked. I swirled my tongue around his cockhead then sucked him into my mouth.

Jamal groaned and lifted my hair away so he could watch.

I employed every cock sucking technique I'd learned over the years until I found one Jamal's cock responded well to. His chub became a long, thick erect dick. He released my hair, clamped onto the armrests of his chair, and thrust his hips, propelling his entire shaft into my mouth.

Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, he stopped me and lifted my face.

"Straddle my chair … fuck my face."

A shiver ran straight up my spine. Thankful he had the brakes on, I walked my way toward his face, my inner thighs pressed against the armrests of his wheelchair. I grasped my shaft and painted his parted lips with my precum. He licked them and hummed so seductively.

I slowly fed him my cock. Not all the way in. Not many men could take me. I gripped the handles on the back of his chair, slid my cock out of his mouth, then partially surged back in.

Jamal clamped his hands on my ass cheeks, setting the pace. I rocked my hips, smooth and easy instead of making him cough and choke. His lips looked beautiful taking me in.

He began bobbing his head, increasing the speed and depth. He hummed around my cock as he played with my balls, followed the crease, and brushed his fingertip over my hole.

"I can't … I'm going to—" I mumbled.

My orgasm screamed through me. I pumped faster, emptying myself down his throat. He continued sucking until I was fully spent. Still riding high, I was salivating to get back to his dick.

I kneeled to the left of his legs, gripping one to balance myself. I dove back on his cock. It had waned slightly, but I soon had it hard again. Jamal groaned, and pushed my face down on it, hitting the back of my throat. I was close to gagging when his cock tightened. He swore as his legs lifted and kicked away from the footrests and a convulsing shudder rippled through him.

There was no cum.

I continued sucking, not wanting to relinquish him, until Jamal touched my jaw and gave it a gentle nudge. I lifted my head and swept my hair off my face. My gaze met his.

I must have looked puzzled.

"I'm rarely able to cum," Jamal said. "Sometimes I get a small amount."

"But you orgasmed?" I wanted to make sure I had read his body correctly. The cum didn't matter. I needed to know that I had made him feel good.

Jamal smiled. "Yeah … and it was a fantastic one."

I sighed and relaxed.

"I need to hit the bathroom for a minute," he said. "My bladder is complaining."

I had questions about that. I had seen the catheter equipment in his bathroom when I'd retrieved a toothbrush from his cabinet. Questions would have to wait. We weren't there yet with sharing about our lives. Typically urinating and showering in the presence of a lover was standard fare for me. Men were rarely shy about it. This was different.

"I'll wait until you're finished," I said.

I turned the blankets back on the bed once Jamal closed the door to the bathroom. He was in there for quite a while. I sat on the end of the bed and waited for him. He bit his bottom lip and shook his head as he emerged from the bathroom and saw me sitting there.

"You're a vision with all that long blond hair," he said. "Hurry to bed."

"I'll just be a second." In the bathroom, I found a washcloth to clean myself and was careful not to splash urine on Jamal's special toilet seat. Jamal was in bed when I finished.

I climbed in beside him and moved as close as I could to him. He shifted his nude body until he was in my arms, his head on my chest. I kissed his hair. "That was epically good."

"You're sure?"

"I was with you. Anything we do together is going to be epic."

Jamal stroked my chest. "I wanted to ask you about the picture you posted of us."

I lifted my head. "Did I jump the gun? I felt so close to you. I wanted to share that."

Jamal snuggled closer. "You essentially announced that you have a boyfriend. I wanted to tell you I'm all over that." He tipped his head up and kissed my chin. "I want to be your boyfriend."

I lay my head back and pulled him tighter to me. "Me too."

But now I was scared. We'd taken a huge step. I didn't just risk losing Jamal … I risked losing his family as well if I screwed this up. I hummed against his hair, breathing him in.

Right now … I was going to soak him up.

Chapter Twelve | Jamal

Liam had snuck out before the household awoke. We had agreed I needed to have a conversation with my family about our new relationship status before he became a regular fixture in my bed. Meera had surmised where we were at. Which meant David knew too.

No one was around to help me up the stairs. I had to disassemble my wheelchair and take it up in pieces. I was cooking some scrambled eggs when Mamma came into the kitchen.

She set her hand on my shoulder. "Did Liam enjoy his birthday?"

"I think it meant more to him than he let on."

"He's such a sweet man." She patted my shoulder. "I bet he drives the women crazy."

My eyebrows dipped. This was the perfect opportunity to say something. "He's gay."

"Is he? Did you meet him through Noah?"

"Sort of."

"I've never heard you speak about him before we met him."

"I was aware of him, but I didn't get talking to him until Noah's wedding."

"You've become good friends."

I exhaled. "No, Mamma. Liam isn't my friend. He's my boyfriend."

Mamma crossed her arms. "Oh, Jamal … do you think that's a good idea."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"With his looks … he's bound to attract a lot of men's attention."

I crunched up my eyebrows hard. "Do you think he's going to cheat on me?"

Mamma frowned and sighed. "Jamal … you're in a wheelchair."

My jaw clenched so tight; my teeth ached.

I flicked off the heat on the stove, lifted the frying pan, and threw the whole lot in the sink with a clatter. "You said it yourself, Mamma. Liam is a sweet man. He would never hurt me."

This is outrageous.

"Look what happened with Richard."

"What happened with Richard? I drove Richard away, remember? I won't do that with Liam. I've accepted the change in my life. I've made peace with it. I feel blessed I didn't die."

"Well, of course, Jamal, but I'm worried Liam doesn't know what he's signing up for."

I gripped the armrests of my chair. "And what would that be? Having to deal with a cripple?"

"Don't use that word. You know what I mean. He might feel he's missing out over time."

"I am perfectly capable of satisfying him in every way."

Mamma flicked her hand in the air. "I don't want to know about that."

"It's different than with Richard. Liam has never known me without the chair. We're discovering each other from a place unique to us. And he's all in."

"I don't want you to get hurt and I think Liam has the ability to hurt you badly."

"I thought you liked him."

"As your friend."

I frowned. "So, what … now you don't like him?"

"I'll be more wary around him."

Fuck.

Liam was going to be crushed. I could tell he loved feeling like he belonged somewhere, with a family who cared about him. He hadn't had much of that in his life.

I couldn't tell him what Mamma had said.

And I had nothing more to say to her.

Thankfully, I ran into Zahir at the top of the stairs, and he carried my wheelchair down for me. I didn't want to talk to anyone else about Liam. I wanted to talk to Liam.

I slammed my bedroom door closed.

He answered after two rings. He was breathing heavily.

"Are you out for a run?" I asked.

"Just finishing the last kilometre. What's up?"

"Talked to my mom about us."

"How did that go?"

"She's convinced you're too good for me."

"She said that?"

"Not in so many words. But the implication was there." Maybe Mamma was right, and I was setting myself up for heartache. I sucked in a ragged breath as tears ran down my cheeks.

Despite putting up a good fight, I wasn't even sure anymore. Maybe my life would be too different for Liam to exist in. My mind turned into a fuzzy fury of uncertainty. I grabbed a pillow off my bed and hugged it to my chest as more tears escaped my shuddering body.

"Hey, Jamal … are you crying?"

I sniffed. "Are you sure you want to be with me?" I needed to know the truth.

"God, yes. Of course, I do."

"Doesn't the wheelchair scare you?"

"Not going to lie, it's foreign to me, but it's your mind and heart I'm interested in." Liam chuckled. "Although … your body is pretty banging too."

I huffed out a laugh. He'd certainly enjoyed exploring my upper body. He'd paid attention to parts of me I had no idea would turn me on so much. He'd adapted for me.

I breathed in a long settling breath and wiped my damp face with my sleeve.

Liam was special.

Specially made for me.

"I'll see you at the centre later?" he asked.

"Can't wait."

Many hours later, I was in my office and Meera appeared at my door. I waved her in. I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was going to go.

"Good afternoon, brother." Meera sat in a chair in front of my desk.

"What brings you in to see me?"

She reclined in her seat. "Mamma told me what you told her."

"About Liam and me."

"Boyfriends, huh."

"Yes, we discussed it last night."

"He stayed over again?"

"That's what boyfriends do. Have sleepovers."

"You're having sex with him?"

I drummed my fingers on the desk. This was none of her business.

"Again. Boyfriends."

"And he was fine with it … the paralysis."

"I have other body parts aside from my legs, Meera."

"I'm sorry. I just worry."

"Because my boyfriend is gorgeous. And he could have any man he wants. I've heard all this from Mamma already. Liam isn't like that. Our connection is more than surface deep."

There was a light tapping on my door. Liam poked his head in. I'm not sure how much he heard of what Meera and I had been saying. He didn't wait for me to invite him in.

Liam walked in, stood beside my wheelchair, and put his arm around my shoulders. He turned my face toward him, leaned down, and kissed me. Our lips separated and he straightened up. I leaned my head against his waist. Liam looked at my sister.

"This is the man I want to be with," he said to her.

Meera shook her head slightly. "Don't you dare hurt him."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

My sister huffed, rose to her feet, and left my office. Liam went to the door and pressed it shut. He came back and sat on the edge of my desk. "I have something I want to discuss."

I set my hand on his thigh. "What is it?"

"We had fun last night."

"Understatement."

Liam smirked. "True. But I'm wondering where we go next."

"Sex wise?"

"I didn't want to bring it up when we're in bed. I wanted to have a conversation when we weren't wrapped up in each other. When we had clear heads."

"Are you talking penetration?" I asked.

"Yeah. It's important to me. I know some guys aren't into it, but I am."

I squeezed his thigh. "Me too."

Liam exhaled. "Oh, good. I wasn't sure … because of everything."

"I think we might have a problem, though. I follow you on social media. I know you're a top based on some of the things you say." I became lost in his curious eyes. "So am I."

His eyebrows dipped. "How? I had to work pretty hard to keep you … hard."

"I'm able to stay fully erect with cock rings."

Liam rose from the desk and walked across the room. "You've never bottomed?"

"It has the potential of being dangerous for me. I have bowel issues because of the paralysis."

Liam turned to face me. "I've never bottomed before. Never even played with my ass."

"So … that's a no?"

"I never said that." Liam came back and leaned his ass against my desk. "I'm willing to try. But only because it's you." He cupped my face in his hands. "You fill me with a need to try new things. Didn't know that would include bottoming for you, but I'll give it a try."

"We'd take our time."

"I know you wouldn't rush me."

I held his hand. "Give it some more thought. I want you to be sure."

Liam leaned forward and kissed me, then took off to oversee the kids using the weight equipment. The new activity was a big hit made better by Liam's presence. The youth had started raving about him. He was knowledgeable, he was friendly and funny, and he was nice to look at.

Now, he had something to think about. It would be a big step for him, considering he'd never even played with his hole. I had spoken the truth. We'd move at his speed.

In addition to everything else in our relationship, whatever we came up with sexually would be what was best for us. We were open and honest with each other.

In most things.

I still had to tell Liam why Richard had really left me.

Chapter Thirteen | Liam

We prepared ourselves. It was Sunday night, the meeting of the Salish Sea Society, and Owen had said he had a bad date story to top others he'd told us before. He was going to speak first.

"Okay," Owen said and looked back and forth between us. "Last week I connected with this guy using my new dating profile. We decided to meet for a date last night … and it was going well. Lots of interesting things in common, including both looking for commitment. But then he tells me he's couch surfing at the moment. Doesn't have a home. Of course, I asked him why."

Owen shook his head as if he couldn't believe he was telling us this.

He took a sip of his ale. "He hooked up with a guy six months ago. The following day, hours after the guy left, the police showed up at his door." Owen closed his eyes. "You know what he said to me? Without a shred of remorse he says, the guy didn't look fifteen."

Ethan coughed out an exhalation. "What the fuck?"

Owen looked at Ethan. "Right? Of course, I'm thinking how on earth could a fifteen-year-old look thirty, because dude was forty-four. I was out on a date with a predator … a goddamned pedophile. He was charged and put on probation. He lost his job when they found out."

"Damn right," Noah said.

I was too stunned to speak.

"And then." Owen placed his hands on the table. "Get this. He says the worst part about the whole thing is that his wife of twenty years kicked him out of the house."

"He thought that was the worst part?" I found my voice. "Not the kid he had sex with."

"Never ran from someone so fast," Owen replied. "I felt like vomiting."

"I'd love to know why you attract these crazy people," Noah said. "It's uncanny."

"I'm doomed. At least with the profile Liam wrote for me, I was busy with meaningless sex."

"I can write you a new one," I replied, wanting to help Owen get out of this pit of misfortune. Noah was right. Owen had the worst luck when it came to dating and finding a husband.

"I might take you up on that." Owen drained his beer and refilled his glass.

The fact the others were drinking in front of me didn't bother me anymore. Watching them drink alcohol had caused me some discomfort at first even though I was a bartender. It was different when I was preparing drinks for customers. There was no situation in which I would be able to drink them. They were just part of my job. Now, I didn't even think about drinking.

"Jamal told his mom about us," I changed the topic.

"How did that go?" Noah asked. I'd been meaning to phone him and fill him in on what was happening with my life. But with a new husband and foster kids, he was so busy that I didn't want to bother him. It wasn't like when we were both single with time on our hands.

I played with the loose hairs dusting my nape.

"I think his mom and sister don't believe I'm good for Jamal."

Ethan set his glass on the table too hard. "What? Why do they think that?"

"If I had to piece it together, they think I'm going to get bored with a guy in a wheelchair."

Owen grunted.

I tipped my head to one side, my cheeks heating as I stared at him. "What?"

"Nothing … it's just not like you to get into a relationship. They're right to have concerns."

"What the fuck, Owen?" I rose to my feet. "Is that how little you think of me?"

Noah grabbed my arm. "Sit down. Let's talk this through."

My bottom jaw jutted out as I clenched my teeth. I dropped back into my seat, prepared to defend myself. "Jamal is not a toy I'm trying out. We have a deep connection."

Ethan touched my hand. "And the physical side of things?"

"Not that it matters, but everything works fine down there."

"I don't think that's what Ethan meant," Noah said. "You're an active guy."

"So is Jamal. He lifts weights every day. He cycles, goes running with his brother-in-law, and wants to try kayaking. He's even into skiing. He doesn't let anything stop him, including his wheelchair. He's the bravest man I've ever known. None of you understand him like I do."

Ethan withdrew his hand. "I don't think Owen meant to judge your ability to maintain a healthy relationship." He looked at Owen. "Did you, Owen."

"I'm just not sure how you're going to balance a relationship with him and your social media obsession," Owen replied. "He's going to end up competing with what others think of you."

"Fuck off, Owen. I've barely posted anything since we started hanging out."

"I noticed that," Ethan said.

I pointed at Owen. "So, you're wrong. His opinion is the only one I'm interested in." It was a new truth. The opinions of random strangers were diminishing in importance to me. The way Jamal looked at me was all the validation I needed. He was the only one who mattered.

"Let's leave it at that," Noah said. "Sounds like Liam has grown with Jamal."

Typical Noah, playing the referee. He had an innate need to protect all of us. Even if it was from each other. The table fell silent. I was happy to not discuss my love life any further. Jamal and I were going to navigate what we were doing together as a couple.

The guys didn't have a say.

Ethan cleared his throat. "The photoshoot was a success." He flipped over his phone and tapped away on it. He scrolled a few passes and then handed it to me.

I couldn't stop my eyebrows from rising.

Wow.

Ethan looked so hot. I swiped from one picture to another. And another. I identified my favourite and swiped back to it. Ethan wore a pair of black lace hi-cut manties, his hipbones showing, his hard cock barely contained. Around his waist and flared over his hips, a black corset with red lace. It was cinched tight and created a funnel up to his chest. Atop the corset, Ethan's pink nipples decorated his pecs that had been forced upward, giving him cleavage.

Embarrassed to say my dick stirred.

I needed a pair of manties like that.

"Priceless, Ethan."

"Thanks."

I handed the phone to Noah. The tips of his ears turned visibly crimson. He scanned through the pictures, cleared his throat, and passed the phone to Owen.

"They're very good," Noah said.

"I can't wait to see them bound in a book for sale," Ethan replied.

"Jeezus, Ethan." Owen scrutinized the photos. "Your cock is hard in some of these."

"Most of them. Carlos says that's what his customers are looking for." He took his phone from Owen. "Daniel loves them. We're going to get some of them on canvas."

"Not sure I'm ever coming to your house again," Owen said.

"They're only in our bedroom and the study. We lock both when people come over."

"Speaking of home, Rowan and Quinn are doing well in school," Noah said, redirecting the conversation. "The first few months were rocky with Rowan, but he's settled in now."

"He's better at Chemistry than I am," I said. "And I took it straight through to Grade 12."

"Quinn has been asking about puberty blockers," Noah revealed.

"Ze is fourteen, right?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, ze should have started them a year ago at least," Noah answered. "Ze doesn't want to develop as female any further. We're all for it. I don't want Quinn to go through chest surgery when ze is an adult if we wait. Ze is seeing a psychologist. We want to be sure."

"Quinn could change hir mind after being on them though, right?" I asked. With so many of the youth finding their way into the Rainbow Centre's weight room being transgender, I'd been reading up. There was still so much I didn't know, though.

"Ze could," Noah answered. "And ze would develop as hir body originally intended."

"Big decision," Owen said.

"We'll support whatever ze decides," I replied. Quinn had pitched the term noodles to refer to hir and Rowan. Quinn and I had a close relationship. Ze had been bullied in school and later while living on the street. We'd spent many an hour sharing our stories of survival.

Ethan started talking about giving Daniel a blowjob in a dark parking garage and I zoned out. My relationship with Jamal was so different. What we had was between us. The others might talk about their sex lives, but I was done with all that. Every moment with Jamal was precious.

And only ours.

It was a four-and-a-half-hour drive to Tofino but the scenery along the way made time pass faster than expected. Within two hours, we had survived the Malahat's unpredictable weather, driven through the entire length of Nanaimo, and arrived in Parksville, a quaint seaside city of seniors and families. Ethan and I stopped at a chain restaurant for burgers and coffee.

This was a yearly trip for us to do some surfing. September to November was the best time of year to have some Westcoast fun. The water wasn't freezing cold yet, but the waves had started to pick up in size and consistency. We'd been coming to Tofino together since we were teenagers.

After leaving Parksville and passing through Qualicum, we drove west, headed for the most westerly coast of Canada. My favourite part was driving through Cathedral Grove, a massive stand of ancient Douglas fir. Some more than 800 years old and nine metres in circumference.

We would stop to walk through them on the way back. We wanted to get on the water for a couple of hours before the sun started setting. Two hours later, we pulled into Tofino and arrived at the B&B we'd been staying at for many years. Our luggage loaded into our room, we grabbed our wetsuits and boards and drove to our favourite beach. The wet, grey sand stretched out to both sides, walled in against the crashing waves by massive craggy rocks and evergreen trees.

I raced Ethan into the water.

It was raining lightly as we rode wave after wave, chatting about work and our volunteering at the centre as we waited for the next big one. Any tension I'd been holding in my body, drained away. I loved being outside in the elements. We were soaked and cold when we emerged.

Before the sun descended completely, I stripped my wetsuit off my upper body, folding it down enough to show the v-cut above my groin, and took a picture of myself.

"Here, give me your phone," Ethan said. "And turn away from me."

I followed his instructions. "Now what?"

"Pull the wetsuit down a little further. I want to see a hint of the crack of ass. You've got those two little dimples above your cheeks that drive people wild. They'll dream of licking them."

I laughed and peeled down my wetsuit. "You're going to corrupt me."

"Doing my best. Take your hair out of the bun."

I released my hair and shook and combed it out to cascade between my shoulders. I looked back at Ethan. "Anything else Mr. Photographer?"

"Right hand on your hip. The other at your side. Look off into the distance to the left."

Ethan moved around taking pictures as I held the pose. Satisfied, he wandered up to stand beside me, scanning through what he'd taken. I leaned against him so I could see.

He found one he liked and put a black-and-white filter on it.

It looked very professional.

I took my phone from him. "I'm going to post that one. Thanks."

"Easy subject matter."

I snorted. "Who are you calling easy?"

"Not you anymore." Ethan nudged me. "A man has finally caught the elusive Liam."

I grinned. "It feels good." I'd only seen Jamal at the centre recently. Our schedules aside from that kept conflicting. Thankfully, we'd had some epic make-out sessions in his office.

Ethan and I stripped off our wetsuits. Naked and shivering beside Ethan's car, we towelled ourselves dry. Then cozy in our sweatpants and sweaters, we returned to the B&B.

"I'm going to go for a run," I said once we were up in our room. It was compact but all we needed. We had our own bathroom. There was only one bed, but it was queen-sized.

I changed into my running gear.

"Can you pick up dinner on your way back?" Ethan asked.

"Thai?"

"That'll do the trick." He hopped on and sprawled across the bed. "I'm going to have a nap."

"I'll be back in about an hour."

I took the stairs two at a time down to the front door and jogged out onto the sidewalk. It was fully dark now, but the streets were well-lit. I would run to the brewery on the east side of the peninsula and back. Then head into town to secure us some food.

I was soaked by drizzle by the time I walked into the Thai restaurant. I was thankful I wouldn't have to wait too long for our meal. My core was starting to chill and become uncomfortable.

"Liam?"

I looked over my shoulder at the senior man standing behind me.

Fucking Erik, my birth father.

"Erik." I turned and leaned against the table I was waiting near. "You here surfing?"

"I came with Jason. We're doing some father and son bonding."

I did my best not to cringe. That was a shot at me. Erik and I had spent next to no time getting to know one another, never mind bonding. He'd gone on to have a family after dumping me.

"I'm here with my good friend, Ethan." I crossed my arms. I couldn't stop myself. No matter how he treated me, he was my birth father. I yearned for his acceptance. "Can we meet?"

Erik sighed then nodded "Sure. I can get away for an early breakfast."

"7 am at Rosie's?"

"As long as we make it quick. I want to hit the waves with Jason."

"I want to get out there too." I'd need to ask Ethan to wait for me. He wouldn't mind. Any chance to sleep in—he was all over it. His early morning work schedule was insane.

My order number was called.

Without another word, order in hand, I jogged back to the B&B.

I dumped the bag of food on the little table in our room and headed for the shower to warm up. The hot water took a while to thaw me out. Ethan was eating when I returned to the room.

"God." He put up his hand, blocking his view of me as I crossed the room in search of my warm clothes. "Put on some clothes. Your massive cock is scaring me."

I smirked. "Jamal is a fan."

"I would be too if I were your boyfriend. But I'm not and it's putting me off my food."

After gathering up my clothes, I put them on, shielding myself from the chill in the room. I sat across from Ethan and peeled away the lid from my Tom Yum Goong soup. It was the only time I didn't mind my food mixing. I loved the hot and sour lemongrass and shrimp feast.

I allowed myself to finish it all. I hadn't been sure I would, considering I had partially eaten a burger in Parksville. I wasn't worried. The next couple of days were going to burn a lot of calories.

"I ran into Erik."

"Yeah?" Ethan looked up at me, abandoning his Pad Thai. "How did that go?"

"We're meeting for breakfast tomorrow."

"Yay … I get to sleep in."

"Only until eight. We're hitting the waves after that."

"What's Erik doing in Tofino?"

"Surfing with his son."

"Jason the asshole?"

"That's the one. Pretentious prick."

Ethan went back to eating, scooping large clumps of noodles into his mouth. I stole a piece of the tofu I had added to the order for him. It tasted yummy covered with the Pad Thai sauce.

"Want to watch a movie before bed?" Ethan asked.

"Honestly, I want to crash. You can watch something. I'm too tired to notice."

After we cleaned up our food containers, I crawled into bed. Ethan sat with his back against the headboard and flicked on the television. I was right. I drifted off even with the sound which Ethan kept as low in volume as he could. I woke slightly when he lay down.

We lay back-to-back, reminding me of when Charlie and I slept together. Being in bed with Jamal was infinitely different than that. The last night I had stayed over, we'd curled up like a monkey puzzle. He'd even used his hand to sling his leg over my thigh to bring us closer. I was surprised when he applied pressure to my ass to keep me close. He explained he was capable of some movement and had some sensation in his legs. I stroked his thigh as we fell asleep.

The memory took me back to the sensation that had caused me to drift off. The next morning, I was awake too early to leave for the restaurant, but I knew Jamal would be up.

Me: Good morning, beautiful.

Jamal: Miss hearing those words in person. How's surfing?

Me: We got a couple of hours in yesterday. When can I stay over again?

Jamal: On a night when you're not working until two in the morning.

Me: Not many of those.

Jamal: <sad face emoji> Plan to stay every night you're not working.

Me: <smile emoji> I can do that. I'm meeting my birth father for breakfast.

Jamal: How did that happen?

Me: Ran into him last night. He's here with his real son.

Jamal: Don't do that. You're just as much his son as the one he's there with.

Me: You obviously don't know Erik.

Jamal: I don't need to. I know you. And you are worth knowing. His loss.

Me: You're biased. You're my boyfriend.

Jamal: I love it when you call me that.

Me: I'll add it to the list of words I whisper in your ear when we're fucking around.

Jamal: <tongue panting emoji>

Me: I'll come to see you at the centre on Thursday as soon as I'm back.

Jamal: I'll be prepared to lock my office door when you do.

Me: <kiss emoji>

Jamal: <kiss emoji><kiss emoji>

I ran my fingers across my lips. I loved when we kissed. The give and take between us felt destined. As if I would never be satisfied with kissing anyone else ever again.

I looked at my phone. It was time to go.

On the bed, Ethan was breathing softly. Fast asleep. I'd be back before he even woke up. We weren't crack of dawn surfers. Eight would be early enough to get moving.

I jogged down the street to Rosie's, the best breakfast place in town. It had been there as long as we'd been coming to Tofino. Erik was waiting in a booth for me.

He checked the time on his phone as I slid into my seat.

I was early by a few minutes.

"Do you know what you want?" he asked. "We need to order quickly."

It felt like my lungs deflated a little. I only saw my birth father a couple of times a year. And here we were with an opportunity to spend time together, and he wanted to rush it.

I looked out the window. It was still partially dark out.

"I'm good with coffee, a fruit salad, and some dry toast."

Erik called the server over and placed our order. With a steaming cup of coffee in front of me, I opened the conversation. "I'm seeing someone."

"A man?"

I wrinkled my brow. "Of course, a man."

Erik grunted. He didn't approve. He'd never come out and been homophobic toward me, but I could tell he was disappointed in me for being gay.

"His name is Jamal," I pressed on. "And he's the coordinator for the Rainbow Youth Centre."

"That gay place you told me Noah volunteers at?"

"LGBTQ+."

"Is he foreign?"

"He was born in Canada." Pretty sure. He'd talked about elementary school in Victoria. I knew how this was going to sit with Erik. Me dating the child of immigrants. Which was insane. Both he and my birth mother were first-generation Canadians. The difference, they were white. My heritage was from Norway. Both sets of my birth grandparents still lived there.

Erik grunted again.

I rolled my eyes and sipped my molten hot, black coffee. There was no point engaging in a political conversation with him. We'd hashed out our differences many times.

"Does this Jamal have a university degree?" Erik asked.

"He has a Masters of Social Work." Noah had told me when Jamal first took over running the centre. He was beyond excited about Jamal's educational qualifications.

Erik chuffed out a sharp laugh. "Not surprising. You seem to surround yourself with soft liberals or the undereducated. Or has Noah gone back to law school?"

There were so many things I wanted to say, but instead, I packed my thoughts and feelings down. I kept my answer simple. "Noah is happier running the pub."

"Such a waste." Erik pointed at me. "Not unlike you. If you focused, you could become a psychiatrist. Instead of that useless Arts degree, you could take a science direction.

My cheeks warmed. "I don't want to be a psychiatrist. If I did go back to school, I'd become a counsellor and support youth who want to transition." It was the first time I'd slid those specific puzzle pieces together. It had taken me to be infuriated to put them in place.

Jamal would be so excited by this discovery.

My mind started spinning with possibilities.

Erik sighed and shook his head. "No wonder you don't fit in with my family. Both Jason and Julie are top surgeons." I didn't need to be reminded. He threw it in my face every time I saw him. Liam the disappointment who would never be good enough for Erik's perfect family.

The server placed my food in front of me. I'd lost my appetite.

I was constantly hit from both sides. My birth mother, Freya's family were overachievers as well. And here I was afraid to reach. More concerned with my body and my sexual conquests.

I hung my head. Why the hell was Jamal with me?

Chapter Fourteen | Jamal

I was four hours into my day when a stranger walked into my office without knocking. I immediately knew who he must be. The resemblance was uncanny despite the work Liam had done. Unlike Liam's blond, the man had salt-and-pepper hair, but the same blue eyes as his son.

Why is he here?

Liam had come back from surfing yesterday and stopped by the centre before he'd even visited his apartment. Ethan had been happy to check in on his coffee shop down the street and leave Liam to visit with me. The door locked; Liam had given me the most incredible blowjob.

Then he'd told me about meeting with his birth father.

"Are you Jamal?" the man asked.

"I am … and I'm going to assume you're Erik."

Erik scowled at me, his gaze raking over my wheelchair. "Liam is dating you?"

"Does that surprise you?" Liam had filled me in on the conversation he'd had with Erik over breakfast. How my gender and race appeared to be a problem for Liam's birth father.

Now there was my disability—obviously a huge negative in Erik's eyes.

"Liam doesn't know what's good for him," he said.

"He's an adult. Pretty sure he knows more than you." I wasn't going to pull punches.

Okay, that was a serious glower on him. "You need to back off and leave him alone."

"And, if I say no?"

"Then he'll find out about your criminal record. I'm assuming you haven't told him. I'm a criminal defence lawyer with friends in the police. I had them do a background check on you."

I'm sure the colour drained right out of my face.

It had been in the plan to tell Liam what happened between Richard and me—as my friend. It had been such a dark period in my life. Before I had a chance to tell Liam, we'd leapt ahead into a romantic relationship. Now, I felt trapped. I didn't want to lose him by telling him the story.

"You weren't there," I said as if that explained anything. I'd been out of control, drowning in grief. My soul had been twisted in knots. I'd lashed out—hurt people.

"So, I'm right. Liam doesn't know you're a domestic assailant."

I'd love to say it was an isolated incident, but I'd put Richard through hell for months. It had shaken me to my core when I sent him to the hospital. I had never dreamed I would ever hurt him.

I loved him.

Charges had been laid against me.

Richard had moved out.

"Do we have an understanding?" Erik asked.

"Yes," I whispered. Liam could never find out. I couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment in his eyes if he found out what I'd done. The person I'd been in my anguish.

"I do talk to Liam," Erik said. "I'll know."

I nodded—silent.

Erik left me to break down in my office.

My eyes were still red when I arrived at my friend Warren's home hours later. I rolled into his living room among the clutter and found a spot where there was nothing beneath my wheels.

"What's happened?" Warren sat across from me.

"Our relationship is getting serious."

"And that has you crying?"

"My sordid past has me in tears. Liam and I talk about everything … but I can't. I just can't tell him about what happened with Richard. Today, his birth father showed up in my office. He knew about my domestic assault conviction. He had a background check run on me. He threatened to tell Liam if I didn't promise to walk away from our relationship."

Warren gathered his hands in his lap. "Are you willing to do that?"

"I can't have Liam look at me the way Richard looked at me that night. It was an expression of pure betrayal. Liam would feel like I deceived him by not telling him before—"

"You were intimate." Warren sighed. "Because he's your boyfriend now."

I nodded.

"Fuck, Jamal. What a mess." He struggled to his feet. "Do you want tea?"

"Decaffeinated. I'm going to have enough trouble sleeping."

I was fully absorbed in playing through how I was going to walk away from Liam when Warren returned with two mugs of tea. He'd already dressed mine with milk and sugar.

I didn't finish it.

I needed to think. It would be light enough for a while longer for me to go to my favourite park overlooking the sea. I pulled my car into Macaulay Point Park and unloaded my wheelchair. Normally, I would have brought my all-terrain chair, but I could manage without it.

I rolled along the paved walkway and up the ramp to the gravel trail. A short distance along, I turned to face the steep grassy cliffs and incoming tide and parked. There had been a chance I could get away without telling Liam about the assault, but that would've eaten at me.

I'd never lied to him. I couldn't imagine ever lying to him. That wasn't the foundation we'd been building together. What the hell was I going to tell him?

I imagined Liam's expression if he found out I held back on crucial information before agreeing to be his boyfriend. I couldn't bear it. I'd be devastated.

He'd be devastated.

Maybe betrayal would be too strong a word—but there might be disgust.

I lifted my phone and called him.

"Hey, beautiful." His voice was sultry and smooth.

My throat closed over, sticky and thick. Even my breathing suffered, heavy in my chest.

"What's the matter?" he asked, sounding so damned worried. And I was just about to crush him. I was going to tell this sweet man it was over between us.

"I've been thinking," I started.

"About what?"

"Us."

Liam was silent for far too long. He was expecting me to clarify.

"I need time to think," I said, copping out. Deep down, I wanted to keep a door open. Couldn't imagine not keeping a passageway clear to return through.

"Think about what?"

"Us." I changed the phone to my other ear. That wasn't an answer. "We moved so fast."

"I think we moved at exactly the right speed."

I sighed because he was right. "There are things you don't know about me." Might as well give him a partial truth and not leave him without an explanation. "Things you'd never understand."

"What kind of things?"

"See, that's the thing. I don't want to say."

"We talk about everything, Jamal. That's one of our things. Please, talk to me."

"I can't, Liam."

"We've shared so much about ourselves with one another. Why is this different?"

"It just is."

Liam grunted. "So, that's it … you need to think. That's what you're going with?"

Okay, now he sounded angry. He had every right to be mad at me. And hurt. Beneath the anger, I could hear it—I'd injured him. The very thing I'd been trying to avoid.

The call went silent.

He'd hung up on me.

I arrived home long after dinner was over and went straight to my room. I pulled open my bar fridge and as expected, there was a sandwich in there for me. I loved my family.

I closed my eyes to stop more tears from falling.

Liam had fit in so well with them. I had imagined many years of him sitting at that table with me. Images of when my grandparents were long gone, and my parents had taken their place.

I'd even imagined a child seated with us.

Tears spilled regardless of my guarding against them. They had snuck in on me, my feelings. I wiped my cheeks. The truth was I was falling in love with Liam.

I might even love him already.

My chest ached, so I placed my hand over my heart. I'd pulled apart something beautiful out of fear. A dread that was founded. An overwhelming need to protect Liam from my past where there was no protection afforded to me by my mind. I would forever be punishing myself.

I'd told him I needed to think.

And that was what I needed to do.

Because I was.

I was in love with him.

Chapter Fifteen | Liam

It was my second time at the gym today. The first had been at five in the morning after my eight-kilometre run that had turned into an all-out sprint near the end. Now it was two in the afternoon, and I was back at it, wanting to obliterate yesterday's call with Jamal.

His words haunted me.

I need time to think.

I loaded up the leg press. My thighs were already burning from running, but I wanted to punish myself. I had let my inner self believe Jamal felt the same about me as I felt about him.

I'd been delusional.

Jamal had tried to let me down easily by putting the blame on himself. Taken on the responsibility for the relationship ending. I knew better. The patterns of my life had repeated.

There are things you don't know about me you'd never understand.

Those words had been more telling than any of the others. He didn't think I could accept his disability in our relationship. That I'd always see his limitations as a barrier.

That he believed the wheelchair would make a difference to me.

I pushed hard against the metal plate with my feet.

I'd spent the past twenty years chasing beauty. Exploited myself for likes. Used descriptions and comments to confirm my followers' beliefs that I was hollow. Jamal had been privy to what was ultimately my degradation. I was obsessed with selling myself.

And that was the truth of the matter.

Jamal had been right to push me away.

Guys like me didn't have the maturity or intelligence to engage in a meaningful relationship. We cruised along, skimming off the top. Only giving our full attention to those we deem worthy.

Usually, the hottest, most shallow guy in the room.

I wasn't good enough for someone like Jamal.

And he had figured that out.

I finished my workout, aching all over. I decided to spend some time in the sauna, soothing my muscles. I stripped down in the change room and wrapped a towel around my waist.

There was only one other guy in the sauna.

Muscular and sexy.

He eyed me up and down and smiled.

Out of habit, I sat hip-to-hip with him. My body vibrated when he put his hand on my thigh. And not in a good way. I brushed his hand away and hustled out of the stifling room.

Jamal.

I didn't want him off my mind. I wanted to remember every moment we'd spent together. Even if he didn't believe in me. No one was ever going to take me seriously—I knew that.

Not today, but soon, I'd leap back into the carnal pool of men.

Where I belonged.

I was early, but I headed to work at the pub. I needed to distract myself. After checking in with the afternoon bartenders, I found Noah in his office.

I slumped into the only other chair in the room aside from his. It was a ratty old thing that used to be out on the floor of the pub. The final nail in its coffin—a tear in the fabric.

"You're early." Noah looked up from his papers at me. "What's wrong?"

There was no point in dancing around. "Jamal cut me loose."

Noah frowned and set his pen down. "What happened?"

I sighed. "Where to begin."

"At the beginning."

"Okay. He said there are things about himself that I would never understand."

"What did he mean by that?"

"He wouldn't clarify. But it's obvious."

Noah shifted in his chair and leaned his arms on his desk. "What is?"

I needed Noah's opinion because I knew what mine was. Just for clarification. "Do I come across as someone who would dump Jamal because he's disabled?"

"Honestly. Outward appearances—yes. But I know you on the inside."

"And what do you see on the inside?"

"A kind, caring, generous, and intelligent man with abundant love to give."

"Nice words, but do you think he thinks I'm shallow?"

"If he thought you were, Jamal never would have become your boyfriend. He's very cautious. In all the years I've known him, he's only gone out on a few dates."

"I worried I'm not good enough for him."

"Why on earth would you think that? You're plenty good enough for him. Any man would be lucky to have someone as incredible as you. You need to believe that."

I sighed. That was Noah's honest opinion. And I trusted him with my life.

Maybe I'd been too hard on myself.

Fuck.

I covered my face and propped my head in my hands.

"I think I might be in love with him."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"He said he needs time to think. I'm going to give him that."

"Don't wait too long. Every moment you have with him could be precious."

I emerged from my hands. "I know."

Now, I felt as ill as if I had lost my best friend in the world. And that was no longer Noah. I wanted Jamal back in my life. I wasn't sure how patient I could be.

I was so distraught; I didn't care what I was eating. Alesia had suggested we make ginger beef and stir-fried rice. I'd agreed and picked up what we needed from the grocery store on my way home from the gym. The dish included cornstarch-covered beef, sweet sauce, and rice.

My body wasn't going to know what hit it.

I set a small paper bag on the counter as well. Along with the groceries, I'd made a quick pass through the liquor store. Inside the bag was a bottle of Canadian Club.

I needed to drown the sense of loss eating me up.

Alesia started with the beef, cutting it into strips. I filled and turned on the rice cooker and took some frozen peas out of the freezer. Once the rice was cooked, I would fry both in oil. Our wok had enough oil heating in it to fry the beef. We could pull it all together in thirty minutes.

I leaned against the counter, waiting for the rice to cook. I poured my first shot of whiskey. There would be many more. Alesia raised an eyebrow at me.

"Jamal dumped me." I threw the shot back.

"What did you do?"

"Thanks a lot, Alesia. I'll have you know things were going great."

"And he gave you a shove back into the friend zone?"

I poured another shot. "Not even sure that's where we've ended up."

Alesia finished cutting the last of the beef strips, dumped them into the bowl filled with cornstarch, and began coating them. "Is that what you want? To go back to being friends."

"No, I want the us we were building."

"Do you love him?"

"I thought I was falling for Jamal before he broke it off with me." I exhaled and stared up at the ceiling. I blinked a few times and tears rolled down my cheeks. "I do … I love him."

"What are you going to do about it?"

That was the second time someone had said that to me. I didn't know the answer other than to stay in his sphere. I couldn't imagine not having Jamal in my life.

I was scheduled to go into the youth centre tomorrow to help some kids in the weight room. I'd make a point of seeing Jamal. Maybe having me in front of him would change his mind.

That sounded so sad. I was in love with the man and that was the best I could do.

I threw back my second shot.

After dinner, I went to my room and checked my social media accounts, bottle in hand. The photo Ethan had taken at the beach with me in my wetsuit hadn't been deleted by the platform for going against community guidelines and had over 1200 likes. The comments were numerous.

There were the usual followers.

diggerdog24: OMG! I'm dying! <water spurting emoji>

cameoslut156: I want to know where this beach is! <flame emoji>

sausagemonster67: Those dimples! Want to stick my tongue in them! <tongue emoji>

Then there were my followers who liked to tear me down. I poured myself another shot before I allowed myself to continue reading the comments.

juggerwatcher11: Aren't you too old to be surfing?

darkhorse189: When did your ass get so fat?

porcelindick89: Did your gimpy boyfriend get some sense and dump you?

That last one really hurt. Not because they were right about Jamal ditching me but because they had called Jamal gimpy. The man I loved was the most capable person I'd ever met.

I started typing.

@porcelindick89, you have no idea what you're talking about. He's not gimpy. He is the most amazing human being ever. You could never in a million years deserve someone as good as him.

porcelindick89: Then it makes sense why he rolled away from you.

I laid my head back on my pillow and slipped back into my negative thinking.

Maybe Noah was biased in his opinion of me.

The truth was, I wasn't the kind of guy men fell in love with. And even if one did … I'd blow it up. Become complacent. End up leaning back into my obsession. Ignoring my partner in preference to my phone. Annoy the hell out of him until he walked out on me.

I had no idea how to contribute to a healthy relationship. I'd seen so few of them. Watching Noah and Brody, I'd seen the give and take it took for them to maintain what they had together.

I closed my eyes. I'd cut way back on my posting since I started with Jamal.

Maybe I could change.

No.

It was imprinted on my soul now—my shallowness. My life was self-absorbed, and I didn't want Jamal to be sucked into that emptiness with me.

I would not attempt to change his mind.

I needed to protect him—from me.

I loved him too much to do anything else.

Chapter Sixteen | Jamal

I remained at the doorway to the weight room, watching as Liam worked with the youth. He was so good with them. So supportive and capable. My heart ached for him.

I reminded myself I ended what we had to keep Liam from being hurt. I retreated and rolled to my office. I was finishing coding some invoices when Liam appeared at my door.

The devastated muscle in my chest threw itself into overdrive. I wanted to go to him. Run my fingers through his abundant sexy hair and caress my lips onto his.

Liam released a shaky exhalation. "Can we be friends?" Time passed. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. He was anxious. I couldn't stand to disappoint him any further.

I needed to be near him.

"How would that work?" I asked.

"I don't know. We could hang out. Maybe go for a run together."

That would be safe enough. An outdoor activity. I couldn't trust myself to be in private with Liam. My body and mind yearned desperately for him.

"I'd like that. When do you have in mind?"

Liam's shoulders visibly relaxed. "Tomorrow afternoon? I don't have to be at work until five."

"Where?"

"The trail along Dallas Road. We could meet at the sundial at 2 pm."

"I'll be there." I nodded and Liam turned to leave. "Wait." He faced me again. "Thanks for what you said when you responded to that dickhead follower of yours. I appreciate it."

"You read the comments on my posts?"

"Of course."

Liam furrowed his brow. "He had no right to say that about you. You're not gimpy." His chest heaved up and down. I could sense he wanted to say more but was restraining himself.

I knew what those next words would've been. He would have called me beautiful.

I had to fight hard to keep fresh tears from spilling.

At my core, I knew it was going to be painful to meet with Liam. I fixed my gaze on him as he left my office. The only thing I could deny that man was my love. It was the second most painful thing I'd ever done. The first was the shove I'd given Richard that resulted in him falling.

The sight of blood matting his curly blond hair was a constant in my nightmares.

There was a light mist in the air, but the sea was calm, no wind. I rolled back and forth in my customized all-terrain wheelchair to calm myself. I wasn't sure what to expect from today.

Liam came jogging toward me. I knew he lived somewhere in the James Bay neighbourhood, but I didn't even know his address. We'd always met at my place.

His expression was sombre. The light was gone from his eyes. No smile.

"You ready?" is all he said to me.

"Lead the way. I'll keep up."

Liam started slow but then realized the plodding pace was actually more difficult for me, so he sped up. We made our way down the paved section and then veered off onto a gravel trail. I had to dig harder to keep up, but my shoulders, arms, and hands were strong and capable.

He stopped looking back over his shoulder at me, realizing I wasn't going to fall behind. I was surprised when after fifteen minutes, he slowed and took a seat on a bench overlooking the cliff.

I parked beside him. "You running out of steam?" I smiled at him.

"I want to talk."

My chest tightened. It was a conversation that was going to happen sooner or later. I'd known that when I'd agreed to go running with him. I hadn't let it deter me from being here with him.

"About what?"

Liam looked over his shoulder at me. "Us. I thought we had a good thing."

"I told you why I wanted to end where we were going."

"You told me it was because there were things about you I would never understand. I can't even comprehend what that would be." He sighed. "I promised myself I wasn't going to do this."

My chest rocked up as I breathed in. "You have every right to question me."

Liam turned in his seat to face me. "Did you think I would dump you someday because of your disability? Is that why you wanted to pull away first?"

I put my hand on his. "I know you would never do that to me."

"Then fuck." Liam pulled his hand away. "Am I that unlovable?"

Tears rimmed my bottom lids. Liam thought this was his fault. That I'd made up an excuse to get away from him. His conclusion was the furthest thing from the truth.

"You're not unlovable, Liam." I looked down at my hands. I couldn't look up and see the potential hope in his eyes. This wasn't us getting back together.

"Then what? Did I do something to upset you? I have no idea how to participate in a healthy relationship but I'm desperate to learn if it means keeping you in my life."

I wiped a tear off my cheek.

It felt as if my soul was being dragged through broken glass for a second time. The man I loved was practically begging me to take him back. And I had to turn him down—again.

"This wasn't a good idea," I said. "I don't think we can be friends."

I backed away from the bench. I had to make a quick retreat after Liam lifted his head to look at me. His face was covered in tears. My vision was blurry as I made my way back to my car.

It took me a while to compose myself enough to drive. I couldn't go back to work at the youth centre. I called one of my volunteers and asked them to lock up for me at the end of the day.

I headed straight home and hid in my room. I tried to nap but the churning pit in my stomach wouldn't let up. My insides were being destroyed. I was in love. A state of being I hadn't believed would ever be possible for me again. I'd resigned myself to the possibility, I would be alone for the rest of my life. No man would want someone physically and emotionally damaged.

Liam, in his actions and words, had proved he wanted and needed me regardless.

And I'd pushed him away.

My life felt entirely over once again. What Richard and I had been building had been disassembled by my accident and how I'd reacted. And this time, once again, it was my fault.

Reluctantly, I emerged for dinner.

"Jamal," Mamma said at the table and touched my hand. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm not seeing Liam anymore."

"Oh?"

"We tried going back to being friends, but it was too hard for both of us."

"I'm sorry."

I looked up and down the table at my family. My dad and grandparents made no notice of my misery. Meera frowned at me. She could tell I was hurting. David and Zahir simply looked puzzled.

Dadi stunned me.

"Where's your lovely friend, Liam? He hasn't been home for dinner in a while."

I couldn't answer her. Home. It was her mild dementia mixing her words, but she was right, Liam should be here. He should be here every night with us. He'd become part of my family.

I propelled myself abruptly away from the table and headed for the staircase. For the first time in a long time, I felt like throwing myself down them. Maybe the spinal cord injury would be complete this time if I succumbed to the urge to rocket off the edge. I teetered at the top of the stairs, my hands gripping the wheels, my fingers poised to try and increase my pain.

Because I deserved it.

I shuddered and started sobbing.

That damned car should have killed me. I could have avoided so much emotional torture.

"Fuck!" I beat the air with my fists, then rolled back from the top of the stairs. I transferred onto the chairlift and shoved my wheelchair, sending it crashing to the ground floor.

With any luck, it would be damaged; ripped apart, and shredded like my heart.

My family came running.

"Oh, my god, what's going on with you?" Meera clung to my shoulders.

I swept her away from me. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Jamal."

"Not now, Meera."

David ran down the stairs and lifted my chair to put it back on its wheels. Mamma had her mouth covered, crying. I'd terrified her. I hadn't meant to do that to her.

I'd been selfish.

My only excuse—I was existing in a whole new level of anguish.

"Back right wheel's bent," David reported. "I'll get your old chair from the garage."

I nodded and rode the chairlift to the bottom of the stairs. I slung my arms around David's neck as he lifted and carried me to my bedroom. Thankfully, he didn't ask me what was wrong.

He deposited me on my bed.

I leaned against my headboard and stared at my phone.

Liam.

I can't live without him.

And I couldn't live without knowing. Without knowing if Liam still wanted to be with me after I told him what I'd done. Without knowing if Liam might be capable of loving me.

I selected his name on my phone and listened to it ring.

"I thought we were finished," he answered.

"Liam, I haven't told you everything. If you decide we're finished after I do … I'll accept it. But right now, I'm finding it impossible to let you go. You're wrapped too tight around my heart."

I could hear Liam swallow.

I continued. "I have a past you don't know about. I've told you about Richard, but I never told you why we broke up. Not really. Yes, we drifted, but there was more to it than that."

After clearing my throat, I carried on. "I was angry after my accident. Angry I'd lost the use of my legs. Angry that the car hadn't killed me. My despair sometimes boiled into vicious rage, and I used to lash out. Mostly at those whom I loved. I guess they were an easy target.

"Richard was a saint and he took a lot of crap from me. I treated him horribly, Liam, I was so wrapped up in my own mourning. It never occurred to me he was mourning too. Our life as we'd known it was over. Our hopes, our dream of children, everything … it all seemed over."

I scrubbed tears off my face. My story would be more difficult from here.

"I was being torn apart by anguish and I was so furious at the world, I started abusing Richard. First verbally … and then hitting him and ramming him with my wheelchair. He took it. He loved me and just took it. Most days I didn't even feel guilty. I wanted him to hate me. It infuriated me even more that he didn't hate me. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anyone.

"The night before he left me, I shoved him. I shoved him with so much force he fell over and cracked his head on the edge of the dresser in our bedroom. He had to go to the hospital. He needed twenty stitches and had a slight concussion. The police pressed charges against me when Richard told them what I'd done. What I'd been doing to him. He'd had enough."

Liam remained silent but I could hear him breathing.

"I was found guilty of domestic assault and received three months probation."

Liam cleared his throat. "Why didn't you tell me all this before now?"

"I didn't want to lose you as a friend. And then we became more, and I was terrified—"

"That what? I'd take off? Don't you think that should have been my decision?"

My heart pattered as I formulated my words. "What would you have decided?"

Liam sighed. "That I'd need to think about it."

It felt as though my chest caved in. "Fair."

There was more I needed to tell Liam if I wanted to be completely truthful with him. "Your birth father came to see me. He threatened to expose me."

"Are you fucking serious? Is that why you're telling me all this?"

Liam sounded angry.

"No, but that's why I broke up with you. He told me I needed to back away from you. I didn't want you to find out from him and feel like I betrayed you. I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have come to me, Jamal."

He was right. From the start, we'd been open with one another. For some reason, I hadn't trusted Liam with this. I'd made a monumental mistake. "I know that now. I'm sorry."

Liam grunted. "I need to go, but thanks for telling me all of that. I'm sure it was hard for you."

"It was."

"Just give me some time. It's a lot to process."

"I understand."

"Bye, Jamal."

"Bye, Liam."

My eyelashes fluttered and decorated my cheeks further with tears as I ended the call and lay my phone on my chest. It was done. I'd told him everything.

It felt like the goodbyes we'd shared would be our last.

I'd lost him.

Chapter Seventeen | Liam

The dinner table at Noah and Brody's was animated with conversation, bantering, and teasing zipping back and forth. This was a happy home. My best friend and his husband had created something amazing. I looked down at my slice of pot roast. I wanted a home with someone.

Jamal.

I wanted the whole blissful package with Jamal.

Quinn nudged me. "Are you going to sing tonight?"

I smirked at hir. "That's strictly a car trip practice of mine. Acoustics are good."

"Then can you pick us up from school tomorrow?"

I looked at Noah for permission. He shrugged his shoulders. That was a yes. "I can do that. Have some songs picked out to sing together."

Rowan groaned. "As long as you sing the right words."

I laughed. "I can't promise anything."

That received an eye roll from the grumpy teenager. "Just my luck … my guncle is annoying."

Noah smiled at me. There was love in his eyes. The warm feeling didn't reach my heart as much as it used to. His was the love of a friend. It wasn't as intense as the way Jamal looked at me.

Was that love I saw in his eyes?

I played with my mashed potatoes and ate a mouthful. I appreciated the buttery and garlicky taste of them. I usually didn't make it this far around my plate. I'd backed off on how strict I was with myself when it came to food. The opinions of my followers had become less relevant.

Jamal would never judge me or my body. I meant more to him than that. My chest heaved up and down. I had no way of knowing that for sure. I had no idea how he felt about me.

Other than the way he looked at me.

"How's work?" I asked Brody, needing to distract myself.

"I have a full compliment of cases. Been keeping me busy."

"Anything interesting?"

Brody smirked. "Yes, but nothing I can discuss. We haven't gone to trial yet."

"So, it's going to make the papers?"

This time Brody laughed softly, a rarity. "Oh, yeah. Definitely."

"Send me a link when the story comes out."

"Will do."

"Can I go now?" Rowan had finished everything on his plate. He'd even taken seconds. His body was responding well to the male hormones he was taking. He was filling out.

"Go ahead," Noah said. "I'll bring dessert down to the family room."

Quinn pushed hir plate away and joined Rowan to thunder down the stairs to the basement. With them occupied out of earshot, I could openly discuss what was bothering me.

"You have something on your mind," Noah said to me, he knew me so well.

"Jamal."

"What's the latest?"

"He finally told me why he broke up with me."

"And it wasn't what you thought."

I shook my head. "It really was about him. And how he thought I'd react. He's left the decision to get back together or not in my court and I'm struggling."

Noah frowned. "Can you share the reason?"

I sighed. "Some of it. It's not my story to tell."

Brody took that as a cue to leave Noah and me alone. He cleared the table of dirty dishes and went into the kitchen. He'd still be able to hear if he tried. I suspected he wouldn't.

"After his accident," I said, "Jamal was angry at everything … everyone." I didn't want to lay it out in detail, but this next part was important. "He became abusive."

Noah's eyebrows rose. "Jamal? Seriously? Did he hurt someone?"

I looked down at my hands. I'd known Noah might figure it out.

I nodded.

"Wow, that's unbelievable. Jamal is the least aggressive person I know. He's a kitten."

"Kittens have claws and bad attitudes."

"True. Then he's like a fluffy bunny."

I huffed out a snort. "I can get behind that. The man calls me sweet but he's the sweet one. What happened … he explained it as being in a kind of anguished mourning."

"I can see that. Not sure how I'd react to losing my ability to walk."

I looked up at Noah. "I think it was a perfect storm of negative emotions that caused Jamal to act like he did. After thinking about it, his past anger issues aren't causing me concern anymore."

"Then what's holding you back from reuniting with him?"

"Erik visited him and threatened him. Told Jamal if he didn't break up with me, he was going to tell me what happened in Jamal's past. Threatened to expose him to me."

"How the hell would Erik know about Jamal's past?"

"That's the part I don't want to talk about."

Noah exhaled long and hard and stared at me with his head cocked. "You think Jamal never would have told you if Erik hadn't threatened him? Is that what's going on?"

This was where I was struggling. "He broke up with me rather than tell me himself. Did he not trust me? Our relationship so far has been one of open communication."

"But he did tell you."

"After he broke up with me. Why tell me at all?"

"Because he wants you back, Liam. Sounds like he lay his heart on the floor in front of you. You can either pick it up and cherish it or you can stomp on it."

That last visual made my chest ache.

Noah came around to my side of the table, hugged me, held my head, and kissed my hair. "You love him. You have some thinking to do but I've never seen you like this before. Jamal must be a special guy to have my favourite gay playboy considering retirement."

"Fuck off." I leaned my head against Noah's chest and soaked in the love.

"Do we want dessert in here?" Brody asked from behind us.

I sniffed and tried to peer up at him from Noah's sweater. "What is it?"

"Ethan made some double-chocolate, walnut brownies for us," Brody replied. "I was going to heat them and put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top."

I groaned. "Gawd. Go ahead … hit me up with some of that."

Noah held me away from his body and looked down at me. "You feeling all right?"

"There's more to life than pleasing strangers. Not going to disregard all I've achieved or anything. Just going to ease off a little. It's more important to share moments with family."

Noah smirked. "By eating brownies and ice cream."

I pulled away from Noah and smiled at him. "Exactly."

As we dug into the chocolatey treat, I thought about Jamal's family. They'd be sitting around their dinner table right now, enjoying a meal together. I ached to be there with Jamal at my side.

I found a quiet seat and stared up at the two indigenous totem poles in the First People's Living Languages Gallery of the Royal BC Museum.

Jamal had filled me in a lot of information when it came to the ancestral lands of the Songhees and Esquimalt nations where Victoria, BC was settled. How the lək̓ʷəŋən People hunted and gathered here for thousands of years. How when Captain James Douglas anchored off Clover Point in 1842, he saw the result of the lək̓ʷəŋən People’s careful land management, such as controlled burning and food cultivation. They had been at one with nature.

He told me about the Seven Signs of the lək̓ʷəŋən traditional territory. Created in 2008, the Signs of lək̓ʷəŋən consist of seven unique site markers that designate culturally significant sites to the Songhees and Esquimalt Nations along the Inner Harbour and surrounding areas.

He'd gone on. At 2.5 metres high and weighing close to 1000 pounds, the markers depicted spindle whorls that were traditionally used by Coast Salish women to spin wool and were considered to be the foundation of a Coast Salish family.

Family.

I increasingly yearned for it. Noah and his family represented everything I wanted in my life now. But only if Jamal was in it. I loved that man with every element of my soul.

I wrapped my arms around my chest and leaned forward, closing my eyes. The ambience in the room made it possible to think. If Erik hadn't threatened Jamal, would he have told me?

That was the only variable still causing me to remain undecided. Maybe Noah was right. Jamal hadn't needed to tell me after he broke up with me. The fact he had as part of his bid to get me back was telling. He needed me to know. He didn't want to go forward without me knowing.

Maybe he did love me.

I checked the time on my phone. The museum was about to close. I would have enough time to have a shower and make dinner before the Salish Sea Society meeting tonight.

Alesia wasn't going to be home. She was out on a date with a woman she met on one of the dating apps. She was hopeful. She'd spend a lot of time texting with this one beforehand.

Once I was at the pub, I poured myself a glass of sparkling water, added a lime slice, and tucked into my regular spot at our table. The other three wandered in and took their seats. The joyful exuberance in the snug emanating from them made me feel like melting into my seat and disappearing. I didn't stand to hug anyone. I probably shouldn't have come tonight.

For once, it wasn't Ethan who said he had news. He nudged Owen instead.

"Owen has something to share," Ethan said.

Owen groaned and rolled his eyes. "It's nothing."

"Did you find some husband material?" Noah asked.

"No," Owen replied. "Nothing like that." He spun his glass in place—stalling. "We had our annual office Christmas party last week, and I found myself alone in the washroom with Skylar."

"Who's Skylar?" I asked.

"Chad's husband."

"The one you didn't notice … like … at all," I teased.

"Believe me, I noticed. Never thought I was into femme guys, but—" Owen picked at the edge of his drink coaster. "We were in the washroom together and he came on to me—hard."

Okay, that snapped me out of my head for a moment.

"Like how?"

"Like pressed me into a bathroom stall and got all up on me."

"And?" I wanted to hear the rest of this story.

"Pressed his long black skirt-covered, thickening cock against my very shocked one and whispered a kiss onto the side of my neck."

"Not the best part," Ethan said.

"Don't tell me you dropped down on your knees for him," Noah added.

Owen finished the sip of beer he'd been taking. "God, no. But when we emerged from the washroom, Skylar and Chad had a visual exchange. Chad knew what Skylar had done to me. It's like they'd planned it. I'm positive it was another one of Chad's asshole moves to get to me."

"Or … Skylar is into you and Chad's all right with it," I suggested.

Owen shook his head. "Not a chance. They were working together to unhinge me."

"And are you?" Noah asked while smirking at Owen. "Unhinged?"

Owen sighed. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about Skylar. The guy is sexy as fuck."

"Liam is right," Ethan said. "Maybe Skylar and Chad have an open marriage and Skylar is into you. Chad might not be trying to mess you up. Maybe he wants his husband to be happy."

"I am not getting into bed with Chad's husband. Especially not if my doing so would make Chad happy as well as his husband. That prick isn't getting any gratification from me."

"Doesn't sound like a convincing final answer," I said, feeling soothed by a bit of normalcy. The banter was good. It was pulling my focus away from Jamal.

"What about you and Jamal?" Ethan asked me.

And I was pulled right back into it.

"We're not together anymore."

"The paralysis?" Owen asked.

I glared at him. "Fuck, no!" My ears heated as the level of my voice escalated. "That has nothing to do with it!" Owen had fucking pissed me off. "I don't care about his damned wheelchair! And you are a fucking asshole for thinking it would be an issue for me!"

Owen held up his hands. "Sorry. I assumed. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

Noah set his hand on my arm to calm me.

"What happened?" Ethan asked.

"He broke up with me, then days later told me stuff about himself." I gripped my glass. The condensation ran down my hand to my wrist. I was going to be as vague as possible. "He asked me to consider what he told me because he wants to get back together with me."

"What are you going to do?" Ethan replied, not pressing me to reveal more details.

I shook my head as tears pooled in my eyes. "I don't know." I shuddered through a breath and for the first time since I'd known any of these men, I ugly wept in front of them.

The sounds of my despair filled the snug.

"Shit." Noah leapt from his seat, came to me, and put his arm around my shoulders. Even to Noah, my breakdown would be unexpected. I'd kept so much of my sorrow locked down over my lifetime, after believing, as a child, no one cared. I'd put on a show of being someone who didn't display any emotions other than the love I shared with my three best friends.

My separation from Jamal was tearing me apart. 

"I love him beyond what I ever thought possible," I managed through tear-dampened lips.

Ethan and Owen gathered around me, joining Noah in consoling me. Owen and I might have our differences, but none of them wanted to see me hurting.

And I was hurting.

I'd concluded that Jamal's delaying his admission was driven by fear. That shocked me. That he hadn't trusted me. I thought we'd been building something stronger than that.

I wasn't sure I could find my way around that.

Chapter Eighteen | Jamal

The grilled cheese sandwich sizzled in the frying pan, the butter turning it golden brown. It was the first of many. There were quite a few hungry mouths at the centre today. I'd managed to work a deal with a local grocery store whereby I could get the groceries I needed to feed the kids at a discount. It was a fabulous win. I was keeping the food simple, which most of them preferred.

"Not quite so much butter," I said to Avery, who was helping me.

I slid the cooked sandwich onto a plate, cut it in thirds, put the next piece of bread facedown in the pan, added the cheese, and capped it off with another piece of buttered bread.

To keep the gooey cheese sandwiches from getting cold, Avery was charged with ferrying them over to the table as we made them. I would keep making more until the kids slowed down.

After the tenth sandwich hit the table, it looked like they'd had enough. I clicked off the stove and rolled my wheelchair around to face the table. "Amber, can you wash up, please?"

"Sure thing, Mr. K."

"Thank you."

I left the kitchen and contemplated my next move. I'd seen Noah coming in for his volunteer shift. I checked the gym first, but he wasn't there, so I headed for the library.

He was sitting on the floor beside Kyle, leaning against the wall. They were both absorbed in their books. I rolled closer to them and Noah looked up at me.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked him, gathering my nerve. I needed to know.

"Sure." He set his book aside and rose to his feet. He followed me to the other side of the library where we could talk in private. "What's up?"

My heart thudded around like a caged badger. "Can you tell me what's going on with Liam?"

I knew I was asking a lot of Noah. Liam was his best friend. Noah might want to protect him and what he was going through. If it was none of my business, Noah would say so.

"Honestly … he's suffering. He doesn't know what to do with what you told him."

"Did he tell you?"

"What you told him? Not really. But he's pretty torn up about the whole thing."

"Is he working toward any conclusions?"

"Not yet. He's having trouble getting over the fact you didn't come to him sooner."

"I was scared."

"He's figured that out, but I think you bruised the image of what you two had together."

"He's special. I've never connected to someone as much as I have with Liam."

Noah folded his arms. "I'm telling you this in confidence. It's not like Liam to have big feelings for someone … but he has them for you."

My heart thudded even harder.

Does he love me?

Noah put his hand on my shoulder. "Give him time. I think he'll come around." Then he left me to immerse myself in the stunning possibility Liam might come back to me.

I needed to be patient.

After rolling out of the library, I went to my office. I wanted to write a list of supplies so the kids could make posters for an upcoming winter dance we were planning. Avery was sitting on the chair in front of my desk waiting for me to return.

"What can I help you with?" I asked them.

Avery looked down at their hands. "Things aren't great at home."

"What's going on?"

"I came out to my parents as enby. They'd never even heard the word before." They looked up at me. "I had to explain it to them. They were silent at first … then they exploded."

I furrowed my brow. "They didn't hurt you, did they?"

"No, just a whole lot of yelling at me." Tears rimmed Avery's eyes. "They've threatened to kick me out of the house if I don't stop this nonsense. I don't know what to do."

Fuck.

We had a few kids who lived on the streets. It was a hard and dangerous place to be for a young person. They were often exploited and sold their bodies for money for food.

Avery wouldn't last long out there before they turned to drugs to lessen the anguish and feelings of abandonment. They were a tender soul. I wouldn't let it come to that.

"Come straight to me if they kick you out. I'm working on permission to operate a youth shelter. You could stay here. I've ordered all the bunkbeds already. It won't be long."

I'd started the application months ago. I'd been assured when I phoned recently that it was a matter of days until it was approved. I'd need to provide three meals a day for each youth but running a shelter opened us up for more funding. I had hope it would be enough.

Later that night when I was in bed, I couldn't sleep. Avery and Liam were on my mind. I could hear Meera bumping around in her kitchen. I hadn't confided in her yet. I'd brushed her off when I threw my wheelchair down the stairs. It wasn't like me to not talk to her.

I transferred into my wheelchair, pulled on a t-shirt, wheeled into the front entry, and knocked on her door. She was pleased to see me, her smile bright. "Do you want some tea?"

I followed Meera into her apartment. "If you have some decaf, sure."

"I'm making chamomile."

"Perfect."

She removed two cups from the cupboard and dropped teabags into them. The kettle was already spitting out steam and water droplets. She filled each cup with hot water.

"Are you ready to tell me what's going on?" Meera asked.

"I need your advice." We headed for her living room which was a mix of antique and ultra modern furnishings. It worked. I always felt comfortable here. She set my cup on a coffee table.

"I'll do my best."

"I broke up with Liam."

Meera's eyebrows shot up. "Why on earth would you do that? You adore him."

"I was afraid he'd find out about my conviction."

Now she frowned. "You would need to have that conversation with him eventually."

"I know, but I was scared of losing him."

"So … you broke up with him?"

"Don't get on my case. I know it makes no sense." I lifted my tea and held the hot cup in my hands, warming them. "A few days ago, I told Liam what happened with Richard, how I treated him, and about my assault conviction. He said he needed to think about it."

"Well, that's more promising than him telling you to fuck off."

"Maybe he should. I didn't come to him when I should have. His birth father came to see me. He knew about my conviction and threatened to tell Liam if I didn't break up with him."

"Why would he care about you being with Liam?"

"Take your pick. Sexuality, race, occupation, or disability. Most likely all of the above."

"And that's why you broke up with him."

"I was wrong to do it. I should have gone straight to Liam and told him everything."

"That would have been the right thing to do."

"I know." I took a sip of my tea. The earthy essence reminded me of the taste of Liam's skin. "I spoke to Noah today. He told me Liam was suffering. That he doesn't know what to do."

"That means he hasn't decided to walk away. That's good news."

I sighed and set my cup back on the coffee table. "I'm in love with him, Meera."

"Oh, wow … so soon?"

"I think I fell in love with Liam the first time we ever spoke. While we were at Noah's wedding. There was something about his gentle nature that hooked my soul from the start. After following him on social media, showing off his body, he wasn't what I'd been expecting. I thought I was about to engage with someone who would want to talk about mindless things. Instead, he asked me about the youth centre. Told me how much he admired me for the work I did.

"Then we went to the museum together and I realized how complex he is. The conversations between us were meaningful and honest. We shared openly about our lives. Built the beginnings of a bond. He's the sweetest most caring and loving man I've ever encountered. Seeing him interacting with you and the rest of the family sealed it for me. I could imagine a future with Liam."

Meera patted me on my thigh. "You need to figure out what you're going to do with that."

"What can I do? I've laid every single one of my baggage cards on the table. This is his decision. Whether my not trusting him is a deal breaker or not. All I can do is wait."

"You're too passive. If it were me, I'd go after him. Tell him I love him."

Meera had a point, but the truth was, "I'm not confident enough to put myself out there."

"You're worried he doesn't feel the same way?"

"I am." I looked out through Meera's front window. The streetlight was offering enough light to illuminate the rain drumming down. Noah had said Liam had big feelings for me.

Was I brave enough to take a chance?

To go after the man I loved.

I finished my tea, went back to my room, and drained my bladder. The old wheelchair David had retrieved from the garage for me was heavy and awkward. It made everything more difficult. My biceps were sore, and I practically bashed into the doorframe trying to get out of the bathroom.

I parked my chair near the edge of my bed and transferred onto the mattress. The bedding was thick and welcoming against the winter weather. It would soon be Christmas.

I had imagined spending it with Liam.

As I lay there, I toyed with the idea of calling my volunteers and asking them to cover for me so I could take a few days off. I wanted to hide in my bed and wait for some kind of bravery to find me. I knew I didn't have that option. The kids at the youth centre needed me.

I would have to find that bravery on my own.

The youth centre was quiet. All the kids and volunteers had left for the day, giving me the chance to hole up in my office and get some paperwork done. It seemed the bulk of my job was applying for grants from the government and private industry. Without their monetary contributions, the Rainbow Youth Centre would cease to exist. We had private donors and reduced rent on the building, but we were always one donation away from closure.

I heard the front doors slam shut. I hadn't locked them yet. It was an oversight on my part, I was so distracted. It was a safe neighbourhood, but you never knew who was going to wander in off the street. We didn't have many homeless in the area, but there were some.

My office door burst open, and my heart skipped into rapid panic. Standing in my doorway was a tall broad man I'd never seen before. He was wearing paint-splotched jeans and a thick plaid jacket. The expression on his face—pure hatred.

His lips pulled up in a sneer. "Found you, you little freak."

I swallowed and tried to collect the downpour of fear that spilled into my gut. This wasn't going to end well. I could feel it in the tips of my fingers, but I tried to diffuse the situation.

"Can I help you with something?"

"You." He thrust his pointed finger at me, his eyes wild with fury. "You and everyone here are fucking pedophiles and child butchers!" He stepped closer to me, making my pulse jump. "You've been grooming my son! Confusing him! Making him think he's a girl!"

I struggled to breathe.

He took a glance around my office. I became very aware the walls were covered in various pride flags. He surged closer and hissed in my face. "You fucking disgust me."

I gripped the armrests of my chair, knowing there was no way for me to escape. I was trapped by my wheelchair and the confines of my desk. "We're only here to support the kids."

Not sure why I was telling him this. I knew he wouldn't care. I'd dealt with angry homophobic parents before, but none had ever come at me with such menace.

Sweat broke out on my brow and upper lip.

I was terrified.

"I know exactly what you're doing," he ranted. "You lure kids in here so you can turn them into fucking queers." He shoved my wheelchair until it smashed into the wall behind me.

My lungs and heart could no longer hold a steady rhythm. I gasped, attempting to find purchase on a breath while my torso quaked and contracted and my fingers and jawline went numb. My thighs pumped jerkily, my knees kicking my calves, so my shoes banged on the footrests.

There was a shadow.

He loomed over me and put his hand around my throat.

Jeezus.

"Stop." I gripped his arm and scrabbled at it to try to pull him away. I dug in my fingers, my nails scratching his skin, but he didn't care. He was fucking choking me.

Tears ran down my cheeks.

My legs danced a chaotic jig as I clawed at his flesh. I felt like a marionette on a string.

"You bring them in here and manipulate them! Your kind can't have kids, so you have to recruit ours! The whole lot of you should get the death penalty!"

I sucked in the best breath I could manage. My temples pounded. I fought harder, prying at his fingers and shoving his chest. In an instant, he withdrew, leaving me gasping for air.

He grabbed one armrest of my wheelchair with both hands and set his stance.

Please, no.

He hauled on my chair and sent me crashing onto the floor. "Fucking crippled faggot!"

Fiery pain shot through my shoulder and across my back. I couldn't move to avoid him, but I tried to protect myself with one hand as his hard boot slammed into my gut.

A new kind of agony radiated up my chest and into my spine and groin.

"Stay away from Peter!"

I pressed my cheek against the floor, clutching at the gritty wooden planks to ground myself as he left me to spiral off an adrenaline high and plunge into the icy pools of cognition.

I could have died.

The front doors slammed shut.

I'm not sure how long I lay there sobbing.

I thought that was going to be the end. Strangled in my office after surviving a horrendous accident and finally getting my life back. Not only that, but I'd found love again.

I tried to swallow fully but my neck was sore where his hand had been. I stroked the tender skin with my fingers where I knew bruises were likely blooming.

Who's Peter?

I closed my eyes. From my place on the floor, I could hear the heat click on.

Like the world would have gone on without me.

I lifted my head, pinching my eyes shut as pain radiated through my neck. The armrest of my wheelchair was digging into my hip, causing increasing pain. I'd have a vicious bruise there for sure. I tried to push up on my arms but the shoulder I had landed on screamed at me. I was stuck. I wouldn't be able to get back into my wheelchair on my own. I could call 9-1-1 to help me but my injuries went beyond what my body had endured.

I fished my phone out of my pocket, found the number, and pressed call.

"Jamal?" His was the voice I needed to hear.

"Liam … I need you."

I started crying. I knew I'd find comfort in his arms. He was the only one I could be this vulnerable around. I trusted him more than I had realized.

Courage surged through me.

I trusted him enough to expose my beating heart to him.

Chapter Nineteen | Liam

Mamma sat across from me, twirling her coffee cup on the table. She'd called me this afternoon and asked me to meet with her. Ethan's coffee shop Salish Café was holding its weekly open mic night for writers, so they didn't close until late. We'd agreed to meet here after dinner.

"I don't know much of what happened," she said. "But I can guess."

Her call to meet had blindsided me a little. I wasn't sure what to expect. I acknowledged that Jamal was her son, and as his Mamma, she likely wanted to meet to defend him.

"He told me about his conviction," I said.

"I thought so. Jamal was in a bad place when that happened. He's not like that. It surprised all of us that any kind of abuse was going on. That boy is as gentle and sweet as they come."

I frowned at the table. "I know that. That's not what has me concerned." I looked up at her. "It's the fact he didn't trust me enough to tell me at first. He broke up with me instead."

"Liam. I know you struggle with your self-worth. I can see through you." Mamma pursed her lips. "Do you think maybe your negative ego is getting in the way of your happiness?"

I blinked repeatedly as comprehension rushed in. She was right. My hesitation wasn't entirely that he hadn't trusted me, even though that was huge, it was because Jamal had given me a reason for breaking up with me that wasn't my fault. My ego hadn't known what to do with that.

Fear.

His decision to delay telling me his story had been driven by fear.

I, in turn, had been overcome by fear as a response.

What were we so damned afraid of?

Mamma placed her hand on mine. "Jamal is miserable. He threw his wheelchair down the stairs a few nights ago. I honestly thought he'd gone down with it."

Fuck.

I nearly stood as every muscle in my body tensed. I'd done that to him. How could I love him and do that to him? My fears were unfounded. I'd been stupid.

"Is it possible you're in love with one another?"

Tears pooled in my eyes, and I nodded. I'd nearly thrown away everything we'd been working toward. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I almost ignored it, but something told me to answer.

It was Jamal.

"Jamal?"

He was crying. Every hitch in his breath sent spears through my heart.

"Liam … I need you."

"What happened?"

"I was attacked in my office."

This time I did stand, my heart threatening to leap from my chest. "Are you hurt?"

"He dumped me over. I can't get back into my chair."

"Jeezus, Jamal … I'll be right there."

"What's wrong?" Mamma's voice was high and thin, laced with concern.

"Is that my mom?"

"Yeah, we met for coffee."

He skimmed right over why I was meeting with Mamma. It would be obvious. "Please don't tell her what happened. She worries about me enough already."

"I won't. I'll be right there, beautiful."

Mamma grabbed my arm as I ended the call.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing. He's at the centre. He was doing something that caused him to tip over."

Mamma frowned at me. "He's able to get back in his chair if that happens."

"He must have hurt something when he fell." I gripped both her hands. "He's all right. I'm going to go to him. I'll help him and we'll talk. I need to talk to him—alone."

She gave me a slight smile. "You'll tell him?"

"That I love him?" I squeezed her hands. "Yeah, I'll tell him."

When I released her hands, she patted my cheek. "Then off you go. Make my son happy again." I jogged toward the door, then ran all the way to the youth centre. The front doors were unlocked, thankfully. But I wish they hadn't been. That's how the attacker had gained access.

I hurried in the direction of Jamal's office.

His scared shaky voice seeped out through the doorway. "Liam?"

"It's me." I burst in and rushed to where he was on his side behind his desk. He looked like a rag doll someone had discarded onto the floor. "Let's get this wheelchair out from under you."

I shoved Jamal's desk to give myself more room to work. Jamal was able to work himself off the armrest. It concerned me that he appeared to be cringing as he scooted along on his left arm.

I touched his shoulder. "Have you injured your arm?"

"Yeah, I landed pretty hard on my shoulder. It'll be fine." He winced as he shuffled forward away from the wheelchair. "My hip is going to be bruised from the armrest. It could have been so much worse. I don't think anything is broken." He looked up at me. "I need you to touch me."

"Always." I stroked the hair along his temple to comfort both of us as I gazed down at him. Someone had come at this beautiful man with hatred. It didn't seem possible.

"Who was he?" I abandoned Jamal's hair. His legs were compacted against the front rigging of his chair. I lifted them away and brought them forward to be under Jamal's torso.

"The parent of someone deadnamed Peter. He accused us of making his son think he's a girl."

"I know who Peter was." They had confided in me. "That was Avery."

"Ah … okay. That makes sense. They came out as enby to their parents recently."

I didn't want to talk about Avery. I wanted to check every inch of Jamal's body to make sure the damage wasn't too severe. "Do you hurt anywhere else?"

"He gave me a good boot to the stomach, but it doesn't hurt much."

"Jeezus. We need to take you to the hospital." His body free of the wheelchair, I stood and righted it. It wasn't the wheelchair I was used to seeing him in. This one was older and heavy. Sadness flooded me. He must have damaged the other one when he threw it down the stairs.

"I'm fine. I just want to go home." He struggled to find a way to sit.

I rushed back to him. "Here, let me help you." I was gentle, my arms around his chest, aware his gut was sore, and righted him until he was sitting, then released him and gave him space.

He clutched my arm. "Just give me a sec. I'm dizzy."

My gaze wandered his face as I imagined spending my life with him. Growing old together. His jet-black hair turning grey. All the adventures of life we'd have together.

His eyes, his nose, his cheekbones, his chin—

What the fuck?

My heart dropped into my gut and made my entire body vibrate.

I lifted Jamal's chin and turned his face from side to side. On his neck were a set of bruises like someone's fingers had been gripping his throat. "Did he choke you?"

Tears pooled in Jamal's eyes, and he started shaking. "I've never been so scared, Liam."

I released his chin, wrapped my arms around him, and hugged him far too tightly. I never wanted to let him go ever again. I wanted to keep him safe. I brushed my cheek against his.

This was the man I wanted to spend eternity with.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear.

He clung to my shoulder with his good arm, and then my neck, balling up my jacket in his fist. He snuffled against my neck, crying harder, his tears dampening my skin.

"I love you too."

The peace that came over me was palpable. I'd never experienced anything that felt this right before. I kissed his cheek. "Beautiful man … you've entirely stolen my heart."

He kissed my cheek again and again. "Let's go home."

"Are you sure? I'd feel better if I took you to the hospital." I moved so I'd be able to use my legs. With my arms around Jamal's waist and him clinging to my neck, I lifted him off the floor, pivoted, and placed him in his wheelchair. I set each of his feet on the footrests.

"We'll just end up waiting forever."

"Jamal."

Jamal rolled his eyes. "Fine. But we're picking up snacks on the way."

"You're hungry after all that?"

"No, but eating might distract me."

After putting Jamal's coat on his good arm, the other side draped around his shoulder, I flicked off the lights and locked up the centre. I pushed Jamal down the street to Salish Café and retrieved my car, thankful it wasn't raining. Jamal had to instruct me on how to disassemble the wheelchair to fit in the back of my car after I lifted him onto the passenger seat.

We did stop for snacks.

I was thankful for them when I saw the number of people sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. The television screen on the wall said the average wait time to see a doctor was six hours and forty minutes. The release time was eight hours and twenty minutes. We were in for a long haul. I helped Jamal text Meera, reporting the assault and assuring her we'd keep her in the loop.

Jamal took my hand once we were settled in our seats.

I entwined my fingers tightly with his and vowed not to let go no matter what kind of looks we received. This was the man I loved. And he loved me back.

"Mamma made a good point today," I said.

Jamal looked along his shoulder at me. "She usually does. What did she say?"

"She told me it was my ego getting in the way of us reconciling."

Tipping his head slightly, Jamal raised his eyebrows. "And do you agree?"

"What you told me challenged me. I wanted to hear it was my fault you broke up with me because that's where my ego resides. In my self-deprecation. I gravitated toward fear."

Jamal leaned against me. "What are you afraid of?"

So many things, but when it came to Jamal, there was one that threatened to drag me under.

"I'm afraid to fall in love and then be abandoned."

Jamal clung to my arm and kissed my shoulder. "Oh, sweet man. I'd never abandon you."

I frowned. "You broke up with me."

"And I came back. I knew I couldn't live without you. After Richard, I thought I might never find anyone again. Someone I could share love with. At times, I felt as if it would be an apt punishment for me to be alone for the rest of my life. And then you came along."

"We owe Noah for that."

Jamal laughed. "I'll buy him a gift."

I turned my head and kissed his forehead.

"I honestly never thought someone would see me the way you do," I said.

He stroked my jawline and smiled at me. "I could say the same."

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of his fingertips across my stubble. We sat snuggled up against one another, chatting, only broken from our secret realm by someone calling Jamal's name.

In the exam room, there was a reliving of the events and then there was diagnostic imaging. Hearing the whole story from start to finish nearly brought me to my knees.

It struck hard. I could have lost him.

Then we had the police to deal with. The hospital had called then. Standard procedure apparently. Which was fine. Jamal had intended to seek charges.

Jamal told his story again and then signed a statement. Avery's dad would be arrested right away. He'd be seeing a judge tomorrow to answer for what he did. I would call Brody and see if he could swing an assignment to the case. I'd feel better with him as crown prosecutor.

5 am the next morning while it was still dark, I wheeled Jamal to my car and settled him in it for the drive home. According to the doctor, nothing was broken, but he'd be bruised and sore for a while and he needed to wear a sling to support his shoulder for at least a week. That was going to make getting around difficult, but Jamal assured me he could manage. I called him on it.

I pulled up outside his house. "How are you going to wheel around with one arm?"

"Meera can help me."

"Seriously? How is she going to help you transfer onto your bed? Onto your toilet?" I pulled his wheelchair out of the backseat and completed the process of disassembling it in reverse.

"I'll get David or Zahir to help me with that."

Stunningly, I reassembled the chair correctly. "And at work?"

"I can get an attachment for my chair so I can propel it with one arm." Jamal slung his arm around my neck, his upper body tensing, and I lifted him from the passenger seat of my car and deposited him in his wheelchair. He rearranged his legs until they were sitting right.

"You don't need me?" I felt like he was cutting me out.

Jamal put his hand on mine as I wheeled him into the house. "Of course, I need you."

"For what?"

"I need you to hold me. I need to feel your protective arms around me when that brute comes calling for me in my dreams." He tipped his head against my arm. "I need to feel your love."

The foyer was empty and quiet as we wheeled inside.

I was glad. I wanted Jamal to myself for as long as I could have him. After we closed the door to his bedroom, I rolled Jamal into the bathroom. We'd been sitting for hours without a break.

He'd made me aware that he didn't have his little bag with him, so he couldn't pee. Once we were in an exam room, the nurse helped him with that, but he needed to go again. Managing that would be impossible with his one arm in a sling. It was down to me to help.

I looked around the room. "What do I need to do?"

"Um." He shuffled backward in his seat. "I need my pants and underwear off."

"Okay." I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and gently worked them off his hips until his soft cock was exposed. "Is that good enough?"

"Yup." He looked up at me as if he expected me to run.

"I'm here," I assured him. "What next?"

Jamal grasped one wheel with his hand and scooted forward a little to be closer to the toilet. "Go into the cabinet beside the sink. There are packages of catheters in there. Grab one."

I opened the cabinet door. There was a basket with a neat row of plastic packages. I took the one from the front of the stack. Next to the basket was a box of blue gloves.

"Do I need gloves?"

"Yes." Jamal sighed. "Are you sure you're all right with this? I can wake Meera."

"I'm in love with you." I stepped closer to him, and he leaned into my touch as I brushed the back of my fingers down his cheek. "I want to be here for you … whatever it is you need."

Jamal grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Okay. Put on some gloves. And put one on my hand too." I struggled to get my big hands into the gloves but eventually managed. It was comical trying to get Jamal's on, but at least his hand was the right size for the glove.

"Carefully open the package and hand me the catheter. Don't let it touch anything. Then rip open the packet of lube." He took the plastic tubing from me and let it hang in the air.

I moved on to the lube.

"Do you want me to coat the tubing?"

"Yeah. Just up to where my fingers are."

I squirted the full packet of lube onto my fingers and coated the supple plastic with it.

Jamal hesitated.

"Jamal, this is only going to make us stronger. What do I do next?"

"I need you to hold my penis steady so I can feed this in." He jerked his head in the direction of the back of the toilet. "Grab that urinal first and put the funnel end of the tubing in it."

I did as instructed with the urinal and propped it against his feet, squatted, then used my other hand to lift his cock from where it was resting on his balls and held it gently.

I almost looked away when Jamal started feeding the tubing into it, but curiosity won out. I wondered how many times a day he had to do this. His technique was fluid.

I knew he reached his bladder when the tubing turned yellow. I released his dick and then double-checked to ensure the other end of the tubing was in the urinal.

"Not sure I'd classify this as a bonding moment," Jamal teased as he peered down at me, a tiny smile lighting up his face. It was the first time I'd seen him smile in far too long.

I lifted off my heels enough to come even with his lips.

"I love you," I whispered and kissed him—soft and brief.

"I love you right back." His words and breath tickled my lips. I wanted to chase them again, but he looked down into his lap. "I'm done."

Right. We were doing something.

"What's next?"

"I pull it out." And he did so, then tossed the tubing in a garbage pail beside his toilet. The urinal was heavier than expected as I lifted it and dumped it into the toilet.

"You didn't have to do that," Jamal said. "I could have."

I smirked at him. "It's just pee."

"Hm." He kissed the tip of my nose. "Take my glove off, please."

I removed his and then mine and tossed them into the garbage pail. I kissed Jamal's forehead, and he ran his fingers into my hair and plucked the elastic away, releasing the full compliment of blond strands onto my shoulders. "I love you with your hair down."

"Then I'm never wearing it up again."

His eyes dipped closed and then popped open. "I need to go to bed."

"On it."

I pulled off his shoes, then his pants, underwear, and shirt before wheeling him into the bedroom and turning down the bedding. My transfer to place him in bed was smoother than last time. Jamal tugged at the sling until he had it off. "I'm not sleeping with this on."

"Fair enough." I stripped down, conscious of the fact Jamal was watching me. While I got into bed, my cock thickened as I imagined his naked body pressed against mine.

This was not the time.

I fixed a pillow behind my head.

Jamal grasped my arm. "Help me over." I moved toward him instead and curled him into my embrace. He cuddled deep against me, humming. The sound made me feel more secure than I had my entire life. This man loved me. I put my hand on his ass and pulled him closer.

He woke a couple of times during our sleep clawing at me until he figured out where he was and that he was safe. I peppered kisses on his head each time until he drifted back to sleep.

Not sure what time we slept until. I could smell food cooking.

"They're making tandoori for dinner." Jamal placed his hand on my chest. "It's one of my favourites, but it'll keep." He turned his head and kissed my shoulder. "I need you."

A ripple of exhilarating tingles ran through my body, my head to the tips of my toes. Then reason barged in. "You need time to heal."

"The doctor says I'm fine."

He was right. The doctor had told us he'd be sore for a while, but he could go back to his usual activities. And those activities appeared to include me getting to know his body better.

I rolled him onto his back and hovered above him then descended and covered his precious lips with mine, caressing them. He responded by gripping my neck and hauling me closer.

We simply enjoyed kissing one another. No rush. Just reconnecting. Emerging from the haze of our love, I panted against his lips. "What do you want to do?"

Jamal lifted some of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. "I want to be inside you."

My heart beat faster. I was really going to do this. I wanted to do this. My cock throbbed as I thought about joining mine with Jamal's body. "How do we go about that?"

"Spin around to sixty-nine with me. I want to eat your ass."

The surge to my cock started in my chest. Lust overtook me. I scrambled, turned, and kneeled to either side of Jamal's waist, ensuring I didn't bump into his sore shoulder. He placed his good hand on my ass and kissed my crease. I shut my eyes and moaned quietly.

I was so ready for this. I'd had sex with what was probably hundreds of men, and I had never let a single one of them touch my ass. Jamal licked and then sucked on my balls.

His semi-hard cock was within reach. I took it in my hand and sucked on the crown, circling it and using my tongue to get it good and wet. His hips shifted up and he separated my cheeks with his hand. I slipped his cockhead and shaft along my tongue, headed for my throat.

I sucked hard.

Fuck.

I closed my eyes as a wave of sensation rippled up my body.

His tongue and lips were on my hole. Prodding, licking, and sucking—and about to drive me deliriously insane. His breath was hot as he practically feasted. I'd licked plenty of holes over the years. Men always went wild, squirming and writhing, but I'd had no idea it felt this good.

Half my focus was on sucking his cock, preparing him. The other half was fascinated by the euphoria and absolute hunger Jamal was exuding and in turn creating in me.

He moved his hand, and his finger pressed against my clenching and releasing ring of muscle. He drew his finger away, presumably sucking on it then gently penetrated me.

I groaned as my chest heaved. I abandoned his cock and clung to his thighs. He pumped his finger in and out of my ass. Then he stopped. "Can you get me the lube and the smallest dildo?"

"Sure." I climbed off him and stretched for the drawer of the bedside table he was pointing at. Inside was a full bottle of lube and an assortment of dildos. I lifted the smallest.

"Just so you know," he said. "I bought all those recently. Nothing has been used."

Yeah, that had flitted into my mind. I didn't want to use Richard's hand-me-downs.

I kneeled beside Jamal, popped open the lube, and coated the bulbous silicone head and then the shaft in it. Even though it was the smallest one in his drawer, my ass thought it was massive. An unprecedented ache filled my gut emanating from my hole.

It wanted to be filled—badly.

"Grab a condom and the cock rings as well."

I passed him the dildo, collected the rest of the supplies, and set them on the bed then snatched some tissues from a box and cleaned my hands. "Condom first?"

"Yeah."

I knelt beside his hip and did my best to roll the condom onto his semihard dick as he stroked my back and my ass with his palm. I twisted back and picked up both cock rings, squirted some lube onto my fingers, and used them to slick up the circles of silicone.

"Do you know how to put them on?" Jamal asked.

I smirked at him. "Not my first cock ring rodeo."

Jamal grinned and shook his head, close to laughing. I loved that we could be playful. Sex was about more than body parts. It was also the sexy banter. The tuning in to one another.

I put the larger of the rings on first by rolling it down his sheathed shaft and stretching it to feed his balls through. I glanced up at him when it was in place. "That all right?"

"Perfect."

I retook my position, straddling him.

Jamal took a moment then inserted more of his fingers into my ass and slipped them in and out, building my desire for more. I moved his legs, so his thighs were further apart and swallowed his dick until the ring pressed against my lips. Both the condom and the lube were flavoured. Strawberry. Which I didn't mind. I bobbed up and down using my mouth and my hand.

His fingers slid from my hole.

I stopped with Jamal's cock nearly down my throat when something larger pressed against my rim. I slurped his dick to the tip then lifted off it.

"Fucking hell." I clung to his legs and panted between them as Jamal started feeding me the dildo. I dropped my forehead onto the bedding and tried to relax. I bowed my spine, tipping my ass up further. Jamal made an appreciative noise that made my cock bounce.

It burned like nothing I'd felt before. But it was a good burn like I had to walk through fire in my quest for euphoria. God, it felt amazing being this vulnerable. In someone's hands.

I turned myself over to Jamal.

Once he had the dildo seated, he withdrew and plunged gently. The evacuation had left me yearning. Being packed full—searing. My heart hammered in my ears. My legs close to quaking.

When he pumped the dildo into me the fifth time something happened.

Fuck.

I moved to cling to one of his legs. I held tightly to it and rested my forehead on his thigh. With each thrust and retreat, I discovered nirvana. My dick ached and bobbed each time he passed the dildo over the gland I knew was there. I'd been missing out. The guys, my three bottoming best friends had been right. I'd never been transported like this. It was absolute bliss.

"Put on the next ring," Jamal said.

I was distracted but I managed to roll the smaller ring down to the base of his cock. He thrust the dildo in high. My mind was fuzzy and went wild at the same time. I could feel it deep inside me. I took Jamal's dick back into my mouth, got into a rhythm, and soon had Jamal's cock as hard as it had been previous times. I thrilled in it riding my tongue as I released it.

Jamal withdrew the source of the glorious pressure in my ass.

"I want your lips on mine," Jamal whispered.

I lifted my leg off and away from him and turned my body around. I kissed the centre of his chest then sucked on his nipples and made my way up to his throat. When he clung to me, moaning, and ground his ass into the bedding, I stopped teasing and kissed him.

We melted against each other, chasing and consuming. Our tongues were serene as they wandered the landscape they had sought to conquer. It was an all-encompassing give and take.

He raked his hand into my hair. "Are you ready?"

I kissed his chin. "So ready." I straightened and reached behind me, securing his cock between my fingertips. I rose on my knees, my ass tipped and circled his cockhead around my hole.

I had to grip fast to his dick as I descended fully on it.

God.

I tilted my head back, eyes closed, mouth open, and released the longest moan of my life.

This sensation of oneness was beyond glorious.

I needed to move. Jamal placed his hand on my hip to urge me up. My first few rises and falls were slow and careful then a lust-fueled desire took over and I increased my ferocity until I was bouncing on his cock and doing my best not to make too much noise. I wanted to yell and curse, and fucking lose all sense of decency, but his family was upstairs.

"Jamal … fuck ... yes." Jamal wrapped his hand around my cock and jerked on it smoothly until I felt the urge rising in me. The absolute manic need to cum.

So much sensation. It was blinding me to reason.

I stopped the battering I'd been giving myself and rocked back and forth on him instead. The motion hit all sorts of new places. "Oh, my god ... so good."

I sought out his beautiful and loving face. He smiled up at me, his eyes wide, his tongue making small appearances on his lips. I rose and fell again. His mouth popped open as he grunted.

More than beautiful. He was gorgeous.

Without glancing away, I resumed my ride, my fingers on his chest.

Jamal closed his eyes and tipped his chin up. "Yes … god, yes." He gripped my thigh and squeezed hard, digging his nails in as his entire torso tensed. His hips undulated up.

He fell quiet, holding his breath, then groaned as his body vibrated beneath me. Watching his body experience such pleasure shot a feeling of purpose through me.

We'd found our own sexual stride.

Jamal pulled on my waist. "Come up here with that massive cock of yours."

I reluctantly released Jamal's softening dick from my ass and shuffled up as far as I could go without running into Jamal's injured arm. I pumped my cock as I looked down at him.

As his gaze travelled from my cock to my face and back again, he licked his lips and stuck out his tongue flat to tempt me. An image of his face painted in my cum tightened my balls.

My cock throbbed and pulsed in my hand, the vein along the bottom of my shaft full. Faster and faster, I kept focused on his face. The first surge of cum hit his chin. Then his nose. Then directly into his mouth, coating his bottom lip. Before the final convulsion hit me, I moved back down his body so I could gather my cum off his chin and lips and feed it into his mouth with my tongue. We sealed the resulting kiss as we played with the taste of me.

Then we simply existed, savouring the moment, quietly panting. Jamal stroked the side of my ribcage lazily, tickling me. I gasped and jerked, making him laugh.

"Sorry," he said. "I love touching your skin."

"And I love you touching it." I kissed his nose then lowered myself down beside him. He rolled onto his sore arm to kiss my shoulder. The noise from upstairs sounded closer. The family must be in the dining room. It was near to the top of the stairs.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Actually, I'm starving. I can't believe we slept all day."

Shit.

Dinner upstairs. It must be six o'clock. I was supposed to be at work. I swung my legs off the bed and went in search of my phone. It was in the back pocket of my jeans.

Me: Hey. Sorry. Totally gonna drop you in it.

Noah: Why?

Me: Someone attacked Jamal in his office last night.

Noah: Is he all right?

Me: Just a bit bruised. I'm going to stay with him tonight.

Noah: No worries. I can hold down the bar. Are you back together?

Me: Told him I love him. He said it back.

Noah: Congratulations! <heart emoji>

Me: Thanks. Love you.

Noah: Love you too.

"Everything all right?" Jamal sat up by using his good arm as leverage.

"Playing hooky from work. Noah is good with it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup." I climbed back on the bed and knelt beside him. I started with the smaller cock ring. It was practically off his soft dick already. I glanced at Jamal. He was chewing his bottom lip as he watched me. The larger ring came off easily enough along with the empty condom.

I tossed everything at the end of the bed.

"We're too covered in lube and cum to go upstairs," Jamal said.

"Well." I sat beside him. He laid back down and clutched my bicep. "Either we can have a shower, or we can call Meera for room service. I'm sure she wants to make sure you're okay."

"Room service sounds perfect."

I brushed my hand up and down his torso. "How's your stomach?" While we'd been fucking, he'd been engaging his core. It had to be hurting after taking a kick to the belly.

"Don't worry." He placed his hand on mine. "I'm fine. I'm tougher than I look."

"I'm discovering that about you."

He smiled at me. "So … million-dollar question. How was bottoming?"

"Oh, my god." I rolled my eyes dramatically. "So good."

"Mm." He cuddled in against me, his face pressed to my arm. "Good. Because I love you and I want to make you feel good as often as I can manage."

I chuffed out a short laugh and caressed his arm. "Sounds perfect." I dragged my fingertips up and down his skin. "I love you too." It was better than sex saying that aloud.

"This is sublime, but I need to drink my water and stretch." Jamal rolled away from me onto his back. I lay and watched him as he lifted his legs and brought them to his chest followed by some other positions where he made accommodations for his injured arm.

He twisted and opened his bedside drawer then peered over his shoulder at me.

"I have to put in a suppository."

"Oh." I hadn't expected that. But I guess it made sense. "I need to take a piss." I left the bed and headed for the bathroom to give him some privacy. I took my time, emptying my bladder, brushing my teeth, and washing up. I opened the cabinet and set a catheter package on the counter. We'd need to do that again soon. We'd been asleep for over twelve hours.

"Liam, I'm done."

I returned to the bedroom. Jamal was sitting up against the headboard, drinking from a large water bottle I hadn't noticed before. "It's important for you to stay hydrated."

"Things don't work if I don't."

I sat beside him and played with his fingers. "You're so beautiful."

Jamal laughed. "You have funny timing."

I turned and cupped his face. "No, I mean it. Everything about you is beautiful. Not simply your face or your body. Which I am a big fan of. Your bravery is stunningly beautiful."

"Where on earth did you come from, sweet man?"

I could offer him the truth. "I don't think I came fully alive until I met Noah. He healed me with his affection and support. Then Ethan came along, and he taught me so much about love. And then Owen. He can be a pain in the ass, but he holds us all accountable. Those men saved my life."

"You found your family."

I brushed his lip with my thumb. "And now I have another. With you."

Tears collected in Jamal's eyes. "Mamma is going to be so thrilled. She gave me a little heart attack a few days ago but judging by the fact you met with her … she's come to love you."

I'd felt that from Mamma when she called and wanted to meet. Then she'd laid out a case for Jamal, encouraging me to return to him. When I told her I loved her son, there was such relief and affection in the way her eyes widened. I was welcome in their family.

I belonged somewhere.

Chapter Twenty | Jamal

After dealing with my toileting and a quick clean up, we arranged ourselves in bed as neatly as we could. I'd asked Meera to bring dinner for two downstairs for us. It wouldn't be the first time she had brought my dinner down to me. She'd grumbled but she was soon knocking on my door.

"Is it safe to come in?"

"Not a dick in sight," I called back.

"Thank god." Meera pushed the door open then crouched to pick up one of the dishes she had set on the floor so she could manage the door. She wrinkled her nose as she entered.

"Fuck, guys … open a window or something." She handed us our plates and cutlery and did just that, allowing a cool draft to circulate around the room. "Smells like sex in here."

"You've met my boyfriend." I grinned at her. "How could I not."

"Yeah, yeah," she replied. "You snagged a hot one."

Liam chuckled beside me. He had his plate on his lap, and he was separating the food differently than Meera had done. She'd noticed he was like me. It warmed my heart.

We both thanked her.

"You going to hole up in your love nest for a while?" Meera asked.

"We'll come up for breakfast tomorrow."

"Marathon?"

Liam took my hand in his. "More cuddling than anything."

"You're sweet together. I'll give you that."

I looked over at Liam. "He's the love of my life." Liam released my hand and cupped my face instead. The intensity of our gaze could have heated the cooling room.

"And you're mine," Liam replied.

"Gag me," Meera said and headed for the door. "I'll leave you to it." When she shut the door behind her, Liam lay the gentlest kiss on the side of my lips.

He pulled away and looked at his plate. "What are we having?"

"Matar Paneer. The protein is the paneer which is a type of Indian cottage cheese. Then there's onions, tomatoes, peas, and cashews." Liam had moved the cashews to be beside the paneer alongside where Meera had pushed the peas to one side. Not much could be done about the rest.

"Looks good."

My lips turned up into a slight smile as Liam began eating, chewing, and humming his appreciation for the flavours. I rearranged my plate and joined him. It was fortuitous that Liam liked spicy food. Mamma and Dadi didn't go for scorching but there was always some heat.

When we were finished, Liam flicked on the television, and we picked out a movie to watch. One movie led to another and another until we were falling asleep sitting up.

"I think that's enough for one night," I said and turned off the screen.

"Yeah, let's get ready for bed."

Liam lifted me into my chair, and we headed to the bathroom together. There was no reason to be shy around one another anymore. We finished up our routines and climbed back into bed.

I was immediately in Liam's arms. It felt so good. Knowing he loved me made the embrace more comforting and heartwarming. I'd never felt as at peace as I did with Liam.

"I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life," Liam confessed. "I tried to fill the void with a parade of men and sex. I think that decision made me feel more alone."

"You're not alone anymore."

Liam hummed and kissed my head. "Not with the size of your family."

I laughed softly. "I'd resigned myself to a life without a partner too."

"Then we found each other."

I squeezed Liam's bicep. "Yes, we did. I can't believe two years went by where we could have met one another. Noah talked about you a lot but never thought to introduce us."

"Maybe the timing wouldn't have been right."

I nodded. "I met Noah a year after my accident. I was still with Richard." Liam was right. The timing would have been all wrong. The stars had aligned exactly when they should have for Liam and me. I was in a good place to meet someone. It seemed like he had been too.

"We met when we were meant to." Liam hugged me closer.

"We did." I stroked his smooth muscular chest and then wandered down his body, over his sternum and along to his tight abs. I brushed my fingers back and forth over the ripples, making Liam clench his stomach muscles. I gave my attention to the groomed hair above his cock.

Liam groaned and shifted his hips up into my touch. On his next exhalation, his hardening shaft came to rest on my knuckles. I slipped my hand around it and ran my palm up and down.

"Fuck, Jamal … you drive me crazy." He cupped my head and lifted his and gave me a needy kiss. Part love. Part animal desire. I loved both parts. I tightened my grip on his dick.

It didn't take long for him to spill his cum all over my fist, dampening my skin. I raised my coated hand to my lips and fulfilled my absolute ravenous hunger as Liam watched me.

When my hand was clean, Liam launched himself at me, rolling me onto my back so he could straddle me and kiss me, partaking in the incredible taste of his intoxicating essence.

Sated for the time being, Liam straightened and looked down on me. His fingers danced over my cock. I placed my hands on his chest. "I don't need to orgasm every time we're intimate."

"I like to make you feel good."

I grinned up at him. "I felt plenty good getting you off … believe me."

"You're sure."

"Yes. What I want is for you to hold me again."

Liam climbed off me. "I can do that." He lay down beside me and I squirmed into his embrace. Oddly, I was finding it more comfortable to lie on my injured arm. The pressure eased the pain.

While kissing my temple, Liam lifted my leg, slung it over his thigh, and caressed my skin from behind my knee along to my ass and back again. It was a glorious faint sensation.

He nuzzled the side of my face and whispered, "My heart is entirely yours."

"Sweet man. I'll guard it with my life in exchange for you protecting mine."

Liam laughed softly against my skin. "We're so soppy."

I smiled. "I love soppy."

"Me too." Liam hauled on the blankets until we were burrowed beneath them. "Sleep, beautiful man." His hand came to rest on my waist and his breathing slowed and evened out.

Overwhelming bliss eventually coaxed me under.

We stirred early the next morning. I started with my water, supplements, and stretches. I peered over my shoulder at Liam as I removed a suppository from my drawer.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

I was aware my brow furrowed. I felt so comfortable with Liam that the idea of him staying didn't make me feel uneasy or embarrassed. "I don't mind if you stay. Thankfully, I didn't injure my right arm, or this might be awkward. I'd be relying on you to do this for me." I slipped on a glove and unwrapped the nub of hardened oils.

"It wouldn't have bothered me."

A slight flush of heat washed over my cheeks and ears. "I know." Liam would have done it without a moment of hesitation. Not thought any worse of me for the fact I needed to do this every morning. He accepted me as I was. He loved everything about me.

I don't think he realized how precious that was.

I lay on my left side, facing Liam, lifted my right leg with my hand and placed it on the mattress between us, then inserted the suppository. The whole time, Liam kept his gaze glued to mine. It was almost sensual, the visual exchange. The thought of him doing it for me, inserting his finger deep into my ass, gave me little shivers.

"Now we wait?" he asked.

I removed the glove. "I'll get you to wheel me into the bathroom when it's time. Help me transfer onto the toilet. Then I will need some privacy. We can have a shower after that."

Liam nodded as he lifted his hand and played with my hair.

"You're so beautiful—inside and out."

More blushing.

"That's what you see when you look at me?" I stroked his skin from shoulder to elbow. I hadn't felt attractive in years—inside or out. It was only now, with Liam, that I was reemerging.

"How could I not," he said. "You're stunning. I'm in awe of you."

I cupped his face. "Sweet man. You make me feel good about myself. For those first two years after my accident, I hated myself. I hated what the universe had done to me. There were so many moments I just wanted to die. By year three, I was starting to accept myself. But I didn't start loving myself again until you came along. You saw things I thought no one ever would."

"Your courage, determination, and perseverance."

I smiled at him. "I felt like you didn't even see my chair or my disability." I exhaled long and slow. "No one has ever made me feel that way before. I love you for that gift."

Liam's chest rocked up and down as he studied my face.

"I was more interested in the man. My desire to know you transcended any disability you might have. I was thrilled to be let in. To connect the way we did."

"What we've formed is strong, isn't it?"

Liam eyebrows dipped as he blinked at me. "So strong I can see a life with you."

The sensation of tears forming swept me up. "Do you honestly mean that?"

"We're in love, we've bonded, and I think we want the same thing. I want to spend every day of my life making you happy. Doing that will fulfill me in a way I've never known before."

A tear rolled across the bridge of my nose and collected a stream of others that streaked down my cheek and into my ear. "I want that too. To make you happy. I want all of it."

Liam looked down at my lips, avoiding my gaze. "You and Richard wanted kids."

"We did, but I shelved the idea after my accident."

He looked up at me. "Is that something you want to revisit someday?"

My heart skipped a few beats. "With the right person."

Liam blinked a few times as he watched me. "Am I the right person?" His voice was low, quiet, and shaky. He had spoken words that were extremely meaningful to him.

I pressed my forehead to his and then kissed him, soft and brief.

"You're the perfect person."

"How would we …?"

"Meera offered to surrogate for us. So did Richard's sister."

"I don't have a sister I'm close to."

"Then we would only have one child who we'd love and spoil to bits."

Liam brushed his fingers across my lips. "Are we really talking about this?"

"Something to put on the back burner. We're still so new. I'm glad we talked about it, though. Now we know we're on the same page. That we want the same thing when it comes to kids."

"I love my noodles. Never thought I'd feel so comfortable caring for a family. The week I spent at Noah and Brody's brought out an unexpected paternal side in me. I enjoyed the routine with the kids. The time we spent together. Even caring for all the damned animals."

"You'd make a great dad."

Liam's smile was faint and shy. "You think so?"

"I know so. You have so much love to give."

"Noah always tells me that."

"Then I'm spot on. He knows you best."

"I want to explore that … I'd love to go away with you for a few days."

I smiled. "You sick of my room?"

"No, there's somewhere special I want to show you."

"I'd love to spend a few days somewhere special to you." I sighed. Enough time had passed, waiting. Any longer and I was risking an accident. "I need to get to the bathroom."

Liam leapt off the bed, came around to my side, and lifted me into my chair. Once in the bathroom, he transferred me onto the toilet and then left me alone.

I was there for a while. I was always there for a long time, but it felt longer because I knew Liam was in the bedroom waiting for me to finish. After what was probably twenty minutes, I was able to flush, spray a bit of air freshener, and call out for Liam. "Let's have a shower!"

Liam poked his head around the door. "You done?"

"Ready to get cleaned up for breakfast." I pointed at my shower bench. "Put a washcloth on the bit in the centre of the shower and then you can carry me over there and set me on it."

"How's your arm? You seem to be using it."

"Better. I was able to use the catheter you left out on my own."

"Progress." Liam lay a washcloth on my bench then retrieved me and deposited me on it. I adjusted the temperature of the water and he stepped in behind me in the shower.

I handed him the showerhead. "Can you soak me down? I don't want to overuse my arm."

"Absolutely." Liam took it and sprayed me everywhere, ending with my head. He handed me back the showerhead and then pumped some shampoo into his hand. I closed my eyes and moaned as his fingers caressed my scalp and he washed my hair. I hadn't felt this cared for in a long time.

I scowled and tried to clear the memory. Richard had been the last person to wash my hair for me. After the accident, he'd doted on me. Become almost smothering. I knew it was because he loved me, but he had made me feel like an invalid when I was trying to escape that designation.

Liam took the showerhead from me and rinsed my hair, ensuring he cleared the shampoo off my face and out of my ears. Richard and I had managed to mend our separation many months after he moved out. I'd apologized. Poured my heart, sorrow, and sincerity out at his feet.

He'd forgiven me.

I smiled as Liam squatted behind me and nibbled on my shoulder. He handed back the showerhead and I placed it in the holder on the wall. He grabbed my bar of soap and lathered up his hands, then placed it back on the ledge.

I nearly swooned right off my bench when he hit me with a combo of sucking on my neck and soaping up my chest, paying special attention to my nipples. He caressed circles all over my skin and pinched my hardening nubs; my flesh reacting despite the warm steamy air.

Down my chest to my hips then my thighs, his slick hands were broad and gentle. Back up my thighs, he cupped my balls in both hands and massaged them with soap.

Liam kissed the base of my neck. "Do you want me to …?"

I tipped my head back, causing him to move his lips to my shoulder. "Yes … please, yes." I reached back for his head with my good arm as he took my hardening cock into his hand.

The feel of his palm stroking my shaft was rapturous. I grunted as he used his thumb to play with my slit and the ridge of my cockhead. He hummed against my shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered and increased the pace of his fist. I couldn't speak, I was so caught up. Again, this sweet man was accepting my limitations, meeting me where I was capable. I had no way to stand up to receive his attention. He'd kneeled to my level to show his love for me.

Liam pumped faster, his soapy hand losing its lather. The resulting friction was glorious. I could feel the pinching tightening in my body behind my groin. My ass cheeks clenched as much as they were able, and my legs danced. I gripped the edge of the bench as flashes of light appeared behind the lids of my closed eyes. My core shuddered as I climaxed—hard.

My boyfriend, the man who loved me chuckled as he kissed the curve of my neck. "I felt that shockwave through my lips, but we should concentrate on getting clean. I got sidetracked."

"I appreciate your ability to veer off task."

He laughed then rose and used the soap to wash my back and my arms, then angled himself so he could wash my calves and feet. Not once did he hesitate as he touched my atrophied legs.

He even cleaned between my toes.

After he was done, he rinsed me and then washed himself. He stepped out first, dried my back, handed me the towel, then toweled himself off. I did my best to dry my skin with one arm.

"Throw my towel on my seat." I handed it to him.

Liam smoothed it out on my cushion, lifted me onto it, and took us back to the bedroom. I picked out the clothes I wanted to wear, then Liam knew what to do.

He transferred me to the bed so I could put on my clothes. I needed his assistance. He was sweet about it. Ten minutes later, we were upstairs in the kitchen, looking in the fridge.

"I only want a few scrambled eggs," Liam said.

"Let's make a panful of them. I'm all for a single-item meal."

Liam was pushing the eggs around the hot frying pan when Mamma entered the room.

"It's nice to see you here, Liam," she said then looked at me. "I was worried sick about you. I wish you'd let me go to the hospital. Meera said you were only slightly injured, but I would have liked to see it for myself. Instead, you come home in the middle of the night and then stay in your room for days." She tsked at me and then touched Liam's arm. "Thank you for taking care of my son."

Liam smiled at her. "I told him."

Mamma's eyebrows rose and she smiled wide and excitedly. She turned back to me and touched my face. "You two fit so well together. I can sense Liam is kind and loving with you."

"He really is. It's one of the many reasons I love him."

After the couple of days I'd spent with him, I never wanted Liam to leave my side again. I didn't want to scare him off, but I felt like our destiny had been fast-tracked. My urge was to ask him to move into my family's home with me, but doing so wasn't practical.

I'd been thinking about it for a while. It was time for me to move out into my own place. When Richard and I had lived here together, it had been overly crowded in my bedroom. We'd been on top of one another. Especially with my wheelchair. I didn't want to do that again. Besides, Zahir was positioned to become the patriarch of the family. He deserved a larger room, like my one downstairs, and I needed to live somewhere designed for someone in a wheelchair.

I loved living with family, but it wasn't sustainable. I needed to be somewhere I could age in place with wider doorframes, lower kitchen cabinets and appliances, and appropriate counters.

And after the conversation Liam and I had—I needed … we needed to live somewhere we could someday—maybe bring a child into. Somewhere we could grow old together.

We needed extra space.

My heart screamed ask him, but my mind knew to slow things down.

Right now, I wanted to simply enjoy being with him.

Nurturing what we'd begun to grow.

Our love had been planted deep in the soil. Our roots would be strong. Our stems tall. And the flower of our love would stay turned toward the sunlight.

I knew it in my soul.

Chapter Twenty-One | Liam

The drive to Tofino was picturesque with tall stands of evergreen trees once we made the turn-off outside of Qualicum Beach. Jamal leaned against the passenger door, staring out the window.

We took a corner and there were cars parked along the shoulder of the roadway. A sheer rock face on the left side, the right was a marsh which could only mean one thing.

I pulled over too.

"What is it?" Jamal asked.

"Just a second. I'll show you." I went around to his side of the car, verified what was happening, and opened the door. I squatted down with my back to him. "Wrap your arms around my neck."

"You gonna piggyback me out?"

"Yup."

Jamal swung his legs out to dangle outside the car and slung his arms around my neck. I grabbed his thighs, placed them over my hips, and lifted him out of the car, extremely thankful for all the workouts I'd done over the years. My thighs burned but I was able to stand.

I walked over to where everyone was gathering and turned slightly so Jamal could see. In the marsh was a large moose and staying close to her side were two lanky calves.

"Oh, wow," Jamal said. "I've never seen moose in the wild."

"Extra special because of the twins."

Jamal kissed my cheek. "Maybe we'd end up with twins."

I hugged his legs tighter to me. "That would be amazing." I was grateful I had brought up the topic of kids. Previously, Jamal had told me he was concerned about raising children from his wheelchair. He had also stated twice that it would have to be with the right partner.

Last week, he'd confirmed I was the person he wanted to go on that adventure with and my heart had nearly exploded from beating so hard. My love for him had burrowed into my soul.

After watching the moose for a few minutes, we returned to the car and continued on our way. Jamal was munching away on the chips we had bought for the road trip when I pulled up outside the B&B Ethan and I always stayed at when we came here to go surfing.

"Is this the place?" Jamal asked and pointed to the heritage house.

"Yeah, Ethan and I have been staying here for over fifteen years."

"It's super quaint."

"And very romantic. I booked the suite with the gas fireplace."

Jamal looked at me with a slight uptick on one side of his mouth. "Have you and Ethan ever?"

My eyebrows shot up. "Hooked up? Hell no. That would be like fucking a brother."

"That's what I figured. Just curious." Jamal crossed his hands in his lap. I knew what was coming. "Did you know Tofino is Canada's surfing capital?"

"Not surprised."

"And there are only 2500 full-time residents."

"That's why I love it here. It's remote, rugged, and sparsely populated. Makes for the perfect place to get back to nature and experience the wildness of the Pacific coast."

"You love it here."

"That's why I brought you. I wanted to share a place I have a passion for. Expose my heart to allow you in further." I opened my door and inhaled the scent of the ocean air. When I propped open Jamal's door, he was weepy. I crouched down and cupped his face. "What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing. You say the most sweet and beautiful things to me."

"I speak what I feel in my heart."

Jamal took my face in both hands. "God, I love you." Then settled a kiss on my lips. We would have to revisit that. The rain was coming down hard and my coat was getting soaked.

"Let's go inside." I hoisted Jamal onto my back. There was no point getting his wheelchair out of the back of the car. There were five steps up to the front door and the foyer with the check-in podium and then stairs up to our room. After that, we'd be spending a lot of time in bed. I'd bring his wheelchair in later so he could get around in the room.

After checking in, I took him upstairs to the honeymoon suite. It was the largest room with a sitting area, a queen-sized bed, a fireplace, and a more adequate bathroom for Jamal's needs.

I tossed him on the bed, making him bounce and giggle.

I was immediately on him, straddling and kissing him. The kiss was heated but brief. I needed to bring in our luggage. The last place we'd stopped was Parksville. It had been an ordeal to get Jamal into an A&W disabled bathroom stall efficiently, but we'd managed. He'd want to hit the bathroom again before we started messing around. He needed his supplies.

"I'll go grab our stuff." I gave him a smack of a kiss and climbed off him.

"Hurry back. I'm feeling a bit frisky after that long drive."

My cock stirred. "Lightning speed, I promise."

I dashed down the stairs and out to the car, retrieved everything we had brought with us, and trundled it upstairs to our room. Jamal was lying on the bed in only his underwear, a grin on his face. I dumped everything on the floor and circled the bed as if I were a hunter eyeing my prey.

"So fucking sexy," I whispered.

Jamal's hands drifted to his thighs and his smile faded. "You're sure?" He gripped his thighs. "Even with this … with these the way they are."

I launched myself at him, covering his chest with mine so I could look down into his eyes. I needed him to believe what I saw. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?"

"Only through your eyes."

"And your family and friends'. Who else matters?"

"No one." Jamal glanced away and then back. "The same applies to you. Your friends and I love you. We love everything about you. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself."

"I've been easing off. I only checked my phone first thing this morning."

"And at the restaurant."

I sighed. Jamal was right. I'd snuck a second peek when we stopped for a break. I'd hoped he hadn't noticed. "I'll put it away for the entire time we're here." And I meant it. I would.

Jamal stroked my cheek. "I'd like that … to have you all to myself."

I retrieved my phone from my pocket, put it on mute, and tossed it into the bedside table drawer. If there was an emergency, my friends would know to call through twice to override the mute. "I'm all yours," I whispered and kissed him, sweet but fleeting.

It felt good to have the world revolve around him—and him alone.

"Bathroom?" I asked.

Jamal shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

I tugged at the waistband of his underwear. "Can I dispense with these?"

"I'd be offended if you didn't."

After slipping my thumb into the waistband, I pulled his underwear down, then shuffled down the bed, slowly removing them. I surged back up his legs once I had them off.

His cock was half-chubbed. I lifted it from its place nestled on his balls and ran my tongue around the entire circumference, wetting it. Jamal moaned and shifted his hips.

I sucked his entire shaft into my mouth and worked my lips up and down it.

"Fuck," Jamal whispered and placed his hand on my head, encouraging me to work him harder. I knew what he liked. What his cock would respond to. Before he got too hard, I climbed off the bed, dug through Jamal's luggage, and found what we needed. I started with the condom and then the first band. With that in place, I sucked and slathered until Jamal's dick was hard.

My tight ring clenched then relaxed open. My body wanted him inside.

"Get undressed," Jamal said. "I want to see your hole."

I did what I was told, but undressed slowly, giving Jamal a show. He stroked his dick as he watched me, his tongue licking his lips until I could see their wetness.

Clothes off, I returned to the bed. "Where do you want me?"

"Straddle my waist, facing away from me."

"Dildo?"

"Yeah, slick it up with lube."

I took my position first then coated the dildo in lube and handed it back to Jamal. He wasn't playing around this time. He pressed the tip against my willing hole. It burned as he slid the dildo in further, but it wasn't anything I couldn't take. I clung to his shins and relaxed.

The dildo slid home.

The next couple of minutes were pure bliss but I wanted more. I wanted the man I loved to take me; and make us both feel so good. I pulled away. "I want you."

"Stay in that direction but shift my legs apart and kneel between them."

My cock throbbed. He wanted to watch as he sank into me. I moved his legs, kneeled between them, and tucked my feet under his thighs. My ass was perfectly poised.

"Hand me the last ring," Jamal said.

I did and within moments, Jamal circled my hole with the head of his cock. I sat backward; my ass headed toward his groin. He held his cock firm, and I slid tip to base onto it.

I stopped to catch my breath as fire scorched up my spine and down my thighs. Jamal placed his hands on my ass, calming me until I decided it was time to move. I raised up and Jamal's cock slid partially out of my ass, then I sank back down and groaned.

"Fuck, that's beautiful," Jamal murmured. He took what must be his thumb and stroked where our bodies joined. Where my skin was stretched tight, filled with him.

I rose and fell again—and again until I was riding him fast, my cock bouncing. I was going to try something. Not touch my dick. See if I could cum hands-free.

Not stroking my erection made it ache even harder. The denial was beyond erotic. My body hummed for me to continue. Even the air around it felt electrified.

Jamal gripped my hips. "Fuck, Liam … fuck."

"Yeah, I'm almost there too."

The orgasm that hit me rolled over me like a tsunami. My cock dribbled then spurted, dirtying the colourful quilt on the bed. Jamal's hips jerked up and he squeezed my hips tighter.

His legs shifted around as he rammed his cock up and stayed in me, unmoving, whimpering, then shuddered and lowered his hips.

After lying flat out for a few moments, he wrapped one arm around my chest, sat up, and kissed me on my spine. It tickled. I squirmed, laughing, and he hugged me tighter.

"Best orgasm ever," I exclaimed.

"You didn't touch your cock. How was it different?"

"Felt like it came from deeper within me. The denial of touch was exhilarating. I came so hard my toes curled and I felt like my ass was going to cramp."

"Yeah, you clamped down pretty hard."

I rose off his cock, immediately missing the feel of him inside me, and went and laid beside him. After taking the condom and silicone rings off, Jamal took his place, nestled against me, his head on my shoulder, and his hand on my chest.

We napped after that. The long drive had worn us both out. It was six in the evening when we woke. Jamal needed to be lifted into the bathroom then we redressed. We were both hungry.

I went out to the car and assembled Jamal's wheelchair and then retrieved him. The rain had stopped so it wasn't too soggy a trip down to my favourite restaurant, Rosie's.

There was only booth seating, an oversight on my part, but Jamal managed to transfer onto his side of the table. We both ordered cola and then perused the menu. I'd eaten here so often; I knew everything on it. They hadn't changed their offerings in the fifteen years I'd been coming.

"I'm getting their full breakfast," I said.

Jamal's gaze skirted down the menu. "Yum. That sounds amazing. Me too."

After we placed our order, Jamal extended his hand across the table. Didn't even have to think twice. I took it in mine and clung on tightly. "That was epic sex."

"Based on the sounds we were making, I'm in agreement." Jamal smiled at me. "Did you know, each sperm carries 37.5 MB of DNA information?"

I snorted, unable to contain it. "Then you coaxed a massive data dump out of me."

Jamal smirked. "Happy to assist at any time."

There was something I wanted to talk to Jamal about. Something that had been taking up space in the forefront of my mind. "I'm thinking about going back to school."

Jamal's eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"Yeah, there's a two-year post undergrad course at Camosun. It would give me the qualifications to offer counseling to people. Not like a psychologist or anything, but I was thinking I could become a counsellor for LGBTQ+ youth, especially those transitioning."

The love coming from Jamal's expression … wow. He'd never looked at me that way before.

"I don't know what to say," Jamal confessed. "Every single day, you amaze me more."

"You think it's a good idea?"

"I think it's a brilliant idea, and I'm so proud of you for even considering it."

"Could you use someone like me at the youth centre?"

"I would find the funding." Tears rimmed Jamal's lower lids. "You'd be so good with those kids. They would benefit greatly from guidance coming from someone like you."

"Someone like me?"

"Someone who has seen stuff. Being shuffled off to foster care. Been bullied and beaten up. Not being accepted by your birth parents. Overcoming so much adversity. Despite it all, you became a sweet, caring, and gentle man who has so much love to share."

"That's what you see?"

Jamal smiled at me. "That's what I see."

So much fell away with his words. I'd left my phone in that bedside drawer, and I didn't even care. My obsession with my body had been broken. I'd found someone who loved me so much deeper than that. We'd shared our fears and considered them, then moved forward.

And we would continue moving forward.

I was going to take Jamal down to the beach tomorrow. To share the joy I felt when I was out on the cresting waves. A joy only surpassed when I was with him.

I was going to tell him that and I knew in my heart, he felt the same. I trusted his love. I trusted every single word he spoke when it came to me and how much he loved me.

We stayed up watching television for a few hours when we returned to the B&B. I even got Jamal to check out one of my favourite British crime dramas.

As he lay beside me asleep later, my phone dinged. It was Freya, my birth mother.

Freya: How's my gorgeous boy?

Me: I'm on holiday with my boyfriend.

Freya: You have a boyfriend! Tell me all about him.

I sighed. I knew what she wanted to hear.

Me: He's beautiful and smart and funny.

Freya: How beautiful? Send me a picture.

I called up my photos and picked one of us together, smiling—happy. And sent it.

Freya: Is he in a wheelchair?

Me: Yes, he is.

Freya: Oh, Liam. You could have done so much better.

I took a long breath in and exhaled slowly to calm myself. I wasn't surprised by Freya's reaction. She'd have wanted to show us off as a pair. Now, she felt she couldn't do that.

My body tensed.

Me: Jamal is the most incredible person I have ever met. I love him deeply, and I have been blessed to have him love me back. He's my person and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. The wheelchair brought out a courage and perserverance in him that I admire.

Freya: I'm coming into town next week. I'm bringing a friend. I want them to meet you. They don't believe you're more gorgeous in person. We can meet at The Empress for high tea.

No.

That's it. I wasn't doing this anymore. I wasn't a prize pig to be flaunted. She hadn't even acknowledged that I had told her I was in love. That's not what she wanted from me. She didn't want a true relationship with her son. She wanted a prize piece to brag about.

Me: Can I bring my boyfriend?

Freya: I don't think that's necessary.

That sealed it.

Me: No. I won't be meeting you. And I'd appreciate if you didn't contact me. You have shown absolutely no interest in my life. You've been toxic to me. And I'm done with that.

Freya: Don't be silly. Meet with me. Meet my friend. He's gay like you. Gorgeous. A lawyer. I thought you two might hit it off.

My face heated. She didn't care. She didn't care about me at all.

Me: Goodbye, Freya. I have a family and a life now. Please stay out of it.

Before she could answer, I called up her contact in my phone and blocked her. Maybe one day I'd unblock her number, but for now, it felt amazing to be free of her.

Riding that feeling, I texted Erik, my birth father. He had tried to split Jamal and me up. Threatened the man I loved. I had been formulating what I wanted to say.

Me: Despite your efforts, Jamal and I are together and in love. He has told me everything about the domestic assault charge. It hasn't swayed my love for him. You tried to tear us apart and you failed. Jamal is my everything.

I'm sorry you weren't able to see him as the amazing man he is. It's sad that all you saw was his race and his wheelchair. You didn't give him a chance. The same as you never gave me a chance. You've only ever compared me to your kids. Not accepted me for my true self.

I know you hate this about me, but I am queer and proud of it and I have found a man who sees me for who I am. Maybe someday, you'll realize your first born son was worthy of your attention. But for now, I'm cutting ties. I need to heal from the wounds you and Freya inflicted on me. I was a child and you abandoned me. I have found a loving home now with the man I love.

I clicked send and saw that he read it. Butterflies stirred in my stomach as I waited.

Nothing.

I waited fifteen minutes, staring at my phone.

Nothing.

I was done with him. Another block.

I looked at Jamal. He was even more beautiful when he slept. I wanted to reach out and stroke his cheek, but I refrained. I lay my head on my pillow and kept watching him.

His soft breathing.

His stunning lashes.

His lips that felt like velvet.

His love for me.

My heart stitched a few more traumatic tears back together. Being with Jamal had started it on the road to healing. Every day with him brought me closer to being whole.

Aside from the Salish Sea Society, he was the only family I needed in my life.

Chapter Twenty-Two | Jamal

I wheeled into the apartment space. The building manager had left me alone to look around. The first thing I noticed was the doorway was wide enough to easily accommodate my chair. The second was the flooring. It was embossed vinyl which was non-slip and easy to roll on.

Directly inside the front door, a light switch at the correct height for me. I took a turn into the kitchen. I could roll straight through it rather than get stuck at the end of a galley and be forced to turn around, and it was wide enough to give me lots of room. The countertops were low and level with the sink and cooktop, all with room underneath for my knees and chair. The fridge had a freezer at the bottom, and the upper part wasn't full-sized. I could reach everything in it.

Again, all the light switches and outlets were at my level. I headed for the bathroom next. It was bigger than my bathroom at home. Lots of room to turn around. Plenty of space beside the toilet for my chair, and the counter was at my height with space for my knees under the sink. It had a similar shower to what I was used to. I could easily transfer onto a bench and there were grab bars all over the shower walls and bathroom to assist me. To the side of the shower in an alcove was a front-loading, all-in-one washer and dryer I could easily use.

It was then that I noticed a guide rail on the ceiling that ran through the door from the bedroom over the toilet and ended at the shower. There might come a time when I was unable to transfer on my own due to age. The rail was for a lift system so I could be transported from my bed to the bathroom. I moved into the bedroom. The same vinyl flooring was under my wheels. Not very warm but functional. There was a closet along one wall, no doors, and a hanging rail at my level.

I proceeded to the living room. It was sufficient and had an attached eating area, then down the hall on the other side of the apartment was the second bedroom. It was much like the main bedroom but without the rail system. It would be perfect for a child.

"Jamal?"

I hadn't heard the door open. "I'm down in the bedroom to the right." Liam's hands came to rest on my shoulders once he entered the room. I had invited him to join me.

"Are you thinking of moving in here?"

"It better suits my needs. Everything is at my level and has room for my knees."

"It would make a big difference. You'd be able to do more on your own." He patted my shoulders. "I'm going to take a look around."

"Take your time." My chest tightened even though my heart pounded hard to make room for the nervousness I was feeling. Even my hands were sweating. Liam and I had known each other for less than three months. Our love had run us over like a steam train on a tight schedule.

My heart told me it was time.

I rolled back into the hallway. Liam was in the bathroom. I rolled through the kitchen to the other side. Off the front door, there was an open den that would make a great office. It would also serve as a perfect space for Liam to study and do his homework if he went back to school.

Liam strode toward me, a huge smile on his face. "This is great. I can see you here."

I swallowed hard. "Can you see you here?"

There, I'd said it. I'd asked the love of my life to move in with me.

Liam's eyebrows rose. "You want me to move in with you?"

"Is it too fast?"

He took a second then straddled my knees and cupped my face. "No. It's not too fast. It's just perfect. You're perfect. I love you. I can't wait to live here with you."

Liam leaned down and kissed me, and I could see our entire future together. This was the beginning of something profound. We were going to do this. Live a life. Start a family with children. Grow old together. Be with one another until the end. Tears welled in my eyes.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," I said.

Liam smiled at me. "Then I have my work cut out for me because it is my mission to make you happy every single day. From morning until night … total bliss."

I gripped his biceps. "Mm. That sounds nice. But I need you to kiss me again."

His hands were gentle as he held my face, his lips soft and warm. The apartment disappeared as we immersed ourselves in one another. Give and take until we were both humming.

Only the sound of someone clearing their throat snapped us out of it.

I looked over at the building manager. "We'll take it."

We pulled up outside Owen's beautiful home in Oak Bay. It wasn't as large as some of his neighbours' homes, but it was kept to perfection. I knew real estate agents often did well moneywise, but Owen must be selling more than the average agent. Liam had told me he was driven and obsessed with wealth. The Alfa Romeo SUV in the driveway confirmed that.

A Christmas barbeque at Owen's was a tradition for the Salish Sea Society and over recent years, the group had been growing if you included the partners of the taken men.

I manoeuvred over the lip of the front door. Liam had opened it without ringing the doorbell. He led me through the front entry into the kitchen where a lively conversation was happening.

Standing around a massive island Brody was beside Noah, then Ethan and Daniel, Owen was on his own, and then there was us. I took Liam's hand as we joined the others.

I was a little nervous. Noah, Brody, and Ethan, I knew well because they volunteered at the Rainbow Youth Centre, but I didn't know Owen and Daniel at all.

The group of men erupted in words of welcome upon seeing us. Hugs were given, including some for me from Noah and Ethan. Handshakes and greetings from everyone else. I felt more at ease, even though Owen was sizing me up. Liam had told me that sometimes he and Owen didn't see eye-to-eye, but that he was a decent guy and Ethan's best friend.

And Daniel. He was a good bit older than Ethan. They were very handsy, clinging to one another. In love. Liam had shared about their daddy kink, spanking, and Ethan's manties.

None of those things were for me. Liam had over the years experimented with the sexual components, but they weren't anything he wanted to continue—especially with me.

We had found our own rhythm.

"Since we're all here," Ethan said. "I have news."

Owen groaned and rolled his eyes. "I'm going to guess it has something to do with the uniformly sized Christmas presents you brought with you today for us."

Ethan clapped his hands together. "The coffee table books of me are done."

Liam looked at me. "Ethan has a photographer friend, Carlos. Ethan posed for him in sheer manties and corsets. The guy did an entire book solely of Ethan."

I stared at Ethan.

Holy shit.

I suppose it didn't surprise me. Ethan was a good-looking guy who had a sultry edge to him that would translate well in sexy photos. "Have you seen any?" I asked Liam.

Liam nodded. "They're extremely hot. And it sounds like we'll have one for our new home."

Noah slapped the counter, his eyebrows raised, overhearing what Liam had said. "What? Liam. You didn't tell me this. Are you and Jamal moving in together?"

Liam smirked. "It's new. We get the place on February 1st. It's set up to accommodate Jamal and his wheelchair. Lower counters. Leg room under appliances. Stuff like that."

"How did Mamma react?" Noah asked, directing his attention to me.

"She was upset," I replied. "But she understands why I want to do it." I looked up at Liam. His expression was warm and kissable. "Why we want to do it."

"Kind of fast," Owen said and crossed his arms.

"Don't be such an ass," Ethan said to him. "They're in love. Let them be happy." He pursed his lips. "I think you should be next to share, Owen. You have interesting news."

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it," Owen replied.

"Are you embarrassed?" Ethan challenged.

Owen grunted. "Fine. Skylar and I have been texting."

There was a collective uproar of sound from everyone gathered. A lot of what the fuck kind of exclamations. I wasn't sure if everyone was upset or simply surprised.

Who the hell is Skylar?

"You've been doing what?" Noah practically shouted. "What happened to denying his husband any kind of pleasure? I seem to remember you were pretty clear on that."

Skylar is someone's husband?

Liam touched my shoulder and leaned close to my ear. "There's a guy at Owen's office, a real estate agent who Owen hates, Chad. Skylar is the guy's husband."

Okay. That did not clear things up at all.

"It's nothing salacious," Owen responded. "He just checks in with me on Friday night."

"Checks in?" Liam asked.

"We talk about our week." Owen shrugged. "Mostly my week."

"How and when did this start?" Noah asked.

"He's texted me three times … that's it." Owen looked at the counter. "He's a good listener. He draws me out. Gets me talking about stuff that's bothering me."

"So … he what … texted you out of the blue?" Liam asked.

Owen exhaled. "Yes. Told me Chad gave him my number."

"We told you they might not be fucking with you." Noah leaned on the counter. "So, you're considering it. Hooking up with Skylar."

Owen shook his head. "We're just talking. I'm not even sure he wants more."

"He cornered you in the bathroom," Ethan said. "Rubbed up on you."

This all sounded way too complicated. I was more than satisfied with one guy in my life. Especially, one who didn't come with an extra guy. I wasn't sure what Owen was looking for.

Seemed like he didn't know either.

"It's no secret," Owen said," that I think Skylar is hot. That whole femme nerd thing he has going on is doing it for me, but he comes with a festering Chad-shaped growth."

"Sounds like he's trying to get to know you first," Daniel pointed out. "Maybe he hasn't decided if he wants to follow through on that aggressive move he made on you."

"No, he made his intention clear with that move," Brody responded. "Reminds me of the night I waited for Noah outside the pub and solicited him for sex. I was serious about wanting him."

Noah grinned, gripped Brody's bicep, and leaned against his shoulder.

"I think he wants Owen," Ethan agreed. "But he's decided to take his time with him."

"You're sure this isn't Chad messing with you?" Liam asked.

Owen pulled his phone from his jeans and called up something on it, scrolled, and handed the phone to Liam. "Does this look like Chad is even in on the conversation?"

Liam scanned the screen, dragging his finger from bottom to top multiple times as he read. His brow furrowed and he handed the cell back to Owen. "The guy is sophisticated, I'll give him that. It's hard to tell what his end game is, he's so focused on understanding you instead. My bet is he does want to fuck you. And I do mean fuck you. There's no way that guy is a bottom."

"My thoughts too," Ethan said and looked at Owen. "Told you."

Owen sighed. "I want to change the topic."

"We're going to trial against the guy who attacked Jamal," Brody said, taking the hint.

"Oh, perfect," Ethan replied and looked at me. "I'm sure that feels good."

"What's even better is that Avery is out of their house," I said. "They have moved into our new youth housing area. We have five kids living there now. They're going to need counselling but at least they're in a positive environment with the full support of me and the volunteers."

"I wanted to talk to you about the youth shelter," Owen said to me. "I'd like to donate some money. Maybe buy some colourful bedding and whatever else you think would make life fun for them again. Those kids deserve to feel loved, accepted, and celebrated."

I touched my hand to my chest. The generosity of this group of men was astounding.

"Thank you so much, Owen. I have ideas. The kids will be thrilled."

"It's the least I can do. I'll text you." He offered me the first smile I'd received from him.

"Mm." Ethan leapt in place, grinning. "Liam's belated birthday present." He bounded out of the kitchen. Liam had told me that the name of the game was gag gifts. I snorted as Ethan set a badly wrapped wriggly mass of what looked to be a small dragon dildo on the counter.

Liam lifted it and wobbled it around. "Jeezus, guys."

Ethan leaned on the counter, his elbows spread, his chin on his folded hands. "My question is who's going to be using it on whom. Liam looks like he's eyeing it up."

"None of you damned business, Ethan," Noah responded.

Liam raised his hand. "No, I owe you guys an apology. For years I've been hassling you all about being needy bottoms." He took my hand and squeezed it. "I've joined the club."

Swear to God, Ethan squealed in stark contrast to the stunned silence that struck the rest of the group around the island. "See! We told you! Best thing ever!"

Liam chuffed out a laugh as the others in the room came out of stasis and started heckling him. Seemed as though Liam had been staunchly against bottoming his entire life.

After Liam accepted some serious teasing, the Salish Sea Society men turned to preparing dinner like they'd been doing it for a lifetime, working as one. They had a routine. The rest of us were simply swept along with it. Brody, Daniel, and I looked at each other and smiled.

These four men had built an incredible foundation that we were blessed to become a part of. The love in the room was palpable. This was a joyous place of acceptance and belonging.

Family.

Liam had a family, and he'd invited me in.

February came faster than I'd been ready for. Liam had been helping me pack up my room. Most of my clothes, my books, extra bedding, pictures, and towels. I didn't have much else. We'd be using my bed and dresser in the main bedroom and Liam's in what was the guest room for the moment. We would rearrange it in a few years after we decided to have kids.

There were cupboards in the kitchen closer to the floor, but some were up above the counters as well. The upper location was important for us to store everything. Liam had taken most of the items we needed for our kitchen from his place. Alesia had been excited to buy all new stuff.

She was here, helping with the move-in. I'd become quite friendly with her, starting when Liam had invited me over for dinner at his place. We had begun staying over at his place as often as we stayed at mine. His bathroom had been a challenge for me, but we'd managed.

The past month had been glorious, practically living with Liam. We'd become achingly anxious to make it official. To have our own place. Now we were here.

I reached into a box Alesia had set on the floor for me. I was unloading the plates and bowls into a cupboard. Liam was putting the bed frames back together in the bedrooms. He'd already set up the living room. We'd bought a sofa, end tables with lamps, a bank of shelves, and an electric fireplace that was designed to act as a wide television stand as well. We'd bought a new massive screen for it. My television would be set up in our bedroom.

"How are you doing with that?" Alesia asked.

"I'm ready for another box."

"On it." She took the empty box, broke it down, and fetched me another. This one had mixing bowls, drinking glasses, and some cutlery and knives. Liam and I had picked up some drawer organizers for everything. It had been fun shopping for our home.

"Our bed is done," Liam exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. "Just gotta find the bedding."

"I saw the bedding box near the closet," Alesia replied. "I'll find it and make the bed."

"Thanks, buddy." Liam grasped her face and kissed her on the forehead. I loved how physical Liam was with his friends. His love for them was deep and it showed.

"How are you doing?" he asked me.

"Tired. I'm glad you have the bed set up. I think I'm going to be napping soon." The movers had brought the last of our belongings in an hour ago. We had started early, and all the commotion had worn me out. Another couple of boxes and I was going to be fully spent.

"I hear you. Once Alesia leaves, I'll join you."

I looked toward the end of the counter. "Grab that present from my family. I'm curious." Mamma had come over during the mayhem portion of the move and dropped off a box that was wrapped with cute paper featuring little houses. It was a housewarming present.

Liam and I both worked on the paper. Inside the box was another box. The picture on the top showed an image of an espresso maker. We could definitely make use of that. The box also contained two items wrapped in newspaper. Liam lifted one, me the other.

We both grinned as we unwrapped them. Two coffee mugs. Each with the word His on it. My family had been amazing, folding Liam right in. They had expressed their love for us as a couple.

It was going to be particularly sad being further away from Meera, but she had promised to visit often. I knew that wasn't an idle promise. She'd become a regular fixture in our home.

"These are perfect," Liam said.

"We'll have to put them to use later. Once I have a nap, I'll want to perk right up so we can clear more of these boxes. It's hard for me to move around in here."

"Bed's done," Alesia said as she poked her head into the kitchen. "I'm going to go."

Liam wrapped her up in his arms and hugged her hard. "Thank you so much for all your help. I'm going to miss you being around, busting my ass."

"That's Jamal's job now." She looked at me. "Keep him in line."

"He's been managing great on his own lately." Liam had cut way back on his photo and screen time, only posting occasionally. Usually with me in the picture with us doing couple-stuff. Most of his followers thought we were adorable together. Others were vicious. Harassing him about settling for a cripple. That he made a better boy toy than a partner. They affected Liam, the negative comments. There was still a small part of him that gave those comments credence.

That part of him was being chipped away daily through my love for him. And the love of his friends and my family. Our family. Mamma had practically adopted him. He always helped prepare dinner at my parents' home now. Dadi had insisted he copy the family recipe box. I was looking forward to having my mamma's traditional recipes cooked in our own kitchen.

Alesia left us alone and headed home. The apartment was finally quiet.

And all ours.

"Try out the new bedroom?" Liam said.

"I'll join you in there in a second."

Liam leaned down and kissed me, then walked to the bedroom. I went into the bathroom, enjoying the roominess as I dealt with my bladder. Liam had set the whole room up already.

I found him stretched out on the bed, his eyes closed. He stirred when I transferred onto the mattress. He'd turned back the comforter. I snuggled in against him and he covered us.

I found my place, setting my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me, my hand on his chest. He gripped my leg and pulled it until my thigh was hanging over his. He caressed the full length of my thigh, concentrating on my ass. I smirked as I burrowed against him.

He'd accompanied me to physical therapy for most of my workouts. He knew what my legs were capable of, a slow rotation on a stationary bicycle. The first time I'd completed a full rotation years back, I had burst into tears. Now, Liam had integrated seamlessly into that life.

And me into his.

Those realities often led to more tears. I was so happy and thankful.

Liam moved his hand from my thigh to my face, cupping my jaw, his thumb brushing my cheek. His breath was hot on my lips. Hotter and hotter until he kissed me.

His hand raked through my hair, and he amplified the strength of his lips. My mind and body felt absorbed by him down to my very last fibre of being.

We became one.

We'd always be one.

Epilogue | Liam

I'd been a little surprised when Mamma announced we'd be having Easter dinner. Pretty sure none of us were Christians, although the topic had never come up during the usual flurry of conversation that happened over the Kumar dinner table.

We'd all settled in after the last of the traditional Western culinary items were placed on the table. Jamal and I both made a wheel of food on our plates and then dug in. I'd been put in charge of the stuffing which meant I'd been here since early in the morning to help stuff the turkey with it. I'd made it ahead of time at home along with the homemade cranberry sauce.

Everything was amazing, but I kept glancing over at Jamal. We'd been living together for almost two months. No part of me would ever consider leaving his side. We were seamless. Sure, we'd had a few disagreements, but they always ended with a solution and the urge to fully make up in bed. We'd cultivated unwavering harmony with one another.

I loved him so much.

The beating of my heart sped up and I had trouble finishing my dinner. Then there was dessert, and it was all taking too long. My face flushed and I could feel dampness on my upper lip.

I'd never been so nervous.

Finally, it was time to do the dishes. Meera, David, and Zahir had been assigned the task. Jamal and I chatted with his parents and grandparents while we waited for them to finish.

I wanted everyone with us.

I felt faint as the entire family gathered in the living room. I felt around in my pocket and found the small box I had been contemplating revealing at home. The atmosphere had never felt right. I needed the love of family around as I took this momentous step.

I slipped off the sofa and got down on one knee in front of Jamal.

His eyebrows shot up. "What are you doing?"

I fished the box out of my pocket and pried it open. "Asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. I know it's quick, but no one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel. From the first day we hung out, I knew there was something special about you." I smirked at him. "All those random facts sealed it for me. That day in the museum, I started falling hard for you."

I lifted the ring from the box. It was a simple silver band. Nothing fancy. Jamal gripped his knees as he stared at it. A tear ran down his cheek. I had to quell a feeling of panic.

Is he going to say no?

I took a deep breath.

I knew he loved me as much as I loved him.

I trusted his love.

Jamal extended his left hand and clutched his chest with the other.

"Yes," he whispered, and my entire soul took flight. This beautiful, caring, funny, intelligent man had said yes to a question I never thought I'd ever in my life be asking.

For whatever reason, the universe had blessed me with an incredible love. All the years of loneliness and my inability to accept and love myself were slipping away.

This love … this here. This was everything.

Jamal's hand was trembling. I had to hold it steady to slip the ring on his finger. Once it was on, he gripped my hand first in one, then the other, and clung to me. His face was covered in a sheet of tears. I realized mine was too. We were embarking on a life together.

"I love you," I whispered. This moment was private. Jamal kissed me, weeping, and clutched the back of my head to keep us together. He pressed one kiss after another onto my lips.

He parted from me. "My love for you is profound."

"You're sure this is what you want?"

"Sweet, sweet man. You are my absolute everything. I want to be your husband for life."

My body filled with warmth. Whatever the world had in store for us, we were ready. Our love may have come on fast, but it was strong—solid. We were meant to be.

I held his face and bestowed on him the gentlest kiss.

My lover. The heart of my heart.

We became one.

We'd always be one.

The End

Do you want to read Owen's love story?

Look for Owen book four of the Salish Sea Society series.

Coming December 2024

Preorder now!

Salish Sea Society

Salish Sea Society – Book 1

Noah

Salish Sea Society – Book 2

Ethan

Salish Sea Society – Book 4

Owen

Coming December 2024!

Preorder now!

About the Author

Leigh Jarrett (she/he/they) is an unabashedly queer, quirky, and passionate author of Contemporary MM+ Romantic Fiction. Their published contemporary works include warm and sweet HEA romances as well as dark romances filled with grit, trauma, and angst.

In their hometown of Victoria, BC, Canada, Leigh can be found nestled up with their fabulously supportive wife and trusty laptop or enjoying the wondrous Vancouver Island outdoors.

Connect with Leigh Jarrett:

Join their newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/leighjarrett.com/leigh-jarrett-newsletter

Email: leigh@leighjarrett.com

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You can also find Leigh on Facebook and Instagram and Bookbub

Acknowledgments

I'd like to take a moment and thank my creative consultant, Tammy, who puts up with all the ideas I throw at her, my dedicated and patient alpha readers, my many ARC readers, and my editing queen. Without you, I wouldn't have the confidence to publish the stories in my head. Writing in a bubble is not fun. You've given me the support I need.

Thank you!