THE FAULT NEXT DOOR

J.S. FINLEY

Copyright © 2024 by J.S. Finley

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Blurb

Ryder Jameson has spent years grappling with the loss of his wife. His parents convince him to move home to Texas, where they can keep a closer eye on him. When Nolan Montgomery moves in next door, a whirlwind of emotions hits, entangling him with feelings he doesn’t want and has no idea what to do with.

Nolan Montgomery’s past is shadowed by grief, but he is doing all he can to make the best of his situation. His neighbor, Ryder, is acerbic as lemons, but Nolan vows not to hold it against him. A devastating storm hits and brings them closer in unexpected ways.

Both men must navigate their vulnerabilities as they try out friendship first. But just being friends isn’t enough.

When someone comes to town to wreak havoc in Nolan’s life, everything in Ryder’s present is at risk. Can they survive the truth that threatens to rip them apart? Will they discover that the fault next door can sometimes lead to healing the fault line in one’s heart?

Chapter 1

Ryder Jameson wiped the sweat off his brow, thinking maybe he’d made a mistake moving back to Texas. Sure, his parents were here, and his uncle’s farm had been up for sale, which he got at a bargain price since he agreed to take care of his uncle’s animals and not sell them, but the heat didn’t play nice. The blinding sun’s only purpose seemed to be making him its bitch.

Another rivulet of sweat trickled down his temple as he worked the stave driver, pounding the new fencing stave into the hard-packed dirt. His arms flexed with each strike, the rhythmic thuds resonating in the quiet afternoon air. His cow had complained for about twenty minutes, and after snorting loudly, she had gone into the barn. The horse, which was really just a glorified pony, shot him nasty looks, but the goats were close, just looking for a handout. Mavis, the cow, wasn't having any of it and was standing in the shade with her butt pointed his way.

He didn't mind caring for the animals, but he wasn't sure he would replace the goats once this pair slipped over to goat heaven. They seemed to think his shirt, along with his jeans and anything else they could get their lips on, was food. He feared they would eat him if he sat down in the pen.

After slamming the driver down one last time, he glanced at his watch, cursing under his breath. Tonight’s baptism was fast approaching, and his mother, Maggie, had volunteered him to help set up the stage. Time was short, and he didn't want to disappoint her again. Not that he'd done much to make her proud in the last four years since his wife had passed. Thoughts of Amy made his stomach clench and his back ache. Anger swirled in his belly, and he knew a bad mood was bound to follow soon. Always did when he thought of how she'd died.

The sudden crunch of gravel under tires drew his attention to the driveway next door, where a shiny silver car pulled up. The vehicle looked out of place against the backdrop of rustic houses and open fields. The neighboring property was small compared to his spread.

During some financial crisis, his uncle had sold off a few acres, and the jerk who'd bought the parcel had built a house so close to his uncle's house that you would have thought they were lovers. It made no sense at all to him. The house should be on the other edge of the property, not here, where he could practically hear anything that happened inside the place.

The original owner had moved on, and a string of sloppy people had moved in, making the house more of a mess than the owners before them. At least this new guy drove a nice car that didn’t belch smoke everywhere. And he seemed to have initiated some repairs before he moved in, which Ryder appreciated overall. Having workers over there had been annoying, but he'd dealt with it okay. It had been weird knowing many of the guys working on the place because he'd gone to school with them. They’d been friends back then, though they weren't his buddies now. Moving to Atlanta had helped him grow more than just older, he’d become much more choosey with who he became friends with.

The driver's side door opened, and the guy who stepped out looked totally out of place—even more so than the last time Ryder had seen him. His new neighbor wore white tennis shoes, crisp jeans that looked like he'd taken them off the rack this morning and worn them out of the store, and a sleek button-down shirt in a pastel color that might look good in the evenings in Miami Beach but made him look ridiculous here.

The sunlight emphasized the blond streaks in his neighbor's hair. It almost looked like he had highlights from some fancy salon. Ryder wondered for a moment if they were natural but didn't think they could be based on how good they looked. The man was stunning, no question. In New York, LA, or even Atlanta, the guy's hair would fit in, but out here in Texas, that fancy hair might get a man beat up.

His neighbor sure as heck radiated an air of confidence that made Ryder stand a little straighter. He'd heard from one of the church ladies about the newcomer but hadn't paid much attention. He wasn't even sure what his new neighbor's name was since he'd been working overtime at the lumberyard over the last week and had only seen the man through the window but hadn't officially met him.

“Hey there!” the guy called out, flashing a bright smile as he approached, hand extended for a shake. “I’m Nolan Montgomery, your new neighbor.”

Something about the man’s smile twisted through Ryder like a hot knife sliding through butter. Goosebumps broke out over his shoulder as a wave of heat raced through him. Ryder frowned as he stared at the man, trying not to appear too friendly. This guy seemed way too happy to see him, and the last thing he wanted was a neighbor who thought he could drop by unannounced. No, Ryder enjoyed sulking in his misery too much to have some sort of friendly relationship with this guy. After a second, he clenched his jaw as he reluctantly accepted the handshake, offering a curt nod before turning back to the fence.

“Listen, I’m kinda busy right now,” he muttered as he twisted a length of wire around the stave, attaching the fence wire to the new support he’d just installed.

“Of course, I understand,” Nolan replied, hands shoved into his pockets. The awkwardness in his stance betrayed his earlier confidence. “Just wanted to say if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to come on over.”

Ryder snorted, and a sneer crept onto his face. “I don’t need anything from you,” he snapped, resentment bubbling beneath the surface. The words echoed the harsh thoughts that clouded his mind. He felt a little guilty as pain flickered in Nolan’s eyes. But why should he care? If the man wanted to be babied, he’d best learn that Ryder wasn’t the type of guy to give a shit about other people’s problems. Ryder had known unimaginable loss, and he doubted anyone could top his trauma. Life was unfair, and that was the end of the story.

“Okay then. I’ll leave you to your work. Have a good day,” Nolan said before he turned and walked off.

Ryder hated being such a jerk, but the last thing he needed was a friend. Being friends with people meant they would ask questions, and he already got enough of those from his mother and her friends. He didn’t need some guy asking how he felt or if he was still sad.

Guilt ate at him as he began to pack up his tools and equipment. He didn't need to be such a dick. Amy would hate the way he was acting, but if she wanted a say in his life, she shouldn't have died. His heart skipped a beat, and his knees wobbled before he stiffened and continued on, pushing away his emotions. It was easier to push others away than risk exposing the raw vulnerability that lay hidden behind his tough exterior. Getting close to anyone would mean opening up, and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

The sun dipped low on the horizon, casting long shadows across Ryder’s yard as he closed the storage shed door. Sweat clung to his brow, and he wiped it away with his work-roughened hand.

Before going inside, he glanced over at Nolan’s house. The man had left his curtains open, revealing his kitchen. Heat filled Ryder as he watched Nolan twirl around the room, a ladle held up like a microphone, crooning along to some unheard tune. He looked like he was having a blast, like maybe nothing bad had ever happened in his life. A chuckle escaped Ryder’s lips before he could stop it. The sight was both ridiculous and endearing, and for a moment, he forgot about the tension between them. He had been like that back before the crash that took Amy’s life. Maybe not singing into a ladle, but he’d been playful with Amy as they’d cooked and cleaned.

Nolan glanced up and caught Ryder’s gaze through the window. His dance came to an abrupt halt, and he waved enthusiastically, a wide grin plastered across his face. Ryder’s cheeks burned as loss almost overtook him. He spun around, cursing under his breath.

It would be so much easier if the man was just another annoying neighbor, someone Ryder could ignore without a second thought. But there was something about Nolan that tickled a memory at the back of his mind. He wanted to ignore that thought, but he couldn’t push it far enough down that he didn’t feel it at night as he drifted off to sleep or right before he woke and remembered everything.

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out. A text from his mother showed on the screen.

Don’t be late!

Ryder sighed. His mother knew him well. Thank goodness he hadn’t broken down and agreed to live with her. She was great but always in his business. Since Amy’s death, she’d hovered over him like a new mama dog watching her pup. He loved that she cared, but he needed his space.

On my way.

It was a lie, sort of. He still needed to shower and dress. In the shower, he had to focus on getting clean and not think of everything he'd lost. The last thing he wanted was to show up at his mother's church and appear sad. If they saw even one tiny shard of sadness in his eyes, they would pounce. They might mean well, but their endless parade of casseroles and prayers always ended with them showing up at his house, dragging along some niece who was available for dates. No, thank you. He didn't want another woman to make him less sad. They didn't get it. He'd had one great love, and that was all he deserved.

After the shower, he dressed fast and headed out. His gaze drifted over to Nolan’s house, and he spied the man dancing around his kitchen again, this time without the ladle. Heat filled Ryder, but he pushed thoughts of Nolan away as he headed out.

He had things to do and people to help. Hard work would keep him busy and stop the random musings of his mind. Thinking hurt, and he didn’t like it. If only he could forget everything instead of reliving the events of his life in his dreams and random thoughts that hit him like a ton of bricks when he least expected.

Chapter 2

Nolan had learned to walk with confidence and ignore whispers. That attitude would serve him well in this small Texas town.

He was new to the area, and he didn’t dress how other men in town dressed. He could get away with it because he was the only nurse practitioner working at the clinic that was woefully understaffed. The people who worked there didn’t care because most of them were transplants, too.

One woman, a nursing assistant, had grown up here and moved back after she got her certificate. She accepted him without question, but based on the reaction he got when he wasn't at work, he felt the need to go low-key. It went against his basic nature, but some people couldn't take him in full measure. He wasn't wild at all, though he sometimes colored his hair for events. Right now, it was his natural shade, except for a few highlights that looked natural in the right light.

Today, he had on what he'd consider to be bland clothing. The black slacks weren't tight like what he would wear going out to a club, but they did have enough stretchy material in the pants that they felt like pajamas but still looked good—not clubbing worthy, but still not awful. The baby blue button-down was paired with a dark tie that had cute little dogs all over it. Maybe the tie was too much, but someone would have to be super close to realize the dots were dogs.

He'd parked two blocks away from work so he could get some exercise in before his day started. He would be on his feet all day, but he needed more walking than a full day at work would provide. Halfway to the office, he passed two men who were older and dressed in the typical uniform working men in the area wore—jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a cowboy hat—when he heard one of them say something derogatory about him. Of course, he ignored them and kept going.

Maybe he should find a gym so he didn't feel the need to park blocks away to get in walking. Or maybe not, since a gym around here would have customers from this town. Perhaps he would finally buy one of the expensive workout systems for home use. Gyms in cities like Los Angeles and New York had benefits he didn't think he would get here. Not that he still hooked up at gyms, but he sure as heck had when he'd been twenty-one and fresh on the scene. But the benefits he liked most at the bigger clubs had been steam rooms and hot tubs, along with low-cost massages and some great classes.

He sighed, pushing away the thoughts of what he wouldn’t get at a gym here and all the things he was missing by moving to a small town. Instead, he focused on how nice the town seemed. It was clean here, no trash on the streets, and he liked the flowerpots outside businesses. There were advantages of moving here. He just had to dig sometimes to find them.

The morning sun was barely peeking over the buildings along the downtown strip by the time he stepped into the coffee shop he'd discovered the first week of moving here. The place was nice and quaint, and maybe a few too many bible verses framed on the walls, but he didn't mind as long as they didn't mind him. To each his own was how he survived.

“Good morning, Mr. Montgomery,” the woman behind the counter, Mrs. Albright, called out as the door closed behind him. “Oh, forgot to change the calendar. Can you believe it’s June fifteenth already? This year is passing quick.”

Nolan sucked in a breath, heat washing over him. June fifteenth? How could it already be the fifteenth? Mrs. Albright was looking at him funny, so he pushed away the pain and forced a smile.

“It is going fast. I’ll have a coffee and the egg white sandwich.”

“Sure thing, sweetie.”

Mrs. Albright turned and pulled the sandwich from the refrigerator and popped it into the rapid heat oven before pouring his coffee. He focused on what she was doing instead of the pain filling him.

How the hell had he forgotten? He vowed never to forget. Today marked four years since his husband passed away. How could he have let it slip his mind? He’d promised to remember forever, and this morning, he'd pulled on his clothes while whistling a happy melody like today was any other day.

If Andrew had lived, they would have been together for ten years, which was a long time for a gay man his age, but they'd met on their first day of college and fallen hard for each other. Now Andrew was nothing more than dust, and it was pathetic that he'd forgotten.

“Here you go, hun.”

He glanced up and tried for a smile, though he felt like he shouldn’t ever have the right to smile again. Mrs. Albright put her hand on his before he picked up the bag holding his sandwich.

“Is everything all right, hun?”

He tried for a genuine smile. "Yes, ma'am. I'm just obsessing over something work-related. You have a nice day."

“You, too. And maybe if you got yourself a nice woman, you wouldn’t obsess about work so much.”

He nodded politely, not having the heart to tell her he never would have a nice woman in his life. It amazed him that in any major city, people would pick up on the fact he was gay in seconds, but here in this small Texas town, people just thought he was eccentric. Even his tame clothes screamed gay as fuck, but these people weren't listening.

It was probably better that the people in this town didn't realize he was into dating men. He didn't think anyone would do anything overt, like attack him, but he wasn't willing to risk it.

As he left the cafe and continued on his way to work, guilt filled him. He missed Andrew something fierce. They’d been happy together. Andrew had been his rock, helping him get through his family abandoning him when they figured out that he was gay and then helping him study for his nurse's license. Without Andrew, he didn't know if he would have stuck through and become an RN and then gone on to become a nurse practitioner. At least Andrew had been alive when he'd passed his final exam to become a nurse practitioner. They'd spent a week on a cruise celebrating. It was their last big trip together. At least he had the memories of them having fun together one last time before everything went dark.

After work, he would do something to honor Andrew’s memory. Surely, he could come up with some sort of memorial for the man who’d meant so much to him.

When he’d moved, he’d packed away the photos of Andrew, thinking it better to hide his past than display it inside his home. Not that he had that many guests, but he didn’t want random workmen coming into his place and seeing photos of Andrew. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to think about Andrew, though. He thought about his husband all the time. But why had he forgotten this day?

Their life had been interesting. Andrew had joined the military after he’d received an associate degree and become a badass Special Forces guy. It shouldn’t have worked, but his sparkle was the perfect balance to Andrew’s bear personality.

Before walking into the office, Nolan cleared his mind. It wouldn’t help to dwell on Andrew today. Later, he’d have a glass of wine and toast his lovable bear. Maybe he would pull one photo out and put it beside his bed. He certainly wouldn’t be bringing anyone home in this town. What would be the harm to having Andrew’s photo on his bedside table?

Chapter 3

Guilt twisted through Ryder when he’d arrived home late the night before. Of course, Nolan’s lights had been off, so any apology he had to give about being a jerk would have to wait. He didn’t know why he’d been so harsh with the man, but something just seemed to get under his skin about the guy.

The sermon after the baptism had been about being neighborly. He could tell the pastor was trying to introduce the concept of kindness. The man had replaced the long-time pastor who'd preached for decades in this town. Honestly, Ryder hated the old pastor. The man had been into shaming others and treating women like crap. Amy had refused to attend the church his family had gone to for almost a century, and that had almost driven a wedge in their relationship. Not because he thought they had to go to that church but because his mom sure thought they did.

It still amazed him how so many people in the church could listen to sermons about being kind to others and then spend the rest of the week being jerks. But the old pastor had taught them well—actually bad—but they'd learned that lesson and acted out on it quite often. It would take more than a few years of this new pastor teaching about being a nice person for those diehards in the congregation to give up their hate-filled ways.

The sun was up, but just barely, as a car pulled up in his driveway. He looked out the window, seeing his mother behind the wheel. He rolled his eyes, wondering why she was there. Usually, she only stopped by if she needed him to do something. What would she demand of him today?

He opened the door and ushered her in. “Good morning. Do you want any breakfast?”

“I already ate. I would like some coffee.” Maggie Jameson was short, with wavy gray hair and blue eyes, which everyone said matched his. There was so little of his father in him, which was a relief.

Thomas Jameson had always been a strict disciplinarian. They didn’t have a good relationship, ever. He tried for his mother, but there was no way he would ever see eye to eye with his dad.

Ryder shook off the thoughts of his father and kissed his mother on the cheek. “What do I owe this pleasure?”

“Thank you for helping last night. It means a lot that you came back here and are part of the community. I know when you and Amy—God rest her soul—moved away, you all weren’t going to church. It’s important to be tied into the right faith.”

Ryder grunted, trying not to get too worked up about what his mother said. She didn’t understand him. Heck, he didn’t understand much of himself. Amy and he hadn’t thought church was necessary. He was only going to church here because it was expected of him. He was glad the new pastor had moved in a month before he’d moved back. He could at least get something from the sermon, like being kind to others. If it had been the old pastor, he would have had to find something to do on Sunday mornings.

“You know,” his mother continued speaking as she poured herself a mug of coffee, “Cindy Newman will be at church this weekend. She’s such a sweet girl. Her mother told me she was moving back to town. She’s not with anyone. You could ask her out.”

Ryder’s jaw clenched almost on its own accord. There was no way he was dating anyone. Amy hadn't been dead long. Besides, he wasn't ready to date.

“Mom, I don’t want to date anyone. You know that.” He still missed Amy. There was no way he could go on a date with anyone else. Amy had been the love of his life, and that was it for him. No woman even made him wonder what it would be like to sleep with them. He definitely had no desire to kiss anyone, and he certainly didn’t give a shit about their stories. He just wanted peace.

“Ryder, you can’t spend the rest of your life alone,” his mother insisted, her eyes filled with concern. “Cindy is a good match for you. I think you two would be happy together.”

He had known true happiness with Amy, and there was no way some Cindy or Kandi or any other woman could replace her. Anger swirled, but he pushed it down. He didn't want to scream at his mother. That wouldn't go over well at all.

“I’m not ready to date.”

“She is really cute. She knows how to cook and is very tidy. She can darn socks and mend shirts. She has a job as a bookkeeper, so she’s good with money. She would be perfect for you.”

Anger rose, but he held it in check. “If I need someone to cook for me, I’ll hire someone.”

“But you need someone to share a relationship with. Man isn’t happy alone.”

He snorted. “I’m perfectly fine alone.”

“Well, I don’t think so. I think you need a woman in your life.” His mother sipped her coffee, and something twinkled in her eyes that made him think his mother was already scheming to set him up with this Cindy whoever.

“I don’t want to date anyone,” he said, his voice a little gruffer than he usually spoke to his mother.

“But you’re alone. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone. Just think how nice it would be to have a woman helping you. You could start a family and fill this house up. I know your uncle was happy here with Liza. They had five children. A house like this needs to be filled again with children.”

Ryder scoffed. “I don’t want or need a woman in my life.”

“Every man needs a woman.”

"I had one, and she's dead." He checked the time and realized he'd spent too long talking to his mother. "I have to get to work."

She sighed and set her mug down hard. “Fine, but this isn’t over.”

Ryder blew out a breath. If it had been anyone other than his mother, he would have said more than a few choice words and kicked them out. There was no way he would date anyone any time soon. He should have expected this. His mom had been meddlesome when he’d been in high school, and he shouldn’t have expected her to stop just because he was older.

She picked up her purse and shot him a look over her shoulder. “I don’t know why you have a job. Your Uncle Steve never had to work while he ran this farm. If it was good enough for him, it should be good enough for you.”

He didn’t want to get into with his mother. She was from a time when people could survive on fifty dollars a month for groceries. She was totally out of touch with how life operated. It didn’t help that she’d never traveled more than a few miles from home. Her experiences were limited, and it showed.

His mother also never took into account that her parents had left the farm to Uncle Steve, and all he had to pay were the yearly taxes. Steve had never paid a mortgage. He never had to deal with making ends meet. Steve had also only done a few updates to the home, so when Ryder moved in, he had to replace the roof, the AC, the flooring, and a few other things. Thankfully, he had a friend from high school who did roofing, and he'd gotten a deal on the AC. The flooring was another story, and he would be paying off what he'd spent to fix up the place for years to come.

Because of the deals he'd made, he'd spent two weeks working with the roofing crew and helped the AC guy clean up his shop. Trading for discounts had been worth it in the end. There was no way he could have afforded everything he'd done to the place without the deep cuts to the cost.

After moving in, he figured out the place had plumbing issues. Those had been expensive, and before he had the carpet installed, he’d painted the walls because the top four feet of the walls and the ceiling were dingy gray. He could probably sell the house for a lot more than he’d paid, but the animals were still around, and it would disappoint more than just his uncle if he left. Explaining the thousands of dollars he spent on the place to his mother would just go in one ear and out the other. She had her strong points, but she also just didn’t get much about him.

“I like working, Mother. Now, I have to go.”

“Okay, but you won’t find any women working at the lumber place. You should find another job.”

He escorted his mother out, all the while thinking the lumberyard was the perfect place because the last thing he wanted was some woman hitting on him while he was at work. Truthfully, working at the lumberyard wasn’t as fulfilling as his job in Atlanta had been, but he was getting used to it. It paid well enough and left him exhausted at the end of the day. Keeping busy made it easy to keep random thoughts from his mind. Also, no one tried to set him up while at work.

His boss, Jim, had recently hired another guy, Rafe, who seemed to have the same attitude of not dating, not getting involved in anything that wasn't work, or sitting at home by himself. Rafe was a good worker and kept to himself. Close to quitting time, Ryder heard someone yelling. He set down his equipment and walked around the corner to see what was going on.

He found Dave yelling at Rafe, who wasn't moving. Rafe stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his lips down in a frown. Honestly, Rafe looked like the type of man you didn't yell at. He had thick arms and an even thicker neck. From what Ryder saw, Rafe wasn't the type of man to be trifled with.

“What’s going on?” Jim yelled out as he raced over.

“This dick who you hired told me not to use the saw. I told him to fuck off, and he pulled the plug on the machine and won’t move.”

Jim's lips thinned, and his eyebrows pinched together. Ryder was watching Rafe, seeing what looked like resignation fill the man's face. Rafe wasn't happy about any of this. Ryder caught a weird look that crossed over Jim's face, and he wondered if they were going to have an issue. Rafe was a good worker, and he didn't want the man to quit.

“Rafe,” Jim’s one word was dripping with disappointment.

"We need to hear Rafe's side," Ryder said. Why was he standing up for this guy? Maybe because Rafe actually did the damn job, unlike Dave, who liked to goof off.

Rafe’s gaze whipped to Ryder, and he narrowed his eyes. Ryder lifted his eyebrows and Rafe blew out a breath before turning to Jim.

“I tried to tell him that something was wrong with the saw, but he wouldn’t hear me. He didn’t want to listen.”

Jim turned to Dave. “Is this true?”

Dave huffed. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's an idiot. Why did you hire him? He shouldn't be working here."

Ryder noticed how Rafe stiffened. Jim held up both hands. “Listen, I don’t care what you think of him. I want to know if he was telling you that there was something wrong with the saw.”

“No, he didn’t say anything,” Dave said.

“That’s a lie,” Rafe snapped right back.

“You do know most of the place, specifically this area, is captured by the cameras we have installed,” Jim said.

Dave backed up a foot, then narrowed his eyes. “You’re lying.

Jim shook his head. “We can go view them now.”

“Fuck,” Dave said.

Jim turned to Rafe. “Tell me what’s wrong with the equipment.”

"I was about to come tell you about it when I saw Dave approach the piece of equipment. I didn't want him to get hurt. If you look over here." Rafe led Jim over to the saw, and Ryder turned away. They could fix it on their own and didn't need him standing around.

He was about twenty minutes from clocking out when his mother texted asking him to stop in on the way home. He forgot how needy his parents were while he’d been living in Atlanta. Maybe he shouldn’t have moved back to town, but he couldn’t stay where he’d been, and the sadness over losing Amy clouded his thoughts. The memories of his life with his wife had cropped up around nearly every corner and haunted him at work. The daily reminder of the perfection he’d had almost crushed him.

“Hey, Mom,” he said as he entered through the kitchen door. He’d shut the door quietly, knowing that doing otherwise would make his mother angry. And if his mother got angry, he’d never hear the end of it from his father.

She turned to face him, a huge smile on her face. “Oh good, you’re here.” He moved to her and kissed her cheek, hoping this wouldn’t take long.

The door slammed shut, the force of it reverberating through Ryder’s body. He looked up and saw his father standing with his arms crossed, a stern expression on his weathered face.

“You should already have a child. Your mother is just trying to help. You will behave through dinner tonight and appreciate her efforts.”

Ryder’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t have time to say anything as the doorbell rang. Heat washed over him. They’d played him, setting him up without warning. His stomach twisted, and he felt sick.

Ryder clenched his fists at his sides. “What did you do?” His words were whispered, and he didn’t think either of them heard him because they’d both left the room to welcome their guest.

He wanted to bolt. He could be home before they even knew he’d left. But a quick glance out the window proved him wrong. His father had parked directly behind him, and then whoever had shown up was blocking the rest of the drive. There was no escape. He was doomed.

Chapter 4

Dinner was a disaster. His parents practically told Cindy that he wanted a new wife, no matter how many times he said he wasn’t ready to date anyone. Poor Cindy didn’t know what to think. He needed to talk to her when his parents weren’t around.

After Cindy left, he tried to get away, but his father confronted him in the driveway.

“Son, you need to think of the family.” Thomas stepped closer, anger etching deep lines into his face. “It’s time to find someone and settle down and have babies.”

He clenched his fists, trying to control his anger. “Amy can’t be replaced.”

“Ryder, the Bible says—” his father began.

“Enough!” Ryder cut him off, eyes blazing. He wouldn't yell at his mom, but he had no problem yelling at his father. The man was no longer big enough to hit him without suffering some blowback. Ryder had grown taller, and his muscles were bigger than his father's. He'd also spent a few years learning kickboxing while in Atlanta. He wouldn't be pushed around again. The threat from his father was still there, but at least now he stood a chance of taking his dad down a notch. “Just leave me alone. I’m not dating that woman or any other woman you shove in my face.”

He should have known better than to stay. This would be the last time he parked in the driveway and got pinned in by his father’s truck.

At least his father realized he couldn't physically threaten Ryder like he had done throughout Ryder's whole life until he moved away. It sucked that the legacy of his childhood had been filled with physical beatings from his father. He couldn't remember how many times he'd ended up with black eyes and bruised kidneys.

Why had he moved back here?

Ryder maneuvered his truck so he could back up and take off, wishing his parents would understand he didn’t want to marry anyone. He didn’t even know if he ever wanted to be with another woman. Dating held no appeal. Hell, he didn’t even want to think about marriage or sex. He just wanted to be left alone to be himself. Being what his parents wanted him to be had never fit him.

The drive home had him questioning everything. Maybe he should have stayed in the city. He could have moved to a different team, maybe. Or he could have taken a job at a golf course or maybe a football stadium. Though his specialty was lawns, he knew enough about plants that he could have worked for a botanical garden. Now that he was here in his hometown, he felt stuck. It would take years to get out from under the debt he'd incurred from having to fix up the house he'd bought.

He pulled into his driveway, anger and regret twisting through him. He needed something to get the stress out. If he was in Atlanta, he would go to the gym and work out, but the one gym in the city closed at six at night. He hadn't even joined because it wouldn't have been worth his time.

He stepped from his truck, and the first thing he smelled was smoke. Panic flashed through him. Too many houses had been lost, and too many people had been hurt or killed by fires in this area. He pulled out his phone, ready to call the volunteer fire team, and then saw his neighbor standing over a fire in a pit.

Fury boiled up inside Ryder. He moved to the shed and grabbed a bucket, then filled it from the hose at the water trough by the fence. He marched toward his neighbor, anger growing hotter with each step. The irresponsibility made him want to punch the guy. He could take all his anger and fury and let it loose on Nolan. It would feel good to punch someone.

“There’s a burn ban!” he shouted before hurling the water into the fire pit. Steam hissed, and smoke billowed, dousing the flames.

“What the fuck?” Nolan jumped back.

“Burn ban. You can’t have open flames, you fucking idiot.”

“Really?” Nolan stared at him, eyes wide and incredulous. “It’s a small, controlled fire, and I had a fire extinguisher right here!”

Ryder didn’t care about Nolan’s precautions. He just needed an outlet for his anger. He was still furious about the trick his parents had played on him, and he wanted to punish someone.

“I said there’s a ban!” Ryder clenched his fists, ready to attack. But he couldn’t hit this man. The guy would probably press charges. The last thing he needed was a night in the city jail.

Ryder turned and stormed back toward his own house, leaving Nolan standing there beside the pit, splashed by the wet soot. He didn’t care if he’d ruined the man’s shoes, the asshole shouldn’t be burning anything.

Thick tension swirled in the air as he stalked back to his house. He clenched his fists, frustration simmering beneath the surface.

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” Nolan called after him.

Ryder stopped walking and spun so fast he almost lost his balance. In the dim light, he could see Nolan holding back laughter.

Embarrassment flashed. The last thing he wanted was to look like a fool in front of his neighbor. They had to live next door to each other, and this fight wasn’t boding well. But he ignored the warning in his head.

Venomous anger had been brewing for a while, twisting him up and leaving him anxious. He wasn’t angry at Nolan, just life in general. His mother setting him up with Cindy Whoever didn't help.

“Burn ban means no fires, period!" He almost stomped his foot but stopped himself before he made a move that a toddler would.

Nolan huffed, gesturing toward the small burn pot that had held the fire moments before. “It was safe and controlled, Ryder. And,” he added, pointing at the red fire extinguisher resting nearby, “I wasn’t being reckless.”

Ryder stilled and took in the area. Nolan was right. The fire had been controlled, and he was being a jerk. He'd made a mistake by moving back here. There was too much anger inside, and he had no outlet. Pride held him tight, and he wouldn’t apologize to Nolan. He would rather look like a fool than say he was sorry. He spun and then stormed off, tossing the bucket into his yard before racing inside and slamming the door.

What the fuck was up with him? That man pissed him off, and it wasn’t just the fire. Everything he did made Ryder hot under the collar. He wished he had the cash to buy the guy out and get rid of him.

"Fuck!" Ryder screamed, a part of him knowing he was acting like a child. He closed his eyes, trying to find some peace, but his anger had grown so big it threatened to fill the house. It wasn't fair that his parents were manipulating him or that his neighbor was a jerk. He wanted things to go back like they'd been four years ago. Back before the crash and before he'd watched Amy slowly slip away as the injuries from that one fateful day destroyed her.

Chapter 5

Nolan’s anger simmered beneath the surface. He was angry that his dedication to Andrew had been ruined by his hot-headed neighbor. Andrew would have probably laughed in the guy’s face, punched him, and then asked if he wanted to get a beer together. But Nolan wasn’t like that. First off, he wasn’t big enough to punch someone and not get the shit beaten out of him, and second, he thought violence sucked. Plus, he hated beer.

He cleaned up the area and headed inside. With the photo in hand, he moved to the box he'd pulled it from earlier but couldn't put it away. No one would ever be in his bedroom. He didn't have a maid, and no one else came inside his place. If, for some reason, he had someone over at his house, he would put the photo in a drawer.

He placed the picture of Andrew beside his bed, smiling to himself as he stared at his incredibly handsome husband. He missed the big lug. Andrew had spent plenty of nights away, but when he was home, they’d been an inseparable pair.

Andrew had been the type of guy who could pick him up and toss him over his shoulder. He loved being manhandled by his husband because he knew Andrew would never hurt him. They’d had some wild sex, and it had gotten really intense, but Andrew had always kept him safe.

Nolan closed his eyes and let go a long sigh. Maybe it was weird, but Andrew had been his best friend as well as his lover. He hadn’t known many guys who were as close as he and Andrew had been. It probably helped that Andrew was gone a lot of the time.

Nolan grabbed the open bottle of wine from the refrigerator and poured himself a glass. He was about to put the wine up when he decided he needed more in his glass. It wouldn’t hurt to drink more this one time.

He sank down on the couch and lifted his drink. “I miss you, Andrew. Too much time has passed since I last saw you.”

He took a sip then stared at the blank TV screen. His neighbor was a jerk. He hated living with that strife. Back in Virginia, his neighbors loved him. The cookie exchanges during the holidays were amazing. They had barbecues in the summer and did movie marathons on rainy weekends. It was the perfect place, until it wasn’t.

He sighed as more sadness poured in. It had been fun living there when Andrew had been alive. His husband had stood out in the neighborhood of men with pony kegs instead of six packs, but they all had been nice to each other. Once the guys realized Andrew was a serious military man, they showed him respect. For some reason, they'd also never really shown Nolan disrespect, either.

Nolan didn’t want to live in a place where his neighbor hated him. This house was odd. No other houses were around here. Why had this house been built so close to the other one? It didn’t make any sense.

Shaking off the altercation with Ryder was taking too long. He should let it go, but something about the man had taken root in his thoughts. The last thing he wanted was for their relationship to sour further. He didn’t want this type of strain between them. He would be here in this city for a few years because of his contract.

Going over to Ryder’s place now would be a mistake. Maybe he could make him a cake. Nolan rolled his eyes. Andrew would laugh at him for sure for that one. He should give Ryder time. The man seemed more like the beer and burger type, not the tea and sweets type.

Maybe it was the wine, or maybe the anger, but Nolan woke to a strange sex dream where he was wrapped in a man’s arms, both of them naked. When he met the man’s eyes, they weren’t Andrew’s eyes. Instead, it was Ryder, his neighbor, starring in his dream.

The disturbing dream got him out of bed and into the shower. He turned the water to cold, suffering through the pain as he willed his dick to deflate.

When he turned off the water, just the thought of Ryder made him hard again. He closed his eyes and wrapped his fist around his cock, and stroked, trying to think of Andrew. It didn’t work. His mind kept flashing to Ryder and his strong arms and big hands. The man’s positively sour looks turned him on and had him emptying his balls in record time.

“Fuck!” he shouted as he came, dumping his cum on the tile floor. He turned the water on and washed the floor of the shower, wondering why the heck he’d dreamt about a man he couldn’t stand.

A wave of sadness hit him. Ryder haunted his subconscious, not Andrew. He wanted to cry, but he pushed away the thought as he stepped out of the shower.

He wasn’t running late, which was good, and he took his first mug of coffee out to his back patio. He pulled up the crossword puzzle he liked to do in the morning to get his brain going and looked over the hints. His mind wandered as the words began to fuzz together. He wasn’t into the crossword today. Instead, he was thinking about Andrew, which morphed into thoughts about his way too good-looking neighbor, who had a scruffy jaw and smoldering eyes.

Nolan stood abruptly, almost knocking the table over. He grabbed his mug and turned to go inside, but the object of his illicit dreams was standing close to his property, his blue eyes seeming to pierce Nolan’s soul. There was no way Ryder knew about the sexy dreams or the jackoff session he’d had.

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night,” Ryder’s deep voice rumbled over him, grazing his nerves and sending a shiver down Nolan’s back. The man had no idea how sexy Nolan thought he was, and if he knew, there would be hands thrown.

“It’s okay,” Nolan said, trying not to let the lust he felt toward this man show. It wasn’t safe in this town for a man his size to show his attraction to other men. He was smaller by four, maybe five inches, and weighed a good thirty to forty pounds less. Ryder was pure muscle, whereas Nolan had a runner’s frame and weight.

Ryder shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t have done that. I grew up here and have seen out-of-control fires destroy land, animals, and property, but it’s no excuse. The fire was small, and I was acting out the anger.”

“I’m sorry. I should have thought it through,” Nolan said.

“No, you weren’t in the wrong.”

He studied Ryder, seeing the exhaustion in his eyes. He could have burned the piece of paper inside over a candle or something, but he’d tried to make some weird grand gesture because he’d forgotten that yesterday was the anniversary of Andrew’s death. “Really, don’t worry. It’s okay.”

“Can I make it up to you by grilling tonight? I know I haven’t been the most neighborly person. I’m just—life has been hard the last few…um, weeks.”

Nolan almost laughed at the offer to grill, but he held it in. He should say no. Getting closer to this man would be a dangerous mistake. It would be crossing the line because of the sexy dreams he’d had that made him hard as a pipe.

“Sure,” he said instead of saying no. “I get off work at three today, so I’ll be around.”

“I finish close to six. Today is my long day, but I’ll be here as fast as I can.”

“I look forward to it.” He must be crazy to want to spend time with this man. He was looking for trouble. That's what he was looking for.

Maybe if he got to know Ryder, he wouldn’t be attracted to him. He’d had loads of male friends over the years who were just friends, and he could be friends with his neighbor. Once he got to know the man better, he would get over this crazy lust he felt for Ryder. He was sure of it.

Ryder flashed a smile that made Nolan’s heart speed up. “Awesome. I’ll see you later.”

“Hey, let me bring something,” Nolan called out before Ryder got too far. “Meat is expensive.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it covered. I did some carpentry work for a friend when I moved to town, and he paid me back with a side of beef.”

“Oh, wow. That was nice of him.”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy. I have to go, or I’ll be late. I’ll see you later.”

Nolan waved and forced himself to look away, or he would have stared a hole right through Ryder’s jeans. He would get over this lust. He had to.

It would be good to spend time with someone outside of work. Moving to Texas may not have been the wisest decision he’d ever made, but he was going to make the most of it.

Chapter 6

Work wasn't too bad, and Nolan left on time. He headed home, stopping by the liquor store to buy wine. Before he checked out, he wondered if Ryder even drank wine. Maybe he didn't. It would be weird to show up with just wine and not beer, but he had no clue what type of beer to buy. Andrew had very strong views about beer. At the beginning of their relationship, he'd accidentally bought Andrew the wrong beer. Some guys would drink anything, but there were a lot of guys who would only drink certain beers. He didn't want to get this wrong after all the trouble they'd already had.

He was standing in the aisle when Lila Thompson, one of the other nurses at the office, stepped close and bumped him on the shoulder. He turned and flashed her a smile.

“Hey, how are you?” Nolan asked.

“Call me crazy, but I didn’t take you for the beer type,” Lila said.

"I'm not." For a moment, he thought about not telling her what he was doing, but he needed help deciding which beer to buy. "Do you know beer?"

“Duh, I grew up here. What’s up?”

He shrugged. "My neighbor grew up here. He's grilling tonight and invited me over. I can't show up empty-handed, but I don't think he's a wine drinker."

“Ah, Ryder Jameson. I don't know if he has ever drank wine in his life, but I know he likes this beer." Lila pulled a six-pack of bottles from the refrigerator and flashed a huge smile. "It's a Texas-based beer. Everyone around here likes it."

“Oh, thanks. I’ve never heard of this brand.”

"Not surprising. Like I said, Texas-based, and the brand didn't get popular nationwide until recently."

Lila screwed up one side of her mouth. "So, how is living next to Ryder going? He's kind of prickly. His wife was the best part about him."

“Wife?” Nolan racked his brain, trying to remember if he’d seen a woman at Ryder’s place.

“Oh, yeah, she died like three or four years ago. He moved back home recently.”

Pain slid through Nolan, but he suppressed the sadness. He had lost someone, too, but he wasn't telling people in this town. "Oh, I didn't know he'd lost his wife." Ryder had a wife. That was news to him. Maybe that was all the confirmation he needed that Ryder was straight, and he should stop thinking about him in any way other than just as a neighbor.

Knowing that Ryder was straight made it so much easier for Nolan. He didn’t need to be anything more with Ryder than friends. They could just hang out like guys did. There wouldn’t be any sexual tension, just two guys being friends.

Lila shook her head, sadness filling her eyes. “It hit him hard. He still hasn’t dated anyone. Girls around town call him a hot catch.”

Nolan’s eyes widened as he stared at her. She shook her head.

“Not me. I don’t swing that way.” Lila checked her watch and grimaced. “Oof, I have to head out. Have a good weekend.”

“Thanks,” he said as she walked away. His mind went back over their conversation. Had Lila just told him she was into women? He wouldn’t ask her at the office, but if he ever had time away from work with her, he would find out.

He bought the beer and wine, then stored them in his refrigerator when he got home. He knew red wine wasn’t supposed to be served really cold, so he took it out of his refrigerator about twenty minutes before six.

He'd kept busy doing laundry and cleaning the countertops. When Ryder's truck rumbled into his driveway, Nolan almost burst with anticipation. He needed to calm down. This wasn't a date. The man had been atrocious to him, and he needed to keep that in mind. Maybe this was a setup to do something awful. He didn't think that was the case, but still, a sliver of fear slid through him. Back when he was younger, a group of guys had tricked him into going to a remote location with them. He'd survived, but their beating had stayed with him for a long while.

The doorbell rang, and he damn near jumped. He moved quickly to his door and checked the peephole first. Ryder stood outside, looking way too hot for just a friend. Nolan opened the door and tried for a smile, though he was nervous, a little fearful, and a bit turned on.

“Hey,” Nolan said as he met Ryder’s blue eyes.

“The steaks have been marinating all day, so they’re ready. Why don’t you come over when you can. I’m just going to jump in the shower and will be out on the back deck in a bit. Don’t let Mavis trick you into thinking she’s hungry. She’s got plenty of grass.”

He blinked at Ryder as confusion filled him. “Oh, okay.”

“Mavis is my cow. The goats will try to eat everything, including your clothes, so don’t get too close to the fence.”

“Sure. I’ll be over in just a bit.”

Ryder waved, then turned and took off across his yard. The thought of his neighbor in the shower made Nolan's heart speed up. He needed a glass of wine. He decided to grab his plastic wine tumbler and take it with him. There was no way he could wait to partake until Ryder made it out of the shower.

"The man had a wife. He's not gay," Nolan reminded himself so he didn't get too excited. He was looking forward to the evening, though he knew he had to watch himself. He couldn't let on that he was gay, or everything in his life would blow up.

Chapter 7

Ryder shouldn’t be this excited about having dinner with his neighbor. Maybe it was the residual anger from last night finding relief because he was having dinner with someone he’d asked over, not someone his parents set him up with.

This wasn't a date, though. He'd never even thought of dating a guy before. Heck, Nolan would probably be pissed if he even joked about it.

As he soaped up his body, he brushed his hand over his hard cock, surprised a little that he was that hard. He decided to jack off quickly so Nolan didn't think it was for him. God, that would have been embarrassing. The thought of Nolan looking up at him with his dark eyes as he…what? He knew gay guys had anal sex, but what else was there? He pushed the thoughts of sex with a guy—Nolan—from his mind as he pulled on his shorts and a loose shirt. It had been a while, maybe when he was a teenager since he'd had a random hard-on—and this had to be random. He wasn't into guys, never had been. Besides, Amy's death had crashed his libido to subbasement levels. It was nice to have some desire sliding through his veins, though he wasn't sure where it was coming from.

He stepped outside in bare feet and saw that Nolan was by the fence petting Mavis. “Is she being a jerk?”

Nolan turned around, a smile on his face. "No, not at all." He chuckled as Mavis nudged him. "Though she did try to drink my wine. I had to go get a plate from my house to cover it."

Ryder glanced at the table and nodded. "Ah, yes, she'll do that. In France they give some of their meat cows wine to make the steaks taste better."

"You are joking?" Nolan gave Mavis one last scratch, then started walking over.

Ryder’s heartbeat sped up. What was wrong with him? It had to be excitement about the conversation, nothing else. “Not joking. They call it vinbovin. I don’t know if they’re still doing it, but it was a thing a few years ago.”

“Is Mavis a meat cow?”

Ryder chuckled. "Any cow can be a meat cow, but no, I'm not sending her to the slaughterhouse any time soon. My uncle, Steve, used Mavis as a milk cow for years. She's old, and he didn't have the heart to send her off to become burgers and steaks. I think she was his best friend. Anyway, part of me buying the place was a promise not to send Mavis off until she was ready to pass. She's old, around eighteen or so. So she'll live maybe another year or two."

“Wow, I didn’t know they lived such a short life.”

“Yeah, but she has it good. She gets treats and enjoys music. I have a speaker out in the barn that I put some smooth jazz on for her at times. She tends to like it. If she could live inside my house, I think she would. If I had a bed for her, she would love it.”

Nolan chuckled. “That would be messy.”

“Yeah. One of the goats got inside once while I was showering. It was awful. I had little goat pebbles all over my house.”

Nolan’s eyebrows bunched together. “Goat pebbles?”

“Their shit. Little droppings everywhere. Took me ages to clean it up.”

“Dang. That’s awful.” Nolan moved to the table and picked up a cooler. “I brought you some beer. I mean, you’re welcome to have wine, but I didn’t know if you drank wine.”

Ryder felt slightly insulted, but he understood. Not a lot of Texas men, especially out in the country, drank wine. Though the alcohol by volume was higher, guys tended to think of wine as a girly drink.

"I drink both. I'll have a glass unless that's Shiner-Bock."

“Yes!” Nolan said as he pumped his arm. “It’s Shiner-Bock.”

“I’m surprised. Do you drink Shiner?” Ryder asked.

Nolan shook his head as laughter bubbled up. "Nope, I never drink beer. I don't like the taste. I like wine and cocktails." A weird expression crossed Nolan's face as if maybe he had something to hide.

Ryder pushed away the thought and moved to the grill, turning on the gas and lighting the burners. "I have corn and some vegetables already seasoned that need to go on first. I hope you don't mind waiting a bit for the steak."

“No, not at all. I had to eat a late lunch today, so I’m not starving yet.”

“Well, I am. So let me get to it.”

Ryder had no doubt now that he was just excited about spending time with someone other than his family. Many of his old friends from high school had either changed in bad ways or hadn't changed at all and were stuck acting like they were still juniors in high school. Or they had families and were busy with kids and their wives. So, since moving here, he hadn't really hung out with anyone.

Over the years, he'd grown and become someone a bit more rational and maybe even a little more levelheaded than he'd been in high school. Part of it had been getting out from under his father's thumb. Another part was he didn't still party like it was their senior year, and he wasn't into conspiracy theories. He just wanted to live and maybe have something to look forward to a few days in the month as he passed the time.

Chapter 8

Nolan watched as Ryder brought out the vegetables and put them on the grill. He was about to ask if there was anything he could do when Ryder came over and sat at the table and motioned for Nolan to join him.

Being here in Texas, hanging out with a regular guy felt nice but kind of weird as well. He used to do this at home, but back then, everyone knew he was gay, and they didn't care. Would Ryder be so openly nice if he knew the truth?

A bit of sadness slid through him remembering how after Andrew died all the barbecues and picnics got awkward. He should reply to the email he got from Liv, his old next-door neighbor, and tell her he was fine. So much had changed since Andrew passed. Happiness seemed harder to achieve now. Hey, some days just living was harder than others.

He pushed the thought away and focused on Ryder. The guy was probably decent. He was younger, though some of the younger people in conservative states were troublesome. Maybe he wasn’t giving the man enough credit. He didn’t know what type of person Ryder was. His neighbor wasn’t old, maybe a few years older than him.

The thought of not dating anyone for two years hit hard, and he picked up his wine glass and took a sip to cover the irritation running through him. Why had he moved here? The pay was about on average to what he'd be paid in other places, but there'd been a huge bonus that allowed him to buy a house. Since property out here was very cheap, his payments were super low. But had it really been worth it having to go back into the closet? He'd lived as an out gay man for years, and now he was avoiding conversations and hiding his past.

"You mentioned your uncle, Steve, owning this place before. So, how long have you lived here?" Nolan asked.

"About four months. I came back recently. It was just time. And my uncle's health was failing. He moved into a place across town that is taking care of him. He kept leaving the oven on, didn't flush the toilets, and had the windows open all night during the winter. The last straw was when he ended up in the middle of the highway in his underwear. Damn near got himself killed. It was time, and my mom convinced me to move here."

“Where’d you live before this?”

“In Marietta, Georgia. It’s north of Atlanta,” Ryder said.

Nolan smiled and nodded. “Nice. I used to live in Atlanta. Went to school there. Then I moved to Virginia.” He didn’t mention a few of the other places he’d lived before Andrew was sent to Virginia.

“Nice.”

“Do you like being back?” Nolan asked.

Ryder rolled his eyes. “My parents are here, and it’s okay. I liked my job so much better in Atlanta. It was fun.”

Nolan took another sip of wine. “What did you do?”

“I worked at the Atlanta Braves ballpark maintaining the field.”

Nolan's eyebrows shot up. "Really? That sounds like a dream job." Nolan swore he saw sadness pass over Ryder's face, but the man took a sip of beer and got up to check on the grill. Nolan wasn't sure if Ryder was using it as a tactic to avoid talking about something or if the food really needed his attention.

“I’ll be out in just a second. I need to get the steaks on,” Ryder said as he stepped into the house.

Nolan nodded and picked up his glass of wine, taking a sip as he stared out at the animals in the barnyard. It was weird that they'd both lived in the Atlanta area at one point. He wondered if Ryder had been there when he'd been in school. They wouldn't have hung out at the same places. Nolan had spent his free time at gay bars and hanging out with other gay guys and a few theater types. Of course, that had been when he and Andrew had been getting together. They'd spent so much time fucking each other that their time outside of bed had been limited.

With Ryder working for the Braves, he probably hung with the jock types. Andrew had been into sports, but he hadn’t. They had gone to a few professional sports games together and watched some sports on TV, but it wasn’t his thing.

He wanted to know more, but if he asked for more about Ryder's past, the man might expect him to talk about his own past. He couldn't chance it. It totally sucked that he couldn't openly say that his husband dying was a huge reason he'd left the east coast and moved here. It had taken a while to claw his way out of his stupor. Once he was more aware of what was going on, he realized he couldn't stay in Virginia. Too many guys knew he'd lost his husband and either tried to take advantage of him or steered clear of him like Andrew dying in a car wreck was contagious. He'd grown tired of the gay scene and wanted a change.

Moving to a small town in Texas was a huge change. Maybe too big.

Ryder stepped out and put the steaks on the grill. The food smelled great and his stomach rumbled. Instead of asking the man more about his past, Nolan stood and moved to the grill, taking in the set up. It wasn't a small grill available at a hardware store. Instead, it was huge and built in what looked almost like an indoor kitchen, but it was outside.

“This is impressive.”

"Yeah, my uncle liked to grill. He had this added on about ten years ago. It's nice. I like the set up. It does get cold in the winter so I have to check the insulation on the pipes for the sink, but it's great having a kitchen out here. After working with the animals, I can wash my hands without going inside, which keeps my kitchen and bathrooms cleaner."

“It’s pretty amazing. I’ve never seen an outside kitchen in a regular home.”

Ryder turned, and his eyebrows raised high. "But you've seen an outdoor kitchen like this?"

"A few times. One time, it was at a doctor's house in Atlanta. Buckhead, actually. The doctor was married to another surgeon. They were both very wealthy. Then there was a—" he almost said general, but he didn't want to talk about Andrew and the military. "Another guy who had a similar setup in Virginia. I'm not sure how they kept their outdoor pipes for the sink from freezing over in the winter. Maybe they just let them freeze, I don't know." Nolan left out the part that the doctors were gay. He didn't need that information hanging over his head.

“Wow, that’s wild. Yeah, some of the players had houses that were over the top.”

“I bet. Did you know any of the players?”

Ryder shook his head. “Not really. There were a couple of guys I helped out with their lawns, but I wasn’t friends with them. I worked one week at one of the player’s houses doing some landscaping. They’d just moved in, and the lawn was a wreck. The place had been a foreclosure. The previous owner had done some bad shit in that house and ended up in prison.”

“Oh, wow. When was that?”

"The guy attacking his family? It was at least six, maybe eight, or nine years ago. I don't remember exactly when."

"Oh, I was working in the ER that night. I still lived in Atlanta at the time. I was finishing my last semester before I became a nurse practitioner. It's what made me want to work in an office and not the ER. Now, here I am at the clinic, but it's honestly not as bad as an ER in a big city."

“Do you like the clinic?” Ryder asked as he flipped the steaks.

“It’s good. I like the atmosphere. It’s not bad at all.”

"That's good." Ryder checked the corn and nodded. "Oh, that's nice. The corn looks done. I bet the vegetables are done, too."

“Can I do anything to help?”

“No, I already got the plates ready. I just need to take everything off the grill. You can wash up in the bathroom. It’s just to the left of the kitchen.”

Nolan stepped back, watching Ryder attend the grill for a moment. He didn’t need to let any of the fantasies in his head run wild. Ryder was his neighbor, not a conquest. The man may be cute, but he wasn’t in this town to hook up. If he wanted to play, he could go to one of the larger cities and pick up someone. He needed to keep his sex life totally separate from his life here. That was the only way he would survive.

Chapter 9

Ryder hadn't meant to be rude, but hearing that Nolan had lived in the same city as him at around the same time was weird. Back then, he would have been busy with work and his new wife. His friend group had been tied to his or Amy's work. They weren't into going out. Instead, they hosted dinner and game nights with their friends. Because his work schedule depended on field rehab during the season, he didn't work a regular schedule. There wasn't any way he would have ever run into Nolan back then.

Now, he was living next door to someone who came from a large city. It was different living in a place like Atlanta. His neighbors in Atlanta had been Asian, and another couple had grown up in Kenya. There was a lesbian couple who lived across the street and a gay couple down the block. He knew people from all walks of life. Here in this small town, everyone was basically the same. Some people went to the Baptist church while others attended the Methodist, but they were all cut from the same cloth.

"So, do you miss living in a big city?" Nolan asked.

Ryder shrugged. "I miss being able to pick up really good sushi or Mediterranean food. I also miss having a good massage therapist. I'm not sure there's anyone above board here. At least I haven't heard of anyone."

“Yeah, stuff like that was good.”

“What about you?” Ryan asked. “Why did you move here?”

Nolan shrugged and then sighed. "I needed a change, and the money was good enough. Plus, my mortgage on this place is one-quarter the cost of what I was paying for rent in Virginia. I'll be able to save money so when I move, I'll be able to buy a nice house or condo in a big city."

“Oh, so you’re planning on moving?”

Nolan shrugged. “Maybe. The contract is for a certain number of years. Then I’ll have to determine what I want to do.”

Ryder had a feeling there was more to Nolan’s answer, but he wasn’t going to press for information. He feared if he pressed for more, he would have to reveal how he’d broken down about twelve months ago.

He'd tried to stay in Atlanta, but too many people treated him like he was about to fall apart, or they wanted to set him up with their friends. It was just all too much with Amy's death, the insurance stuff, and people who felt sorry for him. Then he'd have to drive past the place where the wreck happened, and it would all come back, the nights sitting by her bed in the ICU, the number of times they told him she wouldn't last through the night, and then she would. Hope would rise but then be dashed again. He hated reliving that time of his life over and over again.

When Nolan dropped the subject, he'd felt grateful. They'd both been hungry and didn't talk much while they ate. He was almost done with everything on his plate when he glanced up and saw Nolan glance away quickly. Did he have food on his face?

"So, what is working at the clinic like?" Ryder asked after he finished chewing.

Nolan's forehead wrinkled, and his eyebrows pinched together. "Um, it's interesting. It's not too busy. I like the people I work with. Everyone seems nice. I did get a good signing bonus, so I have to stay for two years. Which isn't bad because the people are good. At least everyone who works there now is nice."

Ryder shrugged. “I guess two years isn’t that long.”

“No, not in the grand scheme of things. The town isn’t bad, so I could see myself staying here for a while, maybe.”

“There is no nightlife and few single women. I mean, you’re still young. And I haven’t seen anyone at your place, so I assume you’re single.” He watched Nolan, trying to figure out what the look on his face meant. Was he single? Why did it matter so much?

Nolan shrugged as he took a huge gulp of wine. “I don’t want to date anyone. I’m happy with my life just as it is.”

For some reason, Ryder felt like Nolan was lying. Maybe it was the way his gaze shifted to the left or how his lips thinned. He didn't know Nolan, so he couldn't spot the man's tell if he had one at all.

They finished their meal, and Nolan helped him clean the dishes. Nolan put the rest of the Shiner in his refrigerator, and he was about to tell him to take it home when Nolan flashed a smile.

“I really don’t drink beer. I’d rather you drink it because if it’s at my house, it won’t get consumed.”

Ryder nodded, all of a sudden feeling awkward, like he would after a date. This hadn't been a date. What was wrong with him?

“I guess I’d better go,” Nolan said. “Thank you for having me over. It was nice to get to know you a little better.”

"Sure. Maybe we could do this at your place next time." Ryder wanted to kick himself for bringing up next time and practically throwing himself at Nolan. He just liked spending time with the guy, that was all.

Nolan smiled, and Ryder swore his heart sped up. "Sure, that would be great."

He stayed outside, watching as Nolan walked back to his house, his half-empty bottle of wine tucked under his arm. Ryder had to force himself to turn away. He didn't want Nolan to see him watching. The guy would probably take it the wrong way and be insulted.

Ryder changed clothes and took care of the few chores in the barn. He had a habit of talking to the animals, but he didn't want to talk too loudly and have Nolan hear him. At one point he glanced over but couldn't see Nolan in the windows. Disappointment filtered through. He had no idea why, though. He needed to find a woman to take the edge off—but not someone his mom would set him up with. The desire pumping through his veins was because of a lack of sex. Certainly nothing else, especially not his new neighbor.

Chapter 10

Nolan hadn't seen Ryder once over the weekend and didn't see him on Monday or Tuesday. He wasn't sure when Ryder worked, but he worried that the man would end up driving home in the storm.

Maybe he was being ridiculous, but he still worried, though Ryder was obviously capable of taking care of himself. Then again, Andrew had been capable of taking care of himself until tragedy struck. That day had been stormy, too. The cops said it had been a freak accident. He wanted to lay blame, but who could he fault?

Nolan stood at the kitchen nook window, watching the storm roll in from the southwest, thinking that the clouds looked funny when an alert went off on his phone. He jumped and dropped the device. It bounced and tumbled, landing under the table.

Nolan dropped to his knees and reached for the phone right when he heard a noise that made his spine tingle. He jerked up, cracking his head on the underside of the table. He plopped down on his ass as pain and dizziness twisted through him.

“Shit.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then looked at the warning on his phone. A tornado was spotted close to town. The roar outside increased, and he knew he was in trouble. He scrambled out from under the table and looked out the window, fear almost making him drop his phone again.

The funnel was on the ground and headed his way. Tears burned his eyes as panic took over. He turned to head out the door but stopped himself.

"No, dummy, don't do that," he said to himself and spun to head to the interior bathroom that he hated but now was in love with because he felt like he was going to piss his pants, and he needed to stay safe.

He slammed the bathroom door behind him and flipped open the toilet lid. He was thankful someone had thought of building this room in the middle of this house. That it included a toilet was a huge plus. By the time he washed his hands, the sound outside had died down.

Was the tornado gone? His hands shook as he reached for the door handle. He paused, his fingers gripping the cold metal as he listened for something to tell him what had happened.

The sound had quieted. He pulled open the door about an inch and didn't hear anything weird. Had the storm passed? This wasn't a hurricane, so there was no eye that would trick him into thinking everything was calm when the rest of the storm was on its way.

He closed his eyes and stood still, listening for any noise that indicated the tornado still threatened. From what he could tell, the tornado was gone.

Though his hands were shaking, and he wanted to stay in the house, he needed to check on everything. He made his way to the den, happy nothing looked broken. The windows all looked intact. He blew out a breath of relief.

Nolan headed outside and walked around his house, seeing no damage. Relief filled him until he glanced over and saw Ryder’s place. Curtains billowed out of one window at Ryder’s house.

“Oh shit.”

He didn't see Ryder's truck in the driveway, so he headed over, getting a deep moo from Mavis. The noise initially scared him, but he laughed and headed her way, giving her a loving scratch.

“I don’t know where he is, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Nolan walked around the house, seeing that only one window was busted. It sucked that Ryder’s house had been damaged. After taking a good look at everything, he pulled out his phone and checked the weather application, seeing that another storm would be coming through in about thirty minutes. If he didn’t cover up that window, Ryder’s house could be ruined, or at least the carpet in that room would be toast.

Nolan opened his garage, not seeing much other than the cardboard boxes he'd unpacked but hadn't taken to the recycling center. Maybe he shouldn't do anything, but he felt the need to help Ryder.

He should have gotten Ryder's phone number so he could contact him. After grabbing duct tape and a couple of boxes, he headed to Ryder's house. All he had was cardboard. Would it even work? If he applied the cardboard to the outside would that be enough? No, he should do both inside and outside.

Maybe this was foolish, but he headed to the back porch and moved to the sliding back door. He knocked once, then again. After a moment, he tried the door, and it slid open. "Hello. Is anyone here?"

No one answered. Nolan stepped in and thought about leaving the door open but remembered Ryder's story of the goats getting in and shut the door. After calling out twice more, he was sure Ryder wasn't home.

The window had been damaged on the side closest to his house, so he headed down the short hall to that bedroom. Before he started working, he took a few snapshots in case insurance wanted the information, then began working. With the glassed picked up from the floor, he was ready to start in on covering the window. It took a moment to fit the cardboard to the window, but soon he had it secured in place. Nolan was about to leave the room when he heard a vehicle pull into the driveway.

Fear twisted through him, but he couldn't see out the window since he'd covered it already. He picked up the tape and the cardboard, then remembered he needed to grab the trashcan full of glass. When he turned, he knocked into it and had to scramble so it didn't spill all over the place.

The car door shut and he tried to hurry out of the bedroom and back into the main room. It would be weird being here inside Ryder’s house with him not home. Maybe this had been a mistake.

Nolan had just made it to the kitchen and set down the trash can when the door right beside him opened. A scream escaped his lips and Ryder gasped. Then Nolan was pushed up against the wall, his hands held overhead.

At first, he knew Ryder didn’t know who he was. He tried to talk, but his tongue was tied.

Anger and fear shone in Ryder’s eyes. Then he saw the moment it changed from anger to a different kind of heat.

There were no lights on, and the sun was covered by clouds, so the light spilling in was muted at best, but he could see the desire, and he felt the thickness of Ryder's cock. Shock pulsed through him that was chased by molten desire.

For a moment, he thought Ryder was going to kiss him, but both of their phones went off from another weather alert.

"Fuck, you idiot," Ryder cursed. "What the fuck are you doing in my house?"

“Your window was busted out. I put up cardboard.”

“Cardboard? That won’t do much.” Ryder let him go and backed up, taking in the trashcan full of glass. “Shit. Cardboard is better than having rain blow in.”

Nolan shrugged. “I don’t have any plywood.”

“Fuck,” Ryder cursed again before he wiped his hand over his face. “Sorry, you just surprised the heck out of me.” He grabbed his phone and looked at the alert that was just sent out. “Another tornado in the area. I have plywood. Help me get it up.”

“Sure.”

They headed out to Ryder’s shed, and he grabbed a plank of plywood. Thunder rumbled in the distance though it hadn’t started to rain again. They headed around to the busted-out window and Ryder’s lips thinned when he saw the cardboard-covered window.

“Sorry about that. I guess my efforts were useless.”

Ryder shook his head. “No, you did good. You didn’t know I have plywood in the shed. If you need any, just grab some. It’s there for stuff like this.”

“Does this happen often?” Nolan asked as he held the wood in place while Ryder nailed in the top corner.

“Naw, but stuff happens on the farm. This is the first time the window has been broken out in a storm since I’ve been here. Really, I appreciate you trying. Finding you in my house shocked me.”

“I need your phone number. I could have called and told you about the window.”

“After this, I’ll give it to you.” Ryder glanced over his shoulder at the nearing storm. “It’s about to come down.”

They finished nailing the plank of plywood in place and then headed in, running the last few steps as rain started to pour. Ryder let out a loud whoop, a smile on his face as he watched the rain come down. Lightning flashed, and thunder rumbled so hard over the land that Nolan felt it deep in his soul.

“Wow, this storm.” Nolan worried about his house as the rain blew in sideways. “Yeah, that cardboard would have been useless. I was going to go out and put up a piece outside.”

“Thanks for trying. Both pieces would have kept out the worst of the rain. But yeah, the plywood is better.”

“Do you want a beer?” Ryder asked.

“Um, is that—” Lightning struck close by and he heard a loud pop. The noise from the refrigerator stopped as the lights flicked off.

“Shit, I guess we lost electricity. I was going to offer to heat up a pizza, but we won’t be heating up anything.”

“Damn. How long do you think the electricity will be out?”

Ryder shrugged. "It depends. Probably a few hours. Everything in your refrigerator should be good. But I'll start up my generator if it doesn't come back on, and you can bring your cold stuff over to keep it frozen."

“Thanks. I don’t have much. I was planning on grocery shopping this weekend.”

Ryder nodded as he moved to a different window. Nolan followed. The storm looked awful. He’d lived in some places he’d thought had wild weather, but those storms were nothing compared to this.

"I'll be back in a minute," Ryder said as he left the room. A moment later, Nolan heard the toilet flush and then saw a light at the end of the hallway as Ryder stepped out with a large flashlight.

“It looks like it’s getting worse,” Nolan said.

Rain pounded the roof, and he saw something blowing outside in the yard. He moved closer to the sliding glass door, but Ryder's hand on his shoulder stopped him. He glanced back over his shoulder and met Ryder's gaze. Neither of them moved as the wind whipped the rain hard against the house.

“Anything blowing in the yard could take out a window. Best to stay over here,” Ryder said before dropping his hand.

“Sure.”

They stood in Ryder's house in silence, watching the rain coming down, neither of them speaking. Nolan felt weird. He'd sworn he'd seen desire in Ryder's gaze, but he wasn't going to act on it. The idea that Ryder might be into him shouldn't be a thought in his head. This man had been married to a woman, and he probably would be pissed if he knew the thoughts Nolan was having about him. He’d dealt with more than one straight man who wasn't so straight in his lifetime, and they were always insulted if he acknowledged their desire.

After the storm died down, Nolan got Ryder's number and then headed back to his place to check it out. Nothing was wrong with his house, and he wondered if he'd overreacted by going to Ryder’s to fix his window.

No, it had been the neighborly thing to do. He would want Ryder to fix his broken window if he'd been at work and Ryder had been home. Maybe it hadn't been desire shining in Ryder's eyes. He needed to get this out of his system because the last thing he wanted was to be called out for being gay by some homophobic tough guy.

Chapter 11

Nolan had spent Saturday setting up bookshelves and unpacking boxes. There wasn't much to do around town, so he planned on catching up with his reading and watching movies he'd missed over the last few years. The bookshelves full of fiction books he'd picked up over the years would help him accomplish at least a part of that goal.

On Sunday morning, he was contemplating which movie he wanted to watch when his phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number and was about to push it to voicemail when he rolled his eyes and answered.

“Hello.” Before Nolan got the whole word out, he was contemplating hanging up.

“You answered.”

The voice seemed familiar. Then memories hit, and he wanted to toss his phone out the door. He swallowed over the rising bile and tried not to sound like he wanted to vomit.

“Sherrie.”

“I want Andrew’s ashes. I can come by the house and pick them up. I’m in Virginia today. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Nolan almost burst out laughing. The joke was on her. She’d been an asshole when Andrew had been alive. He actually had to take out a restraining order on her because she kept showing up at the base to harass him about their marriage.

“I don’t live in Virginia.”

"Liar. You answered the phone. I'm pulling up. You'd better answer the door, or I'm calling the cops. We'll see what they have to say about you stealing his ashes."

“I didn’t steal his ashes. I’m his next of kin.”

“Bullshit. You’re some fairy who should be dead. My Andrew was a good man until you ruined him.”

This time, Nolan did snort. "That's not the story Andrew tells. He made me swear I'd never let you get close to him if he was injured or dead. You aren't getting the ashes. Don't call again."

Nolan ended the call, hoping the people who were living in their old place didn’t get too pissed about Sherrie showing up on their doorstep.

The phone rang again, and he clicked the button, silencing the noise. Two seconds passed before the phone rang again and again and again. He blocked her number, but that didn't stop her. Another number called, interrupting him. He couldn't take it anymore. Pain and pressure built. They'd had enough trouble with Sherrie when Andrew had been alive. After his death, she'd been a total nightmare.

He opened the door and stepped outside, releasing all the frustration and anger with a yell at the top of his lungs.

He felt better until he heard someone beside him. Ryder either was already back from church or hadn’t gone this weekend.

“You okay?” Ryder asked.

Nolan lifted his hand and held it up, not trusting his voice. His phone rang again, and he turned the volume down so he couldn’t hear it. He would have to get a new number. He should have changed it before, but he’d wanted to have the connection to Andrew. It was silly, but Andrew had memorized his number so he could call from anywhere in the world if he got the chance. But Andrew would never call again. Keeping his number was one of the last vestiges of hope he’d held onto, not that Andrew would come back from the dead, but he had to have something to hold on to.

“Nolan?” Ryder asked hesitantly.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m having a…thing.” He didn’t know how to explain the situation. He didn’t want to tell Ryder that his mother-in-law, who was more like an outlaw instead of family, was harassing him.

“It’s okay. You haven’t met my mom, but I’m sure once you do, you’ll understand if I ever come outside and yell like that.”

“I hope I didn’t disturb you.” Nolan turned and met Ryder’s gaze. He shouldn’t have looked at the man because now he wanted to pull him close and hug him.

“Everything’s fine. Mavis might have been stunned, but it’s all good.”

Nolan blew out a breath. He wanted to say he was sorry again, but he needed to drop the subject. He couldn’t tell Ryder the reason he had yelled was because his dead husband’s mother had called wanting his ashes. And he certainly wouldn’t lie and say he’d been married to a woman. No way would he ever disrespect Andrew that way.

“Would you like to come over for dinner?”

Nolan let go a sigh. "I would, but there's a new doctor at the clinic, and tonight is the welcome dinner."

“Oh, I didn’t know the town was getting a new doctor.”

"Yeah, the other doctor retired a few months ago. The place has been running short-staffed. It will take some of the burden off me, and my hours should be better."

“Cool. I hope it goes well with the new doctor.”

Though disappointment slid through him, he tried to keep it from showing. "So do I. Sorry again. I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Honest, I'm sure I'll be out here yelling about something my mom does at some point. I love her, but she keeps trying to set me up, and I'm nowhere close to wanting to date, much less get married. I don't have any desire to tie myself down again. Not that my marriage to Amy felt like I was tied down." Ryder blew out a breath. "I'm going to stop. I loved her, but I'm making it sound like I didn't. I just can't."

Nolan nodded, not wanting to talk about personal stuff. Knowing Ryder had lost someone sucked, but he didn’t want to commiserate. Losing Andrew had been the worst thing he’d ever gone through, and he didn’t want to keep reliving the pain. “I understand. And don’t worry about saying what you think is the wrong thing in front of me. I won’t judge you.”

Ryder nodded, then turned and walked away. He watched the man, then remembered he couldn't let on that he was gay and turned to go inside.

He checked his phone, seeing he had fifteen voicemails. He didn’t want to change his number, but it was looking more and more like he was going to have to. After blocking every number Sherrie had called from, he cleaned his house and when to the grocery store. Later that afternoon, he showered and dressed for the evening events.

The dinner would include himself, the other nurses, and the doctor. It was at a restaurant at the edge of town that had a private dining room at the back. He was the last to arrive, other than the new doctor, and greeted everyone before grabbing a glass of wine from the waiter taking care of the room.

The door opened, and the doctor stepped in. He was good looking. Late thirties, maybe forty, with dark hair and brown eyes. He worked out, which was obvious, and he looked like he had veneers.

The person who ran the office for the clinic introduced the doctor, Michael Moore, around the room, and when he got to Nolan, recognition seemed to flash in the man's eyes. But Nolan had no clue where they would have met. If he'd met this man, he probably would have remembered him.

Dinner was nice, basically meat and potatoes, but it was good. Nolan was glad he wasn’t a vegetarian because the only thing on the menu that came close to vegetarian was a house salad.

The night was winding down and Nolan said goodbye to a group who was leaving then turned around to find the doctor standing close.

“Doctor Moore, I’m glad you’re working here.”

“It will be a change. But one I’m happy for.” Moore stepped closer and flashed an overly white smile. “Have we met before?”

Nolan shrugged. “I don’t remember meeting you. I worked in Virginia for a while and was in Atlanta for school.”

“I’ve lived in Atlanta. I did my residency there.”

“Maybe you were at the hospital when I was. But that was a long time ago, and the ER was busy.”

Moore chuckled. “It was busy. I was in Boston for a few years, then Miami.”

“Wow, this place will be sleepy compared to those cities.”

“I’m honestly looking forward to having a break. The last place I was had me sleeping at the hospital more than in my own bed.”

Nolan shook his head. “Yeah, this is much more laid back. I actually have time to do my paperwork.”

Moore’s lips thinned. “That’s good, kind of. I don’t really like paperwork.”

“True. It’s not the best part of the job, but I’m not stuck at work until eight in the evening or later, and I can actually have a life.”

“Are you married?”

Pain slid through Nolan. He hated answering that question. He was in his heart, but that had broken the day Andrew died, so the true answer just sucked.

“No.”

“Huh, I could have sworn the guy you reminded me of was with someone. I can’t remember if they were married, but it was serious.”

Nolan shrugged. “Not me. Sorry. So I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

“Yes, that’s my first official day. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

“Same, Doctor Moore. Have a good evening.”

Nolan headed home, his thoughts on Andrew and then Ryder. Why did his neighbor always enter his thoughts when he was mulling over his past with Andrew? He needed to get the guy out of his mind.

He slept well and woke up early for work the next day. He waved to Ryder on his way out, glad he hadn't woken to erotic dreams of the man. Instead, he'd had weird dreams about cows and pigs. Maybe living close to the country was wearing off on him.

Nothing exciting happened at work and he stopped by the store on the way home. His phone rang, and he pulled it out, ready to block another number when he saw Ryder’s name pop up.

“Hey, Ryder. What’s up?”

“I was out in the barn and noticed someone snooping around your house. I went over to talk to them, and they ran off.”

The hair on the back of his neck prickled. “That’s weird.”

“Were you having any more work done on your place?”

“No. No one should be there.”

“Hmmm, that’s odd.”

Nolan didn’t know what to think. No one should have been at his place. A bad feeling slid through him. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“That’s what neighbors do.”

“I really appreciate it. Let me pay you back and have you over for dinner.”

“Can’t tonight. How about Friday?”

“Sure.” Nolan stopped himself from saying it was a date because it wasn’t. No way would he say anything about this being a date or anything like that at all.

The call ended, and he went back to shopping, wondering who the heck had been sneaking around his house. He finished at the store and when he got home, he made sure nothing had been disturbed. This small town had made him complacent. He should have installed an alarm the day he moved in. He was gone from home on a predictable schedule. If he lived in a larger city, he would have installed an alarm and cameras already.

This weekend, he would figure out what he wanted and place an order. It wouldn’t be too hard to get it installed and up and running. Then he would be safe, or relatively safe, though he was still a gay man living in a deep red area.

Chapter 12

Ryder was looking forward to spending the evening with Nolan. He wasn't examining his feelings on the matter too deeply. It was just a coincidence that he'd woken this morning to wood so hard he came before he even moved. That hadn't happened in ages.

Getting his libido back was encouraging. The year after Amy died, he hadn't masturbated once. When he spoke to a doctor about it at some random appointment, the man had said it wasn't surprising. That grief stole more than just sleep. He'd looked it up and found that some people spent years not having any desire at all, so he didn't feel bad about it. But waking to cum shooting out of his cock from rubbing up against the sheets was bizarre.

He pushed the errant desire out of his mind as he drove home. The date with Nolan wasn’t why he was excited. Not that it was a date. They were just two friends hanging out. There wasn’t anything to the evening. He hung out with guys all the time.

Ryder didn't investigate that thought too much because he'd only hung out with guys and their wives when he and Amy moved to Atlanta. He might have done a few nights with the guys, but that had been when his friends had gotten married, and it had only been five or so times.

He pulled up into his driveway as Nolan was stepping from his car. Excitement pulsed through him, and his lips spread into a wide grin.

“Hey,” he shouted as he stepped from his truck.

Nolan was in his driveway, a smile on his face. “Hey yourself. Do you need help with the chores before we eat? I noticed Mavis is complaining.”

Ryder chuckled. “She’s always complaining. I’ll toss a bit of hay into the pen and let her munch on that while we eat. I’ll do the stuff after dinner when it’s not so hot.”

"I can help you then. I'd like to learn, so if you're away for a weekend or something, I don't hear Mavis bawling all night."

He laughed again. He hadn't laughed this much since Amy. He felt so much better when he was talking to Nolan. It didn't make sense, but it was like they had some weird connection. Maybe this was the brother he never had and needed. That would explain the feelings and thoughts, well, some of them.

“Sure. After we eat and sit around for a bit. You know, once the night starts to cool, we’ll come out and I’ll show you what I do.”

“Sounds good. I’m going to go change. Come in when you get over to my place.”

“Sure. I picked up a bottle of red wine.” Heat filled Ryder’s face as he admitted that he’d been thinking of Nolan during the week.

“Oh, that’s great. Thank you.”

Ryder lifted his chin and flashed a smile, knowing he was playing with fire, but he liked the way it made his body tingle.

Chapter 13

Nolan smiled to himself as he made his way to his side door. He stepped in and put his keys on the table before turning to the kitchen to pull the lasagna from the refrigerator he’d put together before leaving for work.

He had the lasagna in the oven and was setting the temperature when he noticed something felt off. He set the timer on the oven and then turned, taking in the kitchen. A cabinet was open.

"That's odd," he said to himself before he reached up to shut the cabinet door. He hesitated, knowing he hadn't left the door open. Andrew used to make fun of him for how he would go around shutting all the doors and drawers. A brief thought hit that maybe Andrew's ghost was playing tricks on him. But he didn't really believe Andrew was in ghostly form, following him around the country. He hoped that if there was something after this life, Andrew was living it up, having fun, and not watching after him.

Why would one of his cabinets be open? He would have shut it before work. His heart sped up as he glanced around, worried that maybe the person who’d come into his place and opened his cabinet was still in his house. He opened a drawer and grabbed the first thing he could find, which turned out to be a big black plastic spoon he used to stir soups and stews. He held it up and rolled his eyes. That wouldn’t do much good if he ran into someone who’d broken into his house.

He set the spoon down and grabbed a meat pounder. It wasn't much, but he might stand a chance if he ran into someone. He could at least throw it at them. Of course, they would probably pick it up and beat him to death with it. Everyone would wonder why the killer had picked a meat pounder to kill him. Good God, he could imagine the headline, "Gay Man Pounded To Death With Meat Pounder."

On second thought, he put the item down on the couch and moved through his house, fearing what would jump out at him. The thought that he should leave whispered through his mind, but he had to check. Andrew would check instead of running out.

All the bathroom doors were open, which freaked him out. He never would have left the doors open. When he stepped into his bedroom, he held his breath, wondering if the person was under the bed. He didn’t really want to get down on his knees to look, but he would have to.

Before looking under the bed, he moved into the bathroom but couldn't find anyone there. It was now or never. If he didn't check under the bed, he would lie awake all night just waiting for someone to shove a knife up through his chest. Not that a knife would make it through his box springs and mattress, but that didn't stop his imagination from working overtime.

He needed to stop watching crime shows. No one was under the bed. He hadn’t heard anyone since he’d entered his house.

Slowly, he dropped to his knees and then bent, peering under the bed. Right then, his back door opened, and Ryder called out.

Nolan screamed as fear pumped through him. Ryder ended up in the hall, staring at him on the floor.

“What are you doing? Did you scream?” Ryder asked as he laughed.

“Someone broke into my house.”

The smile on Ryder’s face disappeared. “What? How do you know?”

“The cabinets were open.”

Ryder narrowed his eyes like he didn’t believe that would be a sign the house had been broken into. “Did they take anything?”

Nothing obvious was missing. The TV was still in place, and his stereo equipment wasn't missing. He glanced at his nightstand and saw that Andrew's photo was missing. Whatever he'd felt before dwarfed in comparison to the panic he was currently experiencing.

“Fuck!”

Nolan hopped up and moved to his closet, grabbing the box with his memories of Andrew. He didn’t stop to think about Ryder being in his room as he grabbed the urn with Andrew’s ashes, seeing that it was still sealed and hadn’t been disturbed.

Nolan hugged it to his chest as he checked the items in the box. They were all still there. Nothing else mattered. Tears spilled down his cheeks as relief filled him.

Ryder knelt beside him. Nolan met his gaze and saw that Ryder’s expression was serious. He froze. Could Ryder tell this box of memories was for his husband? What would he say if he knew?

An excuse that would explain having stuff for a guy in this box was on the tip of his tongue, but it felt like acid, and he couldn’t say it. Ryder squeezed his shoulder and didn’t let go.

"I have a box like that for Amy." Ryder pulled out a photo. It happened to be the one of him and Andrew right after they got married. They were looking at each other like they were the only two people in the world. The love Andrew showed in the way he stared into Nolan's eyes had been nearly magical. It hurt to look at that photo now. He could almost hear Andrew saying, "I love you, my husband," if he stared at the photo for too long.

Nolan let loose a loud sob, and Ryder set the photo back into the box, then pulled Nolan into a hug. They clung to each other for a long moment, and he wasn't sure what he would say when the hug ended. He hadn't wanted anyone here in Texas to know he was gay.

He opened his mouth to say something that would get him off the hook, but Ryder spoke first.

“He looks like a good man. Was he military?”

Nolan gulped, then nodded. Why deny the truth? He hoped Ryder didn't hold it against him or spread it around town. Why had he moved here to Texas? He should have taken the job in Los Angeles. Sure, he wouldn't have been able to afford to buy a house, but he would have been able to be out and live the life he was supposed to be living.

"Was there a reason you came to this box? Like, wouldn't a thief have taken something else?"

Nolan tried to talk but had to clear his throat first. “The photo beside my bed is gone.”

“It was a photo of him?” Ryder angled his head toward the box.

Nolan nodded. “Yeah. I’d just put the photo of Andrew out last week.”

“Who would want any of this stuff? I mean, I would die if someone took my box of stuff from Amy, but I can’t imagine anyone going after it.”

Nolan closed the box and moved to stand. Ryder helped him up, holding on to his arm even after he was standing.

Pain circled his chest. “Andrew’s mother called. She wanted his ashes, and I thought…”

“Do you think she would break in and steal them?”

"I wouldn't put anything past her. Andrew made me swear I would never let her have his ashes or anything else from him." Nolan's head whipped up, and he met Ryder's gaze as the need to explain filled him. "Andrew was Special Forces. His job was dangerous, and he didn't pretend it wasn't. He made me promise that if he died on a mission, I would never allow his parents to have anything. His mom was an asshole and almost got him in real trouble with the military. She kept showing up on base to try to convince him to leave me and date a woman. He got a restraining order, and she was barred from entering the base. He was so angry that she pulled shit like that. Then I came home, and the photo was missing."

“Do you want me to call the sheriff?”

"And what? Tell him that the photo of my dead husband is missing? That would go over so well here. I don't really want people to know I'm gay."

Ryder nodded. “Check the rest of the house and make sure they didn’t take any money or guns.”

A bark of laughter escaped Nolan. “Guns. You’re kidding. I don’t own any guns.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense. But you should have something to protect yourself.”

“I’m not killing anyone, so I wouldn’t use it. Trust me, Andrew tried to get me to learn to shoot, but I told him the same thing. I won’t be able to kill someone with a gun, so it would be useless.”

“What about money or documents?”

He shrugged. “I’ll look, but I don’t keep money around the house, and my documents are in a safe.” Nolan glanced around, worry filling him.

“What is it?”

He winced, knowing it made him sound weak. “What I’m really worried about is someone still being in here. Like maybe in the attic or something.” He thought Ryder was going to laugh at him, but the man only nodded.

“I’ll look around while you check for anything else stolen.”

He grabbed Ryder’s arm before he left the closet. “Thank you.”

“It’s what neighbors do.”

Nolan nodded but knew that not all neighbors in Texas would be kind to him once he came out as being gay. Ryder had found out about his husband, but Nolan didn't know what to think. The man didn't seem to be taking it badly. He could have walked out once he figured out the stuff about Andrew, but he had stuck around.

When the timer on the oven rang, he jumped and almost screamed. He found Ryder in the kitchen taking the food out of the oven.

“Sorry, I totally forgot about the food. I have some baguettes I bought from the store but haven’t heated them up.”

"That's okay. We can do that now. So, was anything of any importance taken?"

“No. Only the photo.”

“I don’t want to scare you, but they might come back.”

Nolan nodded. “I know.”

He watched as Ryder pulled the butter from the refrigerator and found a knife to cut the bread. “Do you want garlic bread?” Ryder asked.

"That's what I was thinking, but I invited you over, and you don't have to⁠—"

“I want to. Do you want to call the cops and get it on record?”

Nolan shook his head as he grabbed the bottle of wine Ryder had placed on the counter and opened it.

“All that was taken was the photo. I have no video evidence of anyone breaking in. Heck, I can’t even figure out how they got in.”

After slicing and buttering the bread, Ryder moved to the slider and tugged on it. He leaned in and bumped it as he pulled it back. The door hopped and then opened.

“The old sliders are easy to break in through. I’d say they got in this way then left out a different door, locking it on the way out.”

“Shit. I’m going to have to replace that door and probably change the locks.”

“I can help you change the locks tomorrow.”

“I didn’t even think she knew where I lived. She thought I was still in Virginia.”

“She probably searched your name.”

“But…shit. The clinic. I’m listed on the clinic’s site. She knows my name because I was married to her son.”

Ryder made sure the door shut then went back to making the garlic bread. It was only under the broiler for a few minutes when it started to smell so good his stomach rumbled.

“You ready to eat?” Ryder asked.

“Yeah, I’m starving. Thank you for helping out.”

“Sure,” Ryder said as he pulled the bread from the oven.

Nolan grabbed two plates and set out the utensils. He noticed Ryder had wine, too, and smiled.

“What?” Ryder asked.

“Nothing. Just that you’re drinking wine.”

“Amy taught me to like wine. It’s weird that we both lost someone special and now we’re in this podunk Texas town and we live next door to each other.”

Nolan nodded. “Yeah, it’s weird.”

This wasn't how he'd expected Ryder to act. When he'd first met the man, he'd thought they would end up hating each other. But this was the second time they'd gotten together to eat, and it felt more right than it had the time before. Maybe Ryder wasn't a jerk and didn't care that he'd been married to a man. Maybe they could be friends. His gaze strayed to Ryder's broad shoulders and scruffy jaw. He forced the lust down because he sure as hell wasn't going to look for more with the guy next door.

Chapter 14

Ryder lay in bed, his mind on Nolan. The man was gay, no question. That explained the clothes he wore and some of the other things, but Ryder was still a little surprised that Nolan wasn't straight.

Amy would have liked Nolan. They would have been friends, no question. If Nolan and his husband had lived down the street, they would have at least been close enough to invite them over for barbecues and some game nights.

He rolled to his side, tucking his hand under his pillow as he wondered what Nolan was doing at that exact moment. He’d helped Nolan devise a way to keep his slider closed with the help of an old broom stick he cut down to size. They placed bells on the doors, hoping that would wake Nolan if someone tried to break in.

Ryder had thought about offering to stay, but that would be too much. He wondered where he would have slept if he’d stayed over there. The thought of lying in the same bed as Nolan made him hard. He flipped over and groaned as he tried to push the desire away.

What the heck was up with him? He kept getting hard but refused to think too much about why. He wasn’t gay. He’d been married to a woman.

He finally drifted off and woke again to a hard cock. This time, he made it to the bathroom before he came. He had to be at work early, but he saw Nolan outside on his patio and went over to talk to him.

“Hey, do you want me to pick up locks today?”

Nolan shook his head. “No, I’m going to go out and pick something up. I’ll get a new door installed soon. Not sure how long that will take, but I’m going to call around and see what can be done.”

“I should be home by four today.”

Nolan bit his lip and then glanced up. "Thank you for everything."

Ryder had an idea the man wasn't just talking about checking his house to make sure a stranger wasn't inside, and he wasn't talking about dinner either. There wasn't any way he would tell anyone that Nolan was gay. Mainly because he wasn't sure what that would make him. Confusion filled him, and he pushed it down, not wanting to think too deeply about the implications.

He didn't need any hate thrown his way. It was bad enough that he'd moved away to the big city, but if people found out he was spending time with a gay man, they might just not like him at all.

Work wasn't too bad, and he headed home a little before four. When he pulled into his driveway, he groaned. His dad's truck was in the driveway. No way would this conversation go well. He was still mad about his parents setting him up with that woman, and he hadn't talked much to them. He also hadn't gone over to their house. When he'd gone to church, he'd arrived late and sat in the back. Then he'd left before the last song finished. He wasn't planning on attending in the morning, which might make him a heathen in his parents’ eyes, but he needed a break.

He parked so his dad could leave without him having to move his truck. When he stepped out, his dad came around from the back of his house.

“You should give us a key to your house,” his father said.

Ryder didn't reply. There wasn't any way he would ever give his parents a key to his house. He didn't want them over here when he wasn't at the place. He also didn't want them coming and going when they felt like it. If he ever dated again, he sure as hell wouldn't want them coming over in the morning and finding him in bed with some woman. An image of Nolan flashed in his mind, and he pushed it away.

His dad hated gays. There was no doubt in his mind that if his father knew Nolan was gay, he would make trouble for him.

“Your neighbor is strange.”

The hair on the back of Ryder’s neck stood on end. “Nolan is a good person. Leave him alone.”

“What? I just said he was strange.”

“Why are you here?”

His father actually gasped and placed his hand over his chest. “Don’t start accusing me of something without inviting me inside.”

“What are you and Mom trying to cook up?”

“Now, you need to treat your mother with respect. She just wants you to be happy.”

"If she wanted me to be happy, she would listen to me. I'm not dating anyone. There isn't a person in this town I'm interested in." The lie felt heavy as it left his mouth, but there was no way in hell he would even contemplate it with his father in front of him. It was bad enough that he got hard just thinking about Nolan. He didn't need his dad knowing that his thoughts were messed up.

"You have to marry someone, and you're not getting any younger."

Anger flashed hot. “I was married. I’m not getting married to someone just to breed them. I’m not cattle.”

“You’ll disappoint your mother, and I can’t have that.”

“You need to make her realize I’m not dating anyone. I’m not interested in any of the women here.”

“How can you say that? You don’t know them.”

His father wasn’t listening, and he doubted he ever would. He almost said something shocking, but he couldn’t reveal that he was having fantasies about Nolan to his father. The man would do something stupid like pull out a gun or something. Maybe not that drastic, but his father wasn’t the most stable man when it came to letting people live their lives.

When he and Amy moved to Atlanta, his father threatened to drive out there and pack his stuff to return them to Texas because his mother was unhappy that they'd moved. His dad was a bully.

“I’m not dating. I’ve told you both that I’m not dating, and I’m not. I need to do some stuff in the barn. I’ll see you later.”

“You will be at church in the morning.”

“Have a nice night.”

Ryder turned to head out to the barn. He didn’t like doing his chores when it was this hot, but the conversation with his father wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t need to keep going round and round the same circle with the man.

Something needed to be done about his parents, but he had no idea what he could do. If another team called him up today, he would probably take the job. Not that he had his resume out there, but he was seriously contemplating leaving for good. The only regret he would have was leaving Nolan behind.

Chapter 15

Nolan shot up from a dead sleep, sure someone was in his house. His heart thundered, and his ears buzzed so he couldn't hear anything, but he swore someone was trying to get in.

He forced his breathing to calm and listened, worried that the person had already made it into his house. What would he do if someone was inside? He still didn’t have a gun and didn’t want one. He should buy a baseball bat.

Then he heard it again. The scratching sound sent a chill through him. The alarm equipment had shipped but hadn't arrived.

He grabbed his phone and thought about calling the police but dialed Ryder’s number instead. His neighbor answered on the second ring.

“Hey.” Ryder sounded sleepy.

“I swear someone is trying to break into my house.”

“Fuck. Give me a minute.”

Nolan pulled the phone away from his ear when it clicked. Had Ryder really hung up on him? About thirty seconds later he heard something that sounded like a gunshot. He dropped to the floor as fear filled him. Then he heard someone knocking on his door as his phone pinged. Ryder had sent him a text.

I’m at your door. Open up.

Nolan moved through his house, fear still beating a staccato rhythm through him. He pulled open the door, and Ryder stepped in, then froze as his gaze traveled down Nolan's body. Ryder swallowed hard, and Nolan glanced down, realizing he was only wearing a pair of boxers and hadn't grabbed anything to cover up with.

Ryder cleared his throat. “Um, I stepped out and fired a shot into the air, pointing it over toward the trees. I saw someone run off. I think someone was trying to break in.”

His heart nearly stopped, and his stomach fell. "Shit."

“You gotta call the sheriff. Heck, the gunshot might have them headed this way already.”

“Fuck.” Nolan shook his head. “Why is someone trying to break in?”

“No clue, but you should put on some clothes before they get here,” Ryder said.

"Oh, yeah." Nolan turned to head back to his room, but he felt a hand on his shoulder as the door closed. He spun, coming face to face with Ryder. Heat flashed as Ryder's hand came up and hovered over his chest. He could feel the heat from Ryder's hand and wanted to lean into the touch.

Ryder cleared his throat and stepped back. “I’ll call the sheriff while you get dressed.”

“Sure.” Nolan had no clue what was going on, but he swore Ryder had been about to kiss him.

He pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, then grabbed his shoes. He didn’t know which door the person had been trying to break into, but maybe Ryder had an idea. When he stepped into the den, Ryder was just ending the call.

"The emergency operator said the sheriff's deputy would be here in a few minutes."

“Okay.” Nolan glanced around, unsure what to look at. “Which door did they run from?”

“The front door.”

“Shit. That alarm stuff needs to get here fast.”

“Yeah. At least I frightened them off with the gunshot. They know someone heard them.”

“I hate this. I hate that I feel threatened. Why would someone try to break in?”

“Well, it could be your mother-in-law trying to get the ashes.”

“Shit, I don’t want to explain that to the sheriff.”

“Just tell them you have no idea. Maybe someone thinks you keep medicine here.”

Nolan snorted. "The only thing I have here is over-the-counter stuff I bought for myself. But you're right. It could be that. Someone could think I have opioids here. Hell, there's been such a huge crackdown we don't even have them at the office. Back in the day, they were easy to get, but now, not so much. Which is good for us, but hell, maybe someone doesn't understand how closely we inventory medicine."

"That's what I'd tell the deputy. Maybe someone thinks you have medicine here. It will make it less complicated."

Ryder hadn't met his gaze. Nolan wondered if it was because Ryder had thought about kissing him and now regretted that thought. After this was over, maybe next week, when they both had enough sleep, he would have a talk with Ryder. He didn't think Ryder was gay, but maybe he was just confused. Over the years, especially in high school, he'd dealt with plenty of confused guys. Some of them turned out to be gay, but some were just hyped up on lust and were just looking for anywhere to get off. And then there were those who couldn't admit their desires.

Luckily, Ryder knew the deputy who showed up. The deputy took Nolan seriously. He bought the idea that someone might be looking for drugs and said they’d increase patrols for the next few days.

Nolan was a little sad to see Ryder leave when the deputy took off, but it was better this way. If Ryder had stayed, they might have done something that Ryder would have regretted in the morning. Nolan realized that if Ryder wanted to get busy, he would do something with him. It would be too hard to say no.

He was beginning to heal from losing Andrew, which was a good thing, but getting into bed with his neighbor would be weird. No question he would always miss his husband, but it felt good to know he wouldn't be trapped in grief for the rest of his life.

Chapter 16

Ryder didn’t see Nolan for a few days because of their work schedules. When he came home on Wednesday, his mother was in the driveway, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked angry.

Ryder wished he could have snuck away, but there was no escaping Sherrie since she’d already seen him. If he popped his truck into reverse and squealed away, she would have his hide. It was best to get it over with.

"Hello, Mother," Ryder said as he stepped from his truck.

"I've been talking to Cindy. It looks like a wedding in August would work best since she works at the school."

"Who is Cindy getting married to?" He knew his mother meant him, but he sure as heck wasn't going to let her think he accepted her meddling in his life.

Sherrie frowned and narrowed her eyes. “You know she’s marrying you.”

He didn't even shake his head. Instead, he hit her with a hard stare. "I'm not getting married to anyone."

Sherrie’s lips thinned. “You had better ask her before the end of the month. She and her mother need to prepare.”

"Well, they had better find someone else because it's not going to be me." He said the words as nonchalantly as he could, hoping she didn't see how pissed off he was. Thick anger boiled beneath the surface, and he hoped she didn't keep pushing because if she did, he might just boil over.

"Now you listen here. We accepted that you married Amy. She wasn't my first pick, so now look what that got you."

The cork popped, and the bubbling anger overflowed. "Are you fucking kidding me?" It was the first time he'd ever cursed at his mother. "Leave. Now!" He'd also never yelled at his mother, but he guessed there was a first time for everything. He wasn't going to put up with his mom badmouthing Amy. She may have had her flaws, but she'd been the best woman for him. Now she was gone, but that didn't mean he wasn't still in love with her.

“How dare you⁠—”

“No, how dare you? You can’t come onto my property and badmouth my dead wife. She doesn’t deserve that. I will never get married to another woman as long as I live.”

“Don’t you⁠—”

"Shut up and leave. I'm done with you trying to force me into a relationship I don't want. Get the fuck off my property, and don't come back this year. And when you do, never say anything bad about Amy again."

Maybe he’d pushed too far, but he couldn’t take her saying anything negative about Amy. She was dead and couldn’t defend herself. Every couple had issues, but his and Amy’s had been kept between them, so his mom didn’t know about some of the fights they’d had. He was glad they’d never talked about their relationship with their parents. He would die if his mother held any of the issues they had in their marriage over his head.

Sherrie huffed and got in her car, slamming the door. She backed up fast, pulling into traffic without looking. He wanted to tell her to stop, but he couldn’t bring himself to forgive her yet. She’d said something about Amy, and that was unforgivable. She pulled away, but the anger hadn’t diminished. He stalked into his house, angry about everything. When someone knocked on his door, he marched over and wrenched it open, snarling in the process.

Nolan stood on the porch, his eyes wide as he held up a plate with cookies.

“Um, hey,” Nolan said.

“What do you want?”

“I heard you yelling and brought over cookies. I know it doesn’t help, but maybe having someone to talk to would help.”

Ryder's breath was coming heavy, and seeing Nolan standing on his porch, his eyes wide and maybe a little innocent, he couldn't help the rush of lust that shot straight to his dick. He reached out and grabbed onto Nolan's shirt, hauling him into the entryway. He grabbed the plate of cookies and placed them on the table at the entry before pressing the man up against the wall.

He liked the flash of heat in saw in Nolan’s eyes. But then he liked the feel of Nolan’s body against his more as he walked him backward toward the wall.

"You like men who are a little dangerous, don't you?" He should have stopped, but Nolan had turned him on too much.

“W-what are you doing?”

"You heard that fight with my mom, and you came over to see what you could do."

“Ryder, you don’t want this.”

He leaned in and sniffed Nolan's neck. "You smell like cookies. Besides, you don't know what the fuck I want." He stuck out his tongue and ran it up the side of Nolan's neck, then bit down on his earlobe.

“Oh God.” Nolan shivered against him.

“You feel this?” Ryder took Nolan’s hand and placed it on his hard cock.

Nolan gasped, and Ryder pressed against him, feeling the hard ridge of Nolan's cock in his pants. Ryder chuckled and ground against Nolan's hand that was still grasping his dick.

“That’s it. Squeeze my cock again.”

Nolan’s hand tightened just for a second. “Fuck, Ryder. What are you doing?”

“You know exactly what I’m doing. You’ve done this before. I haven’t, but you have.”

“This is a mistake.”

Ryder pulled back, searching Nolan’s gaze. “Maybe. But you heard me tell my mom I’m never dating a woman again. Why do you think that is?”

Nolan shook his head. “I-I don’t—you’re not...”

Ryder couldn't hold back and plastered his lips over Nolan's. Stubble grazed his lips, sending excitement pumping through him. He moaned against Nolan's mouth. It took a moment for Nolan to open for him, but then their tongues were stroking against each other, and he thought he might just burst into flames.

Nolan's hand was on his back, pulling him closer. Then Nolan did the most amazing thing, and Ryder didn't think he would ever recover as Nolan pushed Ryder's jeans low and pulled his cock out, lining it up against Nolan's as he used his hand to stroke both of them together.

The feel of Nolan’s dick rubbing against his was enough to push him close to the edge. The pressure in his head and his balls grew.

“I can’t stop,” Ryder said as he ripped his lips away from Nolan’s.

“Then come,” Nolan barked.

He glanced down, seeing both of their cocks being stroked by Nolan’s hand, and the sight set him off. He came hard, shooting his cum over their shirts and his hand. He held onto Nolan, trying to recover as he watched Nolan’s cum shoot out of his dick.

The relief of it all almost had him crying. It had been so long, four years since he'd touched another person. And now he was standing in the entryway of his house, cum dripping down his shirt with his dick in another guy's hands.

Panic set in. He stepped away from Nolan, unsure what to do or say. He couldn’t be gay. His family would freak out. What would his friends say? How could he face people in this town after this?

“Ryder?”

Nolan's voice made him jump, and their gazes met. Ryder was breathing hard, and he wasn't sure what to do.

“You’re freaking out,” Nolan said.

He stared at Nolan, who was tucking his cock in, cum still wet on his shirt. The man had the audacity to smile.

“Fuck, what have we done?” Panic raced through Ryder.

“Obviously you need a moment,” Nolan said so calmly it made Ryder’s panic increase.

He couldn't deal with this. He took off to the back of his house, stepped into the bathroom, and then locked the door. He tugged off his shirt, getting cum in his hair. How had he let this happen?

He shucked his pants and then jumped into the shower, scrubbing the cum and sweat off his body. His head ached, and his body burned. It had felt so good kissing Nolan. Having the man in his arms had been perfect. He remembered how it felt to hold Amy, and it had been good, but holding Nolan had been perfect.

What was wrong with him?

When their cocks touched, it was like electricity ran right through him. He couldn't be gay, though. What would everyone say?

Ryder stepped from the shower and pulled on his underwear and a pair of shorts. When he stepped out into the den, he wasn’t expecting Nolan to be sitting at his kitchen table, sipping a glass of wine.

He froze and stared at the man, realizing that his cock was getting hard again. Nolan had changed his shirt, so he must have gone home, but he was back and looked very serious.

Chapter 17

Ryder wasn’t wearing a shirt when he stepped into the den, so now Nolan could see the smattering of hair across his chest, and he liked it. He wasn’t big and muscular like Andrew had been, but he looked good. He was older by a few years, but that didn’t really matter.

“Why are you here? To rub it in my face?”

Nolan held the glass of wine up but didn’t take a sip. “Do you really think I’m the type of guy to rub that in your face?”

Ryder’s shoulders dropped like he was deflating. “I don’t know. I didn’t mean⁠—”

“Don’t lie.”

Ryder's lips thinned. "Fine. I woke up the other day hard as a board. I've been doing that a lot lately, and it's not for some woman. It's you that's in my dreams. I can't get you out of my mind."

Nolan felt a flash of guilt but pushed it away. "I didn't encourage you."

Ryder shook his head. “I didn’t say you did.”

"Later, when you try to convince yourself you didn't do this, don't blame it on me."

Ryder closed his eyes as pain crossed his face. “Do you hate me?”

Nolan stood and set the wine down before closing the distance between them. “Why would I hate you?”

Ryder’s gaze studied him. “I forced you⁠—”

“You didn’t force me. Do you really think I would have done any of that if I didn’t want to?”

“You wanted me?” Ryder asked, shock tinging his voice.

Nolan reached out and touched Ryder’s bare chest. He was taking a chance and hoping it didn’t blow up in his face.

“I didn’t move here thinking I would find anyone. I planned on staying in the closet with that door shut firmly.”

Ryder shook his head, a lost look shining in his eyes. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“It’s not a great place to be an out gay man,” Nolan said.

“I can’t be gay.”

"It's okay. We can just chalk it up to an experiment and forget about it." Nolan moved to turn away, but Ryder stopped him. He glanced back, seeing lust shining in Ryder's eyes.

He'd played this game when he'd been in high school and college. Being the straight guy's fuck buddy wasn't really fun. Eventually, the guys would get spooked and find some woman to be with, some of them even jumping into marriage just to escape the fact they were at least bisexual.

“I can’t play this game,” Nolan said.

Ryder stepped closer, his hands and his gaze straying over Nolan’s body. “What game?”

“The straight dude wanting to fuck the queer but then treat him like shit because he can’t admit he’s at least bisexual game. I’m not a toy.”

Ryder leaned in, resting his head against Nolan’s. “I don’t want to use you. And I’m scared as fuck.”

“I’m a real person with feelings.”

Ryder moved closer and slid his lips over Nolan’s. “So am I. And I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. While I was in that shower, I vowed to never touch you again, but I can’t keep my hands off you.” Ryder pulled up Nolan’s shirt and ran his hands over his bare skin.

“If you decide this isn’t for you, being with a guy, you can’t be mean to me. We’re neighbors.”

Ryder nodded. “I won’t.”

"Are you even listening, or are you just thinking with your dick?"

“Fuck, I don’t know. All I can think about is seeing you naked.”

“Fine,” Nolan said as he stepped back.

“Fine. What does that mean?”

"Let's both get naked. You want to see me, and I want to see you. Take off your clothes, Ryder, and show me what you got."

Nolan tugged up his shirt, enjoying Ryder’s reaction as he watched intently. Dating a guy who had previously only been straight had its ups and downs. He just hoped Ryder didn’t freak out and become an asshole.

Chapter 18

Watching Nolan strip turned him on like nothing else ever had. He probably could have cum just watching Nolan get naked. He couldn’t move as he watched Nolan slide his pants low. The man was teasing him. When Nolan turned around, wiggling his hips as he slid his underwear over his ass, Ryder groaned.

"Jesus," Ryder said as heat filled him. He stepped closer, but Nolan held up his hand.

"Oh no. If you want to touch me, then you have to be naked."

He'd never pulled off his clothes faster. He stood in front of Nolan, totally naked, his eyes feasting on Nolan's nude body. The man was thin, but his cock was thick. He hadn't studied too many dicks. He'd seen some of the guys in the locker room, but he knew not to look too much. But Nolan standing in front of him, his dick hard, had Ryder thinking he might pass out from a heat stroke.

“Do you like what you see?” Nolan asked.

Ryder’s gaze shot to Nolan’s, and he nodded, unsure if he could speak.

Nolan moved closer and then dropped to his knees right in front of Ryder. His gaze flicked up just as he stuck out his tongue and licked up Ryder’s dick.

“Oh fuck!” Ryder yelled.

“Too much?” Nolan asked.

“You’re going to make me blow my load right now if you do that again.”

“Challenge accepted.” Nolan leaned in and took one of Ryder’s balls into his mouth.

The shock of having his ball surrounded by Nolan’s hot mouth almost made him pass out. He clenched his hands into fists and tried to stay standing as Nolan licked and sucked on him. He might have lasted a minute before he was coming down Nolan’s throat.

He couldn't stay standing, and as soon as Nolan slid his lips off his cock, Ryder stumbled to the couch and sat down.

“Fuck, I’ve never been blown like that.”

“Guys give better blowjobs.”

“Don’t count on it from me. I’ve never touched another guy’s dick.”

Nolan threw back his head, and laughter spilled out. "Well, you have now."

Ryder chuckled. “Come here.” He grabbed Nolan when he came close and had him straddle his legs. He wasn’t sure what to do, but he ran his fingers over Nolan’s cock.

“You can be a little rougher,” Nolan said as Ryder gently touched his cock.

“I know.” Ryder stared at Nolan’s dick, excitement growing as a tiny bead of cum pooled at Nolan’s hole. “If I lick your cock, you aren’t going to cum?”

“Not right now.”

Ryder bent and stuck his tongue out, licking over the tip. The salty taste of Nolan's cum made him gasp. It wasn't the taste so much as the memory of eating his own cum when he'd been younger. He'd laid in bed as a teenager, wondering what it would be like to suck another guy’s dick. He’d forgotten about that. He sat up suddenly as the shock of the memory hit.

“What? Don’t like it?” Nolan asked.

Ryder shook his head. If there was ever a time to reveal that memory, it was now. "I just remembered that when I was younger, I used to wonder what it would be like to suck another guy. I chalked it up to being horny."

“Yeah, straight guys don’t fantasize about guy’s dicks.”

Ryder slapped Nolan’s arm. “I know that now. But I’d forgotten about the whole thing. When I was a teen, I wanted to touch guys, but I guess I repressed that memory.”

“People repress stuff all the time. Want to really suck me?” Nolan asked.

Ryder looked down at Nolan's hard cock, and the desire to lick him hit hard. "I don't know if I'll be any good."

“There’s a learning curve. Just do what you think you’d want.”

“What if I gag?”

“Listen, I’m not going to hold your head down and force my cock down your throat. If you gag, just sit up and adjust. You don’t have to go all the way down on me or go down on me at all. You can lick or whatever.”

“Why are you being so nice?”

Nolan shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because I haven't been with anyone in a long time and I like you. If we want to do this, we live next door to each other, and no one else is around to see if we stop by each other's place at night and have some fun before going home."

Ryder pressed his lips together as worry hit him. “So you’d be fine sneaking around?”

“We wouldn’t really be sneaking. Who would be out here to see us going from your house to mine or the other way around? And we’re neighbors. It’s totally reasonable for you to come to my place.”

Ryder stood and held out his hand. “Come on. I want to do this in my bed.”

Nolan hopped up and pulled Ryder into a kiss. He swore he almost swooned as Nolan's cock brushed up against his body. He didn't want to think too much about what he was doing. It felt good. Maybe it wouldn't last, but having Nolan's body up against him felt right.

Chapter 19

Nolan followed Ryder to his bedroom and dropped to the mattress. It took Ryder a moment to decide what to do. At first, the licks to his cock were hesitant. Then Ryder sucked down on him, going a little too deep, and he had to back off.

Ryder wasn’t skilled, but he had great enthusiasm for getting Nolan to come. It felt good to have another man touching him. When Andrew had passed, he wasn’t sure if he would ever be with another man. Then he’d had a few failed attempts, and it hadn’t gone great. But with Nolan, this felt amazing.

When he was about to blow, he warned Ryder, giving him time to move away. They lay on the mattress together for a while before they jacked off again. Ryder seemed to like rubbing their dicks together.

No question, Ryder wasn’t ready for anal. He wouldn’t push him into it. Just having an orgasm together was enough for now.

After they came a few more times, they got up and headed into the kitchen to make sandwiches. They'd pulled on their underwear and were sitting on the couch chatting about Ryder's job and how he felt about it. He'd thought about finding something new, but around here, the options were limited.

“What else would you want to do?” Nolan asked.

Ryder shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not like lawn people make that much here. There aren’t any mansions or huge facilities that would require my skills.”

Ryder got up and moved to the entryway and grabbed the plate of cookies, bringing them back to the couch. Nolan chuckled, and Ryder shot him a strange look.

“I can’t believe I brought you cookies. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Ryder flashed him a huge smile. “I’m glad you did.”

Nolan took a bite of cookie and met Ryder’s gaze. “Are you going to be okay?”

He shrugged and stared at the floor. “I will be. I don’t know what is up with my parents. I mean, they didn’t love Amy. She wasn’t willing to quit her job or pump out babies. We were going to wait. I mean, if I had a child that looked like her…but I don’t because we didn’t. They might be happy about a child, but I don’t think there is any pleasing them.” Ryder shook his head. “There’s no way I could have taken care of a kid after she died. I fell apart. I know most men wouldn’t ever admit to that, but I was a wreck.”

"I get it. I had to take a month away from work, and even then, it was too much. I switched where I was working, but even changing jobs didn't help. It's why I'm here in Texas. I needed to break away from everything I knew."

“Do you think you’ll ever feel whole again? Maybe you don’t feel like a piece of you is missing.”

Nolan shrugged. “I don’t think a loss like that is something you recover from.”

Ryder let go a heavy sigh. “It sucks.”

Nolan leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I'm here for you. We both have shit we're going through, so I don't expect anything other than friendship. If we end up messing around again, I'm game. Like I said earlier, I like you. I don't think either one of us is ready to commit to anything, but honestly, around here, I'm not going to be seeing anyone else."

Ryder chuckled. “Yeah. I don’t see myself dating a woman, and I’m not going to get it on with another guy, so it’s just you and me.”

Nolan chuckled as desire pumped through him. “I’m good with that. I think I’d like to wake up on Sunday mornings wrapped in your arms.”

Ryder flashed him a smile. “I’ll remember that.”

Their kiss led to more, and they were back in bed on the edge of orgasm. Just thinking of how Ryder had sucked his cock the last time pushed Nolan over the edge. The man had gotten better from the first try. Having a friend with benefits so close would be nice. He just hoped Ryder didn’t freak out. The last thing he wanted was an enemy living next door.

Chapter 20

Ryder couldn’t believe that he really wanted to be with a man. The excitement of rubbing his cock against Nolan’s hadn’t worn off by late on Sunday evening. He’d skipped church to suck Nolan’s cock and wasn’t sorry about it. His parents would be pissed because he missed church, but he would never tell them why.

During the day, when they’d taken breaks from sex, Nolan helped him with the chores outside. It reminded him of how he and Amy had worked together on their home. He liked having someone else around. That it was a guy didn’t seem like a stretch. Maybe he’d always wanted a relationship with a guy. Whatever the reason, he wasn’t worried about being with Nolan like he’d thought he would be.

“I should go home and sleep in my own bed,” Nolan said.

The words disappointed Ryder, but he knew they wouldn’t get enough sleep if they stayed together.

"Yeah. I'm not really happy I won't wake up next to you, but you're right. We both have work in the morning and the last two nights, we've woken up to have sex in the middle of the night."

Nolan leaned over and kissed him. “It has been nice. But we both need sleep. I liked waking up to your hard cock pressing up against my back. I also enjoyed being sucked in the middle of the night.”

“That was nice. I like how you swirl your tongue around my cock. It feels so good.”

“We can work on that later in the week.”

Ryder chuckled. “I get off early this Wednesday. Maybe we can hit the chores early and then spend a few hours seeing how many times we can come.”

Nolan flashed him a huge smile. “I like that idea.”

Ryder slapped him on the ass and then pulled him into a hug. Hugging Nolan felt right. “I’ll see you later.”

Nolan held on for a long moment, then stepped back. "Have a good day tomorrow."

“You, too.”

When Nolan took off, Ryder felt empty. He glanced at his phone and saw he had two voicemails from his mom. He didn’t want to listen to them, but he knew he had to. He opened the first voicemail and blew out a slow breath filled with frustration before hitting play.

“It’s your mother. I want you to know I’m disappointed that you’ve missed church again.”

Ryder chuckled because she would be more than disappointed if she knew he’d been sucking Nolan’s cock while she’d been in church.

“Cindy’s mother has convinced her to go out with Daniel Needlemeyer. That man is a joke. You need to get yourself together and go beg Cindy to take you back. If you don’t, you will regret it.”

The eye roll was automatic. Why couldn’t his mother understand he would never date Cindy or anyone else she picked for him?

“You had better be at church on Wednesday. It will be your last chance to impress Cindy and her mother. I can’t believe you’ve turned out to be such a bad son.”

The voicemail ended, and he closed his eyes. Why had he moved back here? With Nolan living next door, it wasn’t too bad, but there was no way he would be able to take another two years of his mom acting like a crazed tyrant. He had no clue how to get her to stop.

He played the next voicemail, which wasn't any better than the first. "Ryder, I found another woman who is young, but her father is ready for her to get married. She turned eighteen last week, and they are prepared to pull her from school if you'll marry her. With her wide hips, she'll be able to pop out babies like crazy. You need to jump on this. I'll have her over after church on Sunday, and you can meet her."

There wasn't any way he would marry some eighteen-year-old child. He'd thought he was mature at eighteen, but thinking back to that time, he was worlds away from where he was now. No way would he force the girl to drop out of school and be his wife. This wasn't the fifteen hundreds or even eighteen hundreds. He didn't know what was wrong with his mother, but she needed to see someone about her obsession with marrying him off.

Amy had been dead for four years. Maybe most men would have already started dating, but he wasn't one of those men. Besides, now that he'd had a taste of Nolan, he wasn't sure he ever wanted to go back to dating women. Being with Nolan brought a level of excitement to his life he'd never experienced before. Sucking dick might not last, but for now, it was what he wanted.

He decided not to call his mom back because he didn’t want to get into another argument with her. No question, she was being ridiculous, but talking to her wasn’t working.

Work was boring on Monday, and it sucked that he didn't see Nolan on Monday night. On Tuesday, it was raining, but a huge delivery came in. He was in the middle of helping one of the other guys move a pallet to the back of the lot when the loader shifted, and everything pitched to the side. He was out of the way of the main load, but because of the way it fell, a piece of wood shot back, piercing his arm. Pain ricocheted around his body, and he dropped to the ground. The man driving the loader was in a worse position. All Ryder could see was blood.

Chaos erupted as more people came running back. They couldn't move the loader, which didn't surprise him. Someone finally remembered to call emergency services. He wanted to get up and help, but the pain hit hard. Eventually, he was loaded into a truck and driven over to a medical facility. He had no idea if the other guy from work would make it, so when they brought him into a room and told him to stretch out on the gurney, he wasn't sure where he was.

Then Nolan walked in.

Panic filled Ryder as Nolan flashed a smile and then came close. He couldn't let anyone know they were screwing around. If one of the guys from work figured it out, he would be crucified.

“Ah, what have we got here?” Nolan said as he pulled on gloves and bent over Ryder’s arm. “That looks like it hurts. I need an X-ray on this, Nurse Thompson.”

“Yes, sir. We’ll get that taken care of fast.”

Nolan met his gaze and smiled, though he could see worry shining in Nolan's eyes. "We'll take care of this, but I want to make sure your bone is intact. If it is, we can get this out and have you on your way, but if the bone was damaged or your tendon was injured, you'll have to see a surgeon."

Ryder nodded, unsure his voice wouldn't betray his attachment to Nolan. Could other people see how he felt now? What if someone picked up on the vibe between them? He had to do something, but he wasn't sure what. Before he could come up with a plan, he was wheeled into another room with an X-ray machine and told to hold still. The injury freaking hurt like a bitch, but he held as still as possible. He glanced around but didn't see Nolan. Was he too dependent on the man? He wanted to see Nolan, but that worried him. What would people say?

Less than ten minutes later, he was back in the room with Nolan and getting a shot in his arm. "The bone looks good. I think we can get this out without causing any more damage." Nolan flashed him a smile that made his body heat, and panic swept through him.

“I can’t do this,” Ryder ground out.

"Well, you can't get up and walk out," Nolan said.

Ryder shook his head. “No, this. I can’t do this right now. If someone finds out⁠—”

Nolan's lips turned down in the corners, and he shot Ryder with a look that shut him up. A weird feeling slid through him, like he'd just been chastised, and he didn't like it.

Nolan leaned in so only Ryder could hear him. “I’m at work right now. Don’t you think I’m a professional?”

More heat filled Ryder, and he didn't know what to think. Of course, he knew Nolan was professional. He knew the man was serious about his career and wouldn't do something to put his job in jeopardy. So many thoughts were screaming through his mind, from how sexy Nolan was to the fact he would be off work for a while because of this injury. Maybe he could do some light office work, but the chunk of wood in his arm was serious.

Nolan started working again but didn't look at him. Instead, he was one hundred percent focused on Ryder's arm. Nolan was very professional, and Ryder felt bad for assuming the worst. He'd worked in labor-intensive jobs, and though the guys kept it professional when the boss was around, they did cut loose and say things that were very inappropriate for a work environment. But Ryder didn't think Nolan was like that. Sure, when they were naked and in bed together, it could get raunchy, but Nolan had never given him any indication that he would make advances in public.

The pain was gone, which must have been from the shot. Nolan and the nurse worked on his arm. A man came in and checked their progress, saying what Nolan had done was good. After a moment, the man introduced himself.

"I'm Doctor Moore. I'm new here, so I know I haven't met you yet. Nolan is doing great work. I'll check it to make sure no ligaments were impinged. I took a good look at the X-ray, and the bone looks good. We'll do another look at it after Nolan finishes."

"The man who was in the pallet loader. Where is he?" Ryder needed to know what had happened.

The doctor frowned. “He’s on his way to Dallas. I’m not sure the extent of his injuries, but it was bad enough he had to be flown into one of the big hospitals there.”

Ryder blinked and thought about shaking his head, but he was too afraid to move. “That’s awful.”

“I’m just glad you weren’t walking beside the loader when it failed. If you’d been closer, it would be more than just a piece of wood through your arm.”

He glanced at Nolan who was staring at his face. Their gazes met, and he felt more than just relief flowing between them. He couldn’t believe that he’d messed up and thought Nolan would do something to reveal they were lovers.

Nolan went back to looking at his arm, his lips twisted up to one side. “Doctor Moore, would you take a look at this? I think I got everything out. Would you like me to pack it so we can do another picture of the arm before I sew him up?”

“That would probably be best. We need to make sure we got all the splinters out.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Nolan said.

"Good. Pack it, and we'll get another shot of it. Then we'll close him up."

“Thank you,” Nolan said before he began working on his arm again.

Ryder closed his eyes, knowing he had a fair amount of apologizing to do. He never should have said what he had to Nolan.

Chapter 21

Nolan rushed home after work as worry for Ryder grew. He’d wanted to leave work and stay with Ryder but had no reason to cut his shift short. It had been too early in the day for Ryder to stay in the clinic for him to give him a ride home.

Once home, he went inside to change so he could do the chores in the barn. After changing, he noticed the car in the driveway and didn't know who it belonged to. He should know, but he was bad at identifying cars. Make and model were a mystery to him, and he often got it wrong. Andrew had been shocked that he didn't care to learn the different makes of cars. It just wasn't his thing.

He knocked, and an older woman came to the door. "Who are you?" the woman asked, blocking him from entering.

“Let him in,” Ryder said from the kitchen.

“I’m not letting a strange man into your house. How do I know he’s not here to rob me?”

“It’s my neighbor, the man who works at the clinic who sewed up my arm and removed the huge chunk of wood.”

The woman, who Nolan guessed was Ryder's mother, snorted and then stepped out of the way. "You need to leave soon. He needs his rest."

“Give it a rest, Mom.” Ryder stood and moved to shake his hand but winced when he tried to move his right arm. “Hey, thanks for fixing my arm.”

“I came over to do the chores.”

Ryder shrugged and then winced. "You don't have to. I can do them later."

“No you can’t,” Nolan said. “Doctor’s orders. You can’t be playing in the barn until those stitches come out. If some foreign body gets in there and it gets infected, it will take months and not weeks to heal.”

Ryder frowned. “Dammit.”

“Language,” Ryder’s mother snapped.

Ryder rolled his eyes. “This is my mother, Sherrie, who was just leaving.”

“I’m not leaving.” Sherrie’s frown seemed even deeper now. She looked like she could spit nails.

Ryder frowned back at her. “You are leaving. I’m perfectly fine.”

"If you had a wife, you would be fine. This is a punishment for you skipping church."

Nolan swore he saw Ryder roll his eyes, but he wasn’t one hundred percent sure. The tension between them could be cut with a knife.

“It was an accident, Mom.”

“You need to get a wife and get back into church. Who knows what kind of sin you’re getting into.”

“I’m not getting into anything,” Ryder said. “I’m fine.”

“I’m just going to have to move back in with you.”

“No!”

Nolan flinched at the volume of Ryder’s voice. Sherrie jumped. She almost looked like she’d been slapped. An awkward feeling slid through Nolan. Maybe he shouldn’t have come over, but he hadn’t known that Ryder’s mother was here. Besides, it was perfectly normal for neighbors to check-in. At least, he thought it was. Maybe Ryder would be pissed. He wished everything was easier, but this was the world they lived in.

“I am fine. Leave now,” Ryder said, his tone unforgiving.

Sherrie snorted again and grabbed her bag. “You are an ungrateful son. I hope your arm rots and falls off. You need to find a wife.”

Ryder’s face looked pained until his mother slammed the door after striding out. He groaned and wiped his good hand over his face.

"Shit, I'm sorry you had to hear her bullshit, and I'm sorry for what I said at the clinic. I know you're professional, and I know you'd never do anything to put either of us in a bad position."

Nolan took a step closer to Ryder and then paused, worried that his mother would come back. "It's already forgotten."

"Not by me. I felt terrible suggesting that you'd do something like kiss me or touch me in that situation. I know you're not like that."

"Hey, I get it. The first time I kissed a guy—well, we did more than kiss—but I freaked out when I saw him at church the next week. I thought for sure he was going to push me to the pew and kiss me like he had that night. Of course, he played it cool. But I get the worry."

The sound of tires spinning on pavement made Ryder roll his eyes again. "She's so mad that I won't even consider meeting some eighteen-year-old girl she wants to set me up with. They want the kid to drop out of high school to become my wife. I don't want a child bride. It's like she's desperate for me to get married."

Nolan cocked his head to the side as an idea hit. “Is she suffering from Alzheimer’s?”

Ryder narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “What?”

“If her personality has changed recently, she could be having the first changes that come with memory loss.”

“Huh, I hadn’t even thought about it. I’ve just been annoyed.”

“What about your dad?” Nolan asked.

"He can't beat me up anymore. Other than that, nothing has changed."

Shock pulsed through Nolan. “Shit. He used to beat you?”

"Yeah, but he didn't think it was abuse. He was just showing me how to be a man. It's one reason Amy and I wanted to wait to have kids. I wanted to go through counseling and have time to really make sure I wouldn't be a jerk. Of course, my parents would both be appalled that I went to a therapist to work through that, but the abuse was heavy, and it shaped me."

“Jesus.” Nolan shook his head. “Damn. I freaking hate child abusers. I saw so much when I was in the bigger cities. Here, I’ve only seen a few kids that I had to report, but crap, I hate them.”

“Not surprised that you’ve seen a few here. Sadly, people out here won’t take their kid to the doctor if they do something like break the kid’s arm or hurt them badly.”

Nolan shook his head. “It’s the same in big cities. I’m glad that you were cognizant enough to get therapy.”

“Yeah. But I’m not having kids, ever.”

Nolan nodded, not sure how the conversation had turned to kids. He and Andrew had talked about adopting, but there had seemed to be plenty of time.

“So, dinner. Do you want me to heat something up?”

“No, my mom brought food over. At least she can cook.”

“That’s good. Well then, I’m going out to the barn and starting on the chores.”

“I feel bad making you do this.”

Nolan stepped close and kissed Ryder's jaw. "Don't feel bad. Remember, I wanted to learn what to do so I could help out if I needed to. Surprisingly, I like doing stuff for your animals."

“They help regulate my emotions.”

“I get that.” Nolan stepped back and held Ryder’s gaze as heat washed over him. He really liked this sexy man who lived next to him. Maybe they wouldn’t ever be more than friends, but he was starting to feel things about Ryder that went deeper than friendship.

Ryder gave a sharp nod as emotions filled his eyes. "I'm glad you helped out before, so you can do this now."

Nolan’s heart squeezed with emotions he shouldn’t be feeling. “Sit down and rest. I know you probably don’t want to, but resting will aid in healing. Your body is working overtime to replace the blood you lost and repair the muscles and skin. Take it easy.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll just be in here taking a break.”

Nolan took Ryder's hand, walked him over to the couch, and gently pushed him down. "I'll be back in a bit. Don't do too much. And you can't get that wet. I'll bag it and help you take a shower later."

“If you get in the shower with me, you’re going to have to jack me off.”

"Oh, now you're sweetening the deal. Let me go deal with Mavis and the gang, and then I'll deal with you."

He liked the way Ryder laughed as he headed out. It was weird that he enjoyed working in the barn. He didn't think of himself as the type to work outside, but he talked to the animals, and they either mooed or bleated back at him. There was something about the animals that calmed him.

Being out here in the semi-country area was nice. There were no nearby neighbors to see either of them walking home on weekend mornings to shower or change clothes. No one would see them kissing or doing more. He felt safe.

After he finished in the barn, he headed in and found Ryder asleep on the couch. Since he'd washed his hands outside, he didn't need to clean up. Hunger gnawed at his belly, so he headed into the kitchen, finding the casserole Ryder's mother must have brought over. He served himself a bowl full and ate while standing at the counter. When he was almost done eating, he heard Ryder's breathing change, and he made it into the den when Ryder was waking up.

“Hey,” Ryder said as he sat up and wiped his hand over his face.

“You ready for a shower?”

Ryder nodded. “I didn’t think I was that tired.”

“Of course.” Nolan stepped over and looked at his arm. “I’m going to get some plastic wrap and then we can bag your arm in a trash bag.”

Ryder rolled his eyes. “I don’t like this.”

“I’m sure. But you have to keep it dry. I’ll make sure your hair gets washed.”

“It needs it.”

After getting Ryder’s shirt off, Nolan covered his arm and then helped the guy out of his pants. “Do you need to use the restroom?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Okay, let’s get into the shower.”

Nolan glanced down at Ryder’s body, taking in his muscles and his cock that was growing harder by the second.

“You sure you feel good enough for me to jack you?”

“Oh yeah. That will really help me sleep.”

“If you pass out after the shower, I’ll lock up your place before I head home.”

“Do you want to sleep over here?”

Nolan reached out and cupped Ryder’s balls. “I want to, but we both need sleep, and I can guarantee you if I’m over here, this dick of yours is going to be hard all night. I’ll check on you before I leave in the morning.”

“There’s an extra key in the top drawer beside the dishwasher. Take it so you can let yourself in. I’m turning off my alarm.”

Nolan was surprised by Ryder's suggestion that he take a key. "Are you sure you want me to have a key?"

Ryder nodded. “Yeah, I’m positive. Honestly, I’m good with you joining me in bed at any time.”

Nolan chuckled before turning on the water. They hadn't been seeing each other for that long, and they'd promised to keep it casual. Maybe this was casual for Ryder. He could have given out keys to loads of people, but Nolan doubted it.

He liked showering with Ryder. After washing his hair then soaping up his body, Nolan lathered up his hands then began rubbing the slick suds over Ryder's dick. It didn't take long for him to push Ryder over the edge. He enjoyed watching Ryder come. The pleasure he saw in his lover's face made him feel amazing. That he could do this for him was even better.

Chapter 22

Ryder barely made it to the bed before passing out. He felt Nolan covering him with the sheet, but nothing after that.

When he woke up, the sun was shining in through his bedroom window. It was much later than he usually woke and a little disorienting. But that could have just been the pain pills. After stopping by the bathroom, he stumbled out into the kitchen and found a note leaning up against his coffee maker.

I’ve made coffee for you. Just push the button. You were sleeping hard when I came in. I’ll stop by after work and wrap your arm up for a shower. Don’t work in the barn. I don’t want you to get your bandage dirty. I’ll do the chores after work.

Ryder pushed the button on his coffee maker and wondered if Nolan didn’t want to shower with him again. He stared at the note, rereading the lines again. Maybe Nolan had written the note that way because he didn’t want it to sound weird if someone like his mom or dad had come over before he woke.

Just thinking of showering with Nolan was making him hard. He would need to watch his thoughts, but thinking about Nolan was so satisfying. There wasn't a good way for him to jack off without Nolan's help, though, so his cock would be plenty hard by the time Nolan made it home.

Thinking about the accident caused a shiver to race down his back. His arm would heal, and he would be okay. He hadn’t really been injured.

He poured a mug of coffee and stared out the window. He needed to get his truck from work. Should he drive? Probably not. He was much sorer than he’d been the day before. The shots Nolan had given him must have worn off.

He decided to take it easy and watch TV. At some point, he must have fallen asleep because he had woken up to his father knocking on his sliding door.

He stood and headed over to the door, opening it before stepping back. A sliver of fear twisted through him because he couldn't take his dad with his arm injured. He just hoped the man didn't act like a fool. If he did, he would do everything he could to cause damage.

"Morning," Ryder said as he headed into his kitchen to pour himself more coffee. The machine had turned off, and the liquid in the pot was cold.

“You mean afternoon.”

He grunted as he poured the coffee out. He turned to face his dad. He wasn’t going to speak. The man had been a jerk, and he had nothing to say to him.

“Your mother is having that girl over. I expect you to be there.”

“I’m not dating anyone. I don’t care who you have over or who you all entertain. I’m not ever going to date anyone you or Mom suggest.”

“Now you’re just being a little shit.”

"No, I'm deciding what I allow in my life. You and Mom need to stop setting me up with people."

His dad frowned, looking like he was trying to be intimidating. But Ryder was past the age of being intimidated by his father, or at least showing that he was intimidated. A part of him wanted to tell his dad that he was enjoying sucking cock too much to ever date a woman again, but he kept that to himself.

His father threw up his hands. “You never were worth a hill of beans. I knew you’d be a waste when you were a baby.” His father turned to leave, slamming the door as he walked out.

Ryder wanted to follow after his dad and yell at him, maybe fight him, but he let him leave. The words hurt, but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. And what his dad said didn’t really matter. His father wasn’t his concern. All that mattered was his own needs and desires. If his dad wanted to be miserable, there was little Ryder could do.

His stomach grumbled, and he realized he hadn’t eaten. While he was in the middle of eating a sandwich, his phone rang. He was surprised the clinic was calling him. His heart sped up as he answered, hoping it was Nolan on the line.

“Hello.”

“Is this Mr. Jameson?" a female voice asked. For a moment, he worried that it was someone his mother had set him up with.

“Yes.”

“This is Lila, the nurse from the clinic. I was calling to see how you were doing.”

“I’m okay. Nolan is my neighbor, so he is checking on me.”

“Oh, that’s right. He does live in that odd little place next to your uncle’s house. Well, I guess it’s your house now. I’m glad to hear you’re doing okay. If you feel like you have a fever or that spot gets hot, you need more antibiotics. We gave you a shot, and that should kick anything hard, but we want to keep an eye on it.”

“Thank you. I’m sure Nolan will interrogate me this evening.”

Lila's laughter made him smile. "I'm sure he will. Have a good afternoon."

The conversation ended, and he smiled to himself, wondering how well Lila knew Nolan. Surely, she didn't know he was gay.

Sitting at home with nothing to do was boring. Tomorrow, he would go get his truck, talk to his boss, and see if there was anything he could do in the yard. He wouldn't last long sitting at home recovering. He needed action or at least something to keep his mind busy. Otherwise, he didn't know what would happen.

Chapter 23

The clinic closed for the evening, and Nolan was looking forward to heading to Ryder’s place and helping him shower again. It felt good being up against a naked man, even if that man couldn’t jack him off very effectively.

He smiled to himself, his mind on Ryder and the shower, when someone came up behind him and stood close. He spun, finding Dr. Moore so close it freaked him out a little.

“Dr. Moore, I thought you’d left.” Nolan scooted to the side to get a little space between them.

Moore chuckled. "Not yet. But I figured out where I know you from, and I just hadn't had a chance to talk to you alone."

The look in the doctor’s eyes freaked him out a bit. “Oh,” was all Nolan could think to say.

“I went back to Boston and was at my cousin’s house. You were married to one of my other cousins. I saw your photo with Andrew.”

Heat washed over Nolan. He glanced behind Dr. Moore, hoping no one had heard. Panic filled him, and he reached out and grabbed onto Moore's arm.

“I don’t think it’s safe to be out here.”

“Well, that’s a damn shame because my husband is moving to town next week.”

“Oh.” Nolan blinked and shook his head. He closed his eyes as thoughts of Andrew hit him hard.

Dr. Moore squeezed his shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Sorry. I didn’t expect to be talking about Andrew here. I didn’t know you were his cousin.”

“Yeah. I’m from the side of the family that didn’t cut him off. I know we weren’t close with him, but I sent a wedding gift once I found out you two were married.”

“I’m sorry. That was so long ago, I don’t know⁠—”

Moore's laughter filled the space. "It's okay. It was a while ago. I should have been a better cousin and come to the wedding. I was busy working, and I'm sure you two were busy with life."

Nolan shrugged. “We didn’t really tell anyone when we got married. He didn’t think anyone from his side of the family would come. I don’t think he knew…” Nolan raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side.

Moore snorted. "No one knew I was gay. I married Wade a year ago. Before then, I was a confirmed bachelor. Andrew's mother won't acknowledge me, though she used to call me her favorite nephew."

Nolan cringed. “Damn, that sucks.”

Moore shrugged. "Yeah, well, what can you do with your family?"

“True.”

“I know Wade will want to have you over.”

Fear wove through him. He should be braver. It wasn’t like someone was going to attack him for going to dinner with the doctor who worked at the clinic. Though worry filled him because he hadn’t figured out who had tried to break into his house. No more attempts had been made after Ryder had come out with his gun, but something was up, and he wasn’t sure what.

"Sure. That would be great." He just hoped he was able to stay in the closet. Now, though, he had the alarm installed and a camera on the front and back of the house. Maybe having gay friends here in this small southern town would be a good thing. He enjoyed socializing in Virginia. Well, he had until Andrew died. Then everyone treated him differently.

"Good. It will probably take him a month or more to get the house how he likes it. He's very particular, but he's a good man."

“That’s good to hear.” Nolan was about to make an excuse and say goodbye when a thought hit. “So when you were in Boston at your cousin’s place, did you tell anyone you recognized me?”

“I did. Was there a problem with that?”

Nolan's heart sank, but he shook his head. "No, it's just Andrew's mother wanted me to send her the ashes, and I said no. She thought I still lived in Virginia. Then, last week, someone broke into my place."

Dr. Moore’s eyes went wide. “Oh God, that’s awful.”

“They didn’t take anything. I have an alarm and cameras now, but it was disturbing. I thought she might have tried to hire someone to steal the ashes.”

Moore’s nose wrinkled as he frowned. “That’s so weird. I hope my going home and telling people I saw you didn’t cause problems.”

Nolan shook his head. "There's no way you could have known. It's not like I was telling anyone that his mother was causing problems. Besides, the only thing they took was a photo of Andrew, which I can reprint."

“I’m sorry that happened. I feel responsible. I was just surprised when I saw the photo of you with Andrew. I guess someone might have talked about it and spread the news to his mother.”

“It’s okay. I don’t think they’ll try to break in again, or at least they haven’t since I got the camera up.” He didn’t tell the part about Ryder shooting the gun into the air to chase the person away.

Moore squeezed his shoulder. “It was good talking to you, and I’ll tell you when Wade is ready to have people over.”

“Thank you. Have a good evening.”

“You, too. Bye.”

Nolan headed out. He was actually excited to do the chores for Ryder. And it wasn’t just the fact that he and Ryder would end up naked in the shower. He really was looking forward to doing something with the animals. He’d never really had much contact with farm animals before this. He found Ryder’s cow and goats to be cute and smart. Mavis recognized him and knew he would give her a treat. He had looked up what he could give a cow as a treat. Yesterday, he'd given her a carrot, and today, he had an apple for her. It was nice having the animals around.

Living next door to Ryder was different from he'd first thought it would be. The achingly rude man he'd first met wasn't who Ryder really was. He'd put on an act to hide his true self. They were both hurting, and they both had things in life they had to overcome. Really, they were much more alike than either of them probably suspected. He hoped their relationship would continue to grow because he was becoming attached to the man.

Chapter 24

Anger had been brewing in Ryder all day. The conversation he'd had with his father hadn't sat well with him. Instead of brushing it off and letting it go like usual, he'd allowed his inactivity and boredom to transform it into a ball of pissed-off energy.

When he heard Nolan's car pull up outside, he was ready to rumble. It took about thirty minutes for Nolan to knock on his door, and in that time, he'd built up a good head of steam on his anger.

“What the fuck took you so long?”

Nolan paused and narrowed his eyes. “Wow. So no thank you for doing the chores, or maybe just hello?”

“You don’t have to do the chores for me. I’m not useless.”

Nolan’s lips thinned. “What happened to make you so angry?”

“I’m not angry.” The lie slipped off his tongue so easily. He was furious. He hated how his father had come in and dropped a bomb of anger. His bones ached with hate and bile.

“You sure aren’t a ray of sunshine.”

Ryder growled. “I don’t have to be. Why don’t you leave?”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s really wrong?”

“You are what’s wrong.”

Nolan shook his head. “You know what. I don’t have to put up with this.”

He turned to leave, and that pissed Ryder off more. He reached for Nolan, spinning him around and pressing him up against the wall. The thought that he was useless twisted through him. Maybe he was just an ungrateful piece of shit, but he'd finally found peace with Nolan, and now he was fucking it up.

Nolan's eyes widened with fright, and he hated himself for scaring the man. He blew out a breath and thunked his forehead against the wall right next to Nolan's head.

"Fuck. I'm so fucked up. My dad came over and delivered his usual message that I'm a total waste of air, and I'm taking it out on you. I don't want to fuck this up, but I'm angry, and I don't know how to get rid of it when I can't do something physical."

Nolan placed his hand on Ryder’s belly, sending tingles of desire through him. “You know what helps relieve anger?”

“What?” Ryder whined.

“A blowjob. Just push your pants low and sit on the couch. I’ll do the rest.”

Ryder took a step back and narrowed his gaze. “This isn’t a trick, right?”

“No tricks. Just sit and let me blow you. Then we can talk about what the fuck is going on in your head.” Nolan tapped his forehead. “This head, not the other one.”

Ryder didn’t respond to Nolan’s words because he knew he would fuck it up. He moved to the couch as he shoved his pants lower on one side and then the other.

Nolan took over, grabbing his cock and jacking it a few times before wrapping his lips around the tip and sucking down. Ryder sighed as he closed his eyes. Nolan was right. Having his dick sucked took all the anger away.

The words his father said didn't matter with Nolan's lips wrapped around his cock. He was getting close when a car door slammed outside.

“Fuck,” Ryder said as he pushed Nolan off.

"Stand, and I'll help you pull those up. We'll continue this later."

Ryder didn’t know if they would get to continue this later or if this would prove why he didn’t need to be gay.

Shock filled Ryder when he saw it was his boss, Jim, and not his mother or father. He went to reach out with his right hand to shake but winced.

“Sorry, can’t shake yet. It’s still too sore.”

“Man, I’m just glad you’re alive. If that load had fallen on you, I don’t even want to think about how bad that would be,” Jim said as he shook his head.

“Could it have crushed him?” Nolan asked.

Ryder could see the fear and shock on Nolan’s face. It felt good to have Nolan worry about him. He thought he’d lost that forever when Amy died. He wanted to pull Nolan close, but he kept his hands to himself.

Jim shrugged. “It looks like the equipment failed. I don’t know how, but the company that makes the pallet loader is investigating.”

“This is Nolan, my neighbor,” Ryder said. “He works at the medical clinic where I ended up.”

“Nice to meet you.” Jim shook Nolan’s hand then turned back to him. “Allen, the guy who was driving the loader, is going to be okay. He broke his leg.”

“That seems like an odd injury.”

“Yeah. I’m just glad he didn’t die.”

Ryder nodded, unsure what to say. If Jim had died, they would probably shut the lumber yard down for a while. Workplace injuries sucked, but workplace deaths were awful.

Jim glanced around. “Do you need any help around here? I can send some guys over.”

Ryder shook his head. “Thank you for offering, but Nolan is taking care of the chores. And I just put my goats out in the front to keep the grass short so no need to mow.”

“That’s smart. I hate mowing,” Jim said.

“The goats are a pain sometimes, but they do keep me from having to mow the yard in the heat.”

“I might have to borrow your goats one weekend,” Nolan said.

Ryder chuckled. “Yeah, they cut down on the work, and they fertilize the yard at the same time.”

Nolan winced, and Jim chuckled. He didn't mind the goat pellets in his yard, but other people might.

“Well, it’s good to see that you’re going to be okay,” Jim said.

"Is there any office work I can do? I'm bored to death sitting around, and it has only been one day."

“How about we see how you feel next week? We could probably put you on the register or maybe helping up front.”

Ryder nodded, hopeful he could work. “Anything. I can’t sit here at home for weeks.”

“Do you need someone to drive your truck home?” Jim asked.

“I was going to have Nolan help me get it.”

Jim nodded. “Good. Good. I’ll see you next week and get some rest.”

Jim left, and Ryder blew out a breath. "That was close."

“We should go to your bedroom,” Nolan said.

“You want to start up again?” Ryder asked.

“You need a shower, and a blowjob would help. Even just that little sucking got you in a better mood. Just think how good you’ll feel once you come.”

“I think you just want to suck my dick.”

Nolan laughed. “Maybe. Come on. Let’s get you dirty then clean.”

Ryder followed Nolan back to his room, happy that his neighbor had such good ideas, like sucking cock and washing his body. He pulled off his clothes and dropped to the mattress. Nolan pulled off his shirt before climbing onto the bed.

Chapter 25

Nolan had been ready to walk out and never darken Ryder's door again, but he was glad the man had admitted that he was fucking up. Anger was a hard thing to get over. He remembered how Andrew had a hard time with anger after he talked to his mom. Sometimes, after missions, he needed help to calm down. Blowjobs usually did the trick, helping him release the pent-up anger and explain his feelings in a calm manner.

After the blowjob, he bagged Ryder's arm and then helped him get clean. After they dressed, Nolan sat on the couch while they watched a game.

“Do you even like baseball?” Nolan couldn’t help but ask.

“I like taking care of the field. Because I was involved in the industry, I’ve gained an appreciation for the game.”

Nolan hadn’t thought of that before. “You know, we don’t really know each other that well.”

Ryder shrugged. “I guess not. I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone. Actually, since high school. I met Amy when we were young, and we hit it off.”

“I bet she didn’t put up with your bullshit.”

Ryder threw back his head and laughed. Once he recovered, he spoke. "Hell no. If I'd acted like a little shit like I did today, she would have gone to great lengths to show me the error of my ways. You gave me a blowjob. I mean, it did the trick. The anger is gone, but Amy would have made me grovel for hours."

“What exactly were you stewing over?”

"The same old crap my dad brings out every time he doesn't agree with me or really when I don't agree with him. He's been pulling this shit since I was a kid. It pisses me off, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Usually, I chop wood, clean something, or build something. Yard work is good, too."

“I’m sorry.”

Ryder turned to face him and shook his head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

“No, I don’t. I’m sorry you have to deal with shit like this. Parents should be advocates, not enemies.”

“I swear, my dad has been my enemy from day one. Maybe he’s jealous of my mom, or maybe he’s just a cantankerous asshole. I don’t know, but we’ve never seen eye to eye on anything.”

“It wasn’t just when you were a teenager?”

Ryder shook his head. “No, my whole life. He was a jerk when I was a kid.”

“That’s so weird.”

Ryder shrugged and then leaned over, bumping Nolan on the shoulder. “When I was really happy, I used to say that was my revenge on him. Then Amy died, and everything changed.”

Nolan sighed as sadness slid through him. “Yeah, everything changes when they die.”

Ryder sighed, and they leaned against each other more. If someone dropped by, they would hear the vehicle, and then they could move apart, but for now, there was no reason not to touch. He liked sitting here with Ryder. It was comfortable being next to him, their bodies up against each other as they watched TV.

It was late when the game was over. Nolan stood, but Ryder's hand on his leg stopped him. Ryder's eyebrows went up, and his head angled toward his bedroom.

“You don’t have to work tomorrow.” Ryder’s voice was low and sexy.

Nolan held out his hand. “I need to brush my teeth and make sure everything is secured. Want to walk over there with me?”

“Yeah. I need to get out of this house.”

They didn’t walk hand in hand, but he liked that Ryder came over with him to get his stuff. He felt young again. Like maybe he had a fresh start. It didn’t take long to grab his things. Before they stepped outside, Ryder trapped him against the wall and kissed him like he meant it. Nolan surrendered to the kiss, tilting his head back and letting Ryder take over. When Ryder let up, they both were breathing hard.

“How much does it hurt?”

Nolan narrowed his gaze as he stared at Ryder, unsure what he was talking about. “What hurt?”

“Sex. You know, with a guy.”

Nolan studied Ryder, making a guess. "You've never, you know, done⁠—"

Ryder shook his head. “Nope.”

“It’s been a few years for me. I mean, after Andrew, I didn’t want to really get with anyone. It would sting a little for me. For you, it would probably hurt, and you’d have to get used to it.”

Ryder rested his forehead against Nolan’s. “I want to think about it.”

“There’s so much we can do other than anal.”

Ryder nodded. “I know. I think I want to do that with you, though.”

“If you want to, we can do some stuff to get you there.”

Ryder kissed him again, and he wasn’t sure they were going to make it out of the house. But Ryder let up and then took his hand, holding it all the way back to his house. It felt good walking next to Ryder. Though they were trying to keep everything casual, he had a feeling it was getting serious between them.

Chapter 26

The weekend had been perfect. Nolan had stayed at his house both nights, and they'd grown closer, which was odd thinking about it. Nolan finally agreed that he could drive on Sunday morning, so they went to pick up his truck. He had Nolan drive the long way so they didn't go past the church. He still didn't know what to do about his parents.

He was able to start working again on Tuesday, which made him happy. He couldn't live like that, never getting out, just sitting at home doing nothing but staring at the same four walls.

On Friday, he was looking forward to spending the evening with Nolan. They were going to watch a movie together. It was a gay movie, so he wasn't sure what to expect. He hoped it was good.

He pulled up and noticed a rental car in Nolan’s driveway. He was about to go inside when he heard shouting. “Jesus, what’s going on?”

Ryder headed to Nolan's place and knocked on the door, but screaming started up, so he tried the knob, glad it was open. He stepped in just as an older woman started hitting Nolan with her purse. Ryder didn't hit women, but he sure as hell wasn't going to stand by and watch this woman bash Nolan. He took a giant step and grabbed the strap of the bag. His arm twinged with pain, but he didn't let go even when the woman jerked.

The woman turned, shock shone on her face as she tried to tug the purse away from him, but he wouldn’t let go.

“That’s enough of that,” Ryder said through clenched teeth.

The woman started screaming about him stealing her purse. He held the bag away from her and pulled out his phone. Luckily, he’d learned how to use the voice assistant and asked it to call 911. The woman started screaming and crying, shouting insane shit at him as he tried to tell the operator where he was and to send someone out.

Before the officers arrived, Ryder had guessed that this woman was Andrew's mother. When the two deputies showed up, he was glad he knew them because Andrew's mother was trying to convince the deputies that both he and Nolan had attacked her. What she didn't know was they'd talked to this guy when someone had tried to break into Nolan's house before, so he knew someone had been skulking around. When she tried to say that she was there to retrieve the ashes of her next of kin that Nolan had stolen, the deputy raised his eyebrows and hit her with a hard stare.

"So, are you the one who paid the person to break into Mr. Montgomery's house?"

She sputtered and tried to defend her actions, but the deputies weren’t having any of it. “We’re going to have to go down to the station. We can cuff you in the front if you agree to behave.”

“Well, I’ve never been treated so terribly before. You should be cuffing him. He’s the sick pervert who stole my son. He’s the thief.”

“You can not come into someone’s house and start hitting them. His cheek is cut, and he probably has a lump on his head from you hitting him with this heavy purse. It could be considered a deadly weapon depending on how heavy it is,” the deputy said.

Andrew's mom gasped and acted like she might faint. Ryder saw it for the act it was. He felt bad for Nolan because now the whole town would know he'd been married to a man. An ambulance showed up, and they tended to Nolan's cuts, but he declined to go to the hospital. The EMT, a guy Ryder recognized as a few years younger than him, came over to Ryder.

“Hey, man, are you going to sit with him for a few hours?”

Ryder nodded. “Yeah, I’ll stick around.”

"He says he doesn't want to go get checked at the hospital. If he starts acting weird, is dizzy, or can't be roused, could you take him in or call us back out here?"

Ryder nodded as worry twisted through him. “Sure. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Great. It’s good to have you back in town. I know you were older, but I remember you quite well.”

Ryder nodded, unsure what to say. "Thanks for patching him up."

"Sure, and watch how dilated his eyes are."

“Will do.”

Everyone left, and it was just him and Nolan, who was sitting on the couch with his feet up. "Shit. That was wild. Are you okay?" Ryder asked as he dropped to the couch next to Nolan.

Nolan put his hand on Ryder’s leg and squeezed. “I’m only okay because you stopped her. I was thinking I was going to have to punch her or something. I’ve only punched one woman, and she was hopped up on drugs in the ER and trying to grab a cop’s gun. I had to hit her hard to stop her.”

“Damn, that’s awful,” Ryder said.

“Yeah, I tried to get her to stop, but she was totally out of her mind and out of control. She wanted to shoot the snakes that she saw.”

Ryder shook his head. “That’s wild. I think whatever we had planned this weekend can wait.”

Nolan shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t think I’m up for it.”

"How about I make some burgers for us, and we can hang out and watch TV?"

“Sure. That sounds good.”

“Hey, I know that was the last thing you wanted to happen, but now the police know she’s trouble and hopefully she’ll get some warning or punishment and stop.”

Nolan nodded, but Ryder could tell Nolan was still obsessing over what had happened. He had a bad feeling that this might come back to bite them in the butt, but what was the worst that could happen?

Chapter 27

Ryder stayed the night at Nolan's house. They didn't have sex, but it was nice waking up beside Nolan. He was developing feelings for Nolan that went beyond swapping body fluids. It worried him. If Amy was still around—heck, if Amy was still here, he'd be in Atlanta, and this wouldn't be an issue.

Anger surfaced, and he had to work to tamp it down. Though the cops had ruled it an accident, he still held anger for the jerk who had killed her. He’d been wrapped up in crap at the ICU and praying she lived, so he’d not really paid attention to the news around that time. He really didn’t know what had happened. He could go back and look at the articles, but a part of him didn’t want to. If he opened that terrible time in his life up again, he might not survive. Besides, he was finally moving on, and no amount of obsessing about what had happened would bring Amy back.

Nolan's soft snores filled the room. He needed to take better care of his animals. After the accident, he'd left too much up to Nolan. The work Nolan had done for him was great, but it should be his responsibility.

After grabbing a cup of coffee, Ryder headed outside to work in the barn. Thankfully, Nolan shared his alarm code with him, so he didn't have to wake up his man to get outside. A chuckle escaped his lips as he headed out. It was odd but comforting to think of Nolan as his.

He had his coffee mug in his hand and was maybe two steps out the door when he was hit in the side of the head with something that broke on impact.

“What the⁠—”

His mother stood about ten feet away, hate shining in her eyes. “You’re fucking him, aren’t you?” She threw another wad of dirt at him.

He glanced down, seeing dirt floating on the top of his coffee. Anger whipped through him. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

The anger on his mother’s face morphed into rage. “I always knew you were gay. Amy was weak and failed you.”

Hot rage built inside. “Amy didn’t fail me, she died.”

“She was weak! And now you’re fucking that-that-that thing!” his mother screeched.

Anger and pain twisted through him. The emotional rollercoaster had his stomach pitching. He had never measured up and never would. No matter what he accomplished in life or how he behaved, he would never be enough for them. The anger simmered in the background, but the sadness pumping through him overrode it. "I knew moving back here was a mistake."

“You should have married Cindy. At least then you wouldn’t be an embarrassment to the whole city.”

Ryder blew out a breath. Yelling at his mother wouldn’t fix anything. “You’re the embarrassment, not me.”

The door slid open behind him, and Nolan stepped out, worry making his forehead wrinkle.

“Him! He’s the reason she’s dead.”

His mother wasn’t making any sense. “Amy died in a car accident. It wasn’t Nolan’s fault.”

“You’re so stupid. You didn’t even look him up. But I did. That man he lived with, the one before you, he died in a car accident. I bet you didn’t even know that.” His mother turned to Nolan, hate shining in her eyes. “Did you come here to take advantage of him after that filthy man you were with killed his Amy?”

Heat washed over Ryder. He’d had enough of his mother’s crazy accusations. “Get out of here!” Ryder bellowed.

His mother gasped, acting like he’d slapped her or something. “How dare you yell at me?”

“Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back. I never want to see you again.” Ryder stalked forward and towered over his mother. He didn’t want to call the police, but he would. He was sick and tired of people pushing him around. His mother making up lies to piss him off wasn’t helping.

Nolan's hand on his arm made him flinch. He glanced down. Anger and pain ran so hot through his veins that he wanted to destroy something.

“Her words can’t hurt you if you don’t let them. Don’t listen.”

Deep in his soul, he knew that Nolan was right. His mother was just screwing with him, and he hated it. Hated that she could affect him so much. Hated that he'd come back here and been forced to put up with her manipulations and resentment. His parents had never been good to him. They might have done a few good things, but they weren't for him.

“You’re nothing but a piece of shit,” his mother’s voice wavered as she spoke. “The wreck that killed Amy was his fault.”

Her words lost some of the punch as doubt crept into her voice. He wouldn't let her get to him. He had to stay strong.

“Just go. I’m done with you,” Ryder said. He shouldn’t have moved back, but then he wouldn’t know Nolan.

"The Lord isn't done with you. You'll end up in hell because of your sins. We tried to save you, but you wouldn't do what we said. I always knew. I always knew," his mother cried out before stalking to her car.

The wake of her leaving left him feeling shell-shocked. Slowly, he turned to face Nolan. He hadn't searched the internet for information about Nolan because he didn't think it was necessary. The words his mother said twisted through his thoughts. The accident had killed and injured multiple people.

Amy had survived the initial impact. At least her heart had been beating. She'd been taken to the hospital and wheeled into an operating room. The general manager of the stadium had come out to tell him about the accident. He remembered dropping to his knees but not much more. Someone had driven him to the hospital, and he hadn't left her side. She'd fought hard, making him think she would survive. Crying, praying, and begging hadn’t helped. In the end, there hadn’t been anything he could do.

Three weeks after the accident, he watched as she slipped away. The strength to look up information about the other people in the crash had escaped him. His own grief had been too thick to contemplate theirs.

The world had moved on, and he’d tried like crazy, but he couldn’t. That’s how he’d ended up back here.

Now he was staring at Nolan, his thoughts jumbled. Had their spouses died in the same wreck? Had his husband caused the wreck? It seemed way too coincidental to be real.

Worry swam in Nolan’s eyes. What if it was true?

“How did Andrew die?”

Nolan swallowed hard and then met his gaze, sadness filling his eyes. "A wreck. In Atlanta. The vehicle he was driving lost the front tire."

Ryder felt like his insides had hollowed out. His brain buzzed as pain filled him. He hadn't wanted to know the details, hadn't wanted to hear who had been driving. He let the lawyers take care of all of that. It had been a US military vehicle. In the end, the money he got had gone to pay Amy's hospital bills for the time she hung on. Even with great insurance, he owed a mountain of money that took everything. Then, he'd not been able to work for months, and he'd still had bills. They could afford the house because both of them had income. In the end, with the housing market crash, he had just enough left to pay for moving expenses and to put a down payment on this house.

Now he was here in this shit town, working at a place that was just okay, having to deal with his homophobic meddling mother, and now this. Was this man's husband the one who'd killed his wife?

How could any of this be real?

He tried to breathe, but it seemed too difficult, as if his lungs didn't want to work. He met Nolan's gaze, and the feeling of betrayal shifted through him. The pain made everything feel icy cold, like someone had put an ice pack on his back and chest.

“Oh God,” Ryder groaned as all the pain came back.

Nolan looked miserable, like he was suffering, too. Could Nolan's suffering even come close to his? His husband had been driving the vehicle that caused so much pain and devastation.

He couldn't deal with this. Breathing in the air felt too painful. His mind fuzzed.

Somehow, he made it back to his house and was inside. He stumbled to the bathroom and threw up the coffee he’d drank before his mother had ruined everything. How did he not know that Nolan’s husband had killed Amy?

Anger splashed with confusion. It had been a freak accident, but deep down, he’d always wanted to blame someone. Now he knew who’d been driving the truck and who had caused his greatest pain. The pain needed to end. Bile rose as revenge took root. His head spun, and his heart shattered. What was he doing?

Chapter 28

Nolan didn't know what to do. He knew Andrew had been driving, but the military had ruled that it hadn't been his fault. There were records showing that he'd checked the vehicle before getting inside and driving. From what he understood, no one would have been able to determine that the wheel would fall off. It really had been a freak accident that the bolts holding the wheel to the vehicle had sheered off, and the wheel had gone flying.

Now, he was living next door to one of the people who'd lost someone. How was that even possible?

Guilt filled Nolan. He was supposed to have been in Atlanta that week but had decided to stay at home. If he’d been there, maybe Andrew wouldn’t have been driving.

The pain of losing Andrew had taken so much out of him. He'd tried to move on, tried to keep his head above water, but in addition to everything else, this was too much. It felt like all the pain and anger were coming back in full force, threatening to overwhelm him.

Maybe this was what he deserved.

The days and weeks after the crash had been filled with the pain of loss. He’d always believed himself to be logical enough to handle loss, but when it had happened to him, he’d lost it. Unable to come to terms with what happened, he’d stopped paying attention to everything else. Even now, thinking of the pain Andrew had suffered hurt too much.

Nolan glanced at Ryder’s house. He should go over and talk to him. How much time had passed since Ryder had stumbled away? A minute, ten minutes? He hadn’t even tried to stop him.

Slowly, Nolan made his way over to Ryder’s place, worry swirling with pain. His wife and Andrew had died in the same wreck. The tire had come from Andrew’s vehicle. Grief didn’t think logically. Grief couldn’t reason that Andrew wasn’t really at fault.

Was forgiveness even an option?

Was there anything to forgive? Nolan hadn't been in the car and hadn't had anything to do with the accident. He'd been at home, nowhere near Atlanta. But he should have been there. They'd planned the trip, but he'd canceled at the last moment because Andrew's plans had changed, and Nolan chose to stay in Virginia and work. Could the accident have been prevented if only he'd gone to Atlanta that week?

When the men had shown up at his place of work, he’d known something terrible had happened. They’d told him, and he’d held it together until he made his way to the back of the office and lost it.

The moment he found out Andrew had died, he considered his life over. Maybe he shouldn't even try with Ryder. He had known the best man in the world, and if he compared Ryder to Andrew…he couldn't compare them. They were so different from each other. Sure, they were both men, but Andrew had been dedicated to the military and the men in his unit. Nolan had known he took second place. Ryder seemed more open. Like if they developed a deep relationship, he would always put Nolan first.

He wasn't sure what to do, but he couldn't let this fester between them. If he said nothing, maybe the pain would be less at this moment, but they'd developed a friendship, and he knew it would be destroyed if he didn't go to Ryder today.

Nolan knocked, but nothing happened. Giving up wouldn't help, so he opened the door and was about to step in when he heard sobs. His heart melted, and he moved into the den, hunting down the sound.

He found Ryder in the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. They'd both lost so much and yet they'd found each other.

“Ryder,” Nolan said quietly, not wanting to scare him.

Ryder's head whipped up, and his eyes narrowed. "What are you doing in here?"

“We should talk.”

“Talk? Why? Your husband killed my wife. I looked. I never looked for it before, but it was there. He was driving the truck that killed my wife.”

Nolan squeezed his hands as a flash of anger whipped through him, almost causing him to respond without thinking. He drew in a deep breath and blew it out.

“You know that tire flying off the truck wasn’t his fault. No one could have seen that coming.”

“He was driving.”

Pain filled Nolan. The wreck wasn’t Andrew fault. “He didn’t do anything to make the bolts sheer. It was a manufacturing defect.”

Ryder hopped up and closed the distance between them in a second. "He shouldn't have been there. He killed my wife. Did you already know that? Is that why you came here? So you could tempt me, and then what were you going to do, ruin me? You did this on purpose to destroy my life because it wasn't enough that your husband already destroyed me."

Nolan shook his head. “What are you talking about? I didn’t know who you were.”

"You just happened to move next door, and now you're in my bed, trying to get me to let you fuck me. Was that the plan?"

“There was no plan. You know that as well as I do.”

Ryder pushed him up against the wall, and panic flashed through Nolan. This could end badly if Ryder didn't calm the fuck down. He glanced to the side, looking for a way to defend himself, when Ryder let up.

“Fuck! Just get out of here.”

Nolan didn’t want to leave, but Ryder wasn’t himself, and Nolan feared what would happen if he stayed. But he couldn’t just walk out and leave Ryder like this.

“No,” Nolan said.

Ryder's eyes narrowed, and his forehead wrinkled. "What do you mean, no?"

"I mean, no. I'm not leaving you. You've had enough of that. Neither of us was at that wreck, and neither of us is at fault. Your wife and my husband died. It's not fair at all. Nothing about them being gone is fair."

Ryder threw up his hands. “I can’t deal with this.”

"Yes, you can." Nolan took a step closer to Ryder, then hesitantly reached up and cupped his face.

Anger and fear raced over Ryder's features as his muscles clenched. It took a moment, but when Ryder finally relaxed, his expression settled on sadness.

“How can we be together?” Ryder asked.

Nolan smoothed his thumb over Ryder's cheek. "I don't know that we can. I don't know what our future holds. But I do know that being kind to one another isn't going to dishonor the memories we have of our spouses. Your love for Amy is going to be there forever. I know that because no matter what happens, my love for Andrew is inside me. I'll never stop loving him. We've both suffered, and nothing will take that away. Maybe if I'd been in Atlanta that week, Andrew wouldn't have been driving that vehicle, but who knows. You aren't at fault, and neither am I. It was an accident."

Ryder’s body shook seconds before he let out a sob that filled the room. They clung to each other as they cried fresh tears for their loss. Nolan knew feeling guilty wasn’t helping the situation. He wasn’t at fault just because he hadn’t gone to Atlanta. It was one of those weird things that happened.

Eventually, Ryder pulled away, his eyes downcast. "You need to leave."

Any hope Nolan had washed away. Ryder was done with them. He'd known getting involved with a straight guy would have its ups and downs. The realization that Andrew had been driving the vehicle that had caused the wreck was too much for Ryder.

Nolan nodded and turned, wishing Ryder would realize they shouldn’t punish themselves for a stupid accident. There wouldn’t be an easy path to forgiveness. This was it.

He walked out of Ryder's house, his heart shattering as he headed to his place. If he saved everything and stopped eating out, he could buy out the contract and move somewhere else. Living here, next to Ryder, would be too much. He couldn't face seeing Ryder and knowing that whatever wonderful thing that had happened between them was gone. They were over, even before they got the chance to see how awesome they could be.

Chapter 29

Ryder couldn't believe everything good he'd thought was happening had turned into something bad. He couldn't get past the news that Andrew had been there. It was too much of a coincidence that Nolan had moved next door. How did that even happen?

He still had to do chores, but going outside with Nolan at home was too much. He moved so he could see outside, wondering what Nolan was thinking about.

Had he been too harsh? Facing the truth was too much. Amy would like Nolan. Hell, Amy probably would have liked Andrew, too. Now, he would never know how awesome they could have been together.

The sound of Nolan's car starting jostled him out of his thoughts. Nolan's car pulled out of the driveway and sadness filled Ryder. The chores had to be done, so he headed outside. Doing chores only when Nolan wasn't home would be nearly impossible. Something had to give.

Ryder finished feeding his animals, not taking much pleasure from the task. It was weird how learning something like this ruined everything. Anger swirled deep in his belly. How had he not known the name of the person driving the car? Everything had been so clouded and jumbled after the accident.

A shiver snaked through Ryder. It had been a tragic accident. It wasn’t like Andrew had swerved into traffic and hit Amy’s car. Andrew hadn’t been drunk or on any substance. The wheel parts had failed. There hadn’t been anything Andrew or Amy could have done.

After he finished in the yard, he showered, noticing his libido was gone again. Having Nolan with him made everything better. It wasn't just the sex either. That was hot, but just having Nolan as a friend and companion had been wonderful.

The day seemed to take forever. He found himself staring off into space more than once. If he could go back and change things, he would have told Amy to stay at home that day. They would have taken a trip that week. Or maybe he could have driven the car for her. If he would have been the one to die, she could have moved on.

Would Amy have moved on? He wanted to think of her happy and living a great life. He should be ashamed of himself for being with Nolan. Not because of the gay thing, but how could he enjoy anything when Amy was dead?

Ryder made it through the weekend and was back at work. He kept his head down and did what he had to. Rafe came over to ask him something and gave him a weird look. No matter how much he thought he wasn’t showing how upset he was, he guessed he wasn’t doing that great of a job.

“I’m sorry. What?” Ryder shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs.

“The large order from Bickel Construction. Did you already start gathering the items?”

Ryder shook his head. “Sorry. I’m distracted.”

“It’s okay. I’ll get started on that.”

Ryder nodded. “Sure.” He stared at the floor as Rafe began to walk away. “Wait. There’s no reason for you to do that alone. I’ll help.”

“Sure thing, man.” Rafe led the way to the aisle where most of the items were.

It was a large order, and it took them most of the day. He had to do a few special cuts, but most of the items just needed to be gathered and stacked on pallets.

“You seem distracted,” Rafe said. “Anything you want to talk about?”

Ryder shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

Rafe chuckled. “You know, sometimes the most nothing thing is more than you give it credit for.”

Ryder blew out a harsh breath. “I just found something out.”

“Life is short. Things happen. Bad things, good things. You have to decide what you’re going to let affect you.”

Ryder shrugged. “I don’t know how to get past it.”

They worked for another thirty minutes in silence. Then Rafe spoke again. “You know, it’s up to you what you allow to destroy you. Really bad things happen, and you can allow it to crush you, or you can rise above.”

“I don’t know how to get over this.”

Rafe put his hand on Ryder’s shoulder. “It happens one decision at a time. I’ve gone through some bad shit, like real bad, and I had to make a choice about how much I was willing to let it dictate my future. There are things you can’t force or influence, but there are also things you have complete control over.”

Ryder snorted. “I have no control over this.”

“But you do have control over how you handle it,” Rafe said before he walked away.

The words twisted through his mind, making him wish Rafe hadn’t said anything. He was handling this badly. Nolan hadn’t caused the wreck and wasn’t at fault. Ryder wanted to be with Nolan, but he didn’t know how to get from the anger and pain back to Nolan’s arms. Was it too much to find forgiveness? Did Nolan even need forgiveness? Ryder sucked in a breath as realization hit. Nolan didn’t need forgiveness, but he sure as heck did. He’d screwed up by pushing Nolan away. Maybe there wasn’t hope for them, but what if there was?

Chapter 30

Nolan hadn't seen Ryder for days. Everything inside told him to go find Ryder and demand that he listen, but he didn't want to be a jerk. He'd already pushed and been told to go away. Calling the realtor had hurt, but there wasn’t much he could do but leave. The appointment to put the house on the market was at the end of the week. By then, he might have a better idea of what he needed to do.

The days passed in a near haze and on Friday he still had no idea how to approach Ryder. Nolan figured Ryder was hiding from him. It just emphasized how much he needed to leave this place.

There wasn’t any way he could afford to buy out his contract at this point. It would cost too much money that he didn’t have. There had to be a solution that would work for both of them.

The worst part was he had begun to have real feelings for Ryder. Now, that was all gone and only in the past.

He had just pulled into the driveway when he heard one of Ryder’s goats making a huge amount of noise. Worry filled Nolan. Once he saw Ryder’s truck wasn’t there, he headed over to the pens that held the goats.

“What is up?” Nolan asked as he approached. He knew the goats wouldn’t really tell him what was going on, but that didn’t stop him from asking. Taking care of the animals had been enjoyable. He missed the time he’d spent in the barn talking to the goats and Mavis.

The goat still screamed as he entered the pen, reaching over the fence to scratch Mavis's head. "What's up, girl?"

Nolan didn't see anything, but the goat was still screaming so he moved into the barn and saw that one of the goats was trapped in the wooden slats that separated the feed room from the rest of the barn.

“What are you doing?” How the heck had this goat gotten in this position? Upon closer inspection, it looked like the latch on the gate separating the areas inside the barn was broken.

The goat answered him with more screams. To fix the situation would require him to back the goat out of the spot. As he started to push the goat back through the slats, he heard Ryder’s truck pull up outside.

His breath caught as his stomach dropped. He wished he'd waited or maybe gone to the store after work. But he was in Ryder's barn, and he would come face to face with his neighbor.

"I'm coming. What is wrong with you?" Ryder called out, then froze as he saw Nolan trying to push the goat back through the slats. It took a second for Ryder to stare at him before the man threw back his head, laughter spilling out.

Nolan shrugged. “I came home, and he seemed upset.”

"Yeah. Looks like the idiot got trapped." Ryder came over, and together with some brute force and ingenuity, they got the goat unstuck.

After they finished, Ryder used some wire to lock the gate and then shut the door to the barn before following Nolan out to the back yard.

Nolan didn’t want this to be a big deal, so he was about to head back to his place when Ryder’s hand landed on his shoulder. He didn’t turn to face Ryder at first. It would be too hard to look into Ryder’s eyes and not see caring. Maybe it would be more difficult to see the caring.

“Can we talk?” Ryder asked.

Slowly, Nolan turned, his heart aching for this man. They’d both suffered so much. Maybe it was too much to ask Ryder to have forgiveness.

He studied Ryder’s gaze, trying to figure out what he was feeling. A tiny spark, something that looked like hope shone in Ryder’s eyes. Nolan nodded.

“Want to come in?” Ryder asked.

“Um, sure.” It was painful walking back into Ryder’s house, thinking about all the good times they’d had curled in each other’s arms as they discovered how to make love to each other. It had been love, too. They may have wanted to keep it casual, but they’d gone way past just fucking around to building something with meaning.

Ryder offered him tea, but he shook his head. He couldn’t start getting comfortable here unless he had something to get comfortable about.

Nolan watched Ryder cross and uncross his arms then clear his throat. Nolan should say something to make this easier for Ryder, but he didn’t know what to say that would actually help.

“I spent the last week kicking myself. I should have looked into the accident when it happened. I should know the names of everyone who died and what happened.”

Nolan nodded. “I read many of the articles. I knew there was an Amy, but I didn’t put it together that it was your Amy.”

Ryder sniffed as he stared out the window to his left. The silence stretched on. After a moment Ryder swallowed, then turned his gaze back on Nolan. His eyes were red along with his cheeks.

“I don’t want to throw away what we were starting. I felt something for you. I don’t believe for one moment you moved here to trap me or trick me. I was angry, and I’m sorry.”

Nolan heard the words but wasn’t sure what he could do to make it all okay. Could they ever go back to what they had? Moving back wasn’t his way. He wanted to move forward.

“Instead of moving back to what we had, we should see what we can develop.”

“What do you mean?” Ryder asked.

Nolan shrugged. “Let’s get to know each other better.”

Ryder nodded. “I think that is a great idea.”

“I like the idea of us spending time together.”

Ryder bit his lower lip. “I am worried.”

“About what?”

“How did my mom find out that we’re together?”

Nolan shrugged. “Maybe she put two and two together. People know I had a husband because Andrew’s mother showed up here. When you came out of my house this morning, maybe your mother just assumed.”

“I feel like it’s more. But maybe not. I just don’t want you to be put in a position where you’re in danger.”

Nolan put his hand on Ryder's arm. Their gazes met and held. A shiver snaked through Nolan as desire filled him. He needed to keep control of his desire.

"I'm sure everything will be okay. Just be yourself, and I'll be me. We'll work through things as they come up." Nolan wished he had better advice. He'd learned over the years that some people just didn't want to cut anyone a break. They liked causing problems because causing problems gave them something to talk about.

Ryder held Nolan’s gaze. “What do you mean by that?”

Nolan ran his hand over Ryder’s shoulder and down his arm. “It means we need to live how we want to live. What other people think doesn’t matter. Andrew taught me that. He was a tough military man with a husband. He got plenty of hate from inside the military, but he never gave in and retaliated. He stood firm with his convictions that he wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

“What if we are doing something wrong?” Worry filled Ryder’s face.

Nolan shook his head. "We aren't. I know for a fact that we aren't doing one thing wrong by being together. What other people think doesn't matter. Many of those religions that condemn gay people support men who do very bad things to kids. They commit sins by lying, cheating, and stealing more than just money. They have no room to talk. What do you feel is right?"

Nolan knew he would face challenges dating Ryder, who seemed to be a totally straight guy before they hooked up. With the added pressure of how they were connected, it might not work out. But he felt deep in his heart that Ryder would be worth every effort he had to make for them to be together.

Chapter 31

Ryder didn't know how to answer Nolan's question. He moved to the kitchen and then spun to face Nolan. This felt right. Being with Nolan felt like he was making the right decision.

“I don’t know for sure what is right. This feels right—being with you. All I know is that I am hungry, and I want to think about this while we eat.”

“Sure. Food is good.”

Ryder needed the connection with Nolan to ground him. They worked together to make sandwiches and then sat at the table, neither of them talking. He had thoughts about what was going on between them but wasn't sure how to voice them. Everything seemed screwed up, but was it really? He knew Nolan's husband wasn't at fault, not really. No matter who was driving, the tire would have come off. Amy had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. No one could have known that morning as she got ready for her day that it would be her last real day of life.

Now he had this thing with Nolan. It wasn’t one-sided either. Nolan hadn’t done anything to convince him or manipulate him to get into bed. He wanted to be with this man, to really be in a relationship with him.

“You look like you want to say something,” Nolan said.

Ryder sighed. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Just start, it doesn’t matter where.”

Ryder took the last bite of the sandwich and then pushed back from the table. "I can't deny the attraction I feel toward you."

Nolan took a sip of tea and then nodded. Ryder waited for him to say something, but Nolan held silent.

“Holding you in my arms as we sleep feels so good, better than I thought it would. But it’s more than that. I think about you all the time. I shouldn’t think about you this much, and I have to stop myself from telling people about what you said or did. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Nolan said.

"How are we going to make it work here in Texas? I know these people." They might not outright shoot at them on the street, but they could firebomb their houses, kill their livestock, and make their lives hell.

“I know it’s scary right now. I’ve lived as an out man for almost a decade. It can be hard, but I think people will be much more accepting here than either of us expect.”

Ryder blew out a breath. "Maybe for you at the clinic, but at the lumberyard…" He might lose his job or worse, be beaten up. Fear held him, and he didn't know how to let it go.

“Hey,” Nolan took his hand and squeezed. “You’re a good worker, right?”

He nodded. He always put forth a good effort at work. “Yeah, I think so.”

"People like good workers. If you're smart and work hard, the company won't put up with crap tossed your way."

Ryder sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

Nolan leaned in and kissed Ryder on the side of his head, making his heart squeeze. Ryder didn't want to end this just because some idiot hated gays. He couldn't believe it, but he needed Nolan in his life. They were tied together in a very strange way, but their being together felt right. One reason he'd been so upset when he'd learned that it had been Nolan's husband driving the truck that had killed Amy was because he didn't want to lose Nolan. This man had changed so much for him. Maybe not changed, more like Nolan being in his life had made so much come alive. He felt like he could have a future with Nolan, which was more than he'd felt since he'd lost Amy.

No question he would face opposition, but he could deal with it. When he'd been younger, he'd had to deal with his father's fists, then his parents not liking Amy, and them being angry that they'd moved to Atlanta. This, he could deal with. The last thing he wanted was his future to be determined by someone else. He and Nolan might not last, but they would give it a chance.

Chapter 32

Nolan couldn't believe how good of a weekend he and Ryder had after things had almost ended between them. They'd grown closer probably because of the strife they'd faced together. Sure, they had a lot to work through, but they weren't letting their past destroy their future.

Ryder still felt odd that Andrew had been driving the vehicle that had lost the tire, causing the wreck that Amy had died in, but Nolan saw that Ryder had come a long way since that Saturday morning when his mom showed up and threw a fit. At least now Ryder didn't blame Andrew. After reading more articles, he realized it really was just a terrible, awful event.

Nolan had half-expected Ryder's parents to show up at some point, but no one disturbed them. They worked in the barn for a few hours, then spent the next few hours wrapped in each other's arms. If asked, he would say they'd gone from sex to making love. The time they spent together felt deeper.

When he walked into work on Monday morning, two of the women who worked in the office seemed to stare more than usual. He guessed rumors were really swirling now. He couldn’t help the things people said, but he wasn’t going to give them more to talk about.

Nolan did his job as usual and ignored the whispers. They were about an hour from closing when someone brought in a child who’d been riding his bike about a block away from the clinic and had weaved into traffic. Luckily, the car that hit him hadn’t been going that fast.

His injuries weren’t terrible, but they needed to get the bleeding stopped before he was transported to a larger hospital. The mom, who’d been watching as her child rode his bike, made a face when she saw he was working on her child.

“I don’t want him touching my child!” the woman yelled.

Nolan's stomach tightened as the woman yelled something more. He was about to walk away, but then Dr. Moore looked up and hit the woman with a hard stare.

"If you don't want gay people working on your son, then you might as well start planning his funeral. More than half the doctors and nurses I know are gay, bi, or lesbian."

The woman sputtered as one of the medical technicians led her from the room. Dr. Moore didn't miss a beat as he went back to working on the child. No one said anything to the doctor about what he'd said. The child was stabilized and then transported to the hospital.

Nolan was in the back room, getting ready to leave, when Dr. Moore stepped in. Nolan turned to the doctor, ready to thank him, when Moore held up his hand.

“Don’t you dare thank me. That woman shouldn’t have said what she did. I don’t know how she found out you’re gay, but Wade is in town now, and I’m not hiding who I am.”

A smile crept over his lips. “Good. Maybe that’s what this town needs.”

Lila stepped in and chuckled. “I don’t have a partner right now, but maybe I need to start dating.”

Dr. Moore raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I didn’t know you were part of the community.”

“Lesbian until the day I die,” Lila said.

Nolan put his hand on his hips. “I’m tired of hiding.”

“Just be careful,” Lila said as she patted him on the shoulder.

“I will be. I know it will take time.” He just hoped Ryder didn’t get too upset that most of the town probably knew he was gay by now. No one knew they were together, but it wouldn’t take much for someone to find out.

They’d both been through so much already. Ryder was strong, but this would challenge even the strongest of souls.

Chapter 33

Ryder knew the guys were talking about him, except maybe Rafe because that man just didn't gossip. Ryder didn't care what they said. He did his work and kept his head down. Close to the end of his shift, Dave came over, and it was obvious he was going to be a jerk.

“So your neighbor fucks guys,” Dave asked.

Ryder turned to Dave but didn’t react. Dave shifted from one foot to the other like he’d expected Ryder to either make a joke or say something bad. Saying nothing had thrown the guy off.

“Is that true?” Dave asked.

“Why do you want to know?” Ryder hated the immature attitude of the men around here. What were they going to do if they found out Nolan was gay? What would they do if they found out he and Nolan were sharing a bed on the weekends and thinking about moving in together during the week?

“Because it’s gross.” Dave’s face scrunched up like he’d bitten into a lemon.

“Dude, what’s gross is that you even care,” Ryder said.

Dave scoffed and tried to act cool. “I don’t care.”

Ryder rolled his eyes. “Then why are you talking about him?”

"It's just gross, and I don't want anything to do with him."

“I’m sure the feeling is mutual,” Ryder said.

“What does that mean?” Dave asked, his voice going high at the end of the sentence.

“It means you should keep your nose out of his business,” Rafe said.

Ryder hadn't heard or seen Rafe come over, but he was glad the man was there to back him up. He lifted his chin, acknowledging Rafe. He didn't know much about the man, but he liked him from what he did know. He seemed to be a good worker and wasn't into drama.

“What? Now you two are in on it?” Dave laughed as he asked.

Rafe rolled his eyes and turned to leave. Before Rafe left the area, he met Dave’s gaze and lifted one eyebrow then looked him up and down. “I’m sure most gay men would have better taste than to be with someone like you.”

Dave’s chest puffed up, and he straightened his shoulders. Ryder felt like things were about to get dicey. He was stronger than Dave, or he had been before the accident, and he was a better fighter. He knew from seeing Dave out one night when he tried to pick a fight with another guy. He didn’t know if Rafe could hold his own, but he’d said those words like he thought he could back up the statement with force if he needed to.

Ryder didn’t move or even really breathe. He wanted to see if Dave reacted. He looked disturbed, maybe even conflicted. Dave might be trying to hide something, like the fact that he might be bisexual. Ryder had been doing some reading and had come across a study that linked aggressive anti-LGBT activity with hidden desires for same-sex relationships.

“I get plenty of pussy,” Dave spat out.

Rafe threw back his head, and laughter spilled out. Ryder laughed, too. He hadn't meant to laugh at the guy, but he knew from being in town for about six months that Dave wasn't getting any action and not because he wasn't trying. The women around here just weren't interested.

“What are you laughing at?” Dave said.

Ryder noticed that Rafe had taken a step closer. He didn't really want to escalate this into a fight, but he would give as good as he got if Dave took the first swing.

“Just stop while you’re ahead,” Ryder said.

Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, but he'd tried to tell Dave to stand down. The man wasn't very smart, though, and he should have known that saying something would get Dave to react.

Instead of going after Rafe, Dave advanced on Ryder. The man was fast, but Ryder moved, sidestepping out of the way before Dave could attack. Dave wasn’t sure on his feet and stumbled, almost landing on his face. Ryder stood back and watched, not wanting to get too close to Dave. He would have to watch his back because he had little doubt Dave would try to sabotage something if he continued working here. He hoped Dave didn’t try something with any of the other guys. It would probably go bad for Dave if he did.

Dave stood and then reached for something in his pocket, pulling out a knife. Ryder felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He needed to move swiftly and not stumble.

Other men working in the lumbar yard gathered around and moved in closer. Ryder did his best to ignore them. He needed to concentrate on the man threatening him, not the crowd around them.

Ryder didn't see Rafe anywhere close. Disappointment slid through him. He didn't think Rafe was the type of guy to abandon friends in need. But knife fights were scary. He understood Rafe did not want to be a part of this. Hell, he didn't want to be a part of this. Not once while working in Atlanta had he ever been threatened by a coworker. He didn't have a knife on him and wouldn't pull it out if he did. Fighting with weapons would get you in big trouble if anything happened.

Dave lunged, and Ryder moved fast, getting out of his way. Dave didn't fall, which wasn't great for Ryder. If Dave had stumbled, maybe he would have dropped his knife, and then Ryder could have kicked it away.

“I’m going to get you,” Dave called out, his voice rough.

The men standing around them were yelling, but Ryder wasn’t focusing on them. He needed to pay attention to every move this jerk made. It would take just one mistake for it all to go south.

Dave rushed forward and nicked Ryder’s arm, but it didn’t do much damage. One more mistake like that could be the end. Ryder needed to get Dave down on the ground and get the knife away from him. He circled to the left and was trying to gauge his best path when he heard some commotion coming his way.

He didn’t have time to look up because the asshole charged him, and he had to duck and roll to get away from the blade aimed at him. He was breathing hard when Jim arrived with Rafe trailing him.

“What the hell is going on?” Jim yelled.

“They said I was gay!” Dave yelled.

Ryder snorted. “Hardly. That isn’t what was said.”

Dave snarled and lunged. Jim screamed and jumped back. Ryder could tell this was going downhill fast. The jerk wasn’t going to back down, and Jim being here had made the circle he’d been using to avoid Dave much smaller. He needed more space, or the asshole was going to stab him.

Ryder was about to tell Jim to back up when Dave raced forward and tripped. He stumbled, his arms swinging wildly as he took a few halting steps. Jim had moved and was now in the way. The knife hit him somewhere close to the chest or arm. Ryder wasn't sure where.

Everyone gasped. Dave slowly stood, backing away from Jim. Luckily, he hadn't pulled the knife out. Ryder knew that would be a mistake.

Ryder grabbed his phone from his pocket and called Nolan. He answered on the second ring. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Jim, my boss, was just stabbed. Where are you?”

“The clinic. I’m on my way. Hang up and call for an ambulance.”

Ryder ended the call and then dialed for an ambulance. He told the operator what had happened. Police and ambulance were on their way.

When Ryder looked up, half the guys were gone. Rafe looked like he’d turned paler than a ghost. Ryder glanced around and spied the camera in the corner. He pointed and Rafe glanced up. “Everything was recorded,” Ryder said.

Rafe bit his lower lip. “I hope that’s enough.”

“We all know what happened,” Ryder said.

Rafe still looked pale, like he was worried about more than Jim. Ryder knelt next to Jim and tried to keep him calm. Rafe moved close, and Jim met his gaze. "Rafe, get the fuck out of here." Jim's voice was strained, but he seemed cognizant.

“But the camera,” Rafe said.

"You weren't involved. I'll make sure they know. Now get out of here before the police get curious and lock you up."

Ryder had no clue what that was about and wasn’t going to ask. He leaned in, making sure there wasn’t too much blood pouring from the wound. There was a good chance the knife had missed anything major, but he didn’t know for sure. Panic swept through him in the form of heat. He had to take a deep breath to keep his wits about him. He glanced around and noticed Rafe hadn’t left.

Chaos descended on them as the EMTs rushed in right when Nolan and another man came in. The EMTs accepted help from Nolan and the guy with him who said he was a doctor. Before the ambulance took off, it looked like Jim was going to be okay. He needed to go to the hospital, but he would survive.

Nolan stayed at the lumberyard even though the police were asking loads of questions, so much that it took about two hours before Ryder was cleared to leave. Rafe had stuck around, and there didn’t seem to be a problem once the police saw the video from the security cameras. Ryder wondered why Jim had told Rafe to take off.

They were in the parking lot, standing midway between their vehicles. “Damn, it’s lucky the cameras caught the whole thing,” Nolan said.

“Yeah. Especially since that asshole called in and told the cops I was the one who stabbed Jim. I’m thankful they looked at the video and determined what had really happened.”

Nolan shook his head. “Has that Dave guy worked here long?”

“No. Not too long. I don’t think Jim has been very choosy about who he hires. Maybe that will change.”

“I hope so. That’s awful that he got stabbed,” Nolan said.

Ryder nodded, wondering just how long he would be able to stay in this job. “Yeah. I hate this.”

Nolan glanced down and kicked a pebble that tumbled across the asphalt. “I feel like it’s my fault.”

Ryder moved fast and reached out, taking his arm. "Oh, hell no. Don't you dare. I don't blame you at all. Those guys decided to get pissy about gays, and that's on them, not you."

“But if⁠—”

"No. If you hadn't moved here, I would still have these thoughts about guys. Before, I was with Amy, and then after, I was so full of grief and anger, along with guilt and fear, that I did nothing. I probably would have gone into one of the big cities in the next few years and found a club because I was curious before you came around."

Nolan narrowed his eyes. “Really?”

“Why do you think it was so easy for me to kiss you and touch you?” Ryder raised his eyebrows. “I mean, a guy doesn’t go from nothing to having sex with another man without having some thoughts about it. Even if I buried those thoughts and chalked them up to being horny. You know, bisexual is a thing.”

Nolan chuckled. “Yes, it is.”

Nolan squeezed his arm, and Ryder could tell he really wanted a kiss. He wasn't comfortable enough to kiss in public, not with people hanging around. Maybe if they went to a big city or something.

"So my boss, Dr. Moore, who came here with me, his husband just moved to town, and he's going to want to entertain. Would you think of going with me?"

Panic swept through Ryder, but it disappeared fast. "I think so. I mean, we would be at their house, right?"

Nolan nodded. “Yeah.”

"You know I'm not embarrassed. I just fear what will happen. I mean, look at what happened today with Dave. Luckily, Rafe went to get help."

Nolan nodded. “Yeah, lucky. I don’t know Rafe, do I?”

“He’s relatively new. I think he’s Jim’s cousin. Anyway, he seems solid.”

“I’m glad he was here to get help.” Nolan bumped his shoulder. “You know, it can be hard to come out. At first, I felt like I was constantly walking around looking over my shoulder.”

Ryder nodded. “I get that feeling. I don’t like it, but I do like you.”

Nolan's face lit up. "I like you, too. How about we head home, and we can wash up and then eat something before we end up rolling around in bed for a while?"

“Sounds like a plan,” Ryder said.

He followed Nolan home, trying not to worry too much about the haters that were out there in the world. Maybe someone else would come after them, but he hoped people just left them alone. He didn’t want to constantly have to dodge jerks wielding knives or assholes who wanted to beat him up. He was just trying to live his life and be happy. They weren’t hurting anyone by being together.

Chapter 34

Nolan was thankful Ryder hadn’t really been hurt. Jim was recovering, and Dave was still in jail. It sucked that Ryder had to work in an environment where he couldn’t trust the men who clocked in around him. It seemed like the world was getting worse instead of better. There wasn’t much he could do about the violence. He just had to be prepared to defend himself if it came to that.

Thursday afternoon, once the clinic had cleared out, Dr. Moore asked him over for dinner that weekend. Nolan hadn’t met Wade yet and was looking forward to meeting him.

“Is it okay if I bring someone?” Nolan asked.

Dr. Moore nodded. “Yes. That will be great. Wade loves entertaining.”

Nolan was a little worried about Ryder’s first real outing as a same sex date. Though they weren’t really going out in public. Still, it was new and different, exciting even. He hoped Ryder saw it as something fun and not something to worry about.

They arrived at Dr. Moore's place right on time. Nolan saw that he hadn't needed to worry, though. Ryder and Wade, Dr. Moore's husband, got along very well once Wade revealed how much he enjoyed yard work. Ryder and Wade were out in the backyard talking about grass and lawn care. Wade was amazed that Ryder was a professional when it came to grasses and lawns. They spent about thirty minutes outside discussing different types of grass.

“That’s nice.” Dr. Moore came up behind Nolan and handed him a glass of wine. “I like that he has someone he can talk to here. That’s one reason it took him so long to agree to live here.”

Nolan nodded. "I'm glad they have something in common. He had a job working at a stadium taking care of the lawn for a professional team."

“That’s impressive,” Dr. Moore said. “I know you have a contract that is valid for twenty more months. Do you think you’ll stay?”

Nolan nodded. “I’m going to try. I will encourage him to apply to places where he’ll be happy.”

Dr. Moore nodded. “Well, I’ll be happy if you stick around for a while. You’re easy to work with.”

“I try. I like the environment. It’s not too much, and about when I’m bored and ready to do anything to have something to keep me busy, a new patient stumbles in.”

“It is that type of place. So far, I’m happy here. I don’t know how long I’ll last, but I hope it’s for more than two years.”

Ryder and Wade came back in, both of them smiling wide. "We figured out we both like hockey, and we are both Boston Bruins fans."

“Wow, that’s great,” Dr. Moore said.

“I was worried I wouldn’t have anyone to watch the game with here,” Wade said with a wide smile.

Nolan smiled and shook his head. “I didn’t know you liked hockey,” he said to Ryder.

“We were a little busy doing other stuff than talking about sports.”

Everyone laughed as Nolan moved closer to Ryder and kissed him on the cheek. He was glad they had people to hang out with where they could be themselves. They were growing closer every day. They still weren’t telling people that they were in a relationship. He’d run into a few people who were rude, but most people just didn’t seem to care that he was gay.

Dinner was great, and Ryder was having a good time. They didn’t stay too late and promised to get together again soon. Nolan was happy to have a couple they could spend time with, and he was happy that Ryder didn’t seem uncomfortable around gay men.

That night, as they were lying in bed, Ryder got up on his knees and held onto Nolan's hands. Nolan rose, going up to his knees, too, so they were almost at eye level. He felt special being with Ryder, like maybe he could have a future with a man again.

“What’s this about?” Nolan asked.

“I don’t want another day to go by without saying this.”

Nolan nodded, watching Ryder as he drew in a deep breath and then blew it out. This was going to be big for Ryder. Nolan was glad Ryder was opening up to him. It seemed like everything was easier now, deeper, too. Maybe Ryder's parents finding out about him being gay and Ryder being with him had let something loose inside that allowed Ryder to be himself.

“I have feelings for you. Not just friendship or dating feelings. I have the rest of my life feelings about you.”

Nolan squeezed Ryder’s hands. “I’m falling for you, too.”

Ryder’s lips spread into a wide smile. “How did we get like this?”

“Like what?”

"I've known you for so little time, and yet I'm ready to declare my love for you. It took me years with Amy."

Nolan smiled and leaned in, brushing his lips against Ryder’s mouth. “It’s because you already know what love feels like.”

Ryder nodded. "I do know that this feels like love. I want us to really be together. I think we should pick a house to live in. I don't think you should sell your house yet unless you really want to. I just think it would be good to keep it because it can't have gone up that much in value."

Nolan chuckled. “That house is very close to yours, and I don't really want some stranger living only a few feet away from us. And yeah, it hasn't gone up that much in value. I'd do better to keep it for a little while and then sell when we're ready to move."

Ryder’s forehead wrinkled. “Move?”

“One day, you’re going to want to go back into caring for the lawn at a stadium or some other place like a golf course or maybe a botanical garden.”

Ryder shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I’ve only been here a few months, so I still have almost two years left on this contract. We can’t move yet, but I don’t want you to think we’re stuck in this town forever.”

Ryder pulled Nolan to the mattress and adjusted so he was hugging Nolan from behind. “Do you really think I could go back to it?”

Nolan nodded. “If you want to, then yes. I think any team would be lucky to have you.”

Ryder’s lips thinned and his eyes got a distant look in them. “I don’t even know where I’d want to work.”

“Well, you have time to do some research.”

Ryder moved fast, rolling him to his back and straddling his waist. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Nolan asked.

“Being patient. For not giving up on me when I had given up on us and everything.”

Nolan lifted up and kissed Ryder on the lips, pulling him down with him. He rolled Ryder to his back and straddled him. "I believe in you, and I believe in us."

Ryder settled beside him. “I think we’re going to have a long relationship.”

Nolan kissed the side of Ryder's head. He felt it, too. They were good together. They might have people against them here, but hopefully, they would find a place where they really fit in.

He'd thought he would never find happiness again. He'd moved here ready to accept that he wouldn't date anyone for years. The real shocker was finding someone he could fall in love with. He'd thought love was gone from his life and he'd never achieve this kind of happiness again. But he had done more than achieve happiness. He was thriving in happiness.

Chapter 35

Ryder was surprised to see his father's truck in the driveway when he came home from work. He was glad Nolan was still at work and not in danger. The last thing he wanted was for his father to hurt his lover.

He stepped from his truck and stood with his arms crossed over his chest, not saying a word. His dad shuffled from one foot to the other. The silence stretched on, and Ryder was about to tell him to leave when his father started speaking.

"Your mother went to the doctor. Actually, we both did. They're worried about how much she is declining."

His heart twisted, but he wouldn’t go back to being abused by them. If they wanted a relationship with him, they would have to accept that he was with Nolan and treat them both decently.

“They are talking about putting her in a nursing home.”

Shock pulsed through him. Could his mom really be that bad?

“She’s been acting differently for a while. And I ignored it. That’s on me. I should have been watching her better.”

“I hope she gets the care she needs.”

His father nodded, and it seemed like he was going to turn to get into his truck. Instead, he lifted his chin and met Ryder's gaze. "I thought I could do it, keep a lid on everything, make it all work, but I was miserable, and I took it out on you. My father, when he found out, he beat me, and I wanted to save you from that."

The words hung between them for ten seconds or so, confusion filling Ryder. “So you beat me every day instead?”

“I didn’t want you to have the same affliction I did. But I guess it’s not an affliction. I blamed everyone and everything instead of accepting. Now I’m old and it’s too late.”

He narrowed his gaze, trying to figure out what his dad meant. "What are you saying?"

“Before your mother, back when I was younger, I had those same thoughts and stuff. My father found me in the barn and damn near killed us. The other boy, he left town. Never saw him again. I don’t know what happened to him. It took me a month to get over that beating.”

Heat washed over Ryder and he wondered if what his father was saying was true. “Did Mom know?”

His dad shook his head. “No. I never told her.” His father took a step closer and reached out, holding onto Ryder’s arm. “I’m sorry. I was a terrible father. I was wrong. I thought I could save you from being like me, but I didn’t. I don’t know if it’s hereditary or if it just happens, but I’m sorry.”

Ryder shook his head. "I'm not sorry I'm gay—actually bi. I love Nolan, and I'm happy. I loved Amy, and I never would have looked for a man if she was still alive. But I don't regret being with a man."

“I never should have laid a hand on you. It was wrong. And I hope one day you can forgive me. Your mother wants to see you before she gets too bad. I’m going to tell her tonight that I’m gay.”

“Do you really want to do that?” Ryder asked.

His dad shrugged. “She deserves to know why I wasn’t the best husband in the world. There’s a reason we only had one kid, and it wasn’t because either of us were shooting blanks. I didn’t like that part of marriage.”

“Maybe you should keep it to yourself. It may be better to just let her go without that knowledge.”

His father shrugged. “I don’t know what is best. I just feel the need to come clean.”

“But is it worth hurting her? You can tell her after she passes.”

His father sighed. “I guess you’re right. But I wanted you to know I won’t say anything bad about you and that guy being together. You made the right choice that I was always afraid to make.”

Ryder studied his father. “Did you ever get with another guy?”

His dad’s lips thinned. “It would be dishonorable for me to tell you.”

He had a feeling that his father had snuck away on his trips to Dallas or Houston and been with a man. He couldn’t imagine living that type of life, hiding the truth and sneaking around for so long. He was glad he’d found Nolan.

His father left, and Nolan pulled up about twenty minutes later. He headed out to Nolan's car and pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nolan asked when he finally let go.

“Where to start. My dad came by and told me my mother is not doing well. You were right. Alzheimer’s is much worse than either of us could have guessed.”

“Oh no. I’m so sorry.”

“That’s not all. My dad told me that the reason he beat me so much as a child was because he feared I would be gay like him.”

Nolan blinked, then shook his head. "Wait, what? Your dad is gay?"

Ryder shrugged. "I guess so. He said he didn't want me to end up like him, so he beat me."

Nolan's lips thinned, and his eyes grew dark. "Shit. That's sick and wild. I don't like it."

"Yeah. But he said that he wouldn't say anything negative about you. He supports us."

Nolan blinked, and then his mouth hung open. "Are you serious?"

He nodded, happiness winding through him, leaving him feeling like bubbles were building in his chest. "Right, it's crazy, isn't it? I thought for sure my dad would be an ass about us. But now it's like he wants to accept that we're together. He told me I made the right decision to be with you."

Nolan shook his head like he couldn’t believe what Ryder was saying. He didn’t really believe it either. He guessed he would see how his father dealt with it all as time passed.

They ended up kissing like they meant it before they broke apart and headed inside. He was ready to show Nolan how he really felt. It was totally wild that his father accepted him. Even wilder that his father admitted to being gay. It sucked that his mom was having such a hard time with her mind failing her. He would do what he could to be nice to her without risking his sanity. She would be gone soon, and he knew he would regret not saying goodbye. At least he had Nolan to support him. He may not have much to give, and he might not be the best person to be in a gay relationship, but he was going to love Nolan like no one else could. They would have a good life, and he would make sure of it.

Epilogue

2 years later

Ryder couldn’t believe his luck. He’d not only found a place to work, he and Nolan had found a great community in Seattle. The field he was taking care of was perfect for him. He had been hired on at a better position than he’d been in when he’d worked in Atlanta and had more responsibility.

Nolan had found a great place to work that wasn’t too far from their apartment. Both of their houses sold fast in Texas, and they were looking for a house or condo to buy here that would be close to both of their workplaces.

The door opened, and Nolan stepped in, a smile on his face. "Hey, you're home."

“I am. I couldn’t wait to see you.”

Nolan planted a kiss on his lips that made him think about bed. But they had something very important to do this afternoon.

“You about ready?” Nolan asked.

“I am.”

“Awesome. I’m ready.”

They weren’t making a big deal out of it, but they were taking a long weekend trip to Whidbey Island after they stopped by the court building to get their marriage license. They’d contacted a woman who lived on the island who agreed to perform the ceremony in three days.

Before Nolan could open the door, Ryder pushed him up against the wall. He couldn’t believe that he was getting married again, and he couldn’t believe that it was with Nolan.

“I never thought I would get married again, and I certainly never would have suspected I would be with a guy. Too much brought us together and threatened to keep us apart. I think we’ve been tied to each other for years and just didn’t know it. Now we’re making it official. And I think both Amy and Andrew would approve.”

Nolan nodded. “I think they would. I feel like since that day, maybe before that day, we were moving toward each other.”

Ryder pressed his lips to Nolan's, begging him to open. They had some time, not enough for sex, but enough for him to get his point across. He was in love with Nolan, and nothing would ever keep them apart again.

The kiss ended, and Nolan looked up at him. "I love you."

The words made his heart soar. He closed his eyes and leaned in, resting his forehead against Nolan's. "When you say those words to me, it's like I can fly forever. I love you, Nolan. And I will until the end of time."

He wished they could go back into the bedroom and make love for hours, but they needed to tie the knot. This weekend, they could have sex everywhere on Whidbey they could find some privacy.

“Today marks the beginning of the rest of our lives,” Nolan said.

"And I'm glad I get to spend it with you." He had it all now, and he would treasure every day with Nolan because this man had set him free and made him realize how deep love ran.

The End

Read Straight Up next

If you’ve read Straight Up, read Paws Claws and More

About the Author

J.S. Finley writes gay romance. Enjoy a good book.

authorjsfinley@gmail.com

The Fault Next Door or Straight Up